


Rain, Rain, Go Away

by ToumeiKyoudai



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: (I lied), Bad Puns, Dadster is not Badster, Female Reader, Fluff, For Comedic Purposes Only, Forced Puns, Goat Mom Is Best Mom, Good Natured Reader, Light-Hearted, Multi, Positive Reader, Reader Is Not Frisk, Reader-Insert, Slight Naivety, Slow Burn, like real bad, mild alcohol usage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2018-07-18 00:14:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 104
Words: 140,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7291828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToumeiKyoudai/pseuds/ToumeiKyoudai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're a happy person. You always like to look on the bright side of things.</p>
<p>On your way home from work, you get completely drenched by pouring rain. You decide to hide in a nearby apartment building, but the lady at the welcome desk keeps giving you a very unwelcoming look. That just means you have to buzz one of the rooms, right? Then you'll appear as though you belong there! Your outgoing attitude combined with your ceaseless positivism leads you to press a button labelled 402. A few puns later, the stranger on the other end warms up to you, and the two of you talk until the rain dies down.</p>
<p>Maybe the rain isn't so bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rain Check

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfiction! Please let me know anything you can think of that will improve my work!
> 
> Also, if anyone has an advice on formatting, it would be much appreciated TT^TT it's so confusing to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some wonderful fanart from Sansational for this chapter. It's so pretty.  
> http://sansati0nal.deviantart.com/art/Rain-Rain-Go-Away-CH-1-Sans-Meets-Reader-622331905?ga_submit_new=10%253A1468909865&ga_type=edit&ga_changes=1

It was on days like these that you hated riding a motorcycle. You had always liked the rain, but rainy days were really hard to bike in. Today was particularly hard; you could barely see ten centimeters in front of yourself, and the heavy droplets had barraged your body enough to cause your clothes to stick to your skin. It was uncomfortable to say the least. The weather forecast had promised light showers, but well, when had they ever been right? You were soaked to the bone, and even the most tentative cars were passing you with how slowly and carefully you were driving. You sighed. You weren't going to get anywhere at this rate.

To your right was a blurry apartment building, and you vaguely hoped that there would be an overhang somewhere that you could hide under with your bike. You pulled into the parking lot and learned that fate wouldn't be so kind. Of course not. You wouldn't let that dampen your spirits though! Hah! Dampen. Because you're all wet. Freakin’ hilarious. You smirk to yourself and park next to a bright red sports car.

While your precious baby could take a little more rain, you weren't sure how much more you yourself could take. It was pretty bad weather, though, so surely nobody would mind you chilling in the apartment’s lobby or something?

Well, it turned out that you couldn't get into the lobby without a key or being buzzed in. That wasn't really the problem because you could just stand in the little room with all the call buttons and you would be safe from the rain. The real problem was the service desk lady. She had been giving you the stink eye ever since you walked in, and seemed to be getting more and more suspicious. Of course you pretended to be texting someone on your phone (ha, that would require someone to text), but you needed to think up a plan quickly or you'd (probably) have a (possibly) sassy receptionist (conceivably) sassing your (have I used probably already?) punk ass.

Of course you came up with a brilliant idea: just press a call button. They wouldn't even have to let you in as long and they didn't completely reject you. Then you could stand in the warm little room for a bit longer AND look like you belonged there. Win-win.

“Inny meeny miney mo. Catch a tiger by his toe. If he hollers let him go. Inny meeny miney mo!” You sang happily like you had as a child (or rather just as normally childish as you are usually). “402 it is!” Without hesitation you pressed the button. You waited. Nothing happened. So you pressed the button again. No response. So you pressed it over and over and over like a child with a doorbell. Inny meeny miney mo is never wrong!

“Knock knock, knock knock, knock knock…” You chanted in time with your presses.

“who’s there?” A deep and slightly irritated voice finally replied. He sounded a bit groggy. Maybe you had woken him up.

“Canoe!” You, surprised by the sudden response, replied without thinking.

“...canoe who?” Was it just you, or did this seem to lighten the mood? Either way, you needed to think up a punchline, and fast.

“Canoe take a moment to talk to a girl who's had her spirits dampened by torrential rain?” Silence.

“Did he hang up on me…?” You muttered and pressed 402 again. You were met with a deep laugh calming into wheezes.

“It's not nice to hang up on people ya know!” You scolded with mock irritation.

“sorry, accidentally hit the wrong button. that was a good one, kid.” All irritation he had had once had vanished.

“Well I'm technically 22 so I'm not really a kid, but sounds good buddy.”

“well now that we're close enough to start introductions, wanna tell me who the _hel_ -I- _met_?” It took you a moment to process. Then you burst out into uncontrollable laughter.

“Helmet! Hell, met!” It took a bit before you calmed down. “Yessir! The name’s ___! I suppose it's only polite to pull this bad boy off now that we've become acquaintances.” You had forgotten you were still wearing your helmet. It covered your entire face, because safety first!

You pulled off your helmet and shook out your hair. It was pretty much dry, but you had a serious case of helmet head. You fixed your hair as best you could with your fingers, then turned to the camera and gave a wide grin with a peace sign.

“I’d say 'it's _hairy_ nice to meet you’ if I knew your name.” You brushed some stray water droplets off of your leather jacket.

“it's sans, but _leather_ you choose to use it or 'buddy’ is completely up to you.” There seemed to be a smirk in his voice. At least he didn't seem to mind your impromptu conversation. You glanced over at the receptionist who still seemed suspicious of you, but in a less 'imma beat cho ass if ya don't get cho bitch ass outta here' way.

Sans entertained you as you stood in the small room, and you talked about absolutely nothing. He cast puns at you, which you couldn't contain your laughter after hearing. They were just so bad that they were amazing. You got to know a little bit about him, and more about his brother. Apparently he was out "training" with a friend of theirs, as he did every Tuesday evening, and was obsessed with spaghetti. Now it's even edible, according to your buzzer buddy. You had explained that you had been driving back from your job on the outskirts of town and got caught up in the rain. He thought it was hilarious that you had only pressed his button because you were afraid of Saffron, the receptionist. You did not, and pouted at his laughter.

Eventually, the rain died down and you had to head home.

“Thanks for talking with me Sans, it's been the highlight of my day. I think I'll come around next time the weather decides to screw me over.”

“i'll take a rain check on the rest of your life story.” You try to pout, but couldn't stifle your giggle well enough.

“Bye Sans.” You said with an exasperated finality and put your helmet back on.

“see ya.” With that, you headed back out onto the slick road and carefully made your way home.

*

You pulled up to your house and parked your bike. You'd have to clean it tomorrow, considering how bad the dirt shortcuts you had taken had been.

“I'm back.” You called as you took off your boots.

“Close the door! The cold's getting in!” You older sister called from the living room. Of course she'd known you hadn't closed the door even though she was nowhere near you.

“Okay, okay. I hear ya.” You complained and closed the door loudly.

“Don't break it!” She chided, her voice getting closer. She appeared from downstairs with a stack of towels. “Do you want to tell me why you're late?” She tossed the towels at you and handed you a hanger for your jacket. You began stripping off your soaked clothes and handing them to her.

“Okay, so I was driving home from work…”

Maybe rainy days weren't so bad after all.


	2. Hailing a Cab

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really fun to write! I think I'll keep going with it...let me know if any of you have any suggestions; I'm open to ideas!
> 
> Shout out to Lusewing for filling me with DETERMINATION!!!

Cold. Really freaking cold. Whose brilliant idea had it been to ride on a freaking motorcycle today? Oh. Right. Yours. Absolutely brilliant.

It wasn't just 'poor weather'; it was straight up storming. Wind was blowing your poor little baby all over the road, the hail was pelting the back of your neck, and the sheer cold made your joints ache whenever you managed to creak them into motion. Needless to say, you weren't a happy camper. Or rider. Same thing.

You really needed to trust the damn weather guy less.

But you could survive. You just needed a little more patience. Your house was only 10 more minutes away. Of course, you could've always ridden to the mall or to a fast food place, but the both places would be overwhelmingly noisy. You were just whining once more about your frozen fingers when a familiar apartment building appeared on your right.

It couldn't hurt to stop by there.

You parked beside the red car again, taking a moment to pity the gorgeous vehicle for being left out in the hail. You had noticed the distinct lack of a cover the last time you'd been here, so you had cleverly stolen one from your workplace (with the permission of your supervisor) and stuffed it into one of your saddlebags in case you were ever forced off the roads again. Good Samaritan project was a go!

It was much more difficult than you had anticipated to get the cover on the red car even though the buildings blocked out most of the wind. But, when it was all said and done, you felt very accomplished. You gave the car one more proud nod before you dashed off towards the main entrance.

You ran to the switchboard and quickly pressed 402.

“HELLO HUMAN! WHAT CAN THE GREAT PAPYRUS DO FOR YOU?” It was not Sans (obviously). Well, he had said he had a brother he lived with. He'd mentioned a few things about a Papyrus, one being that he was a very dramatic guy.

“Oh! Could it be! The great Papyrus is actually talking with me?!” You gave a little fangirl squee. Aw man, hamming it up was more fun that you'd thought it would be.

“AHEM...YES, IT IS I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS. I UNDERSTAND MY COOLNESS CAN BE A BIT OVERWHELMING, BUT PLEASE, TRY TO CONTROL YOURSELF!” He seemed oddly nervous despite his narcissistic words. Adorable. “I UNDERSTAND THESE BUTTONS ARE USED TO REQUEST ENTRANCE INTO THIS BUILDING...ARE YOU REQUESTING MY PERMISSION?”

“Oh, no, Mr. Papyrus. I'm just stopping by to see if I can get some _hail_ p passing my time!”

There was a long pause.

“DID YOU JUST…” You began snickering uncontrollably at the disdain in his voice. “SANS! YOU’RE ALREADY A BAD INFLUENCE ON THE HUMAN AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MET THEM YET!” Clearly he wasn’t talking to you, but your snickers dissolved into maniacal laughing. God, this guy…

“seems you managed to get paps to _storm_ off in record time.” A familiar voice chuckled through the speaker.

“ _Hail_ p me, you guys are killing me!”

“you already used that one, kid.” Still, it got a laugh.

“You've gotta be _kid_ ding me! Buddy! Amigo! Don't you know puns are recyclable?” You laughed at your own joke.

“ _can_ ’t you _container_ your laughter? Is that an op _tin_?” You loved the way his voice hummed in amusement. Actually, you really liked his voice in general.

“Nope! Laughter is one of my core features!” You managed to gawf out. You composed yourself and positioned yourself back in front of the camera. “So, how do you plan on helping me wait out the weather today?”

“i believe i was promised a life story?” He said after a moment's consideration.

“That's a bit long...but I can tell you about the time my sister and I almost got mugged...though...I didn't realize it was a mugging until afterwards when my sister pointed it out…” You tapped your chin as you tried to think of how to tell that story.

“you have a sister?”

“Really? That's what you focus on? But yeah, I do. She's six years older than I am.” You opened your backpack and pulled a photograph out of your wallet. “This is her on the left.”

“she doesn't look very much like you.”

“Different fathers.” You waved your hand dismissively. “You should meet her sometime! I'm sure you'd just love her! Maybe you and Papyrus could come over for dinner sometime!” You were practically vibrating with excitement. It was a brilliant idea!

“do you just invite every stranger over to your house?”

“Well the point of spending more time with people is to get to know them better anyways. And I don't invite everybody over - my sister has already explained the dangers of that!” Your face softened and you smiled gently. “Even though we've just met, I like you guys. Of course I want to get to know you better.”

“uh, yeah... we'll think about that...thanks for the offer.” Somehow he seemed a bit sad. He didn't give you time to think too much about it before he continued. “anyways, you were saying something about being mugged?”

“Well, we never actually got anything stolen, so it was more like an attempted mugging.” You closed your eyes and thought for a moment. When they reopened, there was a new passion burning inside them. “Okay, so I had snuck into a nightclub…”

*

You were a great storyteller. Sans listened intently, and Papyrus was discreetly trying to listen in despite the puns. You were so energetic and passionate; kindness and acceptance just seemed to radiate off of you even on the little screen.

Sans would never admit that ever since that rainy day you buzzed him, he'd been returning home early whenever there was bad weather. He'd known it had been stupid, after all he had only talked to you once for half an hour, but you were just so interesting. You were always so happy and excited, and seemed to take the bad things that happen to you in stride. And here you were again, overjoyed to be talking to _him_.

But it wouldn't stay like that. Not once you actually met them. You would be the same as all the others.

But it was so hard to keep his guard up around you.

*

“Aah...it's not letting up at all…” You stared out the windows. “I mean, I like talking with you guys, but my sister's gunna worry…”

“why not just give her a call?” Sans drawled lazily.

“I would, except I forgot my phone today.” You blushed slightly and smiled in embarrassment. “Oh! I have an idea! Could you call her and ask her to pick me up? I can leave my bike here, if that's alright, and pick it up tomorrow.” Your eyes gleamed. Sans sighed.

“i _phone_ ’t let you down.” There was a sound of shuffling before he asked for the number. You dictated it with a clear voice, proud of yourself for having it memorized.

The speaker went dead, so you leaned against the wall and waited.

*

_**Ringring. Ringring. Rin-** _

“Hello?”

“hi, is this...uh...____’s sister…” Sans was unsure how he was supposed to start this conversation.

“Eleanore. May I ask who this is?” The voice was curt and unfazed.

“sans, and i'm her...uh…” He wasn’t really sure how to introduce himself either.

“Oh! Sans! The buzzer buddy, right? At that apartment building off Main street!” She paused. “I suppose that means she's hiding from the weather in your lobby again?” You had talked about him? Sans could feel a soft blush dust his face.

“bingo.”

“I'll be right over. Try to keep her out of trouble.” Another pause. “And thanks.” Then she hung up. Sans stared at his phone for a moment before a buzzing caught his attention again.

*

As you waited for your sister to pick you up, Sans told you a few stories about Papyrus. He seemed oddly careful with his words, but you figured it wasn't your business to ask why.

When your sister pulled up and honked, you hurriedly said your goodbyes to the brothers and hopped in the passenger seat.

She gave you an indecipherable smirk before she pulled out of the parking lot and drove you home.

At least you didn't need to take a cab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for reading!


	3. Foghorn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I was really not expecting so much feedback so quickly!
> 
> My darlings Lady, RoxasConan, ThatGeekyAsian, and KagedBird have all motivated me enough to edit this next chapter. Sleep is for the weak anyways. Without your encouragement, this couldn't have been possible. All you kudoers too, you just keep doing your thing. It really sets the heart aflutter.
> 
> And Gelaisa_Kidd, your humour really inspired this chapter.

It was cold. Again. Wasn't it supposed to be spring?! You shook your head and wrapped your arms around yourself. There was a thin layer of mist, and you could only hope that it wouldn't morph into fog. Driving in fog sucked.

The weatherman had said it was going to be a sunny and hot day, so you hadn't worn your leather jacket. You had worn one made of a more breathable material instead. Bad idea. It was not warm. Or sunny.

You had a day off work today, so you would have usually slept in until a reasonable hour, like noon or tomorrow. But, alas, you had to go and get your motorcycle from Sans’ apartment building. Your dearest sister had laughed when you had asked her to drive you over. Where was the sisterly affection and doting?! Nowhere, because such things were myths. And so you had to walk there. In poorly selected attire. If only you had _attire_ or two, you wouldn't have had to walk. Haha. You're a genius.

Joking to yourself brightened your mood. Maybe Sans would be home! You started brainstorming puns. 'Hey Sans, glad you're here; I was worried that I had _mist_ you!’ 'It was a _mist_ ake to ask my sister to drive me.’ 'You should've come over for dinner last night; you _mist_ a great meal!’

You stopped. Why could you only think of puns with 'mist’ in them? You shrugged. Either way, you were feeling much more energetic now that you were prepared. Perhaps you'd even be able to tell them with a straight face!

You had a happy skip in your step the rest of the walk. People gawked at your motorcycle-getup-minus-the-motorcycle look (particularly the helmet, but seriously, what were you going to do with it? Carry it? Haha, that's hilarious), but you barely noticed. Nothing could get you down when you were in a good mood.

You skipped right in the door and pressed your usual buzzer. Silence. You pressed it again, with no response. Maybe he was out…? Or sleeping…like you should have been.

Whatever. You impatiently hit the button over and over.

“402?” A voice from behind questioned. “You a friend of Sans’, punk?” You turned around to face a giant fish person. Aww man her hair was a great colour.

But now you were faced with a conundrum. Clearly this person knew Sans. You weren't exactly sure what the relationship between Sans and yourself was. You weren't sure if you could qualify as friends, and you really weren't looking forward to another person rejecting your friendship because of your forwardness.

“Actually, I just come to harass him from time to time!” You felt proud. You weren't going to ruin your budding friendship because of some eye patch fish.

Her baffled stare slowly contorted into an infuriated glare. Ah. Perhaps 'harass’ wasn't the best word to use…

You didn't even have time to react before the fish was jamming a blue spear in your face. It thrummed with magic. You really wanted to touch it.

But you must resiiiiiiiiiist. Cuz it was a spear. That she was threatening to stab you with.

So you just stared at it.

She glared at you and growled.

You poked the 402 button again.

The spear pierced the wall behind you. Holy shit that was a lot of firepower. It had dug good half meter into the cement and the newly created fissures extended a few meters along the wall.

“Get. Out.” She spat. “And never bother my friends again.” She was seething with anger.

“Holy crap that was cool.” You almost cut her off. “I don’t think even Eli has this much power.” You turned and began inspecting the newly decorated wall. Contented with what you had discovered, you turned on your heels and swiftly approached the fish. She was staring at you with a bewildered expression, but you focused more of her biceps than her face. You poked them.

“What?!” She jerked back, broken from her trance.

“Dude, you’re seriously amazing.” You said with sincerity. “It’s obvious how hard you’ve trained to become so strong. It would be amazing if you could teach me sometime!” Your eyes were filled with childish excitement again.

“...what...I JUST THREATENED TO STAB YOU! WHAT THE ACTUAL F-”

_**BWAAAAAAAAAAAAH** _

“WHAT THE H-”

_**BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH** _

“WHAT’RE YOU DOING PUNK?!...is...is that a foghorn…?”

“Yes, yes it is.” You stared at her with disapproval.

“...just...why…?” She looked miffed for some reason.

“Because swearing is bad. What if a child overheard?”

“No, I mean WHY DO YOU HAVE A FFFFfffffabulous foghorn?” She eyed the instrument.

“Oh, that. I thought I could make a pun with it.” You shrugged. She just stared at you, so you continued. “Well, I had better get going now. Let Sans know that I’ll be back next time. And if you can spare the time to show me your training regimen, I’d love to go.” You strutted out of the apartment building and gave her a small wave and a big smile. “Bai bai!”

*

Undyne stood there and, for the first time in her life, didn’t know what to say. She was just supposed to be getting Papyrus’ nametag for him dammit! It was so confusing. Was that human monster hating scum or not?! She elected that the human probably wasn’t, abet hesitantly.

The really weird part was how they had reacted to her attacks: simple curiosity with a hint of awe. There had been no fear. WHY NOT?!

Undyne decided to stop questioning what had just happened. It was only making her more frustrated.

She pulled out Papyrus’ key and waltzed into apartment building.

“Humans are weird.”

*

“I see you found your bike just fine without me.” Eli commented as she closed the door behind her.

“You know that wasn’t why I wanted you to drive me.” You poked your head into the hallway and stuck your tongue out at her. She returned the gesture.

“So how’d it go with your mysterious friend?”

“Never got to talk to him. A fish talked to me instead, though.” You nonchalantly explained, glossing over a few unnecessary details. You shrugged passively and returned to your spot on the couch and resumed reading _A Christmas Carol_.

“...a fish…?”

“A fish.”

“...a fish…”

“A monster fish.”

“Ah. A fish.”

“Glad we had this talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Again! Always! <3


	4. The Next Few Months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, it's a short little baby chapter. Sorry, got tricked into overtime at work today, so it'll have to do.
> 
> Thank you for all the comments! Each one meant so much to me. Yzafre and Ryvyn (why do you do this to me? Usernames are so hard to spell...), thanks for the encouragement towards my playfulness :3. Upbeatbox, Lilmewpanda and Barf (srsly?), thanks for encouraging me to get up off my lazy ass and write something.
> 
> So, here, have a time skip.

“...so of course she ripped the TV right off the wall and threw it at him! And I kid you not when I say that he ran out of the house in the toga, with the cockatoo still tangled in his hair. That day I learned that men can squeal as loud as fangirls.”

“holy shit. promise me you didn't make this up.”

“Cross my heart.”

“i can’t believe it. nope. impossible. you’re _TV_ sing me.”

“That was a stretch and you know it. The unbelievable part is that he started hitting on her again when they ran into each other at the supermarket!”

“...i’m calling bull on that.”

*

“kid, you can’t seriously think word searches are harder than crosswords.”

“Oh, come _on_. You can just Google the answers for those things.”

“that’s cheating!”

“No, it’s resource management.”

*

“I suppose ketchup _is_ the best condiment, though I’ve never thought about that before.”

“would you drink it.”

“I used to as a kid, but not anymore. So, no. No I wouldn’t.”

“are you serious?! you did?!”

“Well you know those little packets at fast food places? I _mustard_ thought they were food packets.”

*

“No! I swear! I can do a handstand!”

“i _hand_ -t- _stand_ your blatant lies!”

“Fine. I’ll just have to show you then!”

“$1 says you’re _loonie_.”

“$2 says you’re giving a dollar _toonie_!”

_**CRASH ******_

*

“why were you walking home?!”

“Well, Eli took away my driver’s license.”

“why…?”

“Uh...I...ah...popped a wheelie while she was riding with me…”

“you _wheelie_ need to not do that.”

“But I _wheelie_ like to.”

“it _wheelie_ wasn’t nice.”

“And this is getting _wheelie_ annoying!”

“oh, _wheelie_?”

“Sans!”

*

It was a perfect day. Spring had sprung, but the deadly heat waves of summer had yet to close in. You had the day off. You could’ve been gardening. You could’ve been washing your bike. You could’ve even been dozing off while reading a book. But you were doing none of these things.

“___...what do you think you’re doing?” Eli had come outside with the laundry.

“A rain dance.”

“I see.” There was a long pause. “Why?”

“Because the weather’s too nice.”

“Come help me with this.” She nodded to the clothesline. “And why is it ‘too nice’?”

“I can’t go visit Sans.” You huffed and began helping her.

“Ah.” She laughed softly. “You know, you can go see him even if it isn’t crappy weather.”

“I know thaaaaaat.” You whined. “But he’s never there when it’s nice out.”

“Then why not just ask him over to dinner or something. You still haven’t actually met him yet, right? It would be a good way to both spend more time with him and to get to know him better. You can invite his brother, too, if you want.”

“How do you plan I do that? Write a note and tape it to his call button?” You muttered with heavy sarcasm.

Eli slowed her movements.

“You know I have his phone number, right?” She said with disbelief.

You froze.

“HOW?!” You jumped back and struck a dramatic ‘shocked’ pose.

“...uh...you had him call me? Remember?”

You stared at her for a very long time.

“Can I have it?” You asked quietly.

“Only if you help with the laundry.”

Laundry had never been done so quickly in the history of humanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You read it. Love you :3.
> 
> Also, my sister pointed out to me that only Canadians call $1 coins "loonies" (they have a Loon on them) and $2 coins "toonies" (because they have the value of two loonies)


	5. (123)456-7890

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waaaaaaah so many comments! I'd love to mention everyone that commented, but there were so many. Each one made me smile just a little bit more, so thanks to all of you!
> 
> Amashi_zaino, you really called, like 90% of this chapter...I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. Either way, it made me happy that you guys were paying so much attention to the little details!
> 
> Ray, thanks for punching that Kudos button repeatedly. Keep at it, good soldier.
> 
> Also, it's been pointed out that "Elizabeth" can have negative connotations. You can also call her "Eleanore", if you prefer that. Either way, her name will always be abbreviated to "Eli".

_(123)456-7890_  
**Hey there sexy voice man ;P**

Sans had been staring at the screen for a few minutes. He closed his messages and locked the screen. He turned it back on again and checked his messages. Yup. Still there.

He sighed in frustration and rubbed his face. He had an idea who it was. But why now?

Better yet...how was he supposed to respond to that?! 'hey sexy helmet girl ;p’? Would that be coming on too strong? But she had started it! Should he just say 'hey’? Would that seem too disinterested? Maybe he should make a joke?

He slammed his head down on his desk and groaned.

Maybe he should ask Undyne. Undyne was the only one who had actually met you in person. And attacked you. She should be around campus, too. Probably with Alphys. He sent her a quick text.

He had never thought the day would come that he would be asking Undyne for help replying to a flirty text. Was it even flirting, though? You were always so sporadic that he couldn't even be sure of that! Dammit! He repeatedly hit his head on the wood.

Maybe he was just over thinking it. You probably meant nothing by it. But you had used a winking smiley face! He groaned and slumped completely onto his desk.

Maybe if he slept, his problems would be gone when he woke up.

*

A hand slammed down next to his face. He lazily opened his eye sockets and rolled his eyes lights up to focus on the irritated blue fish. Apparently his problems had not magically disappeared. He'd need to look into whether a magic like that existed, because he could really use it sometimes.

“Okay, bonehead, what’s so important that you had to get Alphys to send me over?” She growled.

“aww, maybe i just wanted to see you.” Sans sat up and leaned his head on his hand.

“I swear to god I will flip this desk out the window if you interrupted me and Alphys for that.” She spat without humour. She had her 'I fucking dare you to make a joke' face on. Sans put up his hands in surrender. She relaxed a bit and leaned on the desk. Sans sighed.

“you remember that human that you met at my apartment building? the one in the helmet?”

“The weird one?”

“yeah. well, we've been...uh...talking a lot recently...and then she...uh...texted me…” He scratched the back of his head and hoped to god that he wasn't blushing.

“Aww, you found yourself a dork to-”

“Undyne!” He whimpered.

“Okay, okay. Fine. Just text her back, you dork.”

“i would...but…” He held his phone up to her. She was at first confused, then burst out into uncontrollable laughter. Sans pulled up his hood and lay face down, covering his face with his arms.

“Oh my god. She really is something else!” Undyne wheezed.

“either help or leave.” Sans grumbled.

“Send a stupid joke back.”

“but-”

“Dude. She texted _you_. Do you really think she’ll be put off by a bad joke?” She handed his phone back.

“...are you sure?” His finger hovered over the send button.

“I threw a spear at her. I promise a joke won’t scare her off, even if it’s one of yours.” Undyne deadpanned.

“...” Sans stared at his phone, motionless.

“Send it or I’ll throw you out the window.” She gave him a hard stare, and he tapped the screen tentatively. “Now, I have to go and...ah...finish up with Alphys. I’ll come back down afterwards and I want to hear everything.” She turned to leave but then stopped. “Oh yeah, if you interrupt us again...well...you wouldn’t like what happens next.” She gave a wide smile, and then dashed out of the room.

*

When she returned, Sans was curled in a ball in the corner.

“...What happened…?” Undyne started tentatively.

“she invited me to dinner tonight.” He was staring at the screen of his phone with empty eye sockets.

“Oh. That’s it?” She laughed boisterously.

“but…”

“Oh my god Sans, just get over it already! Her first reaction to me was to inspect my biceps for Christ’s sake. She’s not going to be like ‘eww you’re a skeleton, get the foghorn out of my house’.” For some reason, he was always like this with humans, and it bothered Undyne to no end. “Just go. Take Papyrus if you’re too shy. Just do SOMETHING. I mean, Alphys is already shipping the hell out of you guys, so you had better not screw this up.”

“but there were no _drills_ for this situation.”

“...I don’t get what she sees in you.” Undyne muttered.

“nothing, just like everybody else. it would be awkward to put things inside my body.”

“You know what, I’m sick of your shit. Go have a nice dinner with the poor girl. I’m out. I’m done. I’m not putting up with this even _if_ it’s for Alphys' fanfiction.” Undyne threw up her hands and sauntered out of the office while grumbling under her breath.

Sans sighed and put his phone to the side of his head.

“hey Paps, do you want to go to dinner at a friend’s with me?”

*

You were so excited. For the first time, Sans had agreed to do something face to face. Of course, Eli had demanded you finish all the chores and help make the house spotless, but it was a small price to pay to have her cook one of her delicious meals. She even helped you make cookies. With the house clean, all you were left with to do was to stare out the window like a puppy awaiting it’s master’s return. If you had had a tail, it would’ve been wagging fast enough to fly a kite.

Maybe if today went well, he’d want to hang out with you more! Then you wouldn’t have to wait for a bad day to see him!

“Good lord ___. Calm down. There are still two hours before he gets here.” Eli chided.

“Maybe he’ll be early.”

“By two hours?”

“It's not _impossible_.”

“It’s a good thing to be optimistic, but this is just ridiculous.” She sighed. “You know, don’t be disappointed if he isn’t what you’ve imagined him to be. You can’t expect everyone to live up to your expectations.”

“I know.” You said with an unusual soberness. “Don’t worry, Eli. I know.” You turned and smiled at her in a soft, heartfelt way.

“You say that, but you really don’t know much about the guy and still asked him over. And his brother.” She sighed. “I’m just worried about you. You put too much faith in people, and it’s going to get you hurt.” Your face darkened.

“Yeah.” You smiled and banished the dark thoughts seeping into your mind. “That’s why I have you! You will always protect me!” You didn’t look at her, but you knew she was smiling knowingly.

“Ha, yeah.” She sighed. “Go take a shower. You stink from all the housework.”

“Oh shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet again, thanks for reading! Please leave comments with suggestions! If I can, I'll try to implement your prompts.


	6. Anatomy 101

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upbeatbox, RoxasConan, your enthusiasm has birthed this. This is the first part of the awkward dinner party. Hope it meets your expectations.
> 
> And Ryvyn, I really hadn't expected anybody to notice that yet. I give you public recognition for your ability to detect foreshadowing.
> 
> Welcome to an awkward first meeting, as they always are when there isn't a screen between two people.

Hopefully they had the right address. Sans double checked what you had texted him, and sure enough it was. He hadn’t expected it to be so...homely. The garden was very well tended, the driveway impeccably maintained, and the entirety of the house overwhelmingly quaint. It screamed ‘retired couple’s house’.

Papyrus parked behind a dark blue Fiat. That was probably your elusive sister’s car. The one that throws TVs at boyfriends. Wonderful.

Sans desperately searched for some blatant sign of your residence. It was a really nice neighbourhood, and he didn’t feel he would be welcomed with open arms if it was the wrong house. Especially if it were to be an elderly couple. Gives a whole new meaning to ‘death knocking on your door’. Ha. How cryptic.

“BROTHER! CEASE YOUR BOONDOGGLING AND KNOCK ON THE DOOR ALREADY!” Papyrus was carrying a gift, something he insisted on bringing. It was only a bone, just like he had always given to Undyne.

“you mean my _bone_ doggling?” Sans drawled lazily. Papyrus’ overreactions always made him feel more calm about things, and dear lord did he need to be calmed down. He felt so out of place here.

“SANS! WE HAVEN’T EVEN BEEN INVITED IN AND YOU’RE ALREADY TRYING TO GET US KICKED OUT WITH YOUR BAD PUNS!” Papyrus opened his mouth to say more, but was cut off by a cheery female voice.

“But what if I get a _kick_ out of them?” The door was opened a few moments later. And there you stood, with a pompous smirk on your face.

Sans had never seen you without your motorcycle attire. Sure, they looked good and all, but the sundress you were sporting was so much better. Ah, it matched your soul. And your figure. It showed so much leg, but remained innocent. The large bow over your chest accented your natural curves, but didn’t put them on display. The tightness around the middle emphasized your waist, but didn’t sexualize you. It suited you perfectly.

Eh? Ah. Papyrus had said something. You had responded stiffly. No. No no. Oh, wait you were inviting them in. Okay, that’s a good sign, right? Right? Why did you look so uncomfortable?! Shit! He thought Undyne had said you were okay with monsters! Maybe you just really liked fish?! That didn’t make any sense!

Sans chided himself to think. Something that’d distract you, maybe get you to become more comfortable. Yeah, if you were more comfortable, maybe you’d get used to them.

Was it just him or was it uncomfortably quiet as you lead them into the house. You weren’t a quiet person. Silence was a bad sign.

Make her laugh. That would break the tension, right? Just have to tell a good joke and everything will be fine. Yeah. Everything will be fine.

MAKE A PUN.

“ _tibia_ honest, it was pretty hard to find this house.”

AND HE JUST **HAD** TO USE THE MOST OVERUSED PUN IN THE BOOK.

You turned and looked at him.

“I suppose it _is_ hard to find. It also looks too nice to belong to a couple of sisters, right?” Shit. You hadn’t even twitched a smile. What the fuck. You loved puns. Just how uncomfortable were you around them?!

You stopped in the kitchen and gestured to the person stirring something in a pot.

“This is my sister Eli. She made dinner.” Your face was stiff.

Eli looked between you and Sans quizzically. Then she keeled over with laughter.

*

You had heard a loud voice from outside, so you ran to the door.

“-YOU’RE ALREADY TRYING TO GET US KICKED OUT WITH YOUR BAD PUNS!”

Ooooooooo. Now was your chance to make a dramatic entrance!

“But what if I get a _kick_ out of them?” You snickered and smirked at you cracked the door open. You swung it dramatically and took an arrogant pose.

Skeletons.

That was...AWESOME.

But wait.

Bones had names, right?

Kinesiology had been so long ago. And you had failed. With a single digit percent as your final mark.

Think think think. Pun pun pun. Dammit, what were bone names again?!

You were really bad at memorization!

Crap! You were just standing there! Be a good host dammit!

“Why don’t you come in? I’m ___. It’s nice to finally meet you. Papyrus, right?” Sans was frozen, so you decided to greet his brother as best you could while trying desperately to recall those stupid bone names.

“YES, IT IS I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AND MY BROTHER SANS. PLEASE, DO NOT MIND HIS BAD JOKES; HE HAS A PROBLEM.”

“A problem with what?” Umm...skull...spine…was the calf a bone?

“MAKING GOOD JOKES.” Even the joke hating brother was more on his game than you!!!

“Come in, you guys. Eli gets mad at me when I leave the door open. Here, I’ll show you to the kitchen.” You stiffly led them down the hall.

“ _tibia_ honest, it was pretty hard to find this house.” Sans suddenly spoke up. Damn. His voice was even richer in person. Not now. Where was the emphasis. “Tibia”? What the flying fuck is a tibia?!

“I suppose it _is_ hard to find. It also looks too nice to belong to a couple of sisters, right?” You tried to answer the question. Was tibia supposed to mean something? Was it a pun? Good god, did he think you were an idiot?!

Just smile. Everything will be alright. Eli will be able to lighten the mood.

You stopped at the entrance to the kitchen and gestured to your sister.

“This is my sister Eli. She made dinner.” Your face screamed ‘help me’.

Eli looked between you and Sans quizzically. Then she keeled over with laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you lovelies for reading. Please post any predictions, suggestions, opinions, and way to FORMAT THIS FREAKING THING! This is my first fanfiction, so I really need help with formatting (I only know how to bold and italicize).
> 
> Have a wonderful night you guys.


	7. That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished my final exam today, so sorry for the late update.
> 
> CurrentlyCravingSloppySpaghetti (seriously you guys, what's up with these usernames?), you were close. But it ended up more like this, I suppose.
> 
> This isn't my best chapter, I concede, but please give it a chance.

“Eli..?” You stared at your sister who had legitimately fallen over.

“Good god you two are adorable.” She wiped a tear away from her eye. “Anyways, as she says, I’m Eli, and I’m making dinner. Brilliant introduction. Anyways, I’m assuming you’re Sans, and you’re Papyrus.” She gestured to the correct skeletons. The air was still heavy, so she continued. “I hear you cook, Papyrus. Would you like to help me finish up the macaroni and cheese?” Papyrus’ eye sockets seemed to sparkle.

“OF COURSE SISTER HUMAN!” Well, at least he was enthusiastic. “THE GREAT PAPYRUS WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO ASSIST YOU ON THIS ENDEAVOUR!” He paused and his volume dropped dramatically. “Umm, sister human, I have brought a present…” Aww, he was being bashful.

Oh. Present. You guys had never really used it, so _that_ was probably still in the game room.

“Thank you very much. You really didn’t have to. Here, I’ll take it.” Eli took the bone and arranged it next to the vase on the counter. “Now, you, get out of my kitchen.” She gave you a pointed look.

“Eeeeeeeh?! But-!”

“No buts. You manage to screw up scrambled eggs. You are a hazard.” She said with finality.

Sans started snickering.

“Hey! I’m sure you’re not any more helpful than I am!” You blush in embarrassment. Oh, wait. You could use this chance to get away discreetly.

“at least i can _cook up_ a good pun, though.” Had he noticed your struggle?! Your blush deepened.

“Fine! Be that way!” You stick out your tongue at Eli. “I’m going to go clean up our pool game, Eli.” You said indignantly and strutted away. Yes. Flawless plan.

“TAKE SANS TOO. HE JUST ‘TASTE TESTS’ STUFF AND MAKES BAD JOKES.” Papyrus called after you. What? No. He couldn’t see _that_. It would be embarrassing. Just act natural. You needed to be normal, and normal you would’ve smirked, so you smirked.

“Oh, really now? So, even though he was laughing at me, he’s even more useless than I am?” Yes, teasing. Completely natural. It's not because you want to fluster him. You're just acting natural.

“hey now, i _could_ cook if i wanted to.”

“Sure, sure. Like I’m believing that. Anyways, you really don't need to come. I'll just be cleaning up a pool game. No fun. Nothing interesting. You should stay here.” You waved your hands in front of yourself.

“i haven’t a _cue_ what to do here though.”

“JUST LEAVE ALREADY!” “Just take him with you.” Papyrus and Eli said at the same time, one with frustration and the other with exasperation.

“No! I mean…! Umm…” Eli was staring you down. “...hoooooooi.” You gave a defeated sigh and started to walk away.

“what? are you a temmie now?” You gave a playful glare. “sorry, it was too _temmie_ ting.” You froze for a moment before you burst into laughter. Sans looked incredibly pleased with himself. Papyrus looked about ready to leave. Eli looked unamused.

“Let’s go before Eli decides to throw you in the pool.” You chuckled, the defeat evident in your voice.

*

“OKAY, SISTER HUMAN, THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS PREPARED TO ASSIST WITH THE CREATION OF THESE MACARONI AND CHEESES!” Papyrus struck a pose.

“To be honest, everything is pretty much done.” Eli shrugged.

“BUT THEN-” He was cut off by Eli holding a finger to her mouth in the universal sign of 'quiet’. She winked. It finally seemed to click with Papyrus what she was doing and his eyes widened, filling with sparkles.

“Why don't we do the dishes, hmm?” She suggested.

“YE-I mean yes sister human.”

“You can call me Eli, darling. Or human Eli if you prefer.” She began filling the sink with soap and water.

“Of course, human Eli.”

*

The game room was originally a sun room with a wall of windows overlooking your backyard. The back of the house was even more immaculate than the front, almost as if it had jumped out of one of those home and garden magazines. There was a pool, as you had mentioned, but it was still too cold to swim in. The room itself sported a pool table in the middle and a couch and coffee table set in the back. The room was lined with book shelves, only half of which actually had books on them. The rest had various board games neatly stacked so that no game stuck out noticeably.

There seemed to be an ongoing game on the pool table.

“So, this is the game room, because of all the games.” You scanned the room. It wasn’t in an obvious place, because of course it wasn’t. “You can lounge on the couch; I just need to put the balls away and throw the cover on.”

“can’t deny that it looks _sofa_ ki-”

“Eli has the ears of an owl. Finish that sentence and she with _pool_ varize you.”

Holy crap.

You had done it. You had finally come up with a pun! Sure it wasn’t about bones or some shit, but you had managed to think up a pun on the spot!

Your face betrayed your glee. You looked so pleased with yourself.

You and Sans stared at each other for a long moment, then burst into laughter.

He looked so much better with a real smile.

“alright, alright, i’ll play by your rules. i have nothing to _game_ from pissing off your sister, after all.” He flopped onto the couch and it swallowed him eagerly. You giggled at both the pun and his antics.

You should still find _that_.

You start putting the balls back in their box and the cues back on their rack. Where would Eli put that book?

Probably in the science section.

“wow, you have a lot of textbooks. _study_ enly, i wonder why you have them.” He was skimming the spines of each book. Stop it Sans! The book you were looking for would probably be like porn for him! I mean, a book full of exposed skeletons…

You tried to swallow your blush.

No. You were just trying to figure out bone names. There wasn’t any kind of other motivation!

But what if he thought you had one…?

No. It was worth the risk. Think of the puns!

“Eli’s coworkers thought it was hilarious at how little her and I understood about…well science in general, so they got them for us.” You laughed a little. “Eli studied them, well, some of them, but I couldn’t understand most of them so I kind of gave up.” You had an idea. “Actually, do you mind asking her when the one about constellations is? I haven’t been able to find it for weeks and it’s one of my favourites.” Was it just you, or had your topic change gotten his attention really quickly? Stars, huh? At least you had something in common besides puns.

“but your couch is so comfy…” He snuggled in deeper.

“Pleeeeeease?” You pouted. Pouting had always worked at his building.

His face turned...a light blue?

“...fine…” He made a show of dragging himself off the couch and leaving in the direction of the kitchen.

Time to find that book. You frantically skimmed the shelves until you spotted the one you were looking for. You flipped through it until you found what you had been looking for - a labelled skeletal diagram.

Tibia, tibia, tibia...there! It was a...leg bone?

Oooooooooooooooooh. It had been a pun after all. Tibia, to be. Ha.

You felt accomplished.

Quickly, you tried to skim all the labels. Clavicle, scapula, humerus, radius…

“oh look. it’s a skeleton.” A deep voice whispered into your ear. Immediately you flushed red. Then you jumped.

Ah.

Wait.

Fuck.

Sans had caught you staring at a naked skeleton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I know it wasn't the best, but please feel free to mention any criticisms in the comments.
> 
> Thanks you guys.


	8. Book? What Book?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to sadestheperson! Toumei has noticed you! Thanks for your ongoing support.
> 
> maraille, welcome to this sporadic fanfiction. Thank you for joining us.
> 
> LetskeepthisSECRET, you were too close for comfort in your comment! You gave me a run for my money (oh, wait, I don't get paid for this).

You slowly closed the book in your lap and turned to face Sans.

“Skeleton? What skeleton? You’re a skeleton.” You asked with dead eyes.

“brilliant observation, but i meant more the one you were staring at in that book. seeing me is just a _bone_ us.”

You put the book behind your back and tried desperately not to smile.

“Book? What book?” Your voice shook a bit and you chuckled nervously. Your eyes danced across the room, looking everywhere but at him. Sans quirked a...socket brow?

“the one behind your back.” He said slowly, pointing to the book you held firmly behind you.

“This one?” You pulled a random book off the shelf and handed it to him.

“i don't think there are skeletons in ‘Gardening for Dummies’. i don't mean to _rib_ you the wrong way, but…” You started to laugh, but then he approached you. “...let me see that book for a moment.” You tried to step back but ran into the bookshelf behind you.

“S-sans…?” You stuttered. You fucking stuttered. He was getting all up in your personal space, but you didn't really mind for some reason. You felt your face heat up, though.

“just let me _book_ at what you were reading.” He reached around your waist to grab it. You quickly swung it around to your chest and wrapped both arms around it.

“What book?” You whispered innocently. “I don't see any book.”

Something flashed in his eyes. He reached for the book again, and you quickly responded by holding it over your head. He was taller than you, abet not by much, so you wouldn't be able to keep it from him forever.

“I think it's about time I _book_ ed it.” You smiled before you suddenly jumped around him and leaped out the window. The open one because seriously, who would be silly enough to jump through a closed one?

Clutching the book to your chest, you whirled around to tease him, but he wasn't there.

“looking for something?”

“HIIIIIIIIIIIII.” You squeaked in surprise and jumped away from him.

When had he gotten behind you?!

It didn't matter how he got behind you, you couldn't let him see the book. Your pride couldn't take him shaming you during your first meeting.

You stuck your tongue out at him and you ran in the opposite direction, rounding the garage towards the front of the house.

...

What the actual fuck?! Why was he lazing on the hood of a red convertible in a 'draw me like one of your French girls’ position?!

“sup.”

And so you two continued your game of tag. A few times he almost snatched the book, but you were filled with determination not to be seen as a pervert!

*

“Ah, found 'axel’.” Eli circled the word. She had brought out a newspaper and she was doing the puzzle section with Papyrus.

“ENGINE IS HERE! CIRCLE IT TOO!” Papyrus tapped the word, and Eli complied.

“Would you like some more tea?” She sipped a bit more from her nearly drained cup.

“I WOULD LOVE SOME, IF IT ISN’T TOO MUCH TROUBLE HUMAN ELI.”

“No trouble at all, I assure you.”

*

Sans lazily teleported around to get in your way. He had only caught a glimpse of what you had been looking at, and really wanted to confirm it, but then you had run away.

At some point it had become a game.

He was never one for expending effort, but your surprised expressions were just so fun to drag out of you that he played along. He was enjoying himself, you were enjoying yourself.

But he was still curious about the book.

Finally, he decided to actually try to get the book seriously. He reached around for your soul with his magic, and then carefully slammed you to the ground.

You squeaked in surprise. Cute.

Oh. Crap. He had just used magic on you. Shit.

You would probably be scared. Of course you would be. Being okay with monsters is one thing, but being okay with their magic was something else completely.

Sans burst into a cold sweat, ready to apologise profusely.

Then he heard giggling.

“Fine! I get it! You win!” Your words were muffled by the grass. “You can read the damn book! Ugh! Don’t judge me!” You threw the book, and it fell only about a meter from your collapsed body.

Did you not notice that he had just attacked you with magic?! Or did you just not care?! Why were you so carefree about what he’d just done to you?!

“you really made this lazybones work for it, kid.” He looked down at you, and you rolled over a bit to look up at him. Your face was flushed from running. He loved the way you looked up at him with that expression, almost as if…

He stopped that train of thought right there.

He stooped down and picked up the book to distract himself. Flipping through the pages revealed various reference pictures for human anatomy.

He stopped at the skeletal diagram.

“so this is what you were looking at, huh?”

You rolled towards the ground again and muttered a muffled ‘maybe’.

“...why?”

“...I couldn’t figure out what a tibia was.” You hid your face with your arms. “And I...wanted to make bone puns...but I didn’t know bone names…”

“... _humerus_ t be kidding me.” It started as a low chuckle, but soon dissolved into a full blown laugh. You propped yourself up on your elbows.

“Hey! Don’t laugh at me!” You were a brilliant shade of red. “I wasn’t doing it to be creepy, I swear! I just wanted to know bone names!” He just kept laughing, so you flopped back on the ground and whined. “I wasn’t doing anything weird by looking at the naked skeleton…” You whimpered quietly. The laugher that had been dying down flared back up again and Sans fell down next to you, clutching where his stomach would be and with blue tears forming and the edges of his eye sockets.

You pouted while he calmed down.

“sorry, didn’t mean to laugh at you.” He finally managed to get out, still chuckling. You turned away from him and made a ‘hmph’ sound. “aw, c’mon, don’t be like that.”

“I’m not a pervert.” You huff indignantly.

“you’re not a pervert.” He affirmed.

The two of you lay there in the grass. It was rather comfortable, and you were quite tired. Maybe a short nap would be okay…

“Oh yeah. Sans?” You whispered sleepily.

“yeah?”

“You’re gunna have to show me your _skele_ portation properly sometime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 皆様! 本当にありがとうございました!
> 
> Thanks for reading everybody!


	9. Stairs, Blokus, and a Pool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RoxasConan, get better soon, okay? TT^TT
> 
> And we'll be getting Toriel and Frisk up in this hiz how soon enough, as per the request of ThatGeekyAsian. I don't know why, but this dinner just keeps going! Will they ever actually eat, though?!
> 
> CurlyWillow and Ray, I'm more than overjoyed at entertaining you. I'll do my best to keep it up.

Clouds shifted over the sun, their shadows cascading down onto your skin and chilling you just enough that you were woken from your short nap. You yawned and stretched, pleased to find yourself not sore from your previous exertion. Only then did you look around. Apparently you hadn’t been the only one who had fallen asleep.

“Saaaaaaans.” You called. He didn’t stir, so you poked him in the face. It was pretty hard, but not as hard as you thought it would’ve been. “Sans, get up. Eli and Papyrus are probably waiting for us! We should go in!” He made no movements. You pouted and started shaking him as best you could.

He was a really heavy sleeper it seemed.

Still, you didn’t want Eli to be too mad. Tardiness was one of her pet peeves. Well, she hadn’t exactly given you a time when dinner would be ready, so maybe it would be alright.

Either way, you knew you shouldn’t just leave him out in your backyard.

“Sorry Sans.” You muttered as you grabbed his arms. They felt sturdier and were heavier than you had thought they would be, and you were tempted to roll up his sleeves to investigate.

But he had already caught you with the book, and you really didn’t want him to wake up to you feeling up his arms. So, you resisted. You promised yourself that you would ask to at another point in time, though.

You secured your grip on each wrist and pulled. Hot damn he was heavier than he looked. But that wouldn’t stop you.

So you continued to drag him back towards the house.

Though, you kinda felt like a murderer dragging around a dead body like some kind of sick psycho.

*

“Are you sure this is your first time playing?” Eli grumbled as she placed down her ‘+’ shaped tile.

“YOU ARE A FORMIDABLE OPPONENT, HUMAN ELI, BUT THE GREAT PAPYRUS WAS PREPARED FOR YOUR ATTACK!” He slammed down his ‘w’ piece and cut off her advance. “AND YES, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED THIS DEVIOUS GAME BEFORE, THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME HOW TO PLAY, HUMAN ELI.”

“Why are you so good at this game though…” Eli grumbled as she searched for a place to put one of her last five point tiles. Apparently playing the two-person variant of Blokus with Papyrus had been a bad idea. Well, he seemed positively thrilled, so she supposed it was worth her loss of pride. She hated losing, but Papyrus was so enraptured with the simple game that she didn’t find herself frustrated.

“PUZZLES ARE NO MATCH FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” He yelled with pride.

“You mean human Eli is no match for the Great Papyrus.” She chuckled and placed down a four point tile.

Eli heard the patio door slide open and smiled.

“It seems our dearest siblings have finally returned to us. Let’s finish this game later, if you don’t mind; I have to set the table.” She picked up the game board, thinking that she could probably shift a few pieces without Papyrus noticing. She quickly dismissed the idea.

“THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL ASSIST YOU!”

“Thanks Paps.” She stopped. “It’s alright if I call you ‘Paps’, right?”

“OF COURSE HUMAN ELI.”

*

Sans woke to his head being smacked off something. He groaned and went to hold the aching bone, only to find his arms restrained by something warm. Lazily, he opened his eye sockets. He could’ve sworn he hadn’t fallen asleep here.

“Goddammit! Why’re you. So. HEAVYYYYYYY!” You heaved and his head smacked against something hard again.

“ow.” He muttered.

You squealed and his arms were released.

_**THUMP THUMP THUMP** _

Ow. Bloody hell that hurt. Had he fallen down a set of stairs or something?

He turned to you, gripping the back of his skull and realized he had in fact slid down a the short flight of stairs leading up to a small deck and a patio door.

“Oh my god, are you okay?!” You looked absolutely mortified.

“i knew those stairs were up to something.” He gave a shit eating grin. Your expression quickly shifted from fear to a pout.

“Laaaaaaaaaaame.” You complained.

“can’t win them all.” He shrugged as best he could while rubbing the back of his head. “quick question, though: why were you dragging me up a staircase?”

“Well...you see…” You scratched your cheek and wouldn’t look straight at him. “You wouldn’t wake up?” Because that explained everything. “Look, okay, uh, I didn’t want to leave you out here by yourself, but I’m also really hungry. I couldn’t lift you, so I was trying to drag you inside.” You confess with a small voice that got smaller and smaller as your explanation went on until it was almost a whisper. You gave an apologetic smile. He gave a low laugh at the situation, which became less and less restrained as he realized exactly what had happened. Your first solution to not being able to wake him up had been to drag him away.

“It’s not funny! I just dropped you down a staircase!” You flushed and pointed accusingly as him.

“you dragged me up said staircase!” He pointed at you, shaking from laughter.

“Can...can we just get food already?” You grumbled in embarrassment.

“only if we’re having _drag_ onfruit!” He burst into another wave of laughter. You tried to hide your smile, but it didn’t work. You bounced down the stairs and grabbed his hand.

“C’mon already!” You pulled him along behind you with your laced fingers. It was much easier to drag him when he was awake, you concluded.

If you had looked behind you, you would’ve seen bold blue magic staining Sans’ face.

You were holding his hand. Not only were you not disgusted by him, but you touched him so easily. You acted as if it were natural - that he was natural - without giving it a second thought. Why had he ever been nervous? You were exactly as you had always been.

Sans couldn’t focus on anything but the feeling of your fingers wrapped around his. The were so warm and soft, but he could still feel the bones underneath. He wanted so badly to grab your hand and investigate it thoroughly, but he also wanted nothing more than to keep his hand exactly where is was; entwined with yours.

He let himself be dragged along as you led him through the house back to the kitchen. He tried to compose himself. It was one thing if you saw him blush, but something else completely if your sister did.

Apparently your sister got along with Papyrus. That was a good thing. They had done puzzles and games together while you had taken a nap with him.

Sans was in such a daze that he barely registered any of the conversation until he was dragged out of his thoughts by Papyrus.

“BROTHER! YOU’RE BEING RUDE! EAT THE FOOD THAT HUMAN ELI HAS KINDLY MADE FOR YOU!” Oh, he hadn’t been eating.

“ _cheese_ , Paps, I was just admiring it’s beauty.” Papyrus looked torn between telling him off, or praising him for appreciating the fine cuisine.

“You’re right! It looks really _knife_!” You winked.

“YOU DON’T EVEN USE A KNIFE FOR THIS MEAL!” Papyrus screamed.

“aww, _spoon_ ’t you forgive her? I _fork_ ot to tell her.” Sans winked back. The two of you prepared for your next round.

“No puns at the table.” Eli said sternly, cutting you both off.

“Aww, but they’re so cheesy that they’re amazing!” You froze. You hadn’t realized there had been a pun in that sentence until after you had said it. You turned to look at Eli. She was smiling.

“I think somebody needs to cool their head.” She laughed and lunged at you. She threw you over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carried you to the backyard. You had tried to squirm, but her grip was ridiculously strong.She opened the door and stood on the patio. 

“Eli! I promise I didn’t mean it!” You pleaded. She stopped at that, as if contemplating your sincerity.

You looked at the wooden boards making up the deck.

“I was just a bit _board_. I _wooden_ ’t do it again, promise.”

You giggled uncontrollably, and you could see Sans laughing as well.

Then she threw you in the pool.

Worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thanks you guys.
> 
> EDIT: ALTERNATE CHAPTER ENDING inspired by ThatGeekyAsian's comment
> 
> You secured your grip around each wrist and pulled. Hot damn he was heavier than he looked. But that wouldn't stop you!
> 
> Suddenly, there was a loud popping sound and you fell over painfully. You whined.
> 
> "What the hell was..." You were holding Sans' arms. Sans Sans.
> 
> You almost screamed but stopped yourself just in time. This would not be a good time to wake him up. Okay, they had oly popped off at the elbows, right? All you had to do was put them back on! Yeah! Then everything would be fine!
> 
> Desperately, you tried jamming the limp limbs back onto their stubs. You tried so many different ways, but they just wouldn't go back on. Internally, you were screaming.
> 
> You ran into the house. Eli could fix this. Eli could fix anything.
> 
> "Eliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" You wailed as you approached the kitchen. Her head snapped up from her game to see you in tears with two bony arms cradled in your arms.
> 
> "What the FUCK?!" You had never heard her swear with so much conviction before. Hot tears began streaming down your face.
> 
> "Where's the super glue?!" You whined desperately.
> 
> "Where did you get those arms?!"
> 
> "They're Sans'! I don't know what happened! They just fell off!"
> 
> You were crying. Eli looked mortified. Papyrus looked frantic.
> 
> And Sans was still sleeping.


	10. Yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RoxasConan, thanks for all the great ideas! The idea of dragging Toriel into this pie of mush comes from ThatGeekyAsian, though.
> 
> Amanda, I hope this is cute enough to match up to you.
> 
> Lynn, your paragraph of fan squeeing (am I allowed to use these words on my own fanfic?!) was really uplifting during my crappy day at work. Thanks for that. It gave me the energy to write something.
> 
> And YvShan. You, my darling, have put confidence in the shippings I've wanted deep inside my soul.

You were cold and shivering when you got out of the pool. You glared at Eli, and she looked back at you innocently.

“Oh dear, it must’ve been raining particularly hard today for you to become so drenched.” She said with mock concern. “I had better get you some towels.”

“Thanks Eli. Much appreciated.” You say, eyes narrowed and voice dripping with sarcasm.

“HUMAN ___, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?” Aww, Papyrus was concerned about you.

“I’m fine. She’d never do anything that’d actually hurt me.” You thought for a moment. “Actually, do you mind making sure she brings me an appropriate set of clothes, too?” You felt bad making Papyrus go, but Sans would probably get himself thrown into the pool too.

“ANYTHING TO HELP, HUMAN ___! NO TASK IS TOO GREAT FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” He scampered off into the depths of the house, presumably to keep Eli on the straight and narrow.

Sans had that shit eating grin on again. You sighed and gave him an unamused expression. You tried to stare him down, but it was hard with how hard you were shaking. Sans seemed to notice, but not understand.

“ _water_ you-”

“Lame.” You cut him off.

“you didn’t even let me finish, though.”

“C’mon, I know you can do better than that. That’s one of the most overused puns of all time; I expect more from you.” You pursed your lips in disapproval. He sighed, and went silent. He appeared to be thinking.

“ _diving_ k you shouldn’t be shaking like that...care to explain why you are?” He looked triumphant, and was giving you an ‘i-told-you-so’ look. You coughed a laugh. He could make really creative joke when he decided to try.

“I’m just cold, so I’m shivering.” You replied.

“is...it bad?” He was watching you carefully.

“I don’t think so…” You shifted uncomfortably. The dress was now sticking to your skin. A realization hit you. “Hey! Why was I the only one thrown in?!”

“because my sibling is better.” He replied as if were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Let’s not start that, because we both know neither of us are going to concede the ‘having the best sibling’ trophy.” You reeeeeeeeally wanted to argue that Eli was better, but, well, she had just thrown you into a pool. “I should throw you in for being an accomplice!”

“i’d like to see you try.” He challenged. You pouted and grabbed his arm. At least he wasn’t going to run away.

You pulled and pulled and pulled, throwing your entire body weight into it, and he didn’t budge. You moved around him and pushed the back of his ribcage, to no avail. You tried to move him every which way you could imagine, but nothing worked. It was like trying to move a boulder that was half buried.

He was giving you this infuriating grin. Good lord, he was enjoying this!

Then you had an idea. A nasty idea. An idea so awful that it just might work.

You glared at him, and then jumped into the pool. When you surfaced, his face was contorted into a look of confusion, and he had taken a few steps closer to the edge.

You climbed out of the water and ran at him. Before he could dodge, you had wrapped your arms around him in a big hug.

“Got you!” You cried, pressing yourself against him. You made sure you held him long enough to properly soak him, which wasn’t too hard considering how frozen he had become.

You released him when you heard the door slide open. If you hadn’t turned immediately to your sister, you would’ve seen a brilliant blue staining Sans’ face. Eli saw, though, and gave him a devious smile.

“Uwaaaa, it really is cold!” You grumbled as you took the towels from Eli. She gave you a smirk. You gave her a confused smile.

“Your change of clothes is in the powder room. Papyrus has shockingly good taste in clothes.” She informed. “Oh yeah, sorry bud, but we don’t have any spare clothes for you.”

And so you all ate dinner, finally. Sans had what you called your ‘human print’ on him for the entire time. You wondered why he didn’t just take the hoodie off, but it wasn’t your place to question why.

The rest of the evening was uneventful. The conversation was lovely, though, and everything felt so natural. You were sad when they had to leave, but you perked up when they promised to hang out again sometime. Apparently Papyrus also wanted Eli to teach him how to cook. If that meant you would get more delicious meals, you were down for it.

You waved goodbye vigorously as they pulled away in a familiar red sports car.

*

It was only a few days later that you received a text from Sans asking for a favour.

_Sans_  
**hey, hate to be a bother, but i’ve got a pretty big favour to ask**

_____  
**Yes.**

_Sans_  
**what?**

_____  
**Sure to whatever you're asking for.**

_Sans_  
**you haven’t even heard what i’m asking for yet**

_____  
**You can tell me the details later, since I’m kinda at work. But it’s for sure a yes to your favour, you silly skeleton.**

_Sans_  
**well if you’re sure...text me when you’re free**

_Sans_  
**and thanks. really, thank you**

You didn’t respond to his last texts, but that was understandable. You had a job to do. Sans was baffled by your response. He had been prepared to try and convince you, but you had accepted without even asking to what. He looked up from his phone, using a smile to mask his surprise.

“she said ‘sure’, Tori, though she doesn’t have time to listen to the details right now. she might also have to run it past her sister, too."

“Do you hear that, my child?” Toriel turned to Frisk with an overjoyed expression, which the child returned ten-fold. She turned back to Sans. “Would it be alright if I were to have their phone numbers? After you have their permission confirmed, of course.” The elegant goat-woman was beaming.

“i’ll get the specifics across to them, and then have them text you.”

“That sounds wonderful. You have my sincerest thanks.” She paused before adding, “And Frisk’s as well.”

*

Ugh. You were icky and dirty. And it was hot and sunny. Which made you sweaty and sticky. You felt disgusting. Summer was really hitting hard.

You saw Sans’ apartment come up on your right, and a smirk crossed your face. A-fucking-C.

You parked in your usual spot and bounded into the waiting room. You didn’t even have to look to press 402. You waved to Saffron through the glass door, and she bobbed her head in recognition.

“fancy meeting you here.” Ah, it felt just like old times. Or last week. Whichever.

“I know right? What a coincidence!” You threw your hands up in false bravado. “ _Button_ a more serious note, what was the favour you wanted to ask?” Ah, the sweet bliss of AC. The favour could literally be anything at this point, as long as he was letting you bask in this blessed AC. Your pun earned a chuckle.

“ah, you beat me to the first one this conversation. i must be slipping.” He mused playfully. “but, eh, why don’t you come up? it’d probably be easier to talk.”

You stared at the camera blankly.

Oh right, that’s what these buttons were supposed to be for.

“But you never let me in, even that one time when I forgot to clean my room and Eli was hunting me!” You pouted at the memory. He had just watched as you were dragged off by your sister, the traitor!

He was silent for a bit.

“...you’re right...i…” Oh dear. He was probably going to apologise for not letting a stranger into his house.

“You have your AC on, right?” You cut him off.

“uh, yeah…”

“Then that’s good enough for me. Open the door, oh great ivory one.” You gave a deep bow. He snickered at your antics.

“get up here, ya dork.”

And then, a sound you had never heard before resonated through the small room.

The door had opened.

You cautiously pushed it open, the feeling unfamiliar and unnatural.

Saffron stared at you with wide eyes.

“I guess I owe Chris five bucks.” She muttered not quite under her breath. “Girl, did you finally talk your way in?”

“Not...really…” You replied, distracted by the lobby you had never entered before. “He just...invited me up...like...of his own accord.” You looked at her with wide eyes.

“Daaayyymn giiiirl, you good.” She looked you up and down and gave an appreciative smile.

You smiled back at her and headed to the elevators.

“Oh, and you had better not forget to tell me how it goes, you hear?” She called after you.

“Yes ma’am!” You gave her a salute as the doors closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading!
> 
> I always say that, don't I? Well, I mean it every time.


	11. Why Does it Have to be so Damn Hot?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came out late due to _someone_ suggesting a good fanfiction to me *cough cough* RoxasConan.
> 
> LetskeepthisSECRET and sadestheperson, you two conspiring together is just plain evil. I love it.
> 
> Finally, let us all give a warm welcome to YuubiTimberWolf, who has just joined the ranks of...whatever this is supposed to be.
> 
> Love you guys, enjoy your _inexplicably_ late chapter.

You hummed along with the absurdly upbeat elevator music.

The AC in the elevator seemed to be broken, and you groaned. At least you could take off your jacket in Sans’ room and bask in his AC. That was something to look forwards to.

You suddenly wondered why Sans would have the AC on. Could skeletons even feel the heat (and was that racist)? Well, his body heat had seemed lower than a human’s when you had held his hand. His bones had been smooth and cool. You felt a hot blush creep onto your face, but you quickly forced it away. It was hot enough without your face conspiring against you, too. You doubted you were any less red, but it was the thought that counted.

The elevator finally dinged, and you stepped out into a short hallway. You didn’t have to look very hard to find 402, since it was the first one on the even numbers’ side.

You contemplated which knock knock joke to tell. You’d need a good one. Something stupid. Ah, that would work.

You knocked twice.

“who’s there?”

“Nuisance.”

“nuisance who?”

“What’s _nuisance_ you came over to my house the other day?”

“eeeeh, not good enough.” He said despite clearly laughing.

You made a face, but knocked again.

“who’s there?”

“Nuisance.”

“...uh...nuisance who?”

“If you don’t let me in, I’ll go get a _nuisance_ string you up.” You said humourlessly.

“...kid, wouldn’t you, uh, say that’s a bit dark?” He sounded a bit worried.

“Now that you mention it, it kind of is. It was a joke from Eli after all. But, I must admit, you’d make a great halloween decoration.” You muse. “So are you going to let me in, or are you going to let me slowly cook in my clothes until I’m broiled to perfection?” You heard the door unlock and smirked triumphantly as the door was pulled open. “Thank you, my good sir.”

“no rope.” He said sternly.

“No rope.” You confirm. “I’ll use the bed sheets instead.” You gave him an arrogant grin.

He pushed you back a step, then closed the door in your face. You blinked.

“It was a joke! I promise!” You whined. “Don’t leave me out in the heat! I promise I’ll be good!” You thought for a moment. “I'll make you cookies!” He didn’t need to know that your cookies were inedible.

“well, if you're offering cookies...” He opened the door again and beckoned you inside. When you crossed into his apartment, you were hit with a wave of cool air. It wasn’t as powerful as the AC in the waiting room, but it was much better than the hallway.

“I thought you were going to leave me to die!” You whined, wiping imaginary tears off your cheeks.

“you wound me. i would at least have the decency to add seasonings before leaving you out to cook.” He put a hand over his chest in mock offence. You tried to appear disgruntled, but you just couldn’t mask your smile. “anyways, make yourself at home.”

You looked around. It wasn’t overwhelmingly large or small, and seemed in fairly good condition. You placed your helmet on the table next to the door (which had several keys in a bowl), and lined your boots up against the wall. You sighed happily as you shrugged your riding jacket off and hung it up in the closet.

You straightened your undershirt. You never wore real shirts on days like these, and hadn’t really expected to be taking off your jacket. It was decent enough, you supposed, even if it showed off a bit more than what you usually wore. Or a lot more.

“So, I was wondering something.” You wandered to where he was in the central area, set up as a living room. “It might be rude to ask, but do skeletons get hot or cold?” Last time you had tried to sate your curiosity by yourself, it hadn’t gone so well, so you decided just to be straightforward this time.

He stared at you for a moment.

“Sans?”

“yes!” He seemed to be shocked out of some kind of train of thought. “i mean, no. like, i can _feel_ it, mostly, just it doesn’t affect me that much.” His eyes kept wandering. “anything else?”

“Actually, yes! Can I see your hand for a moment?” He held it up with a questioning look on his face. You grabbed it. It was kind of cold. Perfect.

You flopped down on the couch next to him and pressed his hand against your forehead. It felt so nice. You closed your eyes and let yourself enjoy it.

“Other one.” You commanded softly, still not opening your eyes and holding out your hand expectantly. After a few long moments, you felt the boney hand come to rest in yours. You half opened one eye to roll up his sweater’s sleeve, then you draped his arm over your shoulders and against the back of your neck. You hummed contentedly.

“y-you okay there, kid?” He whispered nervously.

“More than okay. You’re amazing, buddy.” You leaned back into his arm and the couch. “Oh, right, you were going to tell me something.” You opened your eyes lazily and looked at him under the mass of small bones you wanted to consider his palm. Or would that be his wrist? You decided not to question it.

“oh, right. uh, well, a friend of mine, Toriel, has this kid named Frisk, and their birthday is coming up. the kid really wants to have a pool party, but, well, you know…” He drifted off. Your confused expression betrayed that you didn’t get at all what he was alluding to. “anyways, Toriel lives in a nice apartment, but it really isn’t big enough for the number of friends the kid has. the rec center wouldn’t let her rent a pool and party room, either.” There was a growl in his voice, so you unconsciously started rubbing the beginnings of his forearm bones connected to the hand across your face.

He gave you a look that you didn’t understand, and blue dusted his cheeks.

“So you want to have their birthday party at my house, because of how big it is and because of the pool.” You finished for him. You were really liking the feeling of his bones.

“pretty much.” Blue droplets started forming on his skull. Was he...sweating? “so, ah, anyways, i know it’s a lot to ask but-”

“Sure. Sounds like fun.” You closed your eyes again. “Eli won’t mind, either, just so you know.” You added as an afterthought. “Mmm, your couch is so comfy. I could just fall asleep.”

“you sound as lazy as me.” He tried to laugh but it sounded strained.

You opened your eyes and gave him a strange look.

“Am not.”

“c'mon, look at how you’re sinking into the couch. it's like you're becoming one with it.”

“...” You opened your mouth to reply, but didn’t really have a comeback. So you just grumbled.

“are you saying it’s _pillow_ you to sleep here?”

“No, it’s just _couch_ ing me off guard.” You muttered as you snickered. Damn. It really was comfortable. You really could nod off.

Lazily, you flopped over and rolled off the couch, landing with a soft thud on the carpet. You heard Sans jump to his feet and you could imagine the worried look on his face.

“what...are you doing?”

“Trying to wake up. It isn’t working.” You groaned. “Hey, you mind if I take a shower? I think I’m going to call Eli to pick me up. She has AC. Surprisingly, my motorcycle does not.”

“well, if you want to…”

“Great. You’re the best.” You pushed up off the ground and stretched. You felt your back crack in several places.

You turned to Sans, who had a very, very, forced smile on. His eye lights were unusually small, and you couldn’t even sense the normal functions of his magic. You gave him a confused look.

Stiffly, he pointed down a hall.

“First door on your left.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you darling people.


	12. Self Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy belated Canada Day! (July 1st)
> 
> Yeah, this came out late because of that and work. Seems I'm always behind for some reason or another, so can anything even count as late?
> 
> And holy crap you guys. All the comments. You guys are too good to me.
> 
> Zany, welcome.
> 
> LetskeepthisSECRET, get better soon.

Sans liked to think of himself as a controlled person. He had always been able to mask his thoughts and emotions using humour, and he was always able to bring his guard up at a moment’s notice.

Except with you.

When you had walked into the living room in what could barely pass as a shirt, he had found himself scrambling to think of something, anything, decent. The thin fabric had hugged your body tightly, revealing every contour of your chest and waist. It had hung low, barely covering the edges of your bra and very little of your cleavage. His magic had gone crazy. His soul had thrummed uncomfortably in his chest. His mind had gone to inappropriate places.

Conversation hadn’t exactly been easier. You had these small movements of yours that he doubted you had noticed, but he sure as hell had. The soft sway of your hips as you thought. The slight lick of your lips as you prepared to ask something you found embarrassing. The half-lidding of your eyes as you contemplated doing something brash. His magic had flared up, and it had taken every ounce of control he had to subdue it.

And then you had pressed him against you.

Just his hand and arm, sure, but you were just so soft and warm. And the way you had sighed!

He had chosen to focus on being angry at the racism against Toriel. At least that had given him an outlet.

And then you had started rubbing his bones. You had rubbed them so softly. Control had become difficult, to say the least. More accurately, it was like trying to keep the titanic afloat with bandaids.

Humour had helped him crawl back into the safety of self-control, but only slightly. You had asked for a shower, and his mind had instantly gone off on a happy adventure of fantasy. His remaining self-control had somehow managed to make a somewhat coherent sentence.

And then you had stretched. Those sounds. They had sounded so wrong, yet so inexplicably enticing. His soul had stopped resonating with his matter for a split second. That was it. He just couldn’t anymore. He was done.

At some point he had managed to direct you to the shower, but he couldn’t quite recall how. Also on autopilot, he had called your sister.

Now he was sitting outside the bathroom door listening. He had intended to go scream into a pillow, or teleport into a forest and destroy said forest, but he couldn’t force himself away. He had given up resisting, and was now listening to you.

He couldn’t keep his eye from flaring up at this point. You moaned. You whimpered. You whined. You made all the sounds he wanted to make you make.

He groaned into his palms.

Why were you making such lewd noises?!

*

Ow. You had been stupid at work and gotten a nasty cut along your side for it. As the hot water had cascaded over the cut, you had groaned in pain while forcing down a yelp so as not to panic your host. It stung as the water beat against the sensitive flesh.

You poked the accompanying bruise on your ribcage. You grit your teeth and whimpered. It was quite painful.

You needed to wash the area, though, so you braved the pain. You let out gasps as the soap seared the barely scabbed wound. Why couldn’t you have just been more aware of your surroundings?

By the end of the shower, you were exhausted and panting. Having fleshy bits sucked.

You checked your clothes, but there was a large blood stain on your undershirt. It was really hard to notice, as the material was black, but you really didn’t want to let the stain set. So, you washed it in the sink. Now you had a wet t-shirt. It had already been revealing enough without having been wet.

Your jeans were unusable for a different reason: their cut. The waist of the pants lay right over top of your injury. While it had been fine while riding, it had been unbearably painful while walking. You weren’t exactly pleased with the notion of having to get into them again.

You looked at the towel and blushed.

Well, it would be better to be embarrassed than to suffer physical pain.

*

Sans instinctively teleported to the living room when the door had cracked open. His magic was being stupidly jumpy.

“S-sans?” You stuttered softly. Oh god that tone was cute. You were always so certain of yourself, but now you sounded so lost and embarrassed.

“in the living room.” He called, not wanting to have to move. He wasn’t sure how well that would go. His soul was still so jumpy and was crackling with magic.

He heard your soft footsteps as you came into the room. He was overly aware of your movements, and he cursed his magic.

And then you actually entered the room.

Your face was flush red from the heat. Your hair was dripping wet, the water droplets caressing your skin. The towel barely covered any of your legs or chest. You looked at him sheepishly and bit your lip.

“Can I-” You began.

His magic crackled and he was in his room. He was panting. There was a heavy pressure in his soul, and it was forcing his magic to manifest.

He took a few deep, shaky breaths. He could do this. Your sister should be here any minute now.

He grabbed a pair of his shorts and a sweater and teleported back into the living room. He really needed to work off some of his magic.

He jammed both at you the instant he appeared. You didn’t seem surprised by his sudden appearance, which would have bothered him if he hadn’t been preoccupied with not destroying the living room.

You took the clothes gratefully, and gave a soul-pounding smile.

“Thanks!” You said cheerily. And you returned to the washroom.

Sans rubbed his face.

It felt like hours before your sister buzzed his apartment. It had only been a few minutes. Most of which you had been preoccupied with cleaning your shirt. Thank god.

He joked with you down to the lobby, where he passed you off to your sister.

Exhausted, he trudged back to the elevator.

“Dat some sweet ass you got yoself there.” Saffron stopped him. She looked him up and down. “I see she worked you hard, boy.”

Sans didn’t have the energy to respond. So he just teleported to his room.

“Mmmhm, I definitely owe Chris $10 now.”

*

Eli looked at you intensely before starting the car.

“The poor guy.” She finally said.

“I knooooooooow.” You groaned as you hid your face in your hands. “His magic was going berserk, and even I could tell...you know...” You trailed off and blushed.

“Well, only you’d be able to tell the state of his magic. Most of us would figure it out from...literally everything else.” She sighed. “You’re evil, ya know?”

“Don’t remind me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you guys.


	13. Bloody Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! I GOT FANART!
> 
> It's about how ___ got injured, and I am officially dubbing it canon for this story.
> 
> Courtesy of LetskeepthisSECRET, here's the link!  
> http://dskirin.tumblr.com/post/146827028237/more-for-rain-rain-go-away-by-toumeikyoudai  
> READ IT!
> 
> And this chapter is sort of a half chapter, prompted to be posted by sadestheperson, so you can thank them for the eventual double update tonight.

When Papyrus got home from work, he was surprised to find Sans not sleeping on the couch. That was his favourite place to doze off! And mid-afternoon was his favourite time! Something was clearly amiss.

“SANS!” He called. “I’M HOME!”

There was no response. Sans usually made some sort of horrible pun.

Clearly, he was home, as his shoes were at the door. Well, unless he had gone out in his slippers again. Papyrus sighed. Hopefully he’d be in his room.

There was blue fire licking under the door, and it was particularly lively today. Usually he only got that way after someone had called him mean names on the street.

Papyrus knocked softly, not out of tentativeness, but rather out of consideration.

“Sans? Are you okay?” There was a sudden sound of something falling (probably his brother) and a hasty shuffle to the door. The lock clicked and Sans stuck his head out.

“oh, hey Paps, didn’t hear you come in.”

“BROTHER! YOU LOOK HORRIBLE!”

“thanks Paps, appreciate it.”

“YOUR ROOM TOO! IT’S A MESS! Well, messier than usual.” He looked more closely. “Sans. Why were you throwing things around?”

“after watching you train with Undyne yesterday, i really felt i should practice my magic more often.”

“I’M SO PROUD BROTHER!” Papyrus picked him up and swung him in a circle. “MY DILIGENCE IS FINALLY RUBBING OFF ON YOU!” He paused. “Next time, though, perhaps you could find a better place to practice than your room.”

“you _bed_ cha! it would be more than al _light_ to take it somewhere else.”

“...” Papyrus stared at Sans. Sans grinned. Papyrus threw Sans like a football. He landed harmlessly on his bed, and bounced twice before falling off the other side. Papyrus could hear snickers coming from the floor.

“COME OUT WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE BEING A DECENT PERSON!” Papyrus slammed the door closed and stormed off.

Irritation wasn’t enough to blind Papyrus to the fact that the bathroom door was open. He sighed, assuming Sans had left the bathroom a mess again.

Inside, there was a folded white towel with a red blotch and a note on it.

**  
Sorry about the blood. I tried to get it out, but it seems I’m as bad at laundry as I am at cooking. I hope you don’t mind.**

**~___ ^.^””  
**

Papyrus screeched and ran to Sans’ room. Sans already had his door open by the time he got there, eye lit.

“SANS! HUMAN ___ HAS BEEN INJURED!” Papyrus had little orange tears forming at the corners of his eyes. He held up the towel and the note. Sans quickly grabbed both and examined them. The handwriting definitely suited you. It was written in big, bubbly letters, and seemed to match perfectly with how you talked. His eyes flicked to the towel. It wasn’t too much blood, at least going by how much Frisk could lose. You would have told him if it was serious, right?

He had finally settled his magic, and now it was becoming all anxious again.

“maybe we should call her.” He tried to keep his tone light.

“GOOD IDEA BROTHER!” Not even a moment had passed before Papyrus had his phone pressed his ear, listening to the rings. Sans took out his phone and sent you a quick text.

*

Your phone was ringing. But you were busy cleaning that dump you called a room as punishment for being a tease. So Eli was staring at you phone as it vibrated across the counter. She was internally debating whether or not to pick it up. It would be a breach of your privacy, she knew that much, but what if it was actually an important call? Or something juicy?

She sighed. She was much too curious to obey her morals.

“Hello?” She greeted.

“HUMAN ___! THE GREAT PAPYRUS WAS DEEPLY WORRIED ABOUT YOU!” Eli immediately held the phone away from her ear and lowered the speaker volume.

“Actually, this is Eli. ___ is cleaning her room.” She thought for a moment. “Why were you worried?”

“THERE WAS SO MUCH BLOOD! THAT’S SUPPOSED TO STAY ON THE INSIDE, RIGHT?!”

“Paps, calm down. She’s fine. A little bleeding isn’t going to kill her. She’s much more difficult to kill than you give her credit for.” They didn’t even know the half of it. Though, this did explain why you were wearing Sans’ clothes.

“ARE YOU CERTAIN SHE’S OKAY, HUMAN ELI?” He sounded so worried. Eli sighed.

“I promise, Papyrus.” She smiled to herself. “And you wouldn't want to insinuate that I'm a liar, would you?”

“Not at all!” He said quietly, yet sternly.

“Then believe me. That blood is from a minor injury. It'll probably be healed by tomorrow.” She sighed. “If you feel better, then can you put Sans on the phone? I know he's probably hovering near you.”

“Yes, human Eli. I'll believe in you.” His tone became a bit brighter. “Here's my brother.”

“is she okay?” Sans said immediately.

“The kitchen, the game room, the dining room, and my bedroom.” Eli stated firmly.

“what…?”

“Her bedroom would be preferable, but those rooms are off limits. Other places will be tolerated, so long as you clean up when you're done. You're a smart boy, so I'm sure you understand what I'm saying.” Then she hung up, leaving a bright blue skeleton listening to a dial tone on the other end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again, you guys, your patronage(?) means a lot to me.
> 
> EDIT: CHECK OUT THE OTHER THING THEY DREW!  
> It's the final scene of this chapter.  
> http://dskirin.tumblr.com/post/146829717352/bloody-hell-rain-rain-go-away


	14. Toriel to be Fake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, I forgot to post this before I went to sleep. Sorry guys.
> 
> I got more fanart from LetskeepthisSECRET!  
> http://dskirin.tumblr.com/post/146834898427/the-last-thing-im-drawing-for-today-ouch-hand  
> http://dskirin.tumblr.com/post/146840302047/last-one-really-bc-saffron  
> http://dskirin.tumblr.com/post/146832005992/sometimes-i-think-i-shouldnt-keep-speculating-on
> 
> Check them out!
> 
> Thank you to everyone that commented and Kudosed. I appreciated it!

_Sans_  
**hey, are you okay?**

_____  
**Yeah, why?**

_Sans_  
**you left a bloody towel in the washroom**

_____  
**Hey! Watch your bloody language!**

_____  
**But seriously, yeah I’m fine. ‘Tis but a flesh wound. Ah...Paps wasn’t too upset about the stain, was he?**

_Sans_  
**the towel isn’t important!**

_____  
**Thank goodness. On another note, is it alright if I don’t give your clothes back?**

_Sans_  
**sure...but why?**

_____  
**Comfy. I suddenly get how you can sleep everywhere.**

_Sans_  
**maybe laziness really is contagious…**

_____  
**Nooooooooooo! I’m not lazy!**

_____  
**Okay, maybe a little lazy.**

_Sans_  
**a lot lazy**

_____  
**Sans!**

_Sans_  
**___!**

_____  
**...you know what? I’m more adult than this. I can act mature. *Clearing throat* My good sir, would you be so good as to tell me more about this Toriel character?**

_Sans_  
**dork**

_Sans_  
**well, she’s a _pretty goat_ mom**

_____  
**Don’t _goat_ making me jealous, boneboy.**

*

It took a bit of coaxing to get Sans to give you Toriel's phone number. He seemed to have fun teasing you. Eventually you managed to convince Papyrus to give it to you, and you were able to talk to Toriel directly. Through several text conversations with her, both you and Eli agreed that having the two of them come over to plan would be better than trying to send it in small paragraphs. Needless to say, Toriel wasn’t the most adept at technology. It was always obvious when Frisk was taking over.

And so you had to help make the house spotless. Again.

At exactly 5 minutes to noon, the chime of your doorbell rang throughout the house. You turned to Eli and held out a fist. She held hers next to yours.

“Rock paper scissors!” You two said in unison. Your scissors lost.

“Hey, they’re friends of your friends, which makes them your friends. Fair is fair.” She shrugged and began pushing you towards the door.

“But you said I was acting racist last time! I hadn’t even noticed!” You whined.

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell you this time.”

“But you didn’t last time!”

“That’s because it was hilarious, so just shut up and answer the door.” She shoved you and you tripped. You regained your balance, but shot her a pouting glare before turning back to the door.

You sighed and opened the door. Holy shit he was right, she was a pretty goat. And everything about her screamed ‘MOTHER’.

“Hi, you must be Toriel.” You greeted. Man, you were getting this politeness shit down. “I’m ___. Why don’t you come inside?” You waved her in and closed the door behind her.

“You are correct, I am indeed Toriel, though you may call me Tori. This is my child Frisk. It’s our pleasure to meet you.” Elegant. Holy shit she was elegant. Oh right, the kid was Frisk. They gave double finger guns. You may like this kid.

“My sister, Eli, has _goat_ to be in the front room.” You froze. It hadn’t even been five minutes dammit! Or one for that matter! You nervously glanced back at her, only to find her trying to muffle a laugh.

“That was a good one! I’m glad to see you, too, enjoy the fine art of puns!” She chuckled.

“BOOOOOOOOO.” Eli called from the other room.

“That’s Eli. She’s a hater.” You dismissed. “She’s probably more help than me, to be perfectly honest.” You led the two of them into the spacious living room, where Eli was sitting with a pot of tea and teacups. She also had a plate of pastries.

“And I have food, so that automatically makes me better.” She paused. “Why don’t you take them on a tour of the main level and the backyard. I doubt anywhere else would be suitable for a party.”

So you did. Because you were a _good_ sister. You were just finishing showing them the backyard when Eli came out and beckoned you in.

“Miss Toriel, shall we discuss more in detail in the front room?” Eli’s elegance matched Toriel’s.

“Of course.” She smiled. “But I must insist, call me Tori.”

“Thank you, Tori. And if you like, ___ can keep Frisk company. Why don’t the two of you ‘test out’ the swimming pool, you know, to see if it’s worthy of your party.” Frisk’s eyes lit up and they bobbed their head eagerly.

Toriel went with your sister, and you were left alone with the kid. You looked at them.

“ _Pool_ like the pool.”

They waved their hands. Ah. Well then. You didn’t know sign language.

“Wanna run that by me again?” You focused on the fluctuations in their magical output. It was so much easier with monsters. The pathetic amounts of magic most people had were hard to pick up on.

_”That was bad.”_ You smirked at that.

“Well, I hadn’t thought it was good. Bad jokes are quite funny, you know.” You chided with superiority. They seemed to pause at this.

_”I see why you and Sans get along now.”_ They looked exasperated. _”Wait, you understand sign language?”_

“Not in the least!” You stated proudly.

_”Then...how?!”_ You could feel their confusion radiating off of them.

“Can I say magic and call it a day?” You asked, knowing full well that this explanation wouldn't fly. They gave you a look. You sighed. And then pushed them into the pool. “No.”

_”Hey!”_ You heard without them signing. Well, not really heard, just understood.

“Hey, don’t blame me, I thought you would be better at dodging than that.” You stuck out your tongue at them. They returned the gesture. Just as they started to swim, you threw off your shoes and socks and jumped in next to them, creating a cascade of water.

_”Oh, it’s on.”_

*

“Really you two, next time you should at least take off your clothes before going for a swim.” Eli looked sick of your shit. You grinned innocently.

“Come now, Frisk, why don’t you go and hop in the car. I have a few things to say to the these two kind ladies.” Burrito Frisk sighed and waddled to the car.

_”Yes mother.”_ You stifled a giggle, and they turned around to give a playful glare before resuming their trek.

“Thank you, for overlooking the fact that I am a monster.” Toriel sighed when Frisk was out of earshot.

“Why would that have to be overlooked?” You quirked an eyebrow. Toriel stared at you as if you had three heads. “What?”

“Nothing, really, just that you truly are a kind person, my child.” She smiled. Your eyes widened.

“What did you call me?” You asked quietly.

“My child?” She repeated uncertainly. She shifted nervously. “I’m deeply sorry if I’ve offended you! I promise not to-”

“No. Thank you. I needed that.” You smiled brilliantly at her, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. “Is it alright if I call you ‘mom’, then?”

“I don’t see why not…” She trailed off. “But don’t you already-”

“No.” Eli cut in with a sternness she hadn’t used in a long time.

“I see.” Toriel looked back at you. “I would be more than happy to be called the mother of such a wonderful kid.” You beamed at her and jumped into her in a hug. She was surprised, but not offended.

“See you next Saturday, mom!” You cried. “You can come over whenever, though!” You nuzzled into her fur.

“Of course, my child.” She hugged you back and patted your head.

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks you guys. I'm gunna go back to bed now.


	15. I've Goat a Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a lot of you were asking about magic, so I bumped the explanation up on my priorities list.
> 
> Pretty boring chapter, but eh, I had fun writing.

Toriel and Frisk arrived early on Saturday to get everything in order. Eli had immediately dragged Toriel into the kitchen, where they were going to town. Of course, you managed to get a few puns and hugs in, but Eli was efficient in her goatnapping. Even so, you couldn’t deny how much you wanted to try some of the things you caught glimpses of them making. Toriel promised to catch up later, so you supposed it would be alright for now. Mom could have time for you later. At least she recognized your existence. That alone made you euphoric.

The two of them being preoccupied left you alone with Frisk. Well, not really. There was also a flower. It had a face. And seemed to be chronically pissed off.

_”This is my friend.”_ They moved their hands as well, even though they should’ve known by then that you understood none of it.

“Oh, I’m delighted to meet your friend. What’s your name, Mr. Flower?” You waved, unsure how you would shake his hand as a greeting.

“Are you stupid or something? They just signed it to you.” He spat venomously.

“I don’t understand sign language.” You elaborated cheerfully, unfazed by the insults.

_”But you understand what I’m saying anyways.”_ Ah, they were signing for the flower’s sake. That made sense, you supposed.

“Kind of.” You brushed off. You looked at the flower expectantly. He glared. You smiled.

“Flowey. Flowey the flower.” He said in a pretend cheerful voice. “And you really are an oddball, aren’t’cha? I mean, you’re a well off human doing a favour for a bunch of monsters. You must really feel like a good person, don’t’cha? You make yourself feel _good_ by helping them, but-”

_”Flowey!”_ Frisk sprayed him with a spray bottle. _”Bad Flowey! No psychologically tormenting Sans’ girlfriend!”_

“Eh…? Did I understand that wrong?” You muttered. “Frisk, buddy, can you repeat that last part there?”

_”You are Sans’ girlfriend, aren’t you?”_ Nope. You had felt that right. They were projecting it so clearly that there was no misinterpreting that.

“Aww, the smiley trashbag found a manipulative bitch to treat him as a charity case. So _sweet_. I can hardly wait for it to fall apart.” That was a sadistic smile alright. Creepy.

“Sorry guys, I’m not his girlfriend.” You waved your hand dismissively. “And they aren’t charity cases. I just like them. What does...uh...monsterism?...have to do with anything?” You were legitimately asking.

“You’re just saying that so-GYAH! Would you stop that Frisk?!”

_”Would you object to being his girlfriend?”_ They wiggled their eyebrows. Their hands didn’t move this time, and their projections were getting more and more clear. Nobody had ever tried so deliberately to get their meaning across using only their residual soul magic before, so you hadn’t realized how accurate it could be.

You thought for a moment.

“I hadn’t really thought about that.” You admitted. “I wouldn’t be against it, I guess.” You shrugged.

“Necroph- **KSSSSSSSSSSS**!” He hissed at Frisk shushing him with their hands.

You felt a wave signalling the beginning of their ‘speech’ coming on, but it ceased immediately when Toriel called through the window.

“Frisk, my child, would you mind helping Alphys unload the decorations from the truck? Apparently Undyne is running late.” You didn’t recognize the name, but apparently Frisk did. They held two thumbs up towards the window then bounded off, forgetting you with the flower.

You looked at him. He sneered at you.

“So, Flowey, what do you like to do in your free time?” You tried to start a conversation.

“Not fuck skeletons. Unlike you, sicko.”

“Swear jar.” You didn’t even bat an eye at the insult, though you recognized it.

“What?” He hissed.

“You owe $1 to the swear jar. Don’t worry, you can pay your fines later if it’s more convenient.”

“I see. You’re just a pathetic excuse for a human being that’s too ignorant of the world to understand how it _really_ is.” His grin was unsettling. “Don’t worry, your new friend Flowey will teach you.”

He tried to pull out your soul. But it refused. You gave him a look.

“C’mon, don’t try to initiate a fight now. It’s Frisk’s birthday party.” You chided him.

“Bitch.” He growled. Then stopped. “Wait, how do you know about fights? What’s your LOVE?”

“You mean my Level Of ViolencE? One. Why?”

Flowey stared at you, dumbfounded.

“You’re an interesting one.” He finally said. “So you were using magic to understand Frisk.”

“What? No. I can’t use magic.” You scoffed. “I just have such a low capacity for magic that I can feel the flow of other people’s.”

“...That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Okay. You know how your house smells ‘normal’, right?”

“I’m a flower.”

“Oh, crap, that’s right.”

“Ha! Swear jar!”

“...Petty…”

“Whatever, I still get what you mean, though.”

“Great, okay, so suppose that ‘you’ smell isn’t your smell, but rather the normal discharge of excess magic. Continuing with the metaphor, you only notice if a really powerful smell comes along and disturbs the ‘natural’ smell of your house, right? Well, that’s how people normally sense magic; right as it’s being manifested, like the powerful smell. You with me?” You looked at the flower. He nodded, so you continued. “Most humans can’t manifest magic, because the resonances between human bodies and their souls are weak, but the magic is still there. So they each have their own ‘smell’. Now imagine the room itself doesn’t have a scent at all.”

“...Any small fluctuation would be noticed…” He was rubbing his chin(?) with one of his leaves.

“Exactly. My magical capacity is the lowest it can be without actually being dead.” You scratched the back of your head. “While monsters generally don’t let their magic respond to their emotions because they’re so aware of it, humans release it by the bucket load without giving it a second thought.”

“Since they can’t manifest it.” He clarified for himself. You nodded.

“The released magic still changes depending upon the emotions of a person. The more focused it is, the easier it is to understand.”

“So, you’re not really listening to what the kid is saying, but rather sensing their intent and then guessing the exact nature of the sentence based upon the situation.”

“Exactly.” You nodded your head triumphantly. “They’re actually one of the few people I can get coherent sentences from. Their magic is powerful, and their intent is always clear and specific.”

“You’re a freak.”

“Thanks Flowey, I try.”

The two of you stood in silence. You really wanted something to drink. Explaining magic was boring as all hell. Talking about Eli’s might’ve been fun, though.

“...One last question.” He caught your attention again.

“Yeah?”

“How high is your HP?”

“You mean my HoPe?”

“No, your other HP. Of course your HoPe, idiot.”

“Well, I’ve always been naturally optimistic...so it’s pretty high…”

“Just tell me the number.” He hissed.

“9 250.” You blushed and rubbed the back of your head.

Flowey stared at you blankly.

“You’ve gotta be shittin’ me.”

“Swear jar.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for putting up with this.


	16. Overprotective Sisters and Girlfriends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you in part by RoxasConan, who left a comment requesting this scene. Sorry for how long it took me to implement.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to keep writing. Your comments kept me motivated.
> 
> KajiMei, thanks for asking about Eli's stats. I'm sure this'll give you an idea.

You and Flowey continued your lovely conversation, though on a different topic. Flowey had $56 in swear jar debt by the time Frisk got back.

_”I hope he wasn’t too mean to you…”_ They didn’t sign.

“What? Nah, we’re best friends now-”

“No we’re not!” Flowey cut in.

“-and he’s really good at friendly teasing-”

“It’s not friendly if I actually want you to go die!”

“-so everything’s going great!” You gave them a big thumbs up. They looked between you and the flower skeptically.

_”...if you say so…”_ Their eyes suddenly lit up. _”Oh yeah! One of my friends is here! You’ve already met their girlfriend, too!”_

“Okay, is this about the Alphys mom mentioned?” You tried to fill in the bits you knew you were missing.

Frisk’s magic crashed almost painfully into you.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” You laughed.

_”She’s coming to help decorate the backyard.”_ As if on cue, a little yellow dinosaur staggered out of the house carrying a bunch of balloons.

“Alphys?” You pointed. Frisk nodded. You nodded back. “Alphys. Okay, I’ll go greet her, you take the flower and help get more decorations.”

“Why do I have to help?” Flowey whined loudly.

_“Because you’ll be the centerpiece if you don’t.”_ Frisk threatened, signing aggressively. Flowey grumbled, but let Frisk pick him up without a fight.

You gave Flowey a kind hearted pat (he tried to bite you, but what else are friends for?), then walked over to the nervous dinosaur. She looked like she felt out of place. You would fix that.

“Hey, Alphys, right?” You held out your hand to her. “I’m ___! I’m so happy to finally meet you!” She looked at you nervously, then tentatively shook your outstretched hand. You shook softly.

“Y-y-yeah, I-I’m Alphys. N-n-n-n-n-nice to m-meet you.” She glanced away. Oh dear, was she ashamed of her butchered self-introduction? That simply wouldn’t do.

“I’m so happy you came! Frisk was overjoyed when she heard you made it.” You stated honestly. Frisk really had been. “It made me curious as to who this ‘Alphys’ character was. Now I know!”

“Y-y-yeah, s-sorry to disa-a-appoint…”

“Disappoint? I couldn’t’ve imagined anyone cuter!” You pulled her into a hug.

“C-c-c-c-c-c-cute?!” You could vaguely feel her embarrassment.

“Yup! You’re adorable!”

“Who you callin’ adorable, punk.” A familiar voice growled behind you.

“Alphys.” You answered honestly.

“STOP FLIRTING WITH MY GIRLFRIEND!” You were pulled off of Alphys by your collar, and, without a moment’s hesitation, thrown.

You flew through the air and landed in the pool with a satisfying splash.

“Undyne! She’s our host!” Alphys didn’t stutter.

“...Oh.” Undyne froze. “...Oops?” She smiled nervously. Alphys began shifting uncomfortably.

“Oh. My. God.” You surfaced, your nice clothes now soaking wet. You dragged yourself out of the pool in record time and dashed towards your assailant. “AGAIN! AGAIN! THAT WAS AMAZING! AGAIN!” You bounced around in front of her, not paying attention to her confusion.

“...I thought you were weird before. Now I know you’ve really gone off the deep end.” She rubbed her temples.

You stopped bouncing and began laughing.

“You love puns, too!” You sputtered.

“What?!” She snarled.

“Heh...hee hee.” Alphys snorted upon realization. “Deep end.”

“IT WASN’T ON PURPOSE YOU NERD!” And she grabbed you again, though this time her unbridled fury sent you a bit far.

You flew past the pool and into the garden. More specifically, into the rosebush. A thousand tiny needles attacked your skin.

“Owwie...could you throw me into the pool next time?” You whined. You tried to wiggle out of the bush, but you only sank deeper into it. “...help?” You whimpered.

“Of c-c-c-c-course!” Alphys was mortified. “I’msososososoosososososososososososorry.” She sputtered, tripping over all the ‘so’s.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” You looked to Undyne who was very carefully coming towards you, as if expecting you to be mad. “And see! I told you your biceps were amazing! Look how far you threw me! You’re so cool!” If your pupils could’ve become stars, they would have. You paused. “Just, ah, help me out? Eli would kill me if she knew I was destroying her garden again…”

“ _That’s_ what you’re worried about?!”

“Uh, yeah. Eli is scary when she’s pissed off.” You grimaced.

“You’re really weird, you know that?” Undyne sighed, and the two monsters began trying to pull you out of the bush. You got a bunch of small scratches all over your exposed skin, but they weren’t deep and barely bled. Your hair, though, was tangled around a particularly stubborn branch.

“GAH! IT’S IMPOSSIBLE!” Undyne gave up.

“S-s-s-sorry, w-w-we can’t-t-t untangle it-t.” Alphys concluded. You sighed.

“I’ll deal with Eli later. Undyne.” Her head snapped to attention. “Cut the branch.” She nodded and manifested a spear. “Oh, yeah, try your best not to cut my hair. I don’t really want to go to the barber’s. It’s too noisy at the mall there.”

“Got it.” She muttered. She was focused. In a single, powerful swing, she cut the branch. And only the branch. The rest of the rosebush was left untouched, and not a single strand of your hair had been caught. You gave her a look of admiration.

“Wow, you’re amazing.” You breathed. She grinned.

“A-a-are you okay?!” Alphys cut in before Undyne had a chance to speak. “There’s so much blood!”

“What?” You looked down at yourself. You looked like you were covered in light red blood. “Oh, haha, no. The cuts only bled a little. It’s fine. I was just covered in water, so the blood made the water turn red.” You explained with a smile. The couple visibly relaxed.

Suddenly, the air filled with a murderous aura.

“I welcome you into my house.” Ah. Oh Shit. “And you attack my sister? You coat her in her own blood? Cause her pain where she should feel safe?” Magic crackled in the air.

Undyne turned. Eli was standing on the porch. Around her, floating swords were being manifested.

“You’ve pointed your spear at my sister for long enough.” He voice gave no room for negotiation. “Now, **I W I L L E N D Y O U**.”

Eli’s soul drifted out of her body, and she dragged Undyne into a FIGHT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	17. FITE ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gots more fanart! This time from Sansational. It's of how reader and Sans got to know each other.  
> http://orig07.deviantart.net/95ec/f/2016/186/7/0/image_by_sansati0nal-da8w5i3.jpg
> 
> Anyways, you guys are really diligent in your comments. I loved every one, but there are too many good ones to mention them all here. Sorry guys. I love you <3.
> 
> Glad you guys like swords.
> 
> Anyways, it's a bit short, but here ya go.

A single sword began the battle. Crackling with magic, it flew through the place Undyne had been, resembling a warning shot. It would have been, too, if not for the clear killing intent.

Undyne might have understood that it would be easier to explain the situation, but…

She was strong, and Undyne couldn’t back down from the challenge. Why they were fighting didn't matter, she just needed to fight this person.

Undyne smirked. She couldn’t hold back a laugh. She launched a spear at Eli's head, which she effortlessly dodged.

And then the introductions were through, and they got serious.

In that moment, they only had eyes for each other. There was no world outside them. They were the only two that existed.

“Fine then. If it’s a fight you want, it’s a fight you’ll get!” Undyne bellowed. She called to her magic, and woke it from it’s slumber. It did not resist. She wouldn’t be holding back.

Eli’s soul turned green, to which she made a displeased face. The crackle of magic alerted her that the attack was coming. She summoned two swords and grabbed them just in time to cut down the barrage of spears. They came at random from all direction, sometimes changing their path, and sometimes not. Inside the circle her soul had been tethered to, she danced freely. Endlessly cutting, she made the minimum possible movements. She struck each spear, demolishing the magic.

She felt the tether dissipating. The moment the spell broke, she was running. She closed the distance between herself and Undyne in only a few moments, and swung with the utmost grace. Her movements were second nature.

Undyne dodged, but not easily. The moment she was off balance, Eli would strike again. She jumped back and summoned a wall of spears. She created another in her hands. If it was melee she wanted, it would be melee she would get.

Swords appeared in the sky, and spears met them before their target. Undyne lunged forwards. Startled, Eli twisted back and away. Undyne quickly slashed down at her off balance foe. Eli contorted her body and met the spear with an upwards swing. She jumped back a few steps before quickly closing back in again. Spears struck swords, and swords struck spears. The barrages of their projectile forms crashed endlessly into each other, just as their held weapons did.

Blow for blow, they matched each other perfectly. As if they were dancing, the two moved around each other without error. Any mistake would be exploited.

Any mistake would spell death.

The two broke away from each other once more, weapons repelling one another. They both readied their stances and charged for the next blow.

Until they were both knocked back by fireballs.

Into the pool.

You came to the realization that you should probably get a fence to go around it or something.

Oh well, it wasn’t something that could be fixed at the moment.

Undyne and Eli surfaced at the same time, and immediately turned on each other again. Just as they were about to manifest their magics, a domineering shadow appeared above them.

They both looked up to see a pissed off goat staring them down.

“I am greatly disappointed in you two.” She said sternly.

They both shrank away.

“What do you have to say for yourselves?!” Toriel demanded.

“She started it!” They said in unison, and pointed to each other.

“I don’t care who started it. I’m ending it.” She glared down at them. “Now, I expect the two of you to be on your best behaviour for the rest of the evening.”

They opened their mouths to say something, but Toriel cut them off.

“I’m not finished. We are here for Frisk today. Do you understand?”

They both nodded.

“Use your words. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Tori.”

“Good. Now, get out of the pool and get changed. Eli, give a set of clothes to Undyne-”

“But-”

“No ‘but’s. I expect you both changed and back here in the next 10 minutes, do you hear me?”

They both nodded vigorously.

“Good. Your punishments will be assigned when you return. Now go.” She growled with finality.

You had never seen two grown women run away so quickly.

Toriel sighed as she watched them flee.

“You really do have a strong mom aura.” You said from behind her. She jumped a little, but turned back to you with her usual demeanor.

“But it was your idea, my child.” She laughed a little.

“It’s about time somebody else experienced the joys of being flung by a fireball.” Flowey growled. She gave an apologetic look, and you wondered about the history there. You decided to pet him. He grumbled, but resigned himself to your touch.

Toriel turned back to you.

“And what do you suppose their punishments should be, my child? I am unaccustomed to this method of...discipline?” She gave a sheepish look.

“Don’t worry, Alphys and I will take care of that.” You grinned and turned to Alphys. She gave you a determined smile.

Oh, this was going to be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 don't hurt me


	18. Friendship Stick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rhett, you both inspired the ending of this chapter and predicted it later. Good job, man.
> 
> Thanks for all the comments. I woke up in the morning and immediately ran into my sister's room to show her how popular I am. She threw a pillow at me and went back to sleep. I consider that a success. Thanks you guys!
> 
> Well, I'll just let you guys get on with the chapter...haha...

You, Alphys, and Frisk were waiting when Eli and Undyne returned. They were bickering already.

“I mean, why’d it have to be pink?! I saw you had a bunch of other ones!” Undyne growled. “At least I treat my guests with respect when I invite them to _my_ home!”

“Ara, I just thought you’d _like_ to look good. I suppose there’s no helping a fashion disaster.” Eli countered with a superior voice.

“It takes one to know one.” She rolled her eyes. “Look at it. It’s stupid and frilly!”

“Yes, I suppose it’s cuteness doesn’t match that atrocity you call a personality.”

“You want to go, punk?!”

“I was just thinking the same thing.”

_**BANG** _

They magic crackling between them was cut short by Frisk popping a balloon. You and Alphys had covered your ears. The two bickering women jumped back a step, and then glared at the child.

You stood up and clapped your hands to get their attention.

“Okay, Tori is preoccupied with the party preparations you guys so rudely interrupted, so the three of us will ensure you are both lectured and punished properly.” They looked ready to object. “Any complaints should be taken up with mama goat. Though, I should mention that she isn't in a good mood at the moment. For some reason.” They both shrunk back a bit. “Okay, so let’s start with a lecture from Alphy.” You and Frisk stepped back a bit and gave a welcoming applause to the dinosaur.

“I hope I can do this right…” She whispered to herself before continuing in a stern and steady voice. “Undyne, I can’t believe how you acted today! We were invited over for Frisk’s birthday, and you decide to pick a fight with our host?!”

“But she started it!” Undyne whimpered.

“Says the person who was holding a spear over my sister.” Eli scoffed.

“Oh, I’m the bad guy here?! I was _helping_ her!”

“Says the person who threw her there.”

“DID I ASK FOR YOUR OPINION?!” Alphys reared on Eli.

“N-no.” She stuttered.

“Then shut your trap and wait your turn.”

“Y-yes ma’am.”

“Good.” Alphys turned back to Undyne. “Did you consider explaining to Eli what had happened?!”

“Y-y-yes.” Undyne looked ashamed.

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Because she was really strong and was challenging me...and I wanted to go all out...you know how it’s been on the surface...no fighting at all…” Undyne was twiddling her fingers nervously.

“Do you know what you did wrong?” Alphys’ voice softened.

“Yes...I thought only about what I wanted to do and not at all about what was best…”

“It seems like you understand then.” Alphys was losing steam. “I l-love you, so p-please try to think things through a b-bit more, o-okay?” She patted Undyne on the head and ran her fingers through her hair. Undyne was blushing.

“Anything for you, sweetheart.” She hugged Alphys around her waist. “And damn that was hot. I never thought you’d be able to take charge like that. Maybe you could-”

_**BANG** _

The two love nerds popped away from each other immediately.

_”No kink talks at my party.”_ Frisk signed with a glare. The two monsters blushed and nodded. Frisk looked back at you, and you nodded.

“I guess it’s my turn to tell you off Eli.” You stood in front of her and grinned.

“Just know it isn’t going to end with a sexual revelation.” She gave you a sassy look. You gave her an incredulous look.

“Eli, you just fought a fish.”

“...a fish…?” Undyne cut in.

“A fish.” Eli snapped.

“...a fish…” Alphys muttered.

_”A monster fish!”_ Frisk clarified.

“Ah. A fish.” Undyne resigned herself.

“Glad we had this talk.” You stated proudly.

“God, I just realized how stupid that was.” Eli whimpered as she rubbed her face.

“Yup.” You agreed. “You attacked a fish because I was stuck in a rosebush.”

“I’m an idiot.”

“Yes, and I love you for it.”

_”That’s how you’re lecturing her?!”_ Frisk looked confused.

“Well, she’s much better at beating herself up than I am. My AT is 0.” You thought for a moment. You looked at the rosebush branch in your hand. “Actually, it’s probably more like 0(2) or something.” You looked at the branch, then at Eli, and back to the branch. You smiled.

“Don’t.” She warned.

You bopped her on the head with the rose branch. Her hair became tangled on one end of the stick. Before anybody could react, you quickly tangled the other end in Undyne’s ponytail.

Immediately, the two tried to pull away from each other.

“OW!” They yelled in unison. They turned back to each other and glared. They began bickering about whose fault it was that they both felt the pain, but you were to busy marvelling at your work. You were a genius.

“I’m going to call it the friendship stick.” You smiled and crossed your arms proudly. Four sets of eyes looked at you with disbelief. Two looked like they were about to murder you.

“Hey, swords-for-brains, as much as I hate you, I think I hate your sister a bit more at the moment.”

“Agreed, Rainbow Fish.”

“You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yup. Don’t worry about holding back, either. She can take it.”

“Nope. No. Holding back is a good idea.” You cut in, feeling the aggression radiating off of them. Their magic disagreed with your proposition.

And so you ran while being chased by a fish and a sister tied together by a rosebush branch while being attacked by magical spears and swords.

What has your life come to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It appears punishments will have to wait a bit...


	19. Right Between the Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadestheperson, I'm setting up for your prompt. Sorry it took so long.
> 
> SkikdiSkies pointed out that getting thrown into a pool seems to be becoming a running gag. Yes. Yes it will. I hadn't really recognized that. Thanks man.
> 
> YuubiTimberwolf, you're not helping me write fluff. RoxasConan, thanks for keeping me on the straight and narrow.
> 
> And finally, we can all thank KajiMei for helping me out with ___'s stats. Thanks for all your help!

You sucked at dodging. You got hit more if you tried to dodge than when you didn’t, so you gave up on that pretty quickly.

Okay, sure you had a lot of HP, but your DF was still only 3. Which meant the attacks still hurt. A lot. You didn’t like pain.

Like you had thought before, Undyne’s spears had more power behind them than Eli’s swords. Well, Eli had higher speed than AT, if only slightly. It was probably the reverse for Undyne.

But now was not the time for suppositions. You really had been beaten up too many times if your life had been reduced to preferring swords because they hurt less.

You rounded the garage and made a mad dash for the front. Maybe you could find somebody to hide behind.

You hadn’t expected someone to be pulling into the driveway, though. Fortunately, you managed to do an epic dive out of the way. And by epic, you meant you jumped sideways, tripped, and faceplanted into the pavement. You liked to think you did so gracefully.

“HUMAN ___! HAVE WE KILLED YOU?!” A worried skeleton appeared above you. “I DID NOT MEAN TO HIT YOU! PLEASE DON’T DIE!”

“I’m good.” You rolled onto your back. You were going to have bruises for sure. You forced yourself to sit up. It was annoying to do so with all of the humming weapons lodged in your body.

You managed to force yourself up. Sans was staring at you. Well, you couldn’t really tell if he was, because his eye sockets were devoid of his usual eye lights.

“Oh, hey Sans. Glad you could make it early to help out!” You greeted with your usual chipper attitude.

“who did this and where can i find them?” He growled in a low voice. Anger and murderous intent radiated off of him. You tilted your head in confusion.

“Ooooooooh!” You realized. “These?” You pointed to the magical spears and swords, and he nodded. “Don’t worry about it.” Something told you that it wouldn’t be a good idea to point to the two beautiful ladies peeking around the garage with guilty faces. It was probably the murderous intent.

Suddenly a blue aura surrounded you and all the weapons were removed from your body. They shattered, indicating a stronger magic was at play.

“i have a good idea who the first is.” He muttered under his breath, and he allowed his eye to catch aflame. He looked directly at the fish peering out from behind the garage and lifted his hand towards her. “and she will be having a **very bad ti** -” You suddenly grabbed his head and turned him to face you again. You gave a quick peck between his eye sockets and smiled warmly at him.

“You silly skelly. I told you not to worry about it.” You winked. “Besides, if you attacked them, I’m sure Frisk would include you in our punishments for those two trouble makers.”

He was bright blue, and his magic was a symphony of incoherent emotions.

“Oh right!” You suddenly remembered. “We have punishments to attend to!” You immediately dashed back around the house, waving goodbye to the skeleton brothers as you left. You grabbed Eli’s hand and dragged the two stunned aggressors back to the backyard.

*

“BROTHER? ARE YOU OKAY?” Papyrus waved his hand in front of his unresponsive brother. “I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE SAYING THIS...BUT...do you need to lie down?”

“what? oh. uh. sure.” He snapped back to reality vaguely aware that his brother had asked him something. He could still feel your warm, soft lips against his bones. It had felt to nice. Too nice.

Good god, why was he thinking these things at a child’s birthday party?!

“Sans. Are you okay?” Papyrus whispered in an oddly normal voice.

“uh...yeah bro. i’m good.”

“But you haven’t made a single pun since human ___ did...umm...what did she do exactly…?” When Sans didn’t answer, he pressed further. “Brother. What did human ___’s actions mean?”

“it was just...a way for her to show...that our level of friendship had increased! yeah. we’re such good friends now!” Sans laughed nervously.

“...If you say so brother…” Papyrus looked at him with skeptically.

“we should go inside! Tori will be needing your help in the kitchen after all!”

“I ALMOST FORGOT, DEAR BROTHER! SHE MUST BE FUMBLING AROUND IN UNCERTAINTY WITHOUT ME!” And he dashed off into the house, leaving Sans to his thoughts.

What had that meant?! Were you just trying to calm him down?! Were you flirting?! But you had done it so nonchalantly! Had it meant anything to you?!

The more he thought about it, the more restless he became.

How could you make him lose control so easily?

His magic had always been strong, but he had always had complete control over it. Even if he was angry, he didn’t mess up in battle. Even if he was frustrated, his magic never lashed out. Even if he was tired, his magic never lost him in the void.

Even though he was depressed, he never fell down. His magic never lost that battle.

And yet, when you smiled, all hell broke loose. When you had appeared drenched in rain that day, he could have never guessed how important you would become to him.

And then you had appeared before him with a bunch of magical attacks lodged in your body. And he had become so angry. Without thinking, he had been prepared to attack Undyne with his full power.

And then you had stopped him just as effortlessly as you smiled.

Sans sighed. Why did it feel so… _right_ to be with you?

*

“Do we really have to?” Undyne grumbled.

“D-don’t forget-t the other r-r-rule!” Alphys chided.

“Really? Ugh. Fine.” Undyne sighed. “Do we really have to, nyan~?” She spoke in as high a voice as she could, and with an undertone of anime.

“I-i-i-i-i-it’s perfect!” Alphys squealed.

*

“___. This is stupid.” Eli muttered.

“Oh, come on. Undyne can swallow her pride to do it. And don’t forget your manners!” You snickered.

“Whatever.” She cleared her throat. “Master ___, if I may, this manner of discipline expresses itself to be of the utmost-...you know what? No. This is stupid.”

“And here I thought you were better than Undyne...I guess I should go admit to Alphy that she was right.” You turned to leave, but you were grabbed by the shoulder.

“Fine. I’ll do it." She paused. "It’s still stupid, though.”

“Fair enough. Oh, don’t forget this!”

“...Really?”

“Yup.”

“...Ugh, fine.”

“C’mon, you know you love it.”

“C’mon, you know you’re an idiot.”

“Touche.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	20. Cake and Cosplay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason or another, people have been questioning if I'm real. I swear I am. Promise.
> 
> Also, this completes my prompt from sadestheperson, so you can thank them for any Eli/Paps shippyness.
> 
> Greyscales, this wouldn't've been completed so quickly without the feels-trip you sent me on this morning. So thanks for that.

The two naughty children were ushered downstairs. When pushed into the kitchen, Toriel took one look at them and burst into laughter.

“I would have never thought of that, my children.” She choked out.

“Your punishment would have _maid_ for a boring evening!” You gave Toriel finger guns and she burst into laughter. Just as she was controlling herself, Frisk chimed in.

_”_ Maid _be. Mom can_ maid _in some pretty good pranks when she wants to!”_ Toriel broke down into laughter again, and this time you joined her.

“Would you two cut it out?” Eli said with clear irritation. “No puns in the kitchen.” She stood in maid cosplay with cat ears and a tail.

“Punk! You forgot your ‘nyan’s!” Undyne jeered. Her outfit was similar, but had more frills and the skirt was shorter on her (it wasn’t really shorter, Undyne was just taller).

“Those are embarrassing!” Eli protested, blushing at the thought.

“How can that be any more embarrassing than these clothes?!”

“The clothes are cute at least!”

“No, it’s demeaning! I feel so fragile and weak!”

“And ‘nyan’ing doesn’t hurt your pride at all?!”

“Ladies, please. No need to fight _over_ me. I love you both equally.” You pretended to be bashful. You were standing between the two taller ladies. It took Toriel a moment, but when you winked at her, she just lost it.

“Eh heh that was a g-good one!” Alphys approved.

“Man, I am on my A game today.” You took a triumphant pose. “But my puns aren’t the most important thing here. More important is the punishment. Finish your sentences with ‘nyan’ and serve all party-goers with the utmost respect!”

“I see. So they’re basically assistants to help control the kids…” Toriel held a paw to her chin. “So, you humiliate them and make the party easier for everybody else at the same time. I do believe ‘brilliant’ is an appropriate word.” She smiled with sincerity. “Okay, Undyne, people should be arriving soon. I’ve directed them to park at the park just across the street - who knows how many parents will want to stay and socialize - so would you please go greet them and direct them back here?”

“I have to go out in public like this?!” Undyne whined.

“Alphys, would you be a dear and go with her? Please make sure that she follows through with her punishment.” Toriel continued. Alphys nodded and started pulling at the blushing fish monster.

“What?! No! I’m not going out in public like this!”

“Maybe you should've thought of that before you attempted to skewer our host.” Toriel chuckled with a smile. “Oh, and do follow the rules of your punishment. You wouldn’t want me to take your discipline into my own hands, now would you?” There was a malicious aura radiating off of Toriel. Undyne shrunk back a bit. “That’s what I thought. Now move along.”

Undyne picked up Alphys and dashed out of the house.

“Now, Eli, would you mind helping to bring out the treat platters?” At Toriel’s words, Eli nodded vigorously. “Good, good. If you would, please bring these out to the skeleton brothers. They’ve been working so hard - well, one of them at least - while the rest of you have been otherwise preoccupied.” She handed Eli a tray with lemonade and cookies. “And don’t forget your punishment. A true lady accepts the outcomes of her actions.” Eli looked away with a blush.

“I understand…” Her blush deeped. “...nyan~.”

“Make me proud.” Toriel patted her on the head. In that moment, Eli understood why you had felt that way about Toriel. Tears gathered at the edges of her eyes. This is what mothers were supposed to be like.

“My child! Are you alright?!”

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Eli quickly wiped the tears away and smiled. “I’ll make you proud Tor- I mean, mom.” Her smile was heartfelt. Toriel was about to say something, but Eli dashed out of the room before she could utter the first word.

“Don’t worry about it, mom.” You said to her in a somber tone.

“But…” Toriel thought for a moment. “What happened to you children?” Worry was clear in her voice.

“Don’t worry about it.” You repeated. “It’s easier that way.”

*

“HUMAN ELI! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS PROUD TO INFORM YOU-are those cookies?” His eyes lit up immediately. Eli nodded, blush still evident on her face. “WOWIE! AND YOU DELIVERED THEM TO US YOURSELF! AND IN SUCH A CUTE OUTFIT! OUR FRIENDSHIP LEVEL MUST BE SKYROCKETING!”

Eli’s blush returned full force, and she found herself unable to reply.

“I ALMOST FORGOT!” Papyrus carefully took the platter of food and placed it on the patio table. He then picked Eli up and swung her around. “TO COMMEMORATE OUR GROWING FRIENDSHIP!” Papyrus pulled her in and rubbed his teeth against her forehead gently.

It took Eli a moment to realize that it was a skeleton kiss. When she did, though, her eyes widened, her entire face heated up and became a deep red, and her brain stopped making coherent thoughts.

“Human Eli? Are you alright? I didn’t break you, did I?” The guilt seeping into his voice was too sweet for Eli to ignore.

“No Paps. I’m fine.” She took a deep breath to steady her heart. “...nayn~.”

“WOWIE! YOU MAKE SOME REALLY CUTE NOISES!”

And her heart was sent back into a frenzy.

*

“I understand. No, it’s no problem. Yes, I’ll come pick it up. Thank you. You have a nice day as well, goodbye.” Toriel handed her phone to Frisk to hang up.

“What was that about?” You leaned on the counter, trying to resist the pastries before you.

“Well, my confidence in making cakes is pretty low, my child, so I decided to order one from this delicious bakery. It was supposed to be delivered in the next hour, but, well, their delivery truck has to be taken in for repairs.” She sighed. “I really hope I can get there and back quickly.” She began taking off her apron.

“Don’t worry about it mom. I can go get it.” You smiled. “I can take Eli’s Fiat.”

“Are you sure, my child? I wouldn’t want to impose…”

“It’s fine. Just give me an address, a store name, and what I need to do to pick it up.” You waved away her uncertainty. You were the only one not doing anything besides Frisk and Sans. Her face flooded with relief.

“Thank you so much!” She pulled you into a warm, furry hug. “Here, I’ll write it down for you, and then I’ll give them a call to let them know you will be picking it up.” She immediately grabbed a notebook and a pen from her purse and began scribbling down instructions. She handed the paper to you, and you marveled at the dainty writing.

You waved goodbye and grabbed Eli’s keys as you dashed out the door. You were in the car by the time you read the note. The mall. Ah.

Well, it seemed today was going to be exhausting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3<3


	21. 1000 Voices from 1000 Souls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. Because I wanted fluff dammit.
> 
> Jezzi, thanks for giving me the motivation to write this. Those videos really pulled at the heartstrings.
> 
> Thank you everyone who commented! I'll get on with the party after I've had my fix of fluff.

Imagine listening to a song. It’s easy to find the beat and identify the tone. It’s quite pleasurable, actually, and you can easily get lost in the emotion of it.

Now imagine two songs playing at once. At first it seems like jumbled dischord, but after some time you can identify the separate songs. After you do that, you can ignore one and listen to the other, though it is always easier to listen to the louder one. It takes effort, though.

Now what if three songs were playing? How much more effort would that take?

What if it were ten? Twenty?

What if there were hundreds blaring in your ears at once?

This is what the mall felt like to you.

Sure, if you were using magic to feel people’s residual magic, you could just turn it off to get some peace. The problem was that it was your natural disposition that allowed you to. With some effort, you could usually ignore it, but not when there were so many people with so many powerful emotions walking around in such an enclosed space.

When you called the mall noisy, it wasn’t the sound that bothered you. It was the constant bombardment of people’s emotions.

But it was for Toriel and Frisk! You could take it if it was for them!

Is what you had told yourself.

When you had walked in the doors, you had felt the familiar saturation of magic floating through the air. Of course, you had been determined to press on, so you fought valiantly!

And then you had gotten lost. To be fair, it was really hard to focus on things like directions when you were getting a live feed of the intentions of everyone around you. The most annoying were when you’d unexpectedly get a wave of frustration. Sometimes negative emotions felt so much like your own that it took you a bit to recognize that they were not.

You sat on the floor under the escalator, holding your knees to your chest, and tried not to cry.

It was exhausting.

You were exhausted.

You just wanted to go home.

Home was quiet.

Monsters were quiet.

Eli was quiet.

Frisk was purposeful.

Sans…

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and opened Sans’ contact page. Your finger hovered over the call button for a long time.

You sighed. There was no shame greater than refusing to ask for help. You tapped the button and held the phone to your ear.

He picked up on the third ring.

“hello?” His voice made you feel better almost instantly. It was probably due to how much you trusted that voice.

“Hey, Sans.” Your voice cracked.

“___? are you okay?” He sounded worried.

“How far can you teleport?”

“pretty far...i haven’t really had a chance to test it...is everything alright?”

“Can you teleport to Masonville Mall?” You ignored his questions. Your headache was worsening.

“i can, yeah. where in the mall?” You smiled at how he didn’t ask why.

“Anywhere. Don’t worry. I’ll find you.”

“are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

There was suddenly a lot of static, and you jerked the phone away from your ear. After a few moments you tentatively held it back to your ear.

“Sans…?”

“okay. i’m here now.”

“Thanks.” You hung up without waiting for a reply. You leaned against the wall and relaxed.

He wasn’t too far away. He was on the second floor near the offices. Almost nobody would be near there.

You ran.

You ran through wave after wave of emotion.

You ran through wave after wave of intent.

You ran through wave after wave of things you wished you didn’t have to notice.

And then…

Blessed calm.

There was a bit of anxiousness, but it was controlled.

It felt like you were underwater. You could vaguely recognize that there were things being projected at you, but you couldn’t hear them.

This was the magic you loved and trusted.

You hugged your precious skeleton from behind and held him close to you.

“hey kiddo.” He looked over his shoulder at you. “oh shit, are you okay?!” Only then did you realize that you were crying. Not that it mattered.

You nuzzled into his sweater.

“Now I am.” You whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3<3<3


	22. Informative

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update you guys. I was on campus today and fainted from dehydration...
> 
> Thanks for all your comments. They helped me feel good even when I felt like crap.

You stood there hugging him for a while. If you focused, you could feel his happiness, but that quickly subdued itself. You wondered why he wouldn’t let himself enjoy something he clearly did, but it really wasn’t your place to ask.

But you liked it. The calming waves of his magic soothed your overwhelmed mind and calmed your panicking soul. It felt really nice.

So did he. You could feel his bones through his sweater, and you felt curiosity bubble inside you. You had never touched bones before.

Carefully, you tightened your hold on him and rubbed your hands up and down his chest, feeling the bumps of his ribs.

“k-kid, uh...eh...aH...aren’t you here for a reaSON…!” He shifted uncomfortably in your arms, but you knew he didn’t dislike it.

“Cake.” You muttered as you leaned against him again.

“then shouldn’t we go get it…?”

“Five more minutes.”

“look, i appreciate a good nap and all, but it’s probably pretty uncomfortable to use me as a pillow.”

“Nah. You’re perfect.” You felt a surge of emotion from him, but you weren’t focused enough to catch what it was before he suppressed it.

“people are staring…”

“And?” You scoffed. “It’s not _that_ weird to take a nap at the mall, though I get where they’re coming from.”

There was a long silence, and you were just about to fall asleep when he finally replied.

“c’mon, it won’t be a _cake_ walk to find the bakery.” He started walking, dragging you behind him simply from the fact that you still didn't let go of him.

“It’s okay if we’re a bit _tart_ y.” You countered with a smile in your voice.

“not if we don’t _bake_ it in time for dinner.” You giggled. He sighed. “it’s hard to walk like this.”

“Fiiiiiiiiine.” You relented and released him. “And it won’t be that hard to find the place since I already know where it is.” You said arrogantly.

“oh do you now?” He quirked an socket-brow.

“Yes! Hey! Don’t look at me like that! I know! For sure! 100%!” You pouted. “Fine, I’ll just have to show you!” You grabbed his hand and began dragging him behind you.

You noticed his fingers rubbing your curiously, but, since it made him happy, you decided not to say anything.

*

“we-”

“Aren’t lost!” You finished for him, and he snickered.

“whatever you say.”

“...Okay...maybe a little.” You admitted sheepishly. “But! That’s okay! There should be an information kiosk somewhere!” You immediately began craning your neck. You couldn’t find anything.

You felt a boney finger tap your neck. You turned and followed the direction it pointed.

“like that one?” His grin was unmistakably a superior smirk.

“...Don’t get saucy with me.” You narrowed your eyes.

“c’mon, i haven’t even drank any ketchup yet!”

“...What…?”

“nevermind.” When your look clearly expressed that you wouldn’t drop it, he continued. “i’ll explain later, okay?” You nodded slowly, then remembered your objective. You began dragging the skeleton again by the hand you had yet to let go of. He let himself be pulled along.

As you approached the service counter, you noticed a small line in front of the single worker at the booth. You were about to step in line, when another person approached at the same time for the same spot. You both froze and took a step back to let the other in.

“Go ahead. We’re in no hurry.” You made a gesture for her to go ahead.

“No, you were here first.” The woman waved her hands in front of herself.

“No, I insist.”

“No, I simply couldn’t.”

“But you must have pressing matters to attend to.”

“It’s no problem to wait my turn.”

The two of you went back and forth a few more times before, you decided to conclude the argument.

“Okay, let’s do what’s fair, okay?” She looked at you with relief. “So, what do you need?”

“I was only going to ask for directions to the optometrist. My youngest son is having difficulty seeing.” She caught herself. “But our appointment isn’t for a while! And my two little ones are playing on together just over there, so there’s no hurry.” She pointed to two small kids running around a water fountain.

“Then it’s best if you go first.” You said with finality. “We’re just trying to find a bakery.” You shrugged. She considered it for a moment.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Thank you.” She smiled, and moved slightly ahead of you. “You’re too kind.”

“I’m only as polite as you are.” You grinned, and her mood seemed to lighten.

The two of you talked animatedly about her kids (well, she did most of the talking and you just listened), and Sans stood there watching you patiently.

The line passed quickly, and your new friend went ahead to the kiosk. Her question was answered promptly and politely. She turned to you and smiled before giving a slight wave and called to her children. She beckoned them over, and they ran to their mother.

But her son didn’t see the small tile that sat unevenly, and tripped. He fell to the ground, and began wailing immediately. You could see a small cut on his knee.

You were about to move to help, when his mother turned to you and gave you a reassuring smile. A band-aid would fix this problem, it seemed.

You walked up to the kiosk and were surprised by the amount of disgust, irritation, and anger that radiated off of the attendant.

“Don’t you know he’s disturbing everyone by being here?” She growled, nodding over your shoulder. “They shouldn’t allow things like _that_ in places for proper people.” She spat each word.

You looked over your shoulder. You were confused. What could she hate that much? You gave Sans a questioning glance, to which he adverted his eyes.

You scanned the room. Oh. Okay.

“My sister doesn’t really like it either.” You shrugged your shoulders. “But it’s okay. You just have to accept things for what they are and move on with it. You may find it annoying or frustrating, but being able to keep yourself calm despite your personal biases is what makes a person grow.” You smiled at her. You felt her anger waiver, so you pressed on. “It’s hard for everybody at first, but that isn’t your fault. What you do despite your initial reaction is what defines you. So rather than frown at this and let negative emotions control you, you should let your cute side shine through. Your smile was really pretty, and I would hate for any sort of difficulty to prevent you from putting it on.”

She was staring at you. Her emotions were subdued, and slightly confused. Wait... you had just rambled again, hadn’t you.

“Umm...maybe you could help with a band-aid, too.” You finished.

“Umm, what?” She stared at you dumbfounded.

“The kid. To get him to stop crying. My sister finds crying really annoying too, but she found that just putting a band-aid on it makes kids tone it down.” You looked at her with a nervous smile.

The attendant stared at you for a while. And then she smirked. And then she began laughing.

“What?! What’s so funny?!” You looked around. The child’s mother was laughing as well.

“Yeah, I agree. No need to be so judgmental of a kid falling over.” She called over, causing the attendant to blush for some reason. “After all, all it takes is a single band-aid for the pain to go away.”

Something was stirring in the attendant, and her intentions shifted. You leaned closer to Sans. Then you remembered why you were there and the line behind you.

“So, yeah, anyways, I just wanted to know where this bakery is.” You handed the attendant Toriel’s note with an embarrassed blush.

“Go up these escalators, and turn left. Keep walking until you see it on your right.” She answered with a tender fondness.

“Thank you!” You turned to walk away, but she called back to you.

“Ma’am. Don’t ever change.” She gave you a sincere smile, and you smiled and waved back as you skipped away. Still dragging Sans.

You walked over to the injured kid. He still had tears in his eyes, but looked alright.

“I’ll be right back! Don’t move!” You told Sans, and then you ran into a nearby cafe. He watched you go with a sad longing.

“Is she always like that?” The mother asked.

“all the time.” He sighed.

“You’re lucky.” She smiled warmly. Sans nodded in agreement. “You have such a cute and caring girlfriend. Be sure to treat her right.”

“s-she’s not…!” He sputtered, turning a light blue.

“She’s not?” Her eyes lit up. “Ah to be young again.” She smiled knowingly. “When the time comes treat her right, okay?”

“b-but-!”

“When the time comes, treat her right.” She said with finality. “Don’t worry too much about it. Call it woman’s intuition, but I don’t think you two feel all that differently about each other.” She winked.

“th-”

“Sans!” You came running back and he quickly stopped talking. You handed him a cookie, then turned to the kid. “Here, they’re really good, and they’ll make you feel all better.” You smiled and handed the kid two cookies. “Be sure to share with your sister, though!” You started dragging Sans towards the escalator. “Bye! It was nice meeting you!”

“It was our pleasure.” The mom waved at you as you rounded the corner. She dropped her arm when she could no longer see you. "Ah, to be young indeed."

*

You leaned against the banister as you waited for the escalator to bring you to the next floor. You smiled, and looked over at Sans. Your brow furrowed, and you looked him up and down.

“Hey. Did you eat it all already?”

“didn’t you get one for yourself?”

“Sharing is caring!” You whined.

“but it was a cookie. nobody cares enough to share a cookie.”

“Meanie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drink lots of water my preciouses.


	23. Realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for you concern, but I promise I'm alive.
> 
> I love you guys.

Your lack of a sense of direction and your childish attention span had made getting to the bakery more work than it should have been. You had constantly attempted to go in the wrong directions despite the very clear ones you were given. Sans had somehow managed to keep you on the right path, but it had taken a lot of effort. Yet, as he waited for you on the sofas outside the shop, he didn’t find himself tired. It had been nice, actually.

He leaned into the chair and tried to ignore the stares of passersby. How could you do it so easily? He thought back to the information desk lady. His existence had publicly shamed you. It had either gone over your head, or you had decided to pretend to be ignorant. He figured it was the former.

It wasn’t like you just ignored that he was a monster. You didn’t expect him to be human. He understood at least that much from how you had rubbed his ribs with curiosity. That had been an experience. It had felt so nice, and he hadn’t wanted you to stop, but you had been doing that in the middle of a mall. It would be a different story if you were in…

He needed to stop that train of thought. The point was that you recognized that he was different, but it didn’t faze you in the slightest.

It was as if you just couldn’t comprehend the idea that him being a monster _meant_ something. And it made him want to laugh and cry at the same time.

He stopped. Why had you been crying? He could understand you wanting help with being lost, but he didn’t think you would cry over something like that. You were fine socializing with strangers and the crowds didn’t seem to faze you (he had learned to like them seeing as you pretty much pressed yourself against him when passing through one). Maybe you felt more confident with another person with you? That didn’t really make sense since you were the kind of person that could press a random call button in an apartment building without feeling out of place.

Yet, you had held his hand the entire time. Not that he had minded, of course. If had felt so weird. He could feel your bones, but they had a tender softness to them that he lacked. He looked at his hand and curled his fingers. Why?

He sighed. It would be easier just to ask.

*

“Sorry again for the inconvenience.” The clerk apologized again.

“It’s really no problem. I mean, Toriel had me!” You assured her. Again.

“To be honest…” She lowered her voice and looked around. “I had expected someone a little more...ya know...since Toriel is…” She trailed off.

“Is what?” You tilted your head.

“A monster.” She stated bluntly. She had tried the politically correct way, but it didn't work, so she was going at it tactlessly. “So I had expected someone more like, I don’t know, him.” She pointed to the skeleton waiting on the seat in the hallway. She stopped for a moment. “I wonder what he’s doing there anyways…” She narrowed her eyes.

“Oh, he’s just waiting for me.” You smiled.

“Seems like you’re the real monster lover.” She nodded approvingly. “As much as I’d love to keep chatting, I kinda want to get back to work. I’m hoping to get off early so I can go on a date with my boyfriend.” She winked. “You’re not the only one.”

“Only one what?” She sighed at your expression.

“With a monster boyfriend?” She raised an eyebrow. “The one watching you with adoration?”

“Wait. That’s directed at me?!” You took a step back.

“Okay, so I guess you aren’t a couple.” She muttered under her breath. You were surprised when a part of you was irritated at that comment. “What did you think he was looking at?” She laughed in disbelief.

“Well...he ate the cookie I got him really quickly...and you guys have lots of cookies…” You trailed off with a blush.

The clerk began laughing and ruffled your hair. You vaguely felt a surge of emotion from Sans’ direction. She was about to say something when her name was called from the back of the bakery.

“Sorry. Gotta run.” She apologized quickly. “Hope Frisk’s party goes well!” She called, waving as she ran to the back room. You waved back, cradling the large cake.

You happily exited the shop. And walked back to Sans.

“C’mon. Let’s go.” You couldn’t hold his hand, and you felt a bit sad about that.

“actually, can i try something?” He looked nervous.

“Sure.” You replied instantly.

“you don’t even know what i want to try.”

“Will it kill me?”

“no…”

“Then okay. Go ahead.”

He shook his head in response.

“okay, this will feel a bit weird.” He considered that for a moment. “a lot weird. but i promise i won’t drop you.” Sweat beaded on his forehead. “you sure you’re okay with this?”

“Yup.” You gave a thumbs up with your free hand.

“then here we go.”

Suddenly, you felt yourself being swept off your feet. In the literal sense. Before you knew it, you were being cradled in Sans’ arms. You didn’t even have time to blush before the word around you glitched out of existence, you were bombarded with an intense feeling of nothingness, and then you were in the parking lot.

You looked around. Yup. It was the parking lot. You were even somewhat near Eli’s car. You blinked a few times.

You looked back at Sans. His grin was wide, but nervousness radiated off of him in cascading waves and the sweat on his skull was becoming more apparent.

“You can teleport.” You stated.

“yes.”

“You just teleported me.”

“yes.”

“You haven’t put me down yet.”

“yes...yes!” He pulled away his arms and dropped you on the ground. You yelped at the suddenness, and then groaned at the pain. You managed to save the cake, but your butt was going to bruise.

“Ow.” You muttered before struggling to your feet.

“oh my god. ohmygodohmygodohmygod. are you okay?!”

“My butt’s gunna bruise.” You whined. “But that’s so cool! You can teleport!”

“you already knew i could though…”

“But it’s so much cooler to actually do it myself! Is this what it feels like to have magic?!” Your eyes were sparkling.

“yes. no. kinda?” He struggled. You could feel him hesitate to say something.

“Anyways, you teleported me for a reason, right?” You motioned for him to follow you as you walked towards Eli’s incredibly visible Fiat. You could tell you were right immediately, but he took a while before answering.

“why did you call me to the mall?” He asked quietly. You sighed.

“Because it was noisy.” He looked confused, but you continued. “Well, noisy for me. You know how Eli can use magic, right?”

“Eli can use magic?!” His eye lights shrunk and became brighter.

“Yeah. The swords from earlier were hers. But don’t worry, she only did that because she knew I could take it.” You waved your free hand dismissively. “Anyways-”

“she ‘knows you can take it’?” His eye sockets were narrowed and there was a growl in his voice.

“I’ll explain that later, okay? Do you want to know why I called you or not?” He thought about the options you had given him for a few long moments.

“you’d better explain later.” He grumbled. You bumped him with the cake.

“Anyways, I can’t use magic.” He looked at you with a ‘well, duh’ look. “Like at all. Do you know about residual magic?” He nodded and you let out a relieved sigh. “Well I have so little that I can’t help but sense everybody else’s. There were so many people, and I was a bit overwhelmed…”

“so you called me to help you because i can teleport.”

“Not exactly. I like the feeling of your magic.” You smiled. “It’s really calming, and strong enough to drown out everybody else’s.” You turned to him. “Even in a crowd, you’re the only one I see!” You stuck out your tongue and skipped to the car.

He blushed softly at that. Then realization hit him. You knew everything.

His soft blush became navy.


	24. Need for Speed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the two day delay! I was a bit busy with my motorcycle, but now she's ready to go again so I have time to myself!
> 
> This chapter is a short little thing that is about nothing. I'll try to have the next chapter out soon.
> 
> Stay shiny, my friends.

You loaded up the car easily enough, but for some reason Sans hadn’t moved and looked like a blueberry. You recognized that he was embarrassed, and you realized your mistake. You had been so caught up in the moment that you had forgotten.

People don’t like you reading them.

_They_ didn’t like you reading them.

You knew Sans had secrets, but it wasn’t as if you needed him to tell you them. Your… _disposition_ just made it impossible not to know. But people don’t like it when people can tell such things so easily.

You can naturally see a very personal part of the people around you, and they hate it.

You climbed into the car and leaned back in your seat. You hadn’t wanted to lie to him. Scratch that. You had _wanted_ him to know. Now you would have to deal with the result of that.

_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAHT** _

You slammed your head against the steering wheel. Whatever happens, happens. You smiled to yourself, but you could feel your eyes watering up. For some reason, you really didn’t want him to reject you. So many people had, and you thought you had gotten used to it, but you didn’t want _him_ to reject you.

He was special to you, after all.

*

_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAHT** _

The sounding of a car horn snapped Sans out of his frozen state. Had you really felt...everything and not felt disgusted by him? The thought made his soul resonate with uncontrolled happiness. He was quick to restrain himself, though. There was nothing more dangerous than hope.

He realized the car horn was from a very familiar Fiat. How long had he been daydreaming for?!

He hurried to hop into the passenger seat.

*

You heard the passenger door open and close. You stayed leaned over.

“so...are we going to go or what?” He finally said.

Needless to say, you were surprised. You couldn’t stop the tears from dripping down your cheeks and the smile from growing across your face.

“Yes sir!” You sat up suddenly and hit your head against a boney hand. “Ow.” You said instinctively, even though it hadn’t really hurt. The hand was retracted instantly.

“sorry. you didn’t look too hot there, kiddo, i _Fiat_ the worst.” He shrugged, but a bit of sweat was forming on his skull. You looked at him, and your expression softened. He was cracking puns. He didn’t care. He didn’t hate you.

“Thank you.” You said with the utmost sincerity. Sans was caught off guard by your smile, which wasn’t too much unlike your usual one but had a vulnerability and intimacy to it.

“...for what?”

“For not hanging up on me.”

Before he could reply, you put the car into gear and took off. Everything he may have wanted to say was replaced with curses. You laughed as you joyfully maneuvered through the parking lot as if it were a closed course in a movie and you were a stunt driver.

“So, do you want to take the long way home, or the fun way?”

“how about the not dying way? that sounds like a plan to me.”

“Oh, yee of little faith. Fun way it is.”

“what?! no!”

“Eli’s little car is an Abarth - a sports car. She can take it.”

“it’s not the car i’m worried about!”

“Trust me; I know what I’m doing.”

Sans gave you a look.

“...fine...but if we die, i blame you.”

“Fair enough.”

And then you switched to reenacting a car chase.

*

“That was so fun!” You looked at the clock on your phone. “New record!”

“how did we survive that?” Sans’ eye sockets were wide and his eye lights were dilated. “how did the cake survive that?!” Sans gaped at the perfectly intact cake in the back seat.

“Because I’m a good driver.” You stated.

“you’ve _driven_ me insane.” He flopped back against his seat and mumbled a bit more about how you two should have died. You snickered.

“Saaaaaaaaans.” You protested with a smile and poked his face. “Okay, fine. Next time I won’t drive like that. Happy?”

“very.”

“Then let’s rejoin the party!” You ran around to the passenger side and grabbed his hand. You tried to pull him out of the car, but he just gave you a look. You glared playfully at him.

“you know what, that sounds _party_ exhausting.” He closed his eyes. “maybe i’ll just take a nap here.”

You gave a sly smile.

“Well, I _was_ going to give you a good peek at my soul, but, well, I guess a nap _is_ pretty important.” You gave a mock sigh. “Have fun. I’ll be inside-”

“a peek at your soul?!” Sans’ eyes snapped open and his face burst into a deep blue.

“Just a peek. As in only enough to see my stats.” You gave a wink. “But, since you don’t really want-” Suddenly, he was gone from the car and you smiled.

You understood the intimacy of showing someone else your soul. Mages were taught the importance of a soul from a young age, after all. Despite not having any magic to manifest, you couldn’t change your family, so you knew their values all too well.

You had been in enough fights to know how to only half expose your soul, though, and you figured it was only fair to show him something since you could sense his magic so well (which indicated the state of his soul).

You were oddly okay with it.


	25. I've Never Won

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more dialogue. It's pretty boring, so sorry.
> 
> <3

The party was going over well. The kids were either playing in the pool or with other games in the backyard, while lingering parents were having conversations with Toriel in living room. Undyne was doing a great job of taking care of the kids in spite of her attire, while Eli seemed to have found some sort of motivation to follow through with her punishment. When you tried to pry into her emotions, all you got was a childish giddiness.

You were, eh, sampling some of the other foods when Eli approached you.

“Okay, what did you tell Sans.” She demanded.

“Where’s your ‘nyan’?” You smirked, and she gave you a ‘cut the bullshit’ look. “I’m actually not sure what you mean.”

“Well, he keeps glaring at me and making passive aggressive remarks.” She raised an eyebrow and pressed a finger to your chest. “I don’t recall ever having done anything to piss him off so you must’ve said something.”

“Oooooooh.” You looked away from her. “I may have told him that you tried to stab me this morning…”

“...And does he know-”

“Nope.”

“Ah.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” She sighed. “I’ll talk to him. After all, if he doesn’t respect this,” She gestured to herself, “then he doesn’t get any of that.” She poked your butt. You squeaked and jumped away.

“Eli!” You whined as you turned red. She just smirked and picked up a tray of sweets.

“Go play with the kids.” She laughed and walked back into the living room. You pouted, but made your way to the backyard. Stupid Eli, poking you in weird places.

*

“Hey Sans, I think we need to talk nya~.” Eli sat down next to him without waiting for a reply. He eyed her suspiciously, but she ignored it. “Oh, and if you don’t want to talk, I will do everything in my power to keep the relationship between you and ___ at a standstill.”

“what makes you think-”

“Don’t bother trying to pretend.” Eli dismissed immediately. “I’m her sister, and I’ve promised to protect her. Of course I’ve noticed the development between you two.”

“i wouldn’t include stabbing as a form of protection, but maybe i’m just weird like that.” Sans concealed a snarl.

“Don’t go there with me, _**boy**_.” Eli growled back.

“what ever do you mean?” He faked surprise. “i simply cannot understand picking on my weaker sibling simply because they ‘can take it’.” His eye lights were completely gone, and Eli found it unnerving. She was about to sass him back when she stopped and looked at him in confusion.

“Weaker?” She said with her eyebrows pushed together. “You think ___ is weaker than I am?”

“uh, yeah. i mean, it’s just a guess, but i hear you’re strong enough to fight Undyne to a standstill while ___’s taken down by a busy mall.”

“Sans, I’m happy to find out that you’ve never pissed ___ off and all, but she isn’t weak.” Eli’s gaze was far away. “She really isn’t. She just has no desire to fight.” She sighed. “Just so you know, during those spars when she chooses to fight back, I have never once beaten her.”

“...what? but she doesn’t have any magic…” Sans’ eyes widened.

“Do you really think something like that could hold her back?” Eli laughed. “That girl could do anything.” She sighed. “It’s not even like she’s overwhelmingly strong or anything...she’s just...impossible to beat. But she almost always just lets herself become a punching bag for people. She barely recognizes other people attacking her as a problem...and sometimes...I also forget.” Eli rubbed her temples. There was a long silence.

“i think i get it.” Sans finally said. “you had no intent to harm her, and she didn’t care.”

“Yes. That’s what I’m saying. But while it’s okay for her to act that way here, the real world isn’t so nice. You know about her _ability_ , right?” When Sans nodded, she continued. “She once read a mugger’s intent ‘I really don’t want to hurt these people’ as ‘I won’t hurt these people’ for Christ’s sake. And then proceeded to help him restore his crumbling marriage and reconnect with his alienated children! And now he’s our mailman!”

“he’s your mailman?”

“Yes.” Eli sounded exasperated, but Sans laughed.

“that’s so like her. she doesn’t even see it as a problem, does she?”

“No! She gives him advice whenever he’s having problems, too! She can understand people so well, yet she misunderstands everything! It’s frustrating!”

“tell me about it…”

“You have to be very blunt with her, otherwise she won’t get it.” Eli mused. “Have fun with that.” She patted him on the back. Sans groaned.

“do i have to?”

“Well, you don’t have to I suppose.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him. “Then I can keep her all to myself.”

“don’t think i want that.” The words left his mouth before he thought it through. Light blue dusted his bones and he clamped his mouth shut.

“Good, because neither does she.” Eli whispered softly. But Sans heard. And blushed a bit harder. The two sat in silence for a bit.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to say thanks.” Eli suddenly interrupted the growing silence. “___ usually passes out after she comes home from a busy place, but she had energy to spare today. So, thanks for that.”

“it was my pleasure.”

“I’m sure it was.” Eli gave him a patient look. "I know how close she likes to get in crowds."

And the navy was back.


	26. Sleepover? Sleepover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank Scarpath for always keeping me fed with comment biscuits. They're very helpful.
> 
> And sorry Sadestheperson, it's gunna be next chapter or next next chapter that we finally show Sans our stats. Sorry, man. I really hadn't planned on dragging it out like this...I promise!
> 
> Anyways, this is mostly a set up chapter. Have fun.

Undyne and Alphys had (mostly) everything under control. You got given Flowey to take care of because apparently Frisk was sick of his shit. The two of you sat off to the side and watched the party take place while helping out with refreshments. It was amazing how many cookies kids could eat. The cake itself had barely survived five minutes, but fortunately Toriel had somehow managed to pull off the traditional candle blowing before the kids had viciously torn into it.

It wasn’t too long until everyone came out of the house and Frisk began opening their presents. You could tell how much care each kid had put into their presents from the way Frisk’s magic pulsated with adoration. They all knew them so well.

It wasn’t too long after that that people started leaving. Everyone looked completely exhausted yet completely happy by the time the last guest had left. Even Flowey’s snark wasn’t quite as sharp as usual. To be completely honest, the only two people who looked like they had any sort of energy left were you and Papyrus.

As such, you managed to convince everybody else to go home. Undyne insisted that she had plenty of energy left, but you pointed out to her that she had fought Eli at full power that morning and hadn’t had a moment of rest since. At Alphys’ insistence, she finally conceded and hopped into her car.

Toriel and Frisk tried to insist that, since it had been their party, that it was their job to clean it up. You said it was no problem, and that nothing was overly messy. It had taken a while to convince the doting mother figure and the determined child that it was alright to leave your house a mess for the night. Eventually, they too conceded.

As they drove away, you turned to Papyrus.

“Sorry to ask this, but do you think-”

“I WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO HELP CLEAN UP, HUMAN ___!”

“Great!” Your eyes sparkled, as did his. The two of you were about to get to work when a drowsy Eli cut in.

“You do know it’ll probably be really late by the time the two of you finish, right? That’s not really fair to Paps.” She yawned with a soft whimper and rubbed her eyes. A barely noticeable orange dusted Papyrus’ bones.

“But Eli…” You whined. “Can’t we just have a sleepover?”

“THE GREAT PAPYRUS WOULD BE OVERJOYED TO SLEEP OVER! AND MY BROTHER IS VERY GOOD AT SLEEPING; HE’S ALREADY ASLEEP IN YOUR GAME ROOM I DO BELIEVE.” Papyrus seemed eager for a sleepover. You were just happy to have someone who didn’t look like death...wasn’t falling asleep on their feet to help you clean up the place. Eli looked between the two of you and sighed.

“I can’t really say no to that.” She looked at you. “But, I’m going to sleep right now, so you sort out where everybody is sleeping.”

“Yes Eli!” You gave her a salute.

“Good. Na night.” She waved before disappearing into the house.

You turned to Papyrus with a determined expression. He returned it.

“Okay, so this is the plan…”

*

Papyrus was a beast. He took care of all the heavy lifting while you took care of organization. You two plowed through clean up with no issues. You had never expected you and Papyrus to be such an efficient team. You supposed that's what enthusiasm is good for.

A few hours after you began, Papyrus was trying to stifle his yawns.

“You tired?” You walked over to him.

“Nothing the Great Papyrus can’t handle.” His voice sounded as tired as he looked. “And I do not wish to leave you alone to clean up.”

“It’s fine, Paps. I mean, we’re pretty much done. I just have to stack some patio chairs and bring the garbage bags into the garage.” You offered him a hand. “You’ve done more than your fair share!”

He tentatively took your hand, and you lead him into the house.

“You can stay in the guest room in the basement.” You explained as you walked down the stairs. “The bed here is the only one I can see you fitting into, honestly.”

“Thank you, human ___…” He trailed off with a yawn. You smiled. He was such a hard worker. “Are you sure you will be alright by yourself?” He radiated a tired concern.

“Yup. I have plenty of energy to spare!” You glanced at your phone. It was only half past midnight after all.

“If you’re certain, I will take you up on your offer and be the first to ‘hit the hay’.” You tried to hold back a chuckle at his awkward use of slang.

“Na night Paps.” You said as you climbed the stairs again.

“Good night, human ___.” And with that, the light in the basement went out.

You trudged to the backyard and got back to work.

*

It wasn’t half an hour after Papyrus went to bed that you felt something weird. You stopped with one of the last chores you had left to do and focused on the strange fluctuations.

Sans was...using magic? It was definitely his magic, but it was so unlike usual that it took you a moment to recognize it. You’d never felt him manifest so much magic as once before, and it was sporadic and unstable, too. Though you knew he was strong, you would have never associated his magic with being uncontrolled.

You closed your eyes to get a better sense of what was going on.

Fear.

Hate.

Grief.

Fear.

Loss.

Pain.

Fear.

Suffering.

Just as you were about to rush inside, the magic ceased and all of his swirling emotions were replaced with panic.

You dropped what you were doing and dashed to the game room.


	27. A Tune for Lost Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous' comment sort of inspired the pool ball. So thanks man.
> 
> lolottes, I hope this isn't too hard for you to read. Just let me know.
> 
> Anyways, this is my obligatory nightmare chapter. Have fun ;P

The room was a mess. That was the first thing you noticed. All of the games had been thrown from their shelves, and the pieces were strewn across the floor in a disorganized mess. The book shelves had fared no better, and one had even been completely knocked over.

You breathed a sigh of relief that the pool table was okay, even though it had clearly been moved.

You looked back to Sans’ figure as he scrambled to organize the chaos. He was panicking.

“Sans?” You stepped into the room.

Suddenly, one of the pool balls came flying at you. It smacked you right on the forehead and you staggered back.

“OW! Fuck man!” You rubbed your forehead gingerly. “That’s gunna bruise…” You muttered with a slight whimper.

“_-___…?” Sans turned to you with wide eye sockets but very dim and tiny eye lights.

“That’s my name.” You muttered as you picked up the pool ball. “ _Black_ on topic, as much as I _eight_ to bring it up, your magic was doing weird things…” You trailed off, not quite sure how to bring it up. His eye lights widened as he looked from the ball in your hand to the bruise forming on your forehead.

“oh my god.” He stated quietly. “did i…? i did. shit. shitshitshit, ah, oh god, fuck.” He was suddenly in front of you, grabbing your head with trembling hands. You flinched in surprise. The entire room was so saturated with his magic that you couldn’t sense his manifestations at all.

He took your flinch as fear though, and immediately let go of your face, took a step back, and held his hands up. He shifted nervously, and sweat was practically dripping from his skull. His smile was a grimace, and it seemed to be frozen that way.

“i am _**so**_ sorry. fuck.” He barely managed to cough out. You could feel the sporadic buzzing of his soul, and you sighed.

“It’s fine.” You smiled softly. You stepped over to him and pulled him into a hug. He stiffened at your touch, but you simply rubbed his back in hopes that he would calm down a bit. “Everything is fine.”

“...where’s Paps…?” He whispered into your ear, voice trembling.

“In the basement, sleeping in a California King sized bed. It’s really soft and squishy. I’m sure he was out like a light them moment he lay down.” You said calmly with certainty. He seemed to become a little less tense at that, and leaned more into you.

“did...i hurt you…?” You could barely hear him.

“Not really.” You nuzzled the side of his skull. “But if you feel that bad about it, I could use your help moving the pool table back. I mean, I’m not exactly Undyne, ya know?” He coughed a nervous laugh.

He leaned against you for a while longer. You stood there and resisted the temptation to investigate his bones. Now that you thought about it, this was the first time you had seen him without his sweater on. He was only wearing a white t-shirt and you were aching to check out his body.

But now was neither the time nor the place. So you distracted yourself by focusing on his residual magic. Slowly, he was calming down. At some point, he had loosely wrapped his arms around your waist.

You started humming a song a person from long ago had taught you. You couldn’t sing it, because it had been so long that the word had escaped you. But you remembered the tune. It had always filled you with hope, even when there had been no future for you to hope for.

As you dragged out the final note, there was no sign of the earlier emotional break down. You closed your eyes and felt his magic swirl just as it usually did. You smiled.

“I guess it’s time to clean up then.” You tried to pull away, but you were caught by boney arms.

“five more minutes.” He mumbled into your hair.

“...Fine.” You sighed. “But if we don’t get this cleaned up by the time Eli wakes up, I’m blaming you.”

“fair enough.”

After five minutes, you went to leave again.

“Sans. We have to clean up the room.”

“nah.”

“Nah yourself! You know how meticulous Eli can be!”

“nope.”

“Liar!” You squirmed, and he just held you tighter. “Saaaaaaaaans.” You whined in a childish voice.

“____________.” He mimicked your tone. You pouted.

“I’m being serious here!” You tried to escape again, and you could feel his chest vibrate as he chuckled.

“me too. hugs are very serious business.”

“They are?” You were confused for a moment. “No they’re not!” You huffed in frustration.

“okay, okay.” Suddenly, he let you go and you immediately fell to the floor. You yelped in surprise. After getting over the sting, you rolled over and glared up at him.

“You’re a dick, Sans. And you owe $6 to she swear jar!”

“put it on my tab.” He shrugged.

“No tabs for the swear jar!” You said decisively.

“oh come on.”

“No!”

“not even if i move the pool table for you?”

“...” You looked away.

“...and help put everything else away? i’ll even do it as stupidly organized as your sister does it.”

“...Fine. I guuuueeeeeess you’re forgiven.” You stuck your tongue out at him. “But you’re going swimming with me after we’re done.”

“what? why?” He looked a little nervous again.

“Because Eli says never to go swimming alone, since it’s dangerous.” You sat up and stretched your shoulders. "And I really feel like going swimming."

“i, uh, can’t really swim…”

“That’s fine.” You cracked your wrist. “You can just stand in the shallow end or...are you even listening to me?”

“yes! yes.”

“Good. You can just stand in the shallow end.” You stood up and struck a pose. “Now, let’s clean this up.”

You started to shift things into piles. You had barely started when you felt Sans hug you from behind.

“thanks.”

“...No problem.”


	28. What's Your Colour?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to RoxasConan and Jezzi for sending me on a feels trip. Really got the sappy juices flowing.
> 
> Amashi_zaino is really the person that convinced me to step up my romance game...so you can thank them for the end of this chapter.
> 
> So we finally get that silly reveal you people have been begging for. Reactions next time.

Unsurprisingly, you ended up doing most of the cleaning. Not as though Sans didn’t _try_ to help, because he did, but his organization skills were, well, atrocious. After a few minutes of reorganizing the books so that all of the spines were facing out and they actually followed the volume numbers, you commanded him away from the shelves to pick up game pieces.

You were pleased that he could sort them by colour and style. You managed to put all the books back in a decently organized way relatively quickly after that.

Afterwards, you sat next to Sans and started putting the pieces back into their proper boxes. You two didn’t talk, but it was a comfortable silence.

Eventually, when the floor was clean and all the games were away, Sans levitated the pool table back to it’s proper position.

Wait. What?

“You can levitate shit?!” You jumped back.

“swear jar.” He gave you a shit eating grin, to which you stuck out your tongue. “but, uh, yeah…”

“Can you levitate people?!” You got really close to him and looked intensely into his eye lights.

“...yeeeeeeah…”

“Awesome!” Your eyes had that familiar childish sparkle in them. You clearly had plans for this. “Okay, you can go get changed, I’ll be right back.”

“changed?”

“We’re going swimming, obviously. Swimsuit.”

“ha, jokes on you. i didn’t bring one.” He shrugged with a smug grin. “guess i can’t go swimming with you.” You gave him an ‘are you shitting me’ expression.

“Dude. You can teleport.” Your expression was unamused. “And you will teleport to your home and put on a swimsuit. And we are going to have fun swimming at 1:30 in the morning.” You gave him an intense stare until he resigned himself.

“...fine.” And then he disappeared from the room. You smiled to yourself and ran up to your bedroom.

You put on the first swimsuit you managed to find both parts of. It was the one that Eli had gotten you for Christmas (yup, as in during the winter), and you hadn’t really worn it before. Why? Because you felt it needed a bit more material.

You tried to find another one, but your closet was such a mess that it seemed impossible. You shrugged, to who you weren’t sure, and accepted that it was the only one you were going to be finding. Oh well. It was dark out, right?

Sans was already napping on the deck by the time you got back down. You dropped two towels on his face from behind.

“Hey! I thought I told you to get into a swimsuit!”

“i did.”

“...Do you seriously have the same style shorts and swimsuits?” You quirked an eyebrow. He removed a towel from his face.

“yes.”

“That’s so weird!”

“ _that’s_ what you find weird?” He let out a deep laugh. “you really are something else.”

“And you’re a dork! Let’s get swimming already!” You ran to the front of him and grabbed his hands. You leaned back in an attempt to pull him out of his chair, to no avail. “Saaaaaans, c’mon!” When he didn’t reply, you looked down at his face.

His eye lights were bright, and they were dancing around his eye sockets. They contoured every curve. It was as if he was trying to memorize something that could disappear at any moment.

And you only got one feeling from him: adoration.

A deep blush settled onto your cheeks and you scratched your cheek while averting your gaze. You blinked back to him, but he was still lost in his little world. You sighed. You really wanted to go swimming after all.

“Sans!” You clapped your hands on either side of his face and tilted it up. “My eyes are up here.” At that, his cheeks became a navy blue.

“ _iris_ they were easier to find…” He chuckled nervously.

“ _Pupil_ get the hang of it.” You winked while giggling. “Now, come ON!” You tugged at him roughly, and he finally decided to let you pull him up.

With him up, you turned and jumped into the water without hesitation. The cold hit you like a sword, and you surfaced with a squeal.

“you okay there?” He laughed.

“Never better.” You replied with an unsteady voice. “Now get your bony butt in here!” You tried to splash him, but he dodged effortlessly.

“just my butt? that’d by _sacrom_ legious!” He winked.

“...Was that a bone pun or something?”

“yes.”

“Just get in the water already!” You sent another wave of water at him. He laughed at your frustration, but teleported to stairs leading into the pool. You looked at him expectantly, and he looked at the water tentatively.

He stepped onto the first step, and the water lapped at his toes.

“...feels weird…” He muttered, but stepped down to the next one. You gave him a questioning glance. “what? the water feels weird between my bones.”

“Not that.” You swam to the shallow end and stood up. “Aren’t you going to take off your shirt?”

“...” He looked around nervously, about to say something, but never actually forming the words.

“I promise I won’t steal it.” You pouted. He searched your face for something, then sighed.

“you really sure you want to see this old bag of bones?”

“Yes.” You replied without hesitation. Your curiosity was flaring up again. His smile softened.

“well, alright…” He hesitated for a second before pulling it up over his head and tossing it haphazardly into the grass. He quickly shuffled into the water before you got a good look. Next time, next time.

He felt nervous. You could tell that much, at least. It made you sad. If only you could show him that he didn’t need to be nervous around you.

Oh right. You had promised him that.

“Hey, Sans…” You waded over to him. “I forgot earlier and, well, you were also asleep, so…” You shifted nervously. “Umm...would you...like to see my stats…?” You blushed. From his expression, you decided that he really did want to take a peek at your soul.

Not like he would ever say it out loud.

Without waiting for his eventual verbal confirmation, you pulled your soul out halfway. It glowed through your chest in it’s normal heart shape, but remained within your body.

You projected your feelings for him, and your soul’s light illuminated the water.

 

“___”

LV 1  
HP 9248/9250

AT 0(0) EXP: 0  
DF 3(0) NEXT: 10

*She loves you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I moved the soul types here because they distracted the story. Feel free to read them if you want, but they're really cheesy.
> 
> ***DETERMINATION***  
>  Your soul shone unwaveringly. The water glowed with a fierce yet tender light. The only thing it could be compared to would be the powerful embers in the heart of an endless fire. You were the heart of a flame, and you would never accept defeat. Time after time, your soul would continue to flare up to achieve your goals, determined to it’s very core.
> 
> ***BRAVERY***  
>  Your soul radiated the warmth and certainty of a sunset, staining the water around it into almost a watercolour of that scene. While it resembled a sunset, it was clearly nothing so ephemeral; it’s colour would never fade away into darkness. You stood strong in the face of adversity, and the powerful thrum of your soul reflected that. You would never back down and never give in. Even if you were afraid, your bravery would never falter.
> 
> ***JUSTICE***  
>  Your soul was as blinding as the sun, yet as tender as it’s soft warmth on a cool spring morning. You shone brilliantly, and your soul was as steadfast in it’s radiance as you were in your morality. You were a drop of sunshine, which would keep everyone around you from turning down a dark path. You were the light that lead people to be the best version of themselves as they could be. You were the justice people needed and wanted.
> 
> ***KINDNESS***  
>  Your soul was soft and tender, with a comforting glow. The water became like an emerald forest; beautiful to it’s very core. Your green light reflected through the water, creating a mirror into the serene forest of your soul. The comfort you radiated put everyone around you at ease, even in the most difficult of times. You believed all people could be good if they so chose, and so gave each and every person you met unconditional kindness.
> 
> ***PATIENCE***  
>  Your soul was a gentle blue, almost icy in it’s colour. Yet there was nothing unwelcoming about the softness, and it’s light created the image of a field of untouched snow. You were the person who would stand by even the worst of people, knowing that they could change. And you would help. Even if it took your entire life. The calmness of your soul radiated the patience everyone craves.
> 
> ***INTEGRITY***  
>  Your soul was a deep, oceanic blue. It understood hardship, but refused excuses. Your soul was serene like the depths of an ocean, but unwavering in your beliefs. You would never fall from your morals, and your integrity was infectious to the people around you. You walked down a path of hardships, yet never once fell from your morals, and your strength inspires everyone around you. You were the integrity everyone wished they had.
> 
> ***PERSEVERANCE***  
>  Your soul pulsated with a royal dignity. The purple of your soul was like an eternally blossomed flower, and nothing could wilt it. No matter the challenge, no matter the hardship, you would stand strong. You would not fight back, but you would not crumble. You would persevere with beauty and grace.


	29. Sink or Swim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have more fanart from Sansational! This time depicting chapter 2! I'm so happy you guys!  
> http://pre07.deviantart.net/8878/th/pre/i/2016/196/f/e/image_by_sansati0nal-daa48yl.jpg
> 
> On another note, this chapter was based around a premise suggested by our lovely Jezzi and partially by one from SkikdiSkies. I know it's not the exact same as what you two suggested, but, well, I hope it's good enough.
> 
> Well, I wouldn't want to keep you from your chapter. Have fun kids.

After a few long moments, you let your soul drift back to where it happily resonated within your body. Even pulling out your soul only halfway felt vulnerable.

You hoped you had gotten your point across. It had been the main point of the event, after all. You could always sense the feelings crossing the surface of his soul so easily through his magic, so it was only fair that he got at least a glimpse of yours. That and you wanted him to know how you felt. He didn't have to do anything in response, but you were happy that he knew.

You sighed.

You had forgotten how empty the world felt without the constant buzz of magic around you. The numbness would pass quickly, though, as it always did. Souls always forced themselves to produce more magic after they had been forcibly removed from their vessels. You still wouldn’t have enough residual magic to manifest anything, but that was pretty much par for the course with you.

After another small, contented sigh, you opened your eyes. To find that Sans’ were missing. Well, at least the eye lights were.

“Umm…” You waved your hand in front of his face. “...Sans?” You frowned at his lack of response. “Saaaaaans.” You sang in a cute voice. No reaction. “Bleeeeeeeh.” You made a funny face. Nothing. “Fine. You leave me no other choice.” You sighed, and shoved him roughly. Right into the deep end.

He responded to that. Oooooooh did he respond to that. He flailed in confusion, of course, but then promptly sank. Not even the lazy sinking kids did when they first started to swim. No, he looked more like he had taken a loan from gravity and she was collecting.

You stood with a frozen expression as you watched him tumble helplessly down the slope until he lay at the very deepest point of your pool.

Umm...did...skeletons need to breathe?

You sure hoped not.

As seconds ticked by, you watched Sans’ motionless body with horror. _You had killed him._

Your mind finally decided to let your body function properly again, and you immediately dove into the water. Hurriedly, you swam to Sans’ limp body and immediately found a problem.

Umm...where...do you grab?

As your mind found this new reason to seize up, you vaguely felt something slither up your spine. You whimpered out some air as you leaned away from the ticklishly soft touch.

And then you were grabbed mercilessly around the waist. And tickled. Immediately, all the air in your lungs became bubbles around you as you writhed away from the bony hands. You caught Sans’ smug grin and amused wink before you pushed off of the ground and surfaced with a gasp.

“Sans you dick!” You yelled. He seemed to have heard you, and shrugged innocently. You submerged your head underwater and stuck out your tongue at him. His ribcage shook as if he were laughing.

Apparently skeletons didn’t need to breathe.

“Laugh it up, bone boy.” You yelled, unable to fully hide your amusement. “Just for that, I’m not going to help you out!” He gave you a childish pout, and you couldn’t help but laugh. “I mean it!”

He sighed and stood up at the bottom of your pool. He pretended to dust himself off, and you couldn’t help but giggle at his antics. He gave you a childish smile and then lazily began walking up the slope.

Or at least tried to. His feet immediately slipped out from underneath him and he fell over onto the slope and slid back down to the bottom. You immediately began cackling with laughter.

After several failed attempts, you were wheezing with tears in your eyes. Sans gave you a pointed glare, and then proceeded to flop onto the ground and close his eyes.

“You’re not…” You muttered. But he was. “You can’t be serious about sleeping at the bottom of my pool!” Disbelief coloured your voice.

He gave you an arrogant look, as if saying ‘try me’.

“No! No sleeping at the bottom of my pool!” He smirked at that.

He gave you a teasing look, as if saying ‘make me’.

“Oh, really? Are you serious right now? Do I really have to find a way to haul a skeleton out of my pool?”

‘yup’.

“...Do I have to…?”

‘...please?’

“...Fine.” You pouted, and dove back under the water. This time, he held his arms out for you to grab.

Now, you were a good swimmer. You could be considered above average, even. But there was no way in hell you were going to be able to drag that dead weight anywhere.

You surfaced with a gasp.

“Good lord, dude, how much do you weigh?!”

‘well i never…!’ Sans put a hand to his chest in mock offence.

“I don’t even care about being polite anymore! What the hell are you made of?!”

‘uh, bones?’ He pointedly tapped his ribs.

“...I don’t even have a comeback to that.” You admitted. He smirked triumphantly. “At least I’m not stuck at the bottom of the pool.” That wiped his arrogance away.

‘please help.’

“Nope.”

‘pretty please?’

“Nuh Uh.”

He made a gesture above his head, and it took you a moment to understand.

‘with a cherry on top?’ You giggled uncontrollably, accidentally swallowing some water, which turned it into a coughing fit. You finally relented to the poor skeleton.

“Gimme a minute.” You held up a finger to him before you pulled yourself out of the water. His worried eye lights stayed trained on you until you were out of sight.

A few long minutes later you came back, and began tossing your army of inflatable toys into the water.

You sat at the edge of the pool with your feet in the water, kicking them playfully.

“Now, if you want out, I suggest using your magic to drag a bunch of these bad boys underwater and using them to float.”

‘...are you serious?’

“Absolutely!” You smiled.

The two of you stared at each other, until he eventually huffed and stretched out an arm. One of his eye sockets went dark, and the other glowed a powerful blue. A bunch of inflatables were surrounded by a matching blue magic, and were all dunked under the water. He secured himself with them, and released his magic.

Slow.

Slower.

Yet slower.

He drifted up and out of the water.

“So, have a nice nap?” You laughed at his water wings and inner tube.

“it wasn’t as uncomfortable as you would imagine.” He admitted, chuckling along with you. And then his eye flared up again, and a ball of water rose from the pool. You looked at it questioningly. He looked at you smugly.

“Oh, you wouldn’t-” Was all you managed to get out before you were knocked into the pool by what was essentially a giant water balloon. You surfaced quickly to Sans’ smooth laughter.

“geeeeetttttttt dunked on!”

“...It is so on.”

And thus began the greatly one sided splash fight of 2016.

*

It was almost 2:30 by the time you admitted your defeat and let Sans drag you back inside. The two of you were completely exhausted. Sans blipped home to get changed, and you waited in the game room for his return.

Your exhaustion hit you like a bus, and you couldn’t keep your sleepiness at bay. Before you knew it, you were slumped over and asleep.

You twitched awake when you felt Sans teleport back into the room. A few moments later, you felt something soft and warm wrap around you, and you leaned into it. You felt the couch dip in that direction, but didn’t pay it much mind.

Wait.

“Hey...Sans?” You whispered groggily, forcing your eyes open a bit.

“yeah?” His voice was low and gentle.

“Couldn’t you have...just teleported from the bottom of the pool?”

He didn’t reply, but you could see that jawbreaking grin even with your sleepy eyes.


	30. The Only Reasonable Time to Wake up is Noon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NekoAbunai. I'm sorry. I fell asleep. Haha.
> 
> Thank you everyone for all your kudos, comments, and bookmarks. They all mean so much to me. Thank you for putting up with me.

“SANS? SAAAANS! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU LAZY-”

“Paps.”

“AH, HUMAN-”

“Papyrus.”

“HOW MAY I-oh. Of course. But why?”

“Come here. Look.”

“What would-...Oh...well...I _suppose_ he can sleep a while longer.”

“The idiots must’ve been up all night.”

“Agreed. But what shall we do for our meal? The Great Papyrus must admit that he isn’t the most...stealthy chef…”

“There’s this great breakfast place pretty close to here. C’mon.”

*

When Sans blinked awake, he stared blankly at the wall before processing that he had just woken up. Like, naturally. Not from a nightmare, not from someone prodding him awake, and most certainly not from the nauseating aftereffects of a reset. It felt unnatural in how natural it felt.

But _oh_ so good.

He couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it.

A soft whimper and lazy shuffling snapped him back to his reality. Immediately, he froze. Your breath steadied once more, and you leaned back into the crook of his neck with a happy sigh. Sans could feel your warm breath dance across his bones.

You were lying mostly on top of him. He couldn’t comprehend how you were comfortable enough to sleep, what with all the jagged bones you were nuzzled into, but he couldn’t bring himself to dislike anything about the position.

He lifted his free hand and unconsciously started petting you. Your hair was soft like silk, and slipped effortlessly between his joints. He purred at the sensation.

He focused on your soul, and caught a glimpse of it’s happy pulsations. It was as lively as ever. As hopeful as ever.

He thought back to the previous night and groaned. You had managed to shock him with not one, not two, but three revelations last night. He had been thankful that he had been thrown to the bottom of the pool if for no other reason than to give him a bit of time to process the situation. But it was still a lot to process.

Firstly, you had...HoPe. A lot of HoPe. So much HoPe. All the HoPe. How does a person even end up with 9 250 HP?! He realized that he should feel jealous, if only slightly, but he couldn’t find any other emotion towards the situation other than pure relief. You would be safe. But still...9 250?! How did that even work?!

The next thing he had noticed he was certain you hadn’t intended to let him see. He could see souls more easily than any other human or monster, and you didn’t seem to be aware of that. When you had brought your soul to the space just beneath the surface of your chest, he had managed to catch a glimpse of your soul in it’s entirety.

You had a lot of scars. He wasn’t actually certain of that, though. The fractures had been filled with thin lines of pure white, and had been barely noticeable. Love had mended your soul. There had been only one line that even had a hint of the blackness of hate, and even that had been faint.

He wanted to know what had hurt you, and he knew you would tell him without batting an eyelash. Somehow, that made it harder to ask.

Finally, your soul projection. Oh, your soul projection. He felt his magic stain his face. It had been so clear and concise. There had been no wavering or doubt.

‘*She loves you.’

Sans instinctively pulled up his hood and hid in it. His soul was bouncing around his ribcage just at the memory, and your soft body shifting against his own was really not helping.

You had made it clear that you were simply stating your feelings. You didn’t expect him to respond or take any actions, but rather you only wanted to show him the way you felt. There was no pressure for him to take action or reciprocate in any way, and it only made his soul thrum more.

He smiled at your sleeping form. He had never loved the rain so much.

*

The first time you half woke up, your hand was pressed against something cold. Of course, you tugged your arm back to your chest and let your sleepy mind shut off again.

The second time you half woke up, there was something hard poking at your stomach. Of course, you rolled over and returned to the sweet bliss of sleep.

The third time, there was something pinching at your ears. Of course, you batted at the assailant and went back to sleep.

Or you would have, if you had actually aimed properly. As it was, you ended up slapping yourself in the face. Your eyes snapped open and your entire body jolted, eyes eventually focusing on a slightly blue skeleton beneath you. You immediately flopped back down and attempted to go back to sleep.

“do you really have no comment?” Your bed chuckled beneath you.

“No comment…” You repeated groggily, lifting up your hand lazily and letting it slap down onto Sans’ forehead like he was an alarm clock. “Five more minutes.”

“you’ve twisted my arm…” He sighed and you snapped awake again.

“Oh my god, I’m so-wait you meant that figuratively didn’t you?” He laughed at you, and you decided you wouldn’t be getting any more sleep. “Hey! At least I wasn’t poking at you in your sleep.”

That got a reaction. His laugh died instantly and his grin became a bit strained. You could see a few droplets of sweat form on the crown of his skull. You smirked.

“If you wanted to poke _hand_ prod me, _skin_ maybe you could’ve just come _ear_ and asked.”

There was a moment of silence before the two of you erupted into uncontrolled laughter.

“that was a stretch, and you know it.” He coughed between bouts.

“Nah, this is a stretch.” You arched your back and twisted your spine, feeling a few pop with audible sounds. And now Sans was staring at you. You lay back down and gave him a curious look.

“...does that hurt?” He whispered.

“Nope. It feels really good, actually.” You thought for a moment. “Most people can crack their knuckles, but I can’t really.” You demonstrated your lack of popping fingers and sighed. “But I can crack my wrist!” You stretched your wrist, and it cracked softly.

“...can you do that again?” Sans’ face was dusted a light blue, but his eye lights were focused on your hands.

“Sure.” You cracked your other wrist. His blush deepened and his eye lights blurred for a moment. “I suppose that means you can’t crack your joints?”

He gave you a look of horror. You laughed and leaned into his ribcage.

“One day you’re going to have to let me investigate this body of yours.” You muttered, eyes drifting closed. You felt his embarrassment. “I’m curious, okay! You have to let me! Pleeeeeease?” You whimpered.

“fine. only if i get to poke at you, too.” He sighed.

“You already did.” You hummed. “But I suppose I can let you have ‘a more detailed analysis’.” You tried to mimic his voice, but failed miserably. You both laughed at that. There was a long silence as the two of you just enjoyed the moment.

“hey, um, how exactly did you fall asleep there?” He eventually broke the silence.

“How did you fall asleep at the bottom of my pool?”

“touche.”


	31. An Unexpected and Unwelcome Guest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jezzi, one guess as to why the cat is round. We'll get there, my darling.
> 
> And I feel like we should start heading in the general direction of plot. Sorry. I'll fluff it up a bit later.

Now, you were happy to nap on the couch with Sans reading to you. How had it ended up this way? Well, there had been a pun about books, which brought up Papyrus' bedtime stories, which led to you questioning Sans’ reading prowess, which eventually ended up as story time.

Regardless, you would have been happy to continue with the lazy pace. Last night had been exhausting, and Sans’ voice was soothing. He was a great reader, and his voice seemed to carry it’s own magic. His intonation and cadence were flawless, and they way he spoke made the words come alive in your head. It was wonderous. But, alas, life wouldn’t let you have your peace, now would it?

The answer was no. You learned that when you felt a familiarly aggressive magical signature making a beeline for your house. You sighed. This would go over well.

You groaned and sat up, causing Sans to trail off from his sentence and give you a concerned look.

“Papyrus and Eli are going for a walk in the park across the street.” You had found them easily enough, given how close the park was and how familiar you were with Eli’s magic. “Can you go get them?” You rubbed your temples. Today was going to be stupid.

“wh-”

“Please? It would make my life a whole lot easier.” You sighed heavily. Why did that guy choose to come today? “I promise I’ll explain later.”

Your expression was more serious than Sans had ever seen it. After a moment, he nodded slowly.

“Can you, I don’t know, teleport there? Like, right now?” He quirked a brow bone, but nodded.

“this will need a good explanation; we were just getting to the good part.” Was the last thing Sans said before he disappeared from your house.

As if on cue, you heard the front door being blown off of it’s hinges. You grimaced. Yup. This was going to be fun.

*

“___ wants you.” Sans said nonchalantly, and Eli screeched at his sudden appearance in front of her.

“What the?!” She snapped. “Can't you just walk up to people like a normal person?!”

“hey, it took me a good 5 minutes to find you. i already used up all my effort for today.” Sans shrugged, and Eli huffed.

“I don’t get what she sees in you…” Eli sighed. “Anyways. You said ___ wanted me? Why?”

“dunno. she looked worried though.”

“Like ‘I might do poorly on this test’ worried, or ‘I’m about to get shot’ worried?”

“umm…’today is about to get really annoying and i really don’t want to deal with it but have to if i don’t want my house to be put on fire’ worried.”

“That’s oddly specific.” Before Sans could make his pun, Eli continued. “I don’t want to know. Let’s just go. We just have to get your brother; he was chasing a cat.”

“uh...why?”

“Don’t ask me. He’s _your_ brother.”

*

“Why is our house on fire?!”

You were sitting on the front step with the house ablaze behind you. You gave a short wave.

“Good morning to you too.” You shrugged. “But don’t ask me. It was _your_ brother.”

“Oh. Well that explains it.” Eli looked up at the flames. “But how exactly do you propose fixing this? Goddammit. Why’d he come today?”

“Sans is very good at creating water balloons.” You pointed at the shorter skeleton, who was preoccupied with gaping at your flaming house.

“And fix the damage? I really don't want to file another insurance claim…”

“...Chrono Alt?” You considered for a moment before suggesting.

“You draw and I activate?” Eli finished the thought, and you nodded. “That’ll work. But didn't you say it-”

“I wouldn't worry about that too much. It'll be fine.” You waved your hand dismissively.

“HUMAN ___, DID YOU PERCHANCE HAVE A COOKING ACCIDENT? THERE IS NO SHAME IN BURNING DOWN A HOUSE OR TWO!” Papyrus finally caught up to Eli and Sans, and was carrying a round cat in his arms.

“Don't worry about it, Paps. Eli’s brother came over is all.”

“Half brother.” Eli corrected indignantly.

“DID HE HAVE A MISHAP IN THE KITCHEN?”

“Nah. He just tried to murder me.” You shrugged. “And piss Eli off.” You added as an afterthought. Eli looked more exasperated than anything, so you figured the plan hadn't worked.

Well, on her. Sans, on the other hand, was absolutely livid. You could tell that he was trying to control it, but it wasn't working very well. His magic was lashing out violently.

“Okay! So step 1: put out the flaming house before anyone calls the fire department!” You grabbed Sans by his hood and attempted to drag him towards the backyard. It didn’t work.

“who did this?” Sans growled.

“Claude. But it doesn’t really matter right now.” You said hurriedly. “Help me put out my hoooouse.” You whined and tugged a little more.

“where can i find him?”

“Papyrus!” You ignored Sans. “I can’t move your brother!”

“THE GREAT PAPYRUS CAN ASSIST WITH THIS!” The taller skeleton bounded over at your call and easily slung Sans over one of his shoulders. “WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO PUT HIM?”

“Follow me!” You gleefully called as you dashed to the backyard. Papyrus did not follow you. He overtook you.

As he dashed ahead, Sans gave you a hard stare.

“you _**will**_ explain this later.” There was no room for negotiation in his voice. You nodded with a smile.

“I already promised you that, silly. Let’s solve this first, though, and have our exposition later.” You winked. “After all, where’s the fire?” Papyrus groaned, and Sans huffed.

You all stood looking at the poor house with the pool between yourselves and the inferno. You grabbed the hose and began spraying.

“let’s _pool_ our resources to extinguish this.” Sans quipped, much to Papyrus’ dismay, before getting to work assaulting your home with much more effective vollies.


	32. A Much Needed Explanation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. This is an exposition dump. It's pretty boring...sorry guys.

It hadn’t taken too long to put out the fire. Sans was very effective with your pool, after all. Unfortunately, the people who had moved in just down the street had called the fire department, which had forced Eli to call their superiors. All the rest of your neighbours knew the drill: ‘you saw nothing’. The new ones would learn, though.

The firetruck eventually left, and no reports were going to be filed. It always amazed you how much power the Ayer name held.

That left the four of you sitting in a charred house in charred seats at a charred table. Eli had made tea, and you sipped your cup delicately, lest your tongue become charred as well. Sans was staring at you with an intensity that unnerved you, so you opted to stare into your teacup at the pale green peppermint tea. You dumped a little (a lot of) sugar into the cup and watched as the crystals dissolved. So interesting. Too interesting to look away from and make eye contact with pissed off skeletons. Yup.

Eli broke the silence.

“So, this is the first time he’s used fire magic to burn the house down.” She stated awkwardly. “I didn’t think he could use that kind…”

“He can’t. He got a new servant; a young girl from the Trask branch family.” You looked up from your tea. “She missed me on purpose, though I don’t think Claude noticed.” You paused. “At least, I hope he didn’t.” You added with a sad tone. Eli nodded at you with somber understanding. There was another awkward pause.

“What did he want this time?” She sighed.

“Apparently they’re debating how to advise the government regarding the legality of magic, and there’s a tie.” You dumped a bit more sugar into your tea and stirred slowly. “It sounded really important.”

“They want me to actually go back there?” She raised her eyebrows at you, and you nodded.

“They don’t want to allow any of the branch families to vote.” You sipped your tea. “Just show up and vote arbitrarily or something. It’s always a pain when one of your siblings comes to drag you back. Claude especially.”

“I don’t like going there.”

“I don’t like having to have our house fixed every other month.” You pouted, and Eli huffed.

“Point taken.” She muttered. “I guess I can show up for some of the meetings occasionally…but you have to go, too.”

“But then I have to wear the tag. I hate wearing the tag.” Your hand instinctively went to your neck, and you rubbed your throat without thinking.

“I go, you go.” She stated. The two of you stared at each other. You got bored with that, though, and you began making funny faces at her. You managed to make her snort some of her tea. The two of you giggled without any sign of tension.

Others didn’t share your laid back attitude, though.

“hate to interrupt, but do you mind explaining what the fuck just happened?” Sans cut in with a forced calmness. Eli immediately stood up, opened a cupboard, and rummaged around.

She walked back and slammed a glass jar onto the table. She stared at Sans with cold expectation. It took him a moment to register what it was for, but it was apparent when he did. Oh, was it apparent.

He felt about ready to do a violence.

The two older siblings glared at each other in a battle of wills. To pay the swear jar, or to not pay the swear jar, that was the question.

A pained mewing broke into their silent battle.

“Human Eli…” Papyrus tentatively whispered, not wanting to interrupt. “I think I broke the kitty.” There were tears welling up in his eyes, and he gently cradled the whimpering cat in his arms. It’s breathing was ragged.

Now, Eli wasn’t fond of pets. She had complete and utter apathy towards all animals, actually. But for some reason she couldn’t stand the thought of doing nothing while Papyrus worried himself to tears.

“___.” She snapped, and you immediately straightened up and gave her your full attention. “I will be taking Papyrus and his cat to a vet. Take care of Sans and his curiosity while I’m gone.” She pulled out her phone and began looking up places to go. Apparently she had found somewhere promising, as she set off with a sobbing skeleton and a cat in tow.

That left you and Sans. You shifted awkwardly in the heavy atmosphere.

“So...what do you want to know?”

“who is this Claude person?”

“Eli’s half brother on her father’s side.”

“where can i find him?”

“He’s probably back at the main house by now.” You felt Sans’ magic spark and flare in violent anticipation. “Sans. I’m fine.” Your voice softened. “He didn’t hurt me beyond a few scuffs, and Eli and I will have our house fixed by tomorrow. Everything in the house was just an object, and all I need is a good night’s sleep.” You got up, walked around the table, and pulled him into a hug. “I’m fine. I promise.” You whispered into the side of his skull.

His magic shifted from a murderous tone to more of a protective one. You felt it wrap around you possessively, though you doubted that was intentional.

“Now.” You pulled out of the hug. “I do believe that I owe you an explanation. I’ll try my best, but, well, I’m not very good at explaining.” You scooted the chair Papyrus had been sitting in closer to Sans and sat down. “Let’s see...I suppose I should explain Eli’s family a bit…” You muttered to yourself.

“that’s a good place to start. you said he was Eli’s brother, right?”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “You see, Eli and I have the same mother. She was a really powerful mage and-” You cut yourself off. “Actually, it’d be easier to explain this if you understood how our clan works…”

You thought for a moment, and Sans gave no indication of interrupting you.

“Well, our clan is basically a group of mage families that all agree to follow the same rulers, much like a kingdom deciding to obey a king and queen. We have those, too; the family heads. Their direct relatives make up the ‘royal family’ if you will. They are the Ayers. The Ayer family has a lot of power and influence, so they have a lot of sway over major events. They also used to be the only organized magical society in the country, but…” You gestured to him. “Magic. But I digress. They live by a ‘subjugate or be subjugated’ way of life. The strong rule and the weak serve. This is where things get really weird.” You sighed and tried to think of what to say next.

“how does this have anything to do with why Eli’s half brother attacked you?” Sans grumbled.

“I’m getting there!” You kicked his chair, and he flailed about to maintain his balance. “Anyways, my mom was a powerful mage, so she was summoned by the family heads and was ‘allowed the privilege’ of bearing a child for them. That was Eli. She is the second oldest heir to the Ayer name, and Claude is the third. Very similar story for him, but he was born a few months after her. Ever since they were little, he always competed and lost against her.”

“so he did this because he wants to ‘subjugate’ her?” Sans growled. You considered that for a moment.

“Kind of.” You made a face. “You see, she left the family with me a few years ago. And he felt pretty betrayed by that. He saw her as his rival and his goal was to beat her. Now he will never get the chance to try. He’s not a bad guy, really. It’s the way of life he was brought up in that’s bad.” Your gaze shifted into the distance. “I know he could do better if he just tried.” Your focus snapped back to Sans. “So no going and attacking him, you got it? He’s an important person in a powerful family, and he’s a good guy born into a bad situation.” You tried to make a stern expression, but it looked more like a pout.

“don’t you care at all about him attacking you?” Sans muttered in a dark tone. You lowered your eyes.

“I don’t like being attacked.” You admitted. “But I trust you and Eli. You guys wouldn’t ever let someone truly hurt me.” You looked up with a smile. “Besides, I’d tell you if it was too much for me to handle.”

“but he burned everything in your house! including the game room! now we’ll never finish that book.”

“Oh, we’ll see about that.” You smirked devilishly. “Promise to read the rest to me if our house looks as good as new by tomorrow?”

“i don’t like making promises, but sure.” He kicked his feet up onto the table, knocking over the empty jar.

“You should really put some money in there…”

“don’t want to.”

“Please?”

“no.”


	33. Bunnies and Kittens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have taken 'fluff' a little too seriously...
> 
> Bunnies and Kittens. If that isn't the name of a fluff chapter, I don't know what is.

You and Sans eventually found yourselves in the backyard laying in the soft grass, splayed in opposite directions but with your heads beside each other.

“C’mon. It totally looks like a bunny.” You protested.

“nah.”

“It does! See, look. Right there! See the ears?” You pointed. “It looks like a bunny!”

“i was born underground. i don’t know what bunnies are. no idea where these ear things are.”

“Right there! That’s what a bunny looks like!”

“i don’t see it.”

“...You have to open your eyes at least!”

“you’re weird. thinking skeletons have eyes.”

“Saaaaaans.” You chuckled and groaned at the same time.

“ _sky_ don’t _see_ what _cloud_ be bothering you.”

“How do you even...come...up…?” Your laughter trailed off as you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. You quickly pulled it out and answered. “Hello?”

“Hey ___. We’re going to be a bit.” Eli’s voice sounded tired.

“What happened?”

“Well, when a male cat like a female cat very very much-”

“Eli!”

“Papyrus’ cat was pregnant.” Eli sighed heavily. “Her name is apparently...what...Corsiva? Something like that. He named her Corsiva or something. Papyrus has decided to become her husband...I think. I’m not really sure. He is currently promising her that he will take care of her children, though...Shut up. Stop laughing! I’m being serious here!”

“Oh my god Eli!”

“Whatever. I was just calling to say we’re probably going to be here until later in the evening. She was pretty malnourished, so the veterinarian wants to keep an eye on her.”

“I’m sure you’ve got it covered.” You heard Eli make an audible sigh.

“Give the phone to Sans.”

“Yes, _master_.”

“You don’t have to call me that.”

“I know.” You pulled the phone away from your head and held it out to the lazy skeleton. “Eli wants to talk to you.”

“‘bout what?”

“Your nieces and nephews.”

“...what?” He processed that for a moment. “WHAT?!” He shot up from the ground into a seated position. His hard head smacked into your hand on the way up, knocking away the phone. You rolled over and picked it back up again.

“It’s rude to keep her waiting…” You muttered as you held the phone out to him. He eagerly snatched it out of your hand.

“what’s this about nieces and nephews?!” You couldn’t help but giggle at Sans’ sudden animatedness.

You went to lay back down, but your hand stung when you tried to move it. Apparently your soul hadn’t resynchronized with your body yet. You knew that the pain and the injury would fade quickly as your body resonated with your soul, matching your physical state with your HP level, but you didn’t really want to wait that long. It was at times like these that you wished you still had your magic. More magic meant more resonance which meant faster synchronization. You had had a comic-like healing factor back in those days…

But the past was in the past. It was time to deal with the present. You decided to leave Sans with your phone and raid the medicine cabinet.

*

“what’s this about nieces and nephews?!”

“Oh. Don’t worry. I won’t be torn up if you can’t give me any. I can respect your lack of-”

“anyways! i didn’t mean...that.” Sans cut her off before he became any less composed. He still felt his magic dusting his bones. Fortunately, you had wandered off. “i meant what are you doing to my brother that ___ thinks i’m going to be having nieces and nephews?!”

“You are.”

“...” Sans couldn’t think straight enough to form words, but a deep growl reverberated through his bones.

“Oh god. You meant like that. Oh, no. God no. Your brother is such an innocent cinnamon roll! Just...no. I couldn’t corrupt him. I meant kittens, dude. You’re going to be the proud uncle of kittens. Get your mind out of the gutter!”

“like you’re one to talk! you were just talking about-”

“Anyways!” Eli cut in hastily. “I was just going to ask you to keep ___ entertained for the evening! Papyrus and I will be preoccupied with this, so I was just going to ask you to keep my sister out of trouble. Maybe go to the park or something. I don’t know. Can we stop talking about your-”

“hey, you’re the one who brought it up.”

“Fair enough. But I’m serious about the whole ‘entertain her’ thing. Last time I left her alone without books to entertain her, she joined a biker gang and participated in underground street races. In the week I was gone, she became close friends with a mafia boss, got a bike that isn’t even legal, and managed to become the reigning champion of the city’s illegal racing circuit.”

“...in one week?” Sans couldn’t keep his disbelief out of his voice.

“In one week, amigo.” Eli deadpanned. “And now all her books are piles of ash.”

“oh. ok. don’t let her get bored in an unsupervised environment. got it.”

“Good. Now go flirt your heart out!” Without properly saying goodbye, Eli hung up, leaving Sans groaning into his hands with blue staining his face.

*

“It’s fine! I promise!” You whined for the umpteenth time.

When you had exited the house with a tensor bandage on, Sans had inspected your hand and wrist delicately yet intensely. Of course, he had demanded to know who had done it, and you had explained that he was pretty hard headed not to know. He had apologized much more than was necessary and had insisted on making up for it. He had grabbed you into a tight hug before dragging you through a void and into a park on the other side of town.

“Besides, you’re getting me ice cream, right? That’s good enough compensation.”

“nice cream.”

“Isn’t it the same thing?”

“not at all. i promise it’s way better than ice cream.”

“That’s some high expectations you’re setting; I love ice cream.”

“after this, you will be corrupted forever.” Sans smirked and glanced at your hand briefly, his smile becoming strained for a split second before reverting to his casual smile. You didn’t miss his flash of guilt, though. That just wouldn’t do.

You smirked back at him and danced around to the other side of him, grabbing his other hand with your good one. You hummed contentedly and you walked slow enough to match his pace.

“So what flavours are there?” You inquired in a playful tone.

“there’re 21 kinds. i’m not going to list all of them.”

“You’re no help.” You pouted. “At least walk faster then.”

“but this old bag of bones can’t-”

“Won’t.” You corrected.

“can’t,” He insisted, “move that quickly.”

“I have played tag against you! Sure, you teleported a bit, but you have some serious moves! I’ve seen them!”

“that was just your imagination.”

“It wasn’t!”

“it was.”

“...Was it?” You muttered after much consideration.

“nah.”

“So you were?!” You looked over at him, only to see a smug grin filled with childish glee. “You were!” Sans began chuckling at your frustrated expression. “It’s not funny! You had me thinking I was delusional! I trusted you!”

“you should know better than to do something silly like that.”

“Sans!” You shoved him playfully. Or at least tried to. He disappeared before you could follow through, and instead you found yourself flailing to regain your balance.

Just as you were about to fall over, bony arms wrapped around you and effortlessly pulled you upright. You looked over at Sans with a look of mock betrayal. He tried to give a non-caring expression, but the way he looked at you with such adoration ruined it.

“don’t go falling for me just yet.”

“Boo. That sucked.”

“uh...haven’t you had enough falling after you tumbled from heaven?”

“Eh...still iffy, but I’ll give you a pass.” You blushed openly and smiled. You resumed your walk, this time forcing Sans to keep up with your pace.

There was a cart in the center courtyard of the park with a blue bunny person leaning against it. As you and Sans approached, his ears perked up and his smile widened. You stopped walking.

“Sans.”

“what?” Worry lightly laced his voice. You pointed dramatically at the nice cream vendor.

“You totally know what a bunny looks like!”


	34. Tongues and Nice Cream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lynn, sorry about taking so long to write this chapter. You requested nice cream, so by god there will be nice cream.
> 
> sadestheperson, of course it's the blue one.
> 
> I know this is an overdone thing, but it's overdone for a reason dammit. Enjoy.

“It’s not that funny Sans! Stop laughing!” You whined, staring at the skeleton. He was keeled over and still laughing maniacally.

“Y-ahah-you actually-kaha-beliv-” He was trying to say something, but couldn’t stop his laughter from interrupting. You could see blue tears forming at the edges of his eye sockets, and his grin was wide enough for you to begin contemplating skeleton anatomy.

You watched with a pout as you waited for your companion to regain any semblance of composure. You couldn't help but smile, though; it was always nice to hear a sincere laugh from him.

“Ya done?” You huffed as he quieted down. He nodded, preoccupied with gasping for air and chuckling. Skeletons didn't need to breathe, though, apparently, so why…? And he never really opened his mouth when he talked...could he?

Now wasn't the time for such questions. You wanted to try this 'legendary' nice cream.

“So...can we get nice cream now, or would you like a little more time?”

“nah..ha...i'm good..hehe.” He snickered a bit, but looked much more composed. “but you seriously believed me?!”

“Of course?” You said slowly with a confused expression. “Why?”

“...no reason.” He replied after a short pause. “so, nice cream?” He gestured towards the stand, where the bunny person was staring at the two of you with a happy curiosity.

“Nice cream!” You agreed happily and skipped along side him.

The bunny’s ears lifted as you got closer, and he righted himself against his cart. You hadn’t noticed before, but there was a large sign with 3 columns of flavour names written. You immediately began reading. You were determined not to be one of those people that waste everybody’s time by ho-humming about what to get. You would have your flavour chosen within a reasonable time frame!

“hey, Nice.” Sans greeted. “how’s business going?”

“Quite well!” The bunny - who you assumed was called ‘Nice’ - replied with a chipper voice. “The heat over the past few days has really made my nice cream a big hit!”

“glad things are finally going well for you after the incident downtown.” Nice nodded at Sans’ remark. Sans placed a hand on your head and softly ruffled your hair. “anyways, ___ here hasn’t tried nice cream in her life, and i feel it's necessary to remedy this tragic situation.”

“Well then, what flavour would you like?”

“Crystal Moon.” You replied without hesitation, looking at him with sparkles in your eyes. “It sounds glorious.”

“It is a good one!” He agreed happily. “Would you like one yourself, Sans?”

“eh, why not? gimme an ice marmalade.”

“Coming right up!” Nice flashed you two a smile before diving into his cart and pulling out two packages. Sans handed him the money, and he he handed you two the appropriate nice creams.

“Thank you!” You happily accepted the treat. “Thanks Nice! Thanks Sans!”

“heh, no problem _sweet_ heart.”

“Oh my god Sans.” You laughed at how stupid it was. You recovered almost instantaneously, though. “Let’s go sit at the playground! C’mon!” You grabbed Sans by his free hand. “Thanks again, Nice!”

“It was my pleasure! Be sure to have a super-duper day!” He waved.

“We will!” You promised as you waved back. You turned back to your nice cream. “There were a lot of flavours I’d never heard of there. We need to go back sometime. But for now, I’m going to figure out what a crystal moon tastes like.”

“‘you look wonderful today!’” Sans muttered in an amused tone next to you.

“What?”

“mine thinks i look wonderful today.” He held his package out to you and, sure enough, it said he looked wonderful. In his hand he held what looked like a white popsicle, but you could sense weak magic radiating off of it.

“I don’t get what it’s on about. You look wonderful everyday.” You looked back down at your package. “Mine says ‘your personality is so radiant it could light up the darkest room’. Aww.” As you read it and opened the package, you felt a tingle of magic activating. You felt a soft wave of positive emotions wash over your soul, if only for a brief moment. You face must’ve conveyed your surprise.

“neat, huh?”

“How does it do that?!”

“Nice specializes in healing magic. his magic just happens to heal the soul alongside the body. it’s the cold treat that warms your heart, after all.”

“That’s amazing!” You pulled your nice cream out of it’s package. It was a beautiful indigo. You licked it tentatively. You felt the magic lap at your tongue and your soul become awash with happiness. Your face lit up at the flavour. It tasted unlike anything you had ever tried before, and it was far better than you could've ever imagined. You immediately stuck it back into your mouth and sucked on it.

“Mmmmmmmmm…” You sighed contentedly. “Mm?” You back at Sans, who was just watching you. “Mmm mm mmm. Mnn’nn _mmm_ nmm **m** n.” You scolded, your mouth still full.

“...you’re going to have to run that by me again.” His eye lights remained trained on your nice cream. You took it out of your mouth slowly, savouring it’s flavour.

“Your nice cream. You’re _supposed_ to **eat** it.” You pointed to the dripping popsicle in his hand. “It’s melting all over your hand.”

“ah crap!” He looked about to do something, then stopped. “uh…” You could feel uncertainty from him.

“Just do whatever it is.” You smiled reassuringly.

“...if you say so…” He muttered, paused, and then licked up the dripping bits of his nice cream.

What?

“You have a tongue?!” You stared at his very slightly open mouth and the blue appendage snaking out of it. It immediately retreated back into his mouth and he clamped his jaw shut. “Aww, no fair! You can’t hide it!”

“i can hide my weird tongue if i want.” He grumbled, biting off part of the nice cream.

“You have a cool magic tongue!” You protested. “You have to let your normal human friends look at it!”

“‘cool magic tongue’?”

“Yes! It’s a manifestation, right? That’s really cool! I wanna touch it!”

He stared at you for a moment, before chuckling in a deep tone. You blushed.

“Hey! Don’t make fun of me!” You whined. You felt something sticky touch your fingers, and suddenly remembered about your own nice cream. “You have to show me later.” You grumbled before turning back to your popsicle. You began licking up the dripping juices. You made sure to catch every last drop, thoroughly licking up the length of your popsicle several times.

As you were licking, you glanced over at Sans. He was staring at you with wide sockets and constricted yet attentive lights. You could feel his magic pulsating. The feeling was hot. Was he...jealous? You could only think of your tongue as something he could be that passionate about. He did call his own weird, after all, and yours _was_ better at catching melting nice cream.

You quirked an eyebrow at him, but shrugged it off when he turned away. You popped the nice cream back into your mouth. It was delicious, after all.


	35. Tile-tle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another tie over chapter! Sorry! I kind of got carried away while writing it...so...sorry.
> 
> Also, as to why my updates are so...not consistent...I'm currently on vacation. And I got a puzzle. It took me a while to finish...and then I remembered I had a story. Oops.
> 
> I'll try my best to get back on schedule! And be better at writing! Thank you all for being patient with me!

_Eli_  
**Do you think you guys could head to a pet shop or something? It seems as though Paps is adamant about becoming a father…**

_Sans_  
**sure. but he does know that our apartment doesn’t allow pets, right?**

_Eli_  
**Just broke the news. He gave me the puppy eyes. Help.**

_Sans_  
**___ is saying that you guys could keep them at your place. she’s giving me the puppy eyes. help**

_Eli_  
**...Tell her that our house is burnt down. We can’t take in a bunch of kittens!**

_Sans_  
**she made me teleport her home. she’s running around saying something about setting up a circle for you?**

_Eli_  
**And your brother is sobbing at me. There’s no fighting this, is there?**

_Sans_  
**you should give up. i did.**

_Eli_  
**...**

_Eli_  
**Fine.**

_Eli_  
**We can keep the kittens at our house...on the condition that the two puppy eyed fools take care of them!**

_Sans_  
**your house is a pile of ash, though**

_Eli_  
**I wouldn’t worry too much about that. ___ should be setting things up so that I can fix everything when I get home.**

_Sans_  
**how exactly is what she’s doing going to fix your house?**

_Eli_  
**Don’t ask me. I just activate the magic. I know nothing.**

_Sans_  
**fair enough**

*

“so Eli caved...what’re you doing there?” Sans put away his phone and watched as you ran around the scorched building. You would run to an area, delicately draw small yet incredibly complex designs, and then run off to another part of the property.

“Putting down reference markers.” You stated simply as you dashed past.

“reference for what?”

“A magical sequence.” You popped your head around a corner just to give him an ‘isn’t it obvious’ look.

“...i hadn’t thought magic required writing stuff down to use.”

“It doesn’t! It’s usually easier to just learn how to directly cast magic than to go through the trouble of writing down the actual magical sequences required for it.” You groaned to yourself, and he heard you scraping away some wood. “It’s actually incredibly difficult to sequence correctly, anyways, because of how intuitive magic is. It’s like trying to play a sport by mathematically determining what the optimal actions to take would be; it’s both faster and easier to just do it the natural way.”

“then why are you doing this?” Sans walked around the corner. You were staring intently at a small patch of ground while tediously drawing an intricate design.

“Because nobody but one person can actually use this kind of magic.” Your face darkened and your expression shifted. You looked oddly serious. “But, well, I can piggyback off their magic to run this sequence. It’s just stupidly difficult to draw out and drains almost all of Eli’s magic, so it’s easier just to file an insurance claim.”

“but, if it’s for the kittens…” Sans drawled sarcastically. You glared at him, but he just stared back at you with a wide grin. You turned back to your work with a huff.

“Of course I’ll do it for the kittens. Kittens are adorable.” You grumbled. “Okay, this is going to take a bit.”

“i can go nap in your backyard. come get me when you want to go shopping.”

You flashed him a thumbs up and he flashed out of the room. You sighed heavily. It was going to be a long afternoon.

*

_____  
**So, I’ve placed all the references and the master sequence is on the driveway. The area’s bigger than usual, so you’re going to have to use your spirit core.**

_Eli_  
**Dammit. It’s exhausting to use that.**

_____  
**Boohoo. You know what else is exhausting? Drawing magic circles so detailed that they look like black blobs from more than 10cm away.**

_Eli_  
**Point taken. Go take your skelly to the pet shop; I’ll activate the stupid circle when we get home. We should be leaving in about half an hour, so try not to take too long.**

_____  
**Yay! Pet store!**

_Eli_  
**Just one thing to keep in mind: NO GETTING ANY MORE PETS**

*

_Eli_  
**If you let her bring home any sort of pet I will personally see to sabotaging your relationship, kapishe? I promise that I can make your life hell.**

_Sans_  
**no pets. got it**

_Eli_  
**I’m glad you understand.**

*

“There’s nothing wrong with it or anything, I just don’t get why you were at the bottom of the pool. There isn’t even any water in there anymore.” You pointed out as you walked towards the pet store. Since Eli was out with her Fiat, the two of you had taken Papyrus’ red sports car. Sans had insisted on driving, much to your displeasure. It had looked so fun to drive.

“ _tile_ sleep wherever i want.” He shrugged. It took you a moment before you realized that your pool had glass tiles instead of a liner. A smile twitched at your lips.

“You’re so _tile_ ented at sleeping that I bet you could sleep anywhere.” You smirked, proud of yourself.

“ _tile tile_ you what, let’s _tile_ out your _ti_ pothesis. Let’s _tile_ ke a trip around _tile_ n and _tile tile_ to sleep in _tile_ ns of places and we’ll see how it goes.” The shit eating grin was in full swing.

“Good lord! Most of those didn’t even make sense! The rest are too much of a stretch to be good! Why is it funny?! It shouldn’t be funny!” You sputtered between laughs. You were still giggling as you pushed open the shop door, the door knocking a bell with a soft ting.

“so, do we even know what we’re looking for?” Sans muttered, his eyes flicking around the various displays. He still looked very pleased with himself. You held up a hand to him as you caught your breath.

“Yup! Eli sent me a list.” You pulled up the file on your phone. You scrolled through it, grimacing at it’s length. “Uh...maybe we should just head to the cat section and work from there.”

“sounds good.” Sans lazily followed you as you walked over and pulled out a cart. The moment you turned to head towards your respective aisle, the cart suddenly got incredibly heavy.

“Sans.”

“sans is sleeping.”

“You can’t seriously be trying to sleep in the shopping cart.”

“and why not?”

“Because it’s making it hard to push.”

“i believe in you!”

“...” You sighed and pushed Sans towards the cat aisle. “I think I deserve another nice cream for this.” When no reply came, you looked down questioningly.

Your skeleton was already fast asleep.

“Really…” You whispered to yourself, a warm smile softly growing on your face. “You’re going to hurt your back sleeping like that…”


	36. 30 is Just Excessive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all knew it was coming eventually. I promise I won't overdo it with the angst, but, well, it's Sans. Poor, traumatized Sans.
> 
> I'll give ya some fluff to make up for this, promise.

You had a conundrum.

You had already filled the the cart as full as you could with your kitteny goods, but you still needed other things (Eli’s list had been quite extensive and amazingly thorough). The problem lay with the skeleton taking up the entire bottom section of your cart. You had stuffed as many things as you could around and on top of him. The only thing you could see of him was the back of his skull.

You really didn’t want to wake him up. He looked so peaceful. But, you also really needed to buy cat food. Corsiva would be pissed if you didn’t feed her.

Well.

You could…

You struggled with yourself for a few moments before you began preparing the cans.

*

When Sans woke up, he felt pressure against the back of his skull. A cold, metallic pressure. Then he heard a muffled, childish giggle.

His soul pounded unevenly in his ribcage. Not again. Please, not this again. He couldn’t do this again.

But he didn’t really have a choice in the matter, did he? He never had a choice, after all. And it was all so frustrating.

The metal scraped against his skull with a slightly increased pressure, and the childish laughter resounded once more.

Sans snapped up and grabbed at the nearest soul. It had to be _theirs_ , after all. He swung his hand, to which the voice yelped in surprise. There was a loud crack followed by the clattering of countless tins.

That woke him up. His eye immediately flickered out and his two white pupils returned. They flicked around frantically. He was at a pet store. He was at the pet store he went to for you. For the kittens Papyrus was having. A very alive Papyrus was having.

The moment he managed to calm himself, he saw what lay before him. A shelf was knocked over. With you lying in the scattered cat food cans.

His eye lights vanished as he processed what had just happened. He felt panic vibrate through his ribs, guilt run down his spine, and fear contort his expression. He had hurt you. He had _hurt_ you.

You would hate him. And he deserved to be hated.

You would fear him. And he would deserve to be feared.

You would...leave him. And he would deserve-

“Well, good morning to you too.” You grumbled. “I was almost at 30!”

“...what…?” Sans’ mind froze. He couldn’t think. You were looking at him with...mild...annoyance…? He searched your face again. You were mildly annoyed.

“Cat food cans!” You pushed off the ground and sat cross-legged. “I almost had 30!” You pouted. You...weren’t yelling at him. Or cowering. Or...doing anything really.

“...you...what?” He repeated, unable to formulate a sentence.

“Oh, right, you were sleeping. Riiiiiiight! Silly me. Sorry.” You laughed a bit. “Okay, so there was no more room in the cart, so I put a couple cans of cat food onto your head. But you didn’t seem to notice, so I stacked a few more. I just kept stacking, and I almost had 30! Just one more! But noooooooo, you had to spring up all of a sudden and knock them all off!” You pouted and stuck out your tongue. “It was going to be amazing.”

“...” Sans stared at you. He studied your face. You were completely serious.

“Umm...could you make your...uh...pupils?...come back or something if you’re going to keep staring at me like that? It’s weirding me out.” You complained, without any hint of nervousness.

It started as a soft snicker, but quickly dissolved into a rib shaking laugh. You really were something else.

“Hey! Stop laughing at me! You’re the weird one! Making your eyes empty and shit!”

“kid.” He managed between laughs. “don’t you know?”

“Know what?” You inquired tentatively with one eyebrow quirked.

“don’t you know 30 is a bit excessive? 29, sure, but 30? could you even reach that high?” Somehow, a lazy grin settled on his face. You immediately returned to pouting.

“Get out of my cart, skeleton.” You stuck out your tongue.

“no.”

“Nope, you don’t get cart privileges anymore.” You stopped for a moment. “How do you even sleep there?!”

“magic.”

“But I couldn’t sense any…” You realized a bit late that he was joking. “Sans!”

“yeeeeees?”

“Umm...excuse me...dear customers…” A nervous voice cut in. You both turned to see a very uncertain looking store clerk standing at the end of the aisle. “Would you mind...um…” She trailed off. You followed her line of sight, and your eyes settled on the scattered cans.

“No problem! I blame the skeleton, though.” You gave her a salute. “But, uh, I think we broke the shelf...do you mind getting a manager or something? I don’t mind paying for repairs.”

“Yes! I’ll be right back!” She gave a nervous yet bright smile and scurried away. You smiled after her.

“you blame the skeleton?” Sans said incredulously.

“Be quiet and clean up your mess.”

*

You weren’t stupid. This wasn’t a problem that could be laughed off until it went away.

The way his magic had lashed out wasn’t safe. He had been lucky that it had been you. Getting slammed into the shelf like that would’ve sent anybody else to the hospital. Fortunately, your soul had recognized the situation as a FIGHT and had shifted into a more frequent resonance with your body. Your insane HP could take it easily enough.

You were concerned, though. Not for yourself, but for Sans. You had suddenly felt a sharp wave of fear and hatred roll through him. His entire being had radiated a feeling you wouldn’t have recognized if you hadn’t learned it’s meaning from Eli: trauma.

You hoped it didn’t have anything to do with time magic. You really hoped it didn’t. Time magic was the most fucked up magic in existence. But the way Sans and Frisk interacted made it all too likely.

You wanted to help. You wanted to show him that you understood, if only slightly. You wanted to pull him into a hug and tell him things would get better.

You wanted to show him that there is always a choice. That it does matter.

For now, though, you would simply be there for him. That is what he needed. Forcing people to overcome their trauma never works, after all. He would talk about it when he was ready.

For as long as he needed, you would wait. Smiling from the very depths of your soul.


	37. XOXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you by an idea from Anon-chan.
> 
> Also, we have some more fan art from Niaesha. I very much appreciate it ^.^  
> http://niaesha.deviantart.com/art/Img-20160728-0002-624616382
> 
> Without further ado, have your chapter biscuit.

Sans had hopped out of the cart, careful not to knock anything else out, and had begun picking up the scattered goods. For the most part he seemed okay, but you could still feel his unease. You couldn’t fix the past, but you could help the present. The only way you knew how.

“hey, kid, aren’t you gunna…” He started but trailed off. “uh...kid? what’re you doing?” You had leaned over his crouched form and wrapped your arms around him.

“Hug.” You chirped in a voice similar to that of a stubborn child and tightened your arms around his ribcage.

“i realize that but-”

“Hug.”

“but we have to-”

“Hug.”

“but-”

“Hug.” You felt his ribs expand and collapse in a sigh. You leaned back and pulled him so that he was sitting in your lap on the ground. He didn’t resist, but you could feel his hesitation.

“k-kid?”

“Shhhhhh. Just accept it.” You nuzzled between his shoulderblades and double checked that he wasn’t uncomfortable with your forceful snuggles. “You don’t need to explain. Are you okay?”

“what? i should be asking-”

“Are you okay?” You repeated a bit more forcefully, cutting him off.

“...yeah…”

“You know lying to me doesn’t really work, right?” You chided teasingly. He thought about that for a long moment.

“...not really…” He whispered.

“Then we’re going to sit here and hug it out.”

“but-”

“We’re going to sit here and hug it out.”

“...okay.”

*

Apparently Sans couldn’t hide anything from you. Normally, this would unnerve him. He had grown used to hiding things behind a smile, masking everything with a lazily calm facade. Yet, you effortlessly saw through it.

But, for some reason, he really didn’t mind.

He had been startled when you had suddenly pulled him into a hug, but rather liked it. It felt nice. You were so warm and squishy. His sweater was thin enough that he could feel his bones pressing into your skin. He could feel your heartbeat pulsating through his spine. It was...calming.

Somehow, little by little, his panic faded and his painful memories retreated to the back of his mind.

He leaned back into you and sighed contentedly. You shifted a bit, but said nothing about his hard edges digging into you. As much as he was worried about your comfort, he couldn’t bring himself to ask about it.

For as long as time would allow, he wanted to stay with you like this.

*

Good lord he was bony. Well, you supposed that was to be expected. He _was_ a skeleton, after all.

You couldn’t really bring yourself to care, though. As pointy as he was, it felt oddly _right_ to be snuggled up to him like this. You decided not to question that further.

Even after his magic had become the definition of calmness, you still didn’t want to pull away. He made no move to do so, either.

“Oh dear, I hope I’m not interrupting something.” At that, Sans attempted to pull away from you. He only succeeded in pulling you up into a piggyback.

“Hey Annabelle.” You greeted, giving her a nod instead of a wave. She looked at you and Sans with amusement. “So this is where you worked?”

“Yup. I became store manager a month ago. It’s great to see you again, though I never expected to meet you here.”

“How’s everything with your husband?”

“It could be better, but I still love the bastard.” She shrugged uncaringly, but her expression held nothing but adoration. “So, what’s this about you destroying my store?”

“Sorry. I can cover the repair the costs.” She nodded, so you continued. “By ‘it could be better’, are you referring to Ismene? Her birthday was last week, right?”

“He missed her party. The forgetful man went and paid off a loan shark instead. I had to leave Clara in charge will I dragged his sorry ass back to his daughter's birthday party.” She sighed. “Do you think you can help my husband dearest find a way to make it up to her?”

“Not a problem! I’m happy to see he’s not gambling anymore.”

“Me too.” A warm smile twitched at her lips. “Now, if you’d let go of your boyfriend for a bit, would you mind coming with me to write a damage report?”

“Yes ma’am! Though he isn’t my boyfriend.” You turned to Sans. “Do you mind taking everything to the checkout? I’ll pay for it when I get back.”

“...uh...sure?” He was looking between you and Annabelle with confusion, a light blue dusting his bones.

You gave Sans a quick hug. As you released, though, you felt a shove from behind. You staggered into Sans, who would have normally caught you pretty effortlessly. This time, though, as he stepped back, he stepped onto a stray can.

The two of you tumbled onto the ground together, you on top of him. If it was just that, you would’ve been able to laugh it off as you did everything else. Instead, you flushed a deep red.

Your lips were pressed against his teeth.

You snapped up from the ground the moment your brain began processing again. You felt your face burning.

“A-Annabelle!” You sputtered. She was laughing.

“Oh wow! I hadn’t actually expected that to work!” She wiped a tear from her eye. “What is this, an anime?”

“L….let’s just write that report thingy!” You grabbed her by the wrist and practically ran away.

“Oh, come now, it wasn’t even a real…” She trailed off, studying you. “...Could that have been...your first kiss?” You stopped suddenly and your blush deepened.

“...N-no…” You couldn’t look her straight in the eye.

“You’re such a bad liar.”

*

Sans lay on the ground for a long time. Much longer than he usually would have. Which was saying something, since lying on the ground was a favourite pastime of his.

If you had laughed it off, that would’ve been fine. But...you had reacted like… _that_.

You were so cute.

He raked his fingers across his face with an unsettling scraping sound. His face was stained with magic, but he didn’t care. His grin strained the limits of his face, but he wasn’t concerned with composure.

God. You were so cute.


	38. Little Lumps Called Kittens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally get some kittens...good lord that took a while...
> 
> LetskeepthisSECRET, lolottes, and sadestheperson. Thank you guys so much for your ideas that I smacked together to make this chapter. Really, thanks you guys.

Eli considered herself to be a fairly decent older sister. After some initial...conflicts, she had grown into the roll quite well if she did say so herself. Which she did. She protected you from harm, loved you unconditionally, and supported you in whatever you did.

It had been the very last thing that had landed her in her current situation.

Kittens. Tiny delicate lumps called kittens. Eli would never consider herself to be an animal person. It wasn’t like she disliked animals, either, but rather had very little inclination to be around them.

“It’s okay, Paps, I don’t need to hold...umm...which one is this?” Eli pointed to the tiny lump in her lap, her expression strained.

“BIANCO!” Papyrus regarded her with excitement.

“Right.” Eli tried not to sound annoyed. They were animals; why they needed names was beyond her. “Well...uh...Bianco should probably go back to her mother, right?”

“BIANCO IS A BOY.” Papyrus pointed out gently despite his loud voice. “AND I THINK HE LIKES YOU! CAN’T HE SIT THERE JUST A LITTLE LONGER?” He practically squealed with glee. Eli didn’t want to shatter that hopeful expression, so she sighed softly.

“...I guess…” It had been easier to RESTORE the house than to say no to Papyrus. He gave Bianco a loving look before dashing out of the room. Eli poked the kitten gently, unsure of what to do with it. It seemed to wince away from her touch. Eli decided to touch the kittens as little as possible from then on.

Eli sat as still as a human could manage without being frozen into a human popsicle. The kitten was sleeping. She didn’t know what to do with it’s tiny form. Papyrus was busy ensuring his cat-wife’s comfort and doing something with the cardboard boxes he had found in the garage, so she couldn't find any help there. Staying still hadn't made anything bad happen, so she decided to continue with that.

At some point, Papyrus had put another sleeping kitten on her lap. Eli couldn’t bring herself to say no and hesitantly allowed the little blob to take up residence on her thighs. It wouldn’t kill her to host two kittens, after all. But two became three, and three became four. Eli soon found her lap had become the impromptu bed for the entire litter of kittens. She had no idea what she was supposed to be doing with them, and had nervously called for Papyrus. But he was busy with his boxes. Eventually, she resigned herself to her fate, and leaned into the couch with a huff.

“...Human Eli?” Papyrus suddenly entered the living room. His voice was much more cautious than it usually was. Eli gave him a concerned look.

“Yes, Paps?”

“Would it be alright if...you showed me the glowy thing again?” He twiddled his fingers nervously. “The one you used when we got home?”

“My spirit core?” Eli was a bit surprised.

“YES! YOUR SPIRIT CORE! W-would that be alright? It was just...really pretty...”

“...Of course.” How could she say no to that sincerely curious face. “But you have to take Bianco and friends from me. Wouldn’t want them to get hurt, right?”

“OF COURSE HUMAN ELI!” With a surprising daintiness, he scooped all four of the helpless kittens from Eli’s lap. Eli marveled at how careful he was being despite how his stature would suggest otherwise. He easily cupped two kittens in each hand and gently lowered himself into a seated position on the floor.

Eli stood from the couch and stretched a bit. Satisfied, she pushed her hair behind her ear and and unclipped the crystal charm dangling from her only earring. The crystal itself was a dark colour, yet the way the light filtered through it gave it a lifelike quality. Holding the charm in one hand, she pushed her magic inside it. Her overworked magic protested, but she ignored the nagging exhaustion.

The tiny crystal expanded until it was about half the size of a soul and glowed just as brilliantly as one. In fact, it’s colour was identical to Eli’s own soul.

As the core stabilized, Eli could feel her strain become bustling energy awaiting direction. The feeling was addictive; a fact she knew too well.

Papyrus stared at the glowing gem with unrestrained awe, and Eli suddenly felt a sense of pride. She wasn’t a prideful person, but the way the childish skeleton looked at her spirit core made her soul glow just a tad bit brighter. She almost believed that his eyes had stars in them, and, as silly as the thought was, she blushed happily at that.

After a few moments, Eli allowed the crystal to deactivate and shrink. She quickly clipped it back onto her earring. Papyrus didn’t mask his disappointment in the least.

Eli patted him on the head, and then rubbed it like one would a buddha statue. It was so smooth. She wanted to keep rubbing it. But she didn't want to be a creep, so she lowered her hand.

“So, you want to show me what you were doing with those boxes?”

*

How had it ended up this way? Eli had no idea. She was sitting inside a box. That was shaped like a racecar. With a cat on her head and with kittens cuddled into her breasts.

And she was currently doing 10 over the speed limit.

...It was probably a monster thing.

*

No. Kittens cannot do puzzles, Papyrus. End of story. No, believing in them won’t help.

*

Apparently kittens are liquids...sometimes. But sometimes they’re solid. Eli didn’t quite understand it. Maybe they could change state at will using some form of magic? She would have to ask you when you got home.

As for now, she would need to get Papyrus to stop crying about breaking the kitten and then remove said kitten from between his radius and ulna.

*

When she heard the sound of a sports car pulling into her driveway, Eli dashed to the front door and whipped it open. You and Sans were just getting out of the vehicle, though you seemed to be avoiding looking at your companion. You looked extremely nervous.

Eli sighed. You were probably worrying about something stupid again.

Sans, on the other hand, looked at you like a lovestruck teenager. Something had developed, and Eli couldn’t wait to tease you about it.

But she had more pressing matters to attend to.

“Sans!” Eli called in desperation. “For the love of god please explain to your brother that kittens cannot and should not eat spaghetti even if it _is_ the ‘friendship’ kind!” It took the shorter skeleton a moment to process, but the instant he understood was also the instant he disappeared. Eli sighed and rubbed her temples. The kittens would be safe. Hopefully.

“Eli!” You cried, dashing around the car towards her. “Help meeeeeeeee!”

“With what?” Eli inquired suspiciously.

“What counts as a kiss with a skeleton?!” You looked on the edge of tears. Eli froze for a moment. He hadn’t…

You were looking at her with those eyes. The ones of absolute faith. You truly believed Eli knew what to tell you.

How the hell was she supposed to know?!

“...Uh...Well…” Eli had never even considered the question before. For obvious reasons.

“IS THERE A PROBLEM, HUMAN ELI?” Papyrus, with a slightly dejected look on his face, wandered out from the house. “YOU...aren’t mad are you…? I-”

“No!” Eli cut him off hurriedly, her eyes widening. “We were just trying to figure out what counts as a kiss with a skeleton!” She blurted without thinking.

“OH! THAT’S EASY! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS A MASTER AT SKELETON KISSES!” With that, Papyrus scooped Eli off of the ground like a child and nuzzled his teeth into her lips. “SEE? EASY!” There was a clatter from the kitchen, and Papyrus immediately put Eli back onto the ground and dashed inside.

Eli was frozen. You were frozen. Both of you blushed a deep red.

“Eli! That means...I...k-kissed Sans...at…” You trailed off, your blush deepening as you spoke. Eli, a very similar colour, looked at you with a dazed expression. She then giggled softly, leaning on your shoulder to steady herself.

“Kissing people with no lips!” She wheezed. “We’re both complete dorks, aren’t we?”

You had no reply to that.


	39. Got Milk?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tie over chapter alert. Read at your own discretion.
> 
> Short little thing, sorry.

Papyrus didn’t get why his kittens were unable partake in friendship spaghetti.

Eli had tried to explain something about their mother producing food for them, but Papyrus was progressive. He was in no way sexist, and would not force his cat-wife into society’s gender roles. He had no issues with being a househusband, and was quite proud of his cooking. She had just had their four children, and he had sternly explained to Eli that she needed her rest.

Sans had popped into the room and asked that Papyrus hold off on the food until Eli can look up cat allergies. Papyrus had to admit that he had very little knowledge of dietary restrictions for kittens. At that, he had ceased his cooking. He was curious about the diet of his wife and kids.

And then he had witnessed his children eating their mother.

He had gone to pull them off of his precious Corsiva, but she had hissed and him and scratched his fingers. Needless to say, he was shocked. Not only were the children eating their mother, _but she was letting them_!

And that had led to the current predicament.

Papyrus and Sans were bent over the hissing cat with worried expressions while you and Eli were laughing hysterically.

“HUMAN ELI! HUMAN ___! THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER!” Papyrus whined desperately.

“i have to agree with him on this. this shit can’t be natural.” Sans mumbled. “where was that clinic? i’m sure i could-”

“Oh my god you guys!” You cut in, trying to calm your giggles. “She’s just feeding them!” The two skeletons gave you a dumbfounded look, and you collapsed into giggles. By that point, Eli had composed herself.

“I’d say things are following the best case scenario, actually. You must make Corsiva feel very safe, Paps.” Eli smiled warmly. Papyrus blushed a soft orange.

“BUT WHY ARE THEY EATING THEIR MOTHER?” He practically whimpered the question. You dissolved back into giggles again, and Eli tried to hide an amused smile.

“I’m assuming skeletons don’t really follow the common sense of biology.” She gave Sans a look asking for confirmation.

“well, we function through magic if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Fair enough. Do you guys know anything about matter-driven biology?”

“KEEP THE RED STUFF ON THE INSIDE!” Papyrus immediately answered. “FRISK TAUGHT ME THAT.” He looked very proud of himself. Sans looked a bit uncomfortable.

“That’s...actually very good advice.” Eli admitted, a smile twitching at her lips. “Anything else?”

“I...DON’T THINK SO…” Papyrus squinted his eye sockets. Eli nodded, and then smacked your wheezing form.

“Owwww...whaaaaat?” You whined with a huff.

“Get me a bag of milk.” She stated with finality. You made a face, but did as you were told. Once you handed it to her, she continued. “Okay, I’m sure you’re familiar with this, right?”

“OF COURSE! IT KEEPS THE GREAT PAPYRUS’ BONES STRONG AND HEALTHY!” He flexed his arm as a demonstration.

“Do you know where it comes from?” Eli quizzed. The sockets were narrowed once more.

“...FROM A MILK FRUIT?”

“Nope.” She popped the ‘p’. She handed him the bag and he inspected the packaging. Sans began to say something but Eli shushed him with a finger.

“THE ONLY THING I CAN DEDUCE FROM THIS IS THAT IT HAS SOMETHING...TO DO...WITH...COWS…” His eye sockets widened and dropped the bag of milk. “DO COWS BLEED MILK?!”

“No. They make the milk to feed to their young children. All mammals do. Including cats.” Eli laughed softly. “The kittens are just drinking Corsiva’s milk. They aren’t eating her. Her milk is the only thing they can eat right now, and it has all the nutrients they need in it. She makes it in her body, and her kittens suck it out.”

Papyrus stared at Eli. And then Corsiva. And then the bag of milk.

“...I’M NOT SURE HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS. IT SEEMS SO...ICKY.”

“Oh just wait until you learn about menst-” Eli picked up the bag of milk and threw it at you. It smacked you in the face and knocked you over onto the couch.

“Ignore her.” Eli said in an irritated tone. “It’s not icky. It’s like if you could make spaghetti sauce without having to go to the grocery store, and it was both extremely delicious and extremely healthy.” His eye sockets lit up at the analogy.

“THAT WOULD BE VERY CONVENIENT! CORSIVA HAS SUCH A WONDERFUL ABILITY!” Papyrus admitted animatedly. He seemed to adore the idea of magical spaghetti production.

“Exactly. So, no friendship spaghetti until they’re older.” Eli spoke gently, but Papyrus still seemed deflated. “But I can eat friendship spaghetti. Want to show me how to make it?”

“I WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH, HUMAN ELI!” Papyrus bounced out of his seat, scooped Eil up, and bolted out of the room. You and Sans stared after them in silence for a long moment.

“she said all mammals, right?”

“Yup.”

“so...humans, too?”

“What did you _think_ breasts were for?”

Sans blushed and refused to answer the question.


	40. Bianco, Blanche, Belyy, and Bijela

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's amazing how distracting Log Horizon can be. That's some good shit.

A few weeks went by, and the skelebros were sure to come at least once a day. It was always fun. You were certain it was about to become even more fun, though. Toriel had asked if the two skeletons could babysit Frisk, as she had parent-teacher conferences to prepare for and attend. Frisk didn’t like participating. They did like kittens, though.

You were too busy trying to get Corsiva’s collar on without getting completely scratched up to hear the car pull into the driveway. You did hear the knocks, though, and dashed to the door.

“Who’s there?” Knock knock joke?

“FRISK, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AND SANS.” No knock knock joke...?

“Frisk, Pap, and Sans who?” Want knock knock joke.

“ _Frisk_ _Pap_ open the door and let us in...if that makes any _Sans_.”

“SANS!”

“yeah bro?”

“JUST WHY?!”

_”I have to admit it_ was _pretty good, considering he came up with it on the spot and all. 6.5/10. **-6.5/10.** ”_

“Come on! It was more like an 8!” You snickered through the door you were now leaning against. It was unsettling that you were so used to listening to Frisk’s soul that you could hear the other’s too. Now wasn’t really the time to bring it up, though.

_”One day you will explain how you do this. **How annoying.** ”_

“Nah.”

_”...Just open the damn door.”_

You decided to comply, but snickered a bit as you did so. Frisk was standing there with a look that reminded you a lot of Eli. They were sick of your shit. You grinned. They huffed and trudged past you.

_”You will tell me one day. **Bitch.** ”_ They gave you a pointed look.

“But this is so much more fun.”

They had no reply to that, and instead just kicked off their shoes and wandered into the house. Two skeletons were looking at you with a confused look. Oh. Right. They hadn’t been signing. Oh well. You smiled and walked away.

The look in Frisk’s eyes when they saw the kittens was priceless. They actually looked like a child for once. The other seemed only mildly annoyed, which was a vast improvement. Apparently kittens _were_ magical. Huh.

“The one coming to see you is Bianco. You can pick him up; he loves it. He act almost more like a dog than a cat, actually.” They wasted no time in snapping the kitten into their arms.

_”So soft…”_

“The softest one is Blanche over there under the couch. She’s a shy one.” You thoughtfully looked around the room. “The sleeping one is Bijela. She’s our lazy princess. And finally we have Belyy.” You skillfully caught him as he fell off of the couch. “He’s a real troublemaker.”

_”Would’ve never guessed.”_ They giggled softly and snuggled Bianco. He didn’t resist and instead seemed to like the attention. What a weird cat. You dumped Belyy onto the lazy skeleton that had flopped onto the couch the moment he had walked into the room.

“hey!” He protested, but you ignored him.

_”Can I play with him in the basement?”_ Their eyes twinkled.

“Oh? So you’ve heard about the legendary cat room?” You quirked an eyebrow, and they nodded vigorously. The other said something about rather killing themself, but it was of no importance. “Go right ahead. The toys are in the chest.”

They gave you a quick hug before scooping up Bijela in their spare hand. Bijela stayed asleep, but seemed to be melting over their arm. They managed to secure the two kittens before running off, leaving you with the sleeping skeleton. Honestly. Not even you needed that much sleep and you suffered from magic deprivation. Oh well. He probably had his reasons.

From behind the couch you pulled out a stick with feathers on it. You waved it in front of Blanche tantalizingly. She watched it carefully, preparing her stance. You prepared yours. This was a true battle of wits. Her muscles twitched impatiently, and you prepared to jerk the toy away. But she saw your counter and held off her attack, making you look the fool. You growled. You would not be beat by a cat in psychological warfare.

Suddenly, Belyy mewed and your eyes instinctively flicked towards the noise. You instantly recognized your error, but it was too late. Your eyes barely made it back to see the black kitten catching the feathers between her paws.

Well played, kitten, well played.

You handed her a treat with a heavy sigh. You had lost 345 of your 678 battles. Blanche was truly a strong adversary. As always, you secretly wished that cat souls projected their intentions as clearly as people. You could win against almost anyone so long as you could read their intentions or, if they were a mage, sense the reference points of their magic.

“gyah! ah fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit-”

“Are you trying to make Eli rich?” You muttered sarcastically.

“i’m fuc-aaaaayh hn gyh!” His voice sounded more uncomfortable than pained. You looked up with a questioning glance. He was writhing on the couch.

“You okay? What’s up?” You stood up and leaned over him.

“not oKAAAAAi!” He scratched at his eye sockets, which caused a very unsettling scraping sound. “get it oooooooooooout!”

“Get what out?”

“the cat!”

You stared at him for a moment before looking around. There was only Blanche nearby and she was on the ground. As you made eye contact with Sans, you found the problem. And immediately started giggling.

“it’s not funny!”

“It so is.” You countered playfully as you pulled out your phone. The kitten turned to face you, and you snapped the picture. That was so being kept forever.

“if you’re doOOOne, then could you-” He cut himself off with growling.

“Okay, okay.” You reached towards his eye, but he just wouldn’t stay still. With a huff, you crawled on top of him and pinned his shoulders with your knees. “Quit moving!”

“it just feels so-” He snarled and, for the second time, you saw his mouth open slightly. Well, his canines were certainly dangerous looking. You opted to ignore your blush.

“Just let me stick it in!” You tried to hold his head still. It worked to some extent. Slowly, you stuck your hand into the socket. You could feel him wince beneath you as he whimpered. You were preoccupied with the sensation on your hand, though.

Cold. Freezing cold. His magic swallowed your hand like an icy river. Yet, the sensation of magic caused a tingling sensation across your skin, a sensation that was both awful and unnatural at the same time as being wondrous and nostalgic.

“it hurts!” He whined at you.

“If you really want me to, we can stop. But, you can trust me. I won’t hurt you, I promise.” You smiled and looked straight into his other eye light. It ceased it’s frantic twitching and focused directly on your face. You felt his chest rise and fall in a mock breath.

“...okay. i’ll trust you. go ahead.” He was trembling.

“Thank you.” You said softly. “I’m going to push it in a little further. Tell me if you want me to stop or if it hurts.” You gave him a moment to prepare himself before you fought against the thick magic and pushed your hand in a bit more. Bony hands clenched onto your calves painfully. “Are you okay?”

“yes. i can take it.”

“Just a little more. You’re doing wonderfully.” You rubbed his cheek with your free hand. When he seemed more comfortable, you shoved your entire hand in. He whimpered and closed his unoccupied eye socket. “Shhh, I’m all the way in. Now, slowly-”

“fast is good! i’m alright!” He said much too quickly. And so you grabbed Belyy by the scruff of his neck and yanked him out. Sans screamed your name. His eye socket snapped shut and he panted heavily.

“You said fast.”

“not that fast.” He groaned as he rubbed his face.

“Needy needy.”

“shut up.”

*

Eli stood in the kitchen with a blush on her face. She knew she had said the living room would be tolerated, but she hadn’t expected…

There was a kid over for christ’s sake! She had only wanted to grab a plate of cookies!

And you seemed to be the...male from what she had heard. She tapped her chin thoughtfully. She couldn’t really care less what you were into, but she was curious as to how that worked. She chalked it up to magic.

Still. She really didn’t need to hear that! She was your sister! She had never wanted to hear that!

Eli staggered out of the kitchen in a daze. She needed a cinnamon roll to purify her soul.


	41. An Unexpected Yet Not Entirely Unwelcome Guest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LetskeepthisSECRET, you called it. Kitten power ftw.
> 
> And sorry guys, time to get the plot going. At least a little.

For some reason, Eli wouldn’t make eye contact with you for the rest of the evening. You didn’t remember doing anything that she could get mad about, so you were a bit concerned. She’d probably tell you later, though, so you let it go.

You were happy to see that Belyy followed Sans around insistently. Even when he teleported, the kitten would always inexplicably know where he was and pursue him.

_”How did he get Belyy to do that?_ Frisk huffed with clear jealousy.

“He made Belyy into a familiar.” You shrugged indifferently. It wouldn’t be that difficult for anyone with as much magical power as him. And his skull had been filled to the brim with highly concentrated magic. Belyy’s soul had already accepted the magic from Sans’ head as a magic seed, and you couldn’t wait until the blue seed sprouted magic filled veins throughout his soul. The magic donated from a master into their familiar was one of the most beautiful, in your opinion.

“wait, what?” Sans lazily sat up from the ground.

“You made Belyy into your familiar.” You repeated. You were about to explain more, but a visitor had pulled into your driveway. She was flaring her magic as if impatient, though she clearly wasn’t; she was just getting your attention. Sans made a face at your sudden silence.

_”___? Are you okay?”_ Frisk tugged gently on your clothes. You patted them on the head softly and nodded.

“Eli. Lilliana is here.” There was not a single hint of joy in your voice.

“...I suppose we have to let her in.” Eli sighed. She stood up and tidied up her appearance. “Give me two minutes to freshen up before you greet her. Direct her to the garden patio, and then bring her some tea.” Her commands were quick and specific. You nodded, and Eli hastily made her way back upstairs.

“who’s Lillianna?” Sans asked the question that all three of your guests seemed to be thinking. Your response was deadly in it’s seriousness.

“Eli’s older sister, only child of both clan heads, and the undisputed heir of the county’s strongest magic family.”

*

You managed to convince your current guests to let you greet Lillianna alone. Exactly 120 seconds after Eli’s command, you opened the door and stepped out into the warm sunlight.

If Eli was as elegant as a princess, then Lillianna was more like a queen. The way she held herself was regal and unwavering. Her gaze was sharpened by certainty. Her eyes betrayed not a single hint of her emotions, and her control over her magic was honed so perfectly that not even her own soul could catch a glimpse of her thoughts. Her expressions consisted only of small variations off of her small, dignified smile, and her eyes might as well have been closed for how much they contributed. That wasn’t to say she was cold. Far from it. From her radiated a calm warmth which felt as real as any other aura you could sense.

Lillianna regarded your presence with detachment. You kept your eyes low, refusing eye contact, and gave a deep bow as you spoke.

“Most Honourable Mistress, this one’s Mistress Eleanore humbly welcomes you. She requests, if this one may be honoured to do so, that this one lead you to a more pleasing environment for this joyous occasion.”

“Raise your head. As I've said before, Miss Ayer is sufficient, though your flattery honours me. If you would, please lead me to where I may await your mistress.” Her voice was quiet, yet demanded the attention of everyone around her. She raised a hand and snapped her fingers. “Miranda, please stand guard here. Artemis, would you be so kind as to accompany me?” Her two servants nodded and wordlessly obeyed her commands. They were commands, make no mistake. Her kind tone simply showed just how powerful she was; even when explicitly showing weakness, she wasn’t weaker in the least.

“This one would like the honour to lead you, Miss Ayer, to the usual meeting spot. Mistress Eleanore will join you for tea, if it so pleases you.” You gave another bow before carefully directing her around the side of the house into the backyard. “Mistress Eleanore is currently in the audience of other guests, and she apologizes deeply for your wait.”

“Oh, I do hope I didn’t interrupt. This simply won’t do…” She pretended to ponder that for a moment. “Perhaps they could join your mistress and I for tea. I do hope that they will forgive my rude interruption. If that is too presumptuous, then it would probably be for the best if I came another day.” Lillianna seemed to glide over the stone pathway as if she had invisible wings.

“This one shall inform the Mistress of your suggestion.” You lead her through the backyard and down a path cutting through the garden. The area was completely filled with trees, flowers, and other beautiful plants. The house behind you became obscured, and a quaint patio revealed itself before you. The table was glass, and the chairs dainty. Quickly, you pulled out a chair and offered it to Lillianna. She whispered a thank you before seating herself. Even when sitting she had a commanding presence. Artemis took his place behind her, and you bowed to the both of them before shuffling back towards the house.

*

Eli was just finishing up the tea when you dashed into the house.

“Perfect timing.” Eli said with approval. She was in a much fancier set of clothes, and she had put her hair up with decorative pins. She handed you a tray with a teaset worth more than your motorcycle carefully arranged on it, and with steam gently rising from the teapot’s spout.

_”Why can’t we go, too?!”_ Frisk whined, having Papyrus translate. _”We can help!”_

“Because it’s probably just boring family matters.” Eli sighed.

“Actually, Lillianna requests that they join you guys.” Eli stared at you with an ‘are you fucking serious’ expression.

“...Well, this is going to go over well.” She sighed again, but with a much heavier tone. “Frisk, you’re the ambassador of monsters, right?” Eli rubbed her temples.

“Wait, they are?!”

_”Yes!”_ They accompanied it with a big thumbs up.

“You are?!”

“Then it might be fine…” She tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Frisk, come with me. Let’s get you cleaned up a little. Papyrus, do you mind following Frisk around and only saying what they sign? And use your quieter voice.”

“OF COURSE! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS AN EXCELLENT TRANSLATOR!” He thumped his hand against his chest and struck a pose.

“Great, just don’t say anything else other than what Frisk signs.”

“what role do you want me in?” Sans cut in with a shit eating grin.

“Just copy ___. Bring refreshments. Stand around quietly. That sort of thing. And for the love of god, don’t you dare make a single pun.” She turned back to Frisk. “Okay, let’s get the cat fur off of you.” Frisk eagerly followed her out of the room, quickly followed by Papyrus.

“no puns?” Sans turned to you.

“No puns.” You confirmed.

“for how long?”

“Hmm...maybe an hour or so…? It really depends on what she came to talk about.”

“...is it possible that she’ll leave in the next 10 minutes?”

“Um, no. I don’t think so.”

“...i’m going to die.”


	42. The Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot plot plot plot...
> 
> I am so sorry.
> 
> Well, I guess political stuff _was_ requested by a few people. So, uh, here, have some exposition.

You had quickly grabbed another teacup and served the tea to your guest. Lillianna appeared thankful just as you appeared humble, such were your rolls. You had excused yourself to bring out some tarts leftover from the time Eli decided to show Papyrus how to bake. You opted not to bring out any of the spaghetti ones. Lillianna probably wouldn’t say anything, but it wouldn’t be the same kind of ‘no comment’ as Eli had expressed.

Towards Eli, you felt love. Towards Claude, you felt pity. Towards Lillianna, though, you felt a mixture of respect and wariness.

Honestly, you wondered whose magic was stronger; Lillianna’s or Sans’.

*

“Good afternoon, sister.” Eli greeted warmly. “I apologise for the wait. Frisk, ambassador of monsterkind, was just discussing their thoughts on the legality of magic with me. I may have gotten a little too enraptured in our delightful talk. I hope you weren’t waiting for too long.” She pulled out a seat for Frisk to take before sitting down herself. Papyrus looked a bit uncertain, but dutifully stood behind Frisk’s seat just as Artemis did Lillianna’s.

You motioned for Sans to stay where he was, but swiftly filled both Frisk’s and Eli’s teacups yourself. You didn’t get in anybody’s way, nor was there a single atmosphere shattering clink. You served the tarts before returning to your place. Sans shot you a confused expression.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Dreemuur. I’m honoured that you would be so kind as to entertain my sudden visit. You have my deepest thanks.” Lillianna didn’t seem the least bit surprised that the ambassador of monsters was across the table from her.

Frisk signed as carefully and gracefully as they could. With all their emotions restrained, you couldn’t get a good read on what they were saying.

“The honour is all mine, Miss Ayer. Just Frisk is fine, though. This is my translator, Papyrus; I hope it isn’t too much trouble.” You were taken aback by how reserved Papyrus’ voice was. He really sounded professional. A quick glance over to Sans showed that he was just as surprised and equally impressed.

“No trouble at all, I assure you. I’m grateful for your foresight in bringing a translator in the first place. If I’m not mistaken, your translator is none other than the mascot of monsterkind himself. Perhaps I can request an autograph after our business is taken care of?” Lillianna twitched a curt smile for a brief moment, before her eyes flicked to Eli. “Eleanore, I’m ecstatic that you’re taking the council’s debate so seriously. Frisk here is certainly one of the best people to consult before voting on such a serious matter. Their position speaks for itself.”

“Unfortunately, you give me too much credit. It was Claude who insisted I participate in this vote, given how evenly divided the council is.”

“That leads right into my first matter to discuss. I would like to apologise on behalf of our brother; he tried to convince you to return in such a violent manner! I was completely taken aback when I heard.” Lillianna’s smile faded into a soft frown. “I do hope you will forgive him.”

“As you can see, the damage was far from irreparable. I have better things to do than hold a meaningless grudge, I assure you.” Eli took a sip of her tea, shooting a meaningful look across the table. “I simply hope something will be done about this behaviour.”

“Measures have been taken. I will personally keep our unruly brother on a tight leash.” Lillianna wasn’t fazed in the least. She turned back to Frisk. “My deepest apologies. It seems I have rambled on about family matters. This debate is very important, after all, and we can’t have petty squabbles ruining our attendance. Tell me, what is your stance on the matter?”

“To be perfectly honest, I don’t know much about what exactly your family is debating. Earlier, I was simply explaining the importance of magic to monsterkind to my kind host.” Wow, Frisk was great at lying on the spot. It was easy to see how that silvertongue...those silver hands...they managed to persuade the government.

“That makes sense. Allow me to elaborate. The government is currently trying to decide how they should approach magic in regard to laws, as I’m sure you’re aware. The problem is that they have a very poor understanding of it, so they turned to the Ayer family seeking council. Currently, or family is debating how to advise them. Before the monsters emerged, magic was regulated independent of the government, through families such as ours, but with monsters on the surface it seems that simply won’t do anymore. Thus, the true question is lost in favour of asking ‘how much freedom shall we allow monsters’.”

“But magic is a way of life for monsters just as it is for mages!” Frisk’s signing was a bit frantic. “Wouldn’t any laws restricting the magic of monsters would also restrict the magic of mages?!”

“It seems a child is more intelligent than our elders.” Lillianna laughed softly. “They believe themselves to be above the law. While I do believe there should be some restrictions, no regulation we choose to impose on monsters should have any chance of, for lack of a better term, coming back and bite us in the ass. The problem is convincing those who believe themselves to be gods that they can be bound by rules.”

“I still don’t understand why you went through all the trouble of coming here to get me.” Eli cut in. She looked irritated. “You are powerful enough to manipulate the council any way you please.”

“Manipulate is such a harsh word. I am simply a little charismatic.” There was a slight threat in her voice. “As you know, I like to win. If all three of the heirs old enough to vote decide to vote the same way, then victory is assured. With your absence, though, the vote is much more likely to go the other way. You have a lot more influence than you give yourself credit for. I believe your monster friends here would appreciate your participation.”

“What exactly is your stance?” Frisk asked, their composure returned.

“My stance?” Her eyes widened slightly, but returned to their neutral position quickly. “I believe that combat magic should be the only restricted magic. Combat magic is too dangerous to be used in public places, but self defence should be allowed. As is already required, no magic above rank A should be allowed at any time unless approved of by law enforcement. That brings me into the other reason I came here today.”

“I see. You want all monster magic to be recorded, ranked, and archived.” Eli’s eyes narrowed. "Right now, monsters don't have a ranking system for their magic, so you want us to make one so that your push for regulation would have more merit."

“Precisely, I came here to request exactly that. As overseer of the clan’s archives, I felt you were the best person to go to.” Lillianna smiled with approval. “The job is one of the few that allows the freedom to live as a civilian, and I assume you haven’t forgotten the trouble I went to to get you the position.” Eli visibly twitched at that.

“Forgive me if I’m mistaken, the final vote is in 6 days, correct? I don’t see how it’s possible to sort that much information in such a short time.”

“Command your servant to do it. ___ is more than capable, even if she chooses not to show it. I’m still quite jealous of you for getting her, after all. I wonder how mother and father could underestimate her to such a degree; it’s laughable. Either way, if you have the tools available, then using them to their fullest extent is the wise thing to do.” She paused. “Of course, I have no business telling you how to conduct your affairs.”

The talk continued, shifting more to the specifics of the council and the debate, but you were distracted by the murderous intent emanating from the magical skeleton beside you.


	43. Lettuce Ale Clam Tea Duck Crown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, Crown was a stretch, but Crown Royal is an alcohol so close enough.
> 
> Sorry for the little hiatus there. Family stuff. I'll get right back on schedule here.
> 
> Also, I was really surprised by you guys. Are you sure any of you actually got the pacifist ending? Because so many of you immediately resorted to violence the moment a character you didn't like showed up. I mean, you're supposed to not like her, but still...it was a bit off putting when every other comment is a death threat.
> 
> Whatevs, I'm not here to judge. You do you.
> 
> EDIT: Thank you so much GreyRoseOfHope, sometimes I forget that this story is actually for other people (have so many stories I just write for me that will never see the light of day), so thanks for pointing out my missing descriptions. Seriously, thanks so much man.

No good. No good at all. Sans seemed just about ready to attack Lillianna. Beyond ready. His magic was practically already manifested. Was that a tear in space? Better yet, was that a bone monster dragon thing peeking out of the endless abyss? Haha. This was going great. Absolutely great. Wonderful. Ahahaha.

Aaaaaah. You needed to stop the idiot.

As quickly as you could while still remaining somewhat dainty, you retrieved the empty dishes from the table. You hooked your arm around Sans’ and dragged him with you. He didn’t resist, but his magic crackled dangerously across your skin. Papyrus watched you with a worried expression, but you simply gave him a thumbs up and a strained smile. Somehow it didn’t seem to reassure him.

When Lillianna was out of sight, Sans seemed to regain more control of himself. At least he wasn’t going to accidentally drop anything into the Nothing. He also shuffled after you without forcing you to physically pull on him. Progress!

It took him until the kitchen to actually speak, though. You were humming a carefree tune while rinsing the dishes when he decided to start the conversation with a deep growl followed by the scraping of his finger bones down his skull. You twitched at the sound.

“Don’t go digging wrinkles into your skull.” You hummed softly.

“who _tea kettle_ does she think she is?!” His voice reverberated in a low tone. You looked over your shoulder with a confused expression. “she _cup_ n’t be serious! it’s beyond in _salt_ ing! every word that comes from her mouth is more de _meat_ ing than the last! why are you laughing?! i’m _bean_ ing serious!”

“Are you seriously not making those food puns on purpose?” You giggled out.

“ _wheat_? this is _cereal_ s.” He quirked an brow bone but otherwise continued his lament. “how can you _jam_ st accept the way she _tart_ s about you?!”

“Because there’s no point in-ah ha, okay, I can’t keep a straight face.” You dissolved back into laughter. You felt Sans’ magic flare up in frustration, so you forced yourself to take a few unsteady breaths and continued. “Because there’s no point in trying to correct her. She’s really not a bad person. What she pretends to believe and what she actually-”

“she has no right to talk about you that _whey_.” The words reverberated through your soul, and you were suddenly pressed against the counter. You felt Sans’ bones vibrate against your chest, but your eyes were locked onto the blue flame in his left eye socket.

“Sans, it’s fi-”

“ **nobody** is allowed to talk about you that way.” He cut you off. His bones were digging into your skin and his face was awfully close. “ **N O B O D Y**.”

“San-nope! No cutting me off.” You covered his teeth with your hand. “Seriously. It’s fine. You don’t think I’m a tool, right?” He nodded slowly, and you smiled in return. “Then I’m happy. Lillianna can think whatever she wants because what she thinks _doesn’t matter_. I don’t care. I only care what you think, what Eli thinks, what the people important to me think. You don’t need to get mad. Being angry helps nothing. Just relax. Everything is fine.” You let your hand slide down to his neck and rubbed the bones softly. He leaned into your touch slightly.

He stared at you for a long moment before letting out a sigh.

“i still don’t _leek_ her.”

“I don’t ask you to.” You giggled, and he shot you a glare. “Hey, you’re the one making the puns! Don’t blame me!”

“i told you; _eel_ die if i don’t make puns.”

“Even I know that was a lie!”

“it’s the truth!”

“Really?!”

“no.”

“Goddammit Sans.” You pouted. “Well, if you’ve calmed down enough to stop grinding me into the counter, would you like to head back out there to support your brother?”

“what…? oh, shit! sorry!” He burst a bright blue and jumped away from you. At least he was back to normal.

“Okay, I’m making you pay that one.” You pointed to the jar on the counter.

“nope.”

“C’mon! Why not?!”

“reasons.”

“That isn’t even…” You trailed off. “Actually, I think I’ll forgive this one.”

“...are you serious?” He gave you a skeptical look and you nodded.

“Yup. Just on one condition: let me ask you one question.” You gave a sheepish smile. Now probably wasn’t the time, but everybody else was so perfectly preoccupied...

“...sure…?” He replied slowly.

“Uh, well, um, first I should probably give you full disclosure. I don’t think Lillianna will say anything, but if it was anybody else from my family I’d, uh, have to wear my tag...I mean, it’s not anything bad or anything...it’s just-ah, I should probably just show you.” You twiddled your fingers nervously. Your tag was always a source of shame for you. It was a symbol of your status, your status as a lesser person.

You led him up to your room, which wasn’t absurdly messy but wasn’t exactly clean. You opened one of the drawers to your desk. The little box, which looked as if it should hold an expensive set of earrings, was easy enough to find. You always knew where it was, after all.

Inside was a silver triangle. Just a plain silver triangle, no chain or pin, just a triangle. You popped it out of it's box and fiddled with the trinket in your hand. After a deep breath, you pressed it into the center of you collar bone. Immediately, the magic latched itself into your soul and dug the triangle into your skin. It was mildly uncomfortable. Ish.

Black lines spilled out of the triangle and settled like tattoos up your neck and across your chest. As they settled, the name 'Eleanore Ayer’ appeared in clear writing across your neck. You couldn't see it, but you knew it was there. You picked up a flyer that had been sitting on your desk for over a week and held it up so that your tag was hidden.

You really needed to invest in turtlenecks. You suddenly realized that you’d have to get Eli to take your tag off later. Crap. Impulse decisions suck. Did you even have any turtlenecks?

“Okay, so, uh, this is-...dude. What’re you doing?” You gawked at the skeleton bouncing up and down on your bed.

“your bed is so squishy. i want it.”

“What? No. It’s mine. Shoo.”

“hey. i see my sweater and shorts over there. fair trade.”

“Those are my pajamas, thank you very much. Their similarity to what you leant me once upon a time is completely coincidental and of no relevance to the current conversation.”

“if you can say that without nervously glancing around, then i’ll consider the coincidental vanishing of my clothes at the same time as the acquisition of your pajamas a coincidence.” He gave you a shit eating grin, and you tried to put on a poker face. It failed horribly. He laughed at your contorted expression.

“Don’t laugh! I’m serious! They aren’t-ish yours!”

“‘ish’!” Sans rolled around on your bed in laughter. “you are seriously the worst liar i have ever met!”

“Shuttup!” You blushed. “Do you want me to reveal my most shameful secret or not?”

“i dunno. your frustrated face is pretty cute.” It took him a moment to realize what he had just said. When he seemed to process it, he blushed a little and his smile became a bit strained. “there goes your question.”

“Meanie. I’m going to ask you another one anyways.” You stuck your tongue out at him playfully. “But back to seriousness, this is my tag. This is what identifies me as Eli’s property. Obviously, she doesn’t make me wear it because she finds it demeaning and inhumane, but this is what’s considered ‘normal’ in my clan. I would get in trouble for not wearing it if anyone from the family saw.”

“so, Lillian-”

“Shush up. I’m not done. Lillianna is fine. She’s not going to do anything about that.” You waved your hand dismissively. “What I’m trying to say is that my family is fucked more ways than a prostitute. This stupid thing can only be taken off by my master, and forces absolute obedience. It's pretty messed up, but I can't really do anything about it. I belong to Eli. I’m happy that you care about me enough to get mad for my sake, but it’s not something that can be fixed that quickly.” You tossed the box back into it’s cupboard. You took a deep breath and sheepishly held out the flyer you had hidden behind so that Sans could see the ad. “I get it if my whole family situation scares you off, but if by chance you can overlook it, would you like to go to the observatory with to watch the meteor shower near the end of the month?”

“...what?” All magical buzzing had stopped and Sans had a very confused expression.

“I’m asking if you’d like to go to the observatory next Saturday. With me.” You whispered and blushed a deep red.

“...what…?” He looked even more confused. You pouted.

“I’m asking you on a date, okay?!”


	44. The Knowledgable Lizard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys. Life has just become a lot more wonderful.
> 
> READ THIS!  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/7842913
> 
> Miycroni, oh dear lovely Miycroni, has written a short spin off pic of chapter 43. And it is glorious.
> 
> Oh yeah, and I ask you to believe in Reader. She can be trusted.

You were pretty worried. Sans’ magic had completely shorted out. Without any magic to read, you were completely clueless as to how he was taking it. He hadn’t moved either.

You had thrown on the turtleneck sweater you had found in your closet and waited. You really didn't like showing off your tag.

He definitely wasn't dead. You could tell that much. That was good. Unsure of what to do, you tucked him into your bed and hesitantly left the room. He’d be fiiiiiiiiiiine.

Probably.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

God, you hadn’t realized that skeletons could go into cardiac arrest.

*

The dealings with Lillianna had pretty much been concluded by the time you made it back to the little tea party. The other was rambling about all the ways Lillianna could be killed, though you doubted most of them would work. Lillianna was quite strong, after all. Their ramblings seemed to be distracting and annoying Frisk, but they didn’t give any external signs of struggle. As expected of the representative of monster kind. What a little champ.

“Well, I had best be on my way.” Lillianna concluded, eyeing your chest with slight curiosity. “It has been quite the pleasant evening. I do hope we’ll have a chance to do it again sometime. Next time I’ll be sure to send notice before I barge in on you.”

“That would be much appreciated.” Eli’s internal voice was screaming. “I just wish to clarify this again before you leave: I won’t be compiling the sequences you requested. It’s a shame I can’t help you out, but it really isn’t within my abilities.”

“You did argue your point very thoroughly.” Lillianna nodded. “I will inform the elders. They will be greatly disappointed, but I cannot force you. Though, would you please attend the meeting in the coming weeks regardless?”

“I don’t really have a say in the matter.” Eli grumbled.

“Delightful!” She clapped her hands together. “It was an honour to talk with you Frisk. I truly appreciated your input on the debate at hand. And thank you, too, Papyrus, for translating for me.” She stood from the table and straightened her clothes. “I’m afraid I must take my leave now. Thank you again for the lovely talk. I’ll show myself out.”

**_What comes from this is for you, and you alone, to decide. Do be wise about it._ **

You twitched. It really annoyed you when Lillianna did that.

*

Eli and Frisk flopped onto the couch the moment they got inside, and Papyrus sat on the carpet with unusually little gusto. Even the tsundere Corsiva walked over to him to see what the problem was. She pawed at him lightly in confusion.

_”We should probably tell mom about this…”_ Frisk poked Eli. Papyrus translated in a soft voice.

“Haha, yeah. Hadn’t realized Toriel was Toriel the queen of monsters.” Eli threw her arm over her face and lazily pointed at you. “You. Get me a phone.”

You felt a slight tug at your soul and sighed. Eli hadn’t noticed you were wearing your tag, for obvious reasons such as sweaters. Welp, it wasn’t like you could exactly say no or anything, even though she hadn’t put any magic into the command.

The phone was on the kitchen counter.

“Thanks.” She lazily took the phone. “I don’t really have the energy to get into the nitty gritty details today, but I can at least give her the rundown.” Eli grumbled to herself. She really didn't like it when Lillianna made veiled threats like she always seemed to.

Eli’s rundown was much more thorough than anyone would assume a rundown would be. She explained all about what Lillianna had wanted. Cataloguing the magical abilities of monsters and just handing it to your messed up family was stupid. They were in the _middle_ of debating monster rights for god’s sake! Revealing every secret about their magic would spell political defeat. Eli was passionately against it.

It made you feel guilty.

You made everyone hot drinks to soothe the feeling.

*

“Oh yeah, where did Sans go? I haven’t seen him around.”

“KNOWING HIM, HE’S PROBABLY OFF NAPPING SOMEWHERE!”

“Makes sense.”

“Uh...actually...I may have given him a magical heart attack...somehow...”

"Is it serious?"

"...Not really...no. He was alive and well. More like he was emotionally stunned, I guess."

“Don’t have the energy to deal with that. I like the napping assumption a lot more.”

“But-”

“Hush child. Let’s just say he’s off napping somewhere.”

“Eli-”

“Sssssshhhhhhh. He’s off napping somewhere.”

“Rea-”

“Just let me have this.”

* 

Sans had been gone from your room when you eventually made your way up there later that night. It had been quite some time since you had felt the flash of magic signifying his exit, after all. You hoped he was okay, and worried a little about his reaction. Usually guys asked girls out, you supposed. You hoped you hadn't damaged his pride or anything.

But you had more important things to worry about. Unless you did things perfectly, you weren’t going to be able to go on the date anyways. You pulled your laptop out from under your bed and got to work searching. Eventually, you found what you were looking for: an email address on a university website.

She would be able to get you the material you needed.

*

Dear Alphys,

Hey! It’s ___, the girl from Frisk’s birthday party. Not the one that attacked your girlfriend. The other one. I just realized today that I never actually asked you for your phone number. Oops. I hope you get this email. You seem like you’d be fun to be friends with. We _did_ had a blast at that party together, am I right? Good times.

Well, anyways, I have a favour to ask. I know it might be a bit presumptuous to ask you, since we only spent the one day together and all, but you’re the only person I can really turn to.

I have this project I’m working on and I really need your help.

Sincerely,

___


	45. Eli

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this is a boring chapter that can pretty much be skipped.
> 
> Have a nice day you guys.

_Alphys_  
**I managed to compile the files. (^o^) If you can make it over to my lab today, I can give you the thumb drive. (^^ゞ Only if you want to. I can always bring it to you if you’re busy!**

_____  
**Wow. I hadn’t expected you to format it that quickly. You’re amazing! I can be over around lunch time if that’s convenient for you.**

_Alphys_  
**Σ(ﾟДﾟ) That’s not true! I mean, I just wanted to help! And lunchtime sounds good.**

_____  
**Still, you were a huge help! Thank you so much! And I’m taking you out for lunch. No arguments, okay?**

_Alphys_  
**Only if you really want to...(✽ ﾟдﾟ ✽)**

_Alphys_  
**Oh, yeah. One last thing: it would be nice if you didn’t tell anyone about the stuff I’m giving you. (・・;**

_____  
**Yes ma’am! It can be our little secret!**

*

You slipped the phone into your pocket and you skipped down the stairs. Eli was just cleaning up her dishes, and there was a plate set out for you. You loved it when she made you breakfast.

“Morning!” You bounced around.

“Something good happen?” Eli eyed you suspiciously. “I usually have to-...why are you wearing your tag?” She suddenly sounded very worried.

“I got a text from Sans at four last night saying he’d go on a date with me.” You hummed happily.

“Well obviously he’d agree if you asked him out. Not exactly a shocker there.” She chuckled. “Still. Why are you wearing your tag? You really...shouldn’t.” There was a sad tone in her voice.

“I know. I was just trying to explain our family to Sans yesterday because he deserves to know what he’d be getting into before agreeing to go on a date with me...and, well, I may have put it on on impulse. Oops.” You laughed it off and sat down to eat. It smelled delicious. “Oh yeah, do you think you could take it off? I forgot to ask you yesterday.”

“Of course.” Her reply was instant, and she immediately came over to you. She placed a hand over the silver triangle and commanded her magic to unlock it. You felt the constraints around your soul release and withdraw. Eli put the tag down on the table with a sigh.

“Thanks.” You smiled up at her. She seemed bothered. “What’s the matter?”

“...Yesterday...with the phone...you had your tag on, right?” You nodded, and she sighed. “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“It’s no problem. You didn’t know. Besides, I’m the one that put it on.” You tried to reassure her, but her guilt didn’t waver. “It’s fine Eli…”

There was a long silence before she finally spoke up again.

“___?” Eli was unusually quiet.

“Yes?”

“Am...am I a bad sister?”

“Of course not. You’re great and I love you.” You gave her a confused look. “Why would you think that?”

“Talking with Lillianna yesterday...well, it reminded me...of...you know…” She fiddled with the triangle. “I used to make you wear this all the time. God, I was really mean to you, wasn’t I?”

“Well, you _did_ try to kill me every other day.” You laughed.

“Not funny.” She muttered.

“Hey, you looked at me and saw a person. Nobody else did. And look at you now; you’re kind and thoughtful. You stay level headed no matter what, and you help me constantly. You let me do whatever I want, and often save me from the consequences. You treat me better than I ever had a hope of being treated.” You stood up and pulled her into a hug. “You’re amazing because you are you. Even when you were taught that servants were below you, you still looked at me like I was a person.” You remembered the first time you had met her. Sure, she was unreasonable much in the same way Claude was, but she saw you. She didn’t look at you with apathy. Anger, sure. Superiority, definitely. But never apathy. You had always been a person to her.

“Yeah, I saw a person I could boss around.” She snorted. There was a pause, and then she sighed. “I wonder if I would’ve ended up like Claude if I hadn’t met you; cruel and jaded.”

“Probably.”

“Ouch. Savage.” She chuckled darkly. “I’m trying to be a better person. I really am. It’s just...really hard. The way our family thinks and the way normal people think are very different. Sometimes...I forget.”

“I know.” You rubbed her back softly. “You’ve been trying to keep your promise, I know.”

“I’m sorry that I mess up sometimes...it’s just...sometimes…” She paused. “I’m not quite there yet. One day you’ll look at me and be unable to find any trace of ‘Eleanore the Master’, and only be able to see ‘Eli the Sister’.”

“You’re silly.” You smiled. “You’ve always been my sister, and always will be. Now, if you want to become sister 2.0, I have no objections.”

“...You’re so weird.” She laughed into your shoulder. “I really don’t deserve you.”

“Please don’t give me to Lillianna.”

“...Dork.” She pulled away from you. “As if that would ever happen. Now, your breakfast is getting cold and I’m going to be late for work. Don’t forget to take care of the kittens before you leave.”

“I knooooow.” You whined. “Oh yeah, can you be the one to come home at lunch today? I’ve got things I have to do.”

“Sure.” She gave you a confused glance, but agreed anyways. She started off, but turned around to you one more time. “And thanks.”

*

While Eli was technically the one in charge of the archives, you were the one that actually worked there. Eli had a real job as a legal secretary at some law firm downtown. You took charge of the archives and rather liked the work; it was your element. It was more than just organizing, filing, and maintaining documents of everything from magic references to history records; the archives also housed the magical engineers, so damaged magical weapons were sent over to be repaired and requests were given to them to be created. You floated between both sections easily, since these were the kinds of things you were confident in.

Everyone there was from a distant branch family. They were pretty much normal people, actually. Only the four managers were servants of more noble families, and even they were very relaxed.

One of the perks of being the boss by proxy was that you could pretty much decide when you wanted to actually show up for work. There were always things to be done, but your job was mostly to be a decision maker. You gave the managers the authority to make most decisions, and it was working out very well. Instead, you usually just showed up and helped with the mundane everyday tasks until you were needed for something more pressing.

So when you skipped out for lunch, everyone just gave you a happy wave and knew you’d be back whenever you felt like it.


	46. Undyne is Pretty Intense, isn't She?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've really been missing Alphys and Undyne. They're just so cute! Hope you guys enjoy them as much as I do!
> 
> Also, yay! Double update!

The university campus was confusing! You had first driven around in circles trying to understand where you were allowed to park, and then you had gotten lost wandering around on foot. There were so many buildings! Eventually, after asking dozens of students for help and wandering into several buildings, you had arrived at the science building for chemistry and biology. You were very proud that you weren’t late. Yet.

You were dreading the probable labyrinth before you when you noticed a red-headed fish strutting towards the door.

“UNDYYYYYYYNE!” You cried as you jumped toward her in an attempt to hug. She caught you midair, though, and her grip hurt a bit. “You are my saviour fish! People should be putting pictures of you on their bumpers.”

“___?! I almost suplexed you, punk!” Undone dropped you and ruffled your hair. “You shouldn't sneak up on me like that! What’re you doing here?”

“Trying to find Alphys so that we can have a lunch date.” You stretched out your aching sides and grinned widely.

“You hittin’ on my girl? Don’t make me throw you into a rosebush again.” She threatened playfully. “Come on, I’ll take you to her.” She motioned for you to follow her, to which you eagerly complied. “So, lunch date, huh? Hope you don’t mind me crashing the party!”

“Not at all! It’d be great if you came along, too! I mean, I just wanted to thank Alphys for doing something for me.” You had to walk quickly to keep up with Undyne’s long strides. “I should thank you, too, since you’re saving me. It took me almost forty minutes just to find the building.”

“I get what you mean! The first time I came here, I almost flipped a bus in frustration." She nodded in understanding, and then immediately grinned. That grin was up to no good. "The physics building is right over there. I’ll show it to you later so you can visit your professor skellyman whenever you want.” She wiggled her eyebrows at you, and you blushed a little.

“My...skellyman?” You asked softly.

“I hear you finally asked the dork out! Get some!” She punched you in the shoulder, and you staggered back. You gave her a questioning glance.

“How’d you know I asked him out? I just did that yesterday…”

“Saffron knows everything! If you bring her a little snack, she'll share ALL the latest gossip! FUHUHU!” She looked way too proud of herself. Halfway through her laugh you realized something.

“Wait...Sans is a professor?” Your eyes were wide.

“Surprising, right? He’s actually pretty smart. Not as smart as my brilliant little Alphy, but who is?!” She cackled again, and then paused for a moment. "Hey, I just remembered something. Are you free tomorrow?"

You thought about that for a bit. If you wanted your project to get done, you’d have to put as much time as you could into it. On the other hand, you could sense friendship bonding experiences.

“For you? Of course.” You nodded.

“GREAT! Tomorrow Papyrus and I are going to be doing some training at Springbank park.” Undyne flexed her biceps. “If you want muscles like these, there’s no better people to train with! So whaddaya say? You in?”

“Oh, hell yeah.” You replied instantaneously.

“Then you’d better prepare yourself for the MOST AWESOME and INTENSE workout of your life! FUHUHUHU!”

“I’ll be prepared! I’ll be so prepared you won’t even know what hit you!”

“PERFECT! GRAAAAH! I’M GETTING SO PUMPED!” She let out a battle cry. “Let’s get this training started RIGHT NOW! DROP AND GIVE ME TEN! THEN TRY TO KEEP UP!”

And that’s how you began your training with Undyne.

*

By the time you guys made it to Alpys’ office, you were both half an hour late.

“Ah! C-come in! I w-was worried you got l-lost.” Alphys beckoned the two of you into her office, where you both immediately flopped onto chairs and basked in her blessed AC.

“This punk ain’t half bad!” Undyne praised to her girlfriend. “She kept up with me like a champ!”

“Not really. You're much faster at running; I was doing my best just to keep you in sight.” You pointed out. “I don't get how you managed to get up into the rafters to do your chin-ups, either. And I didn’t use any of the students as dumbbells."

“W-what? Undyne! W-were you using s-students as weights again?” Alphys cut in. Undyne immediately looked guilty.

“Ah. Right. Sorry Alphy...I just got so caught up in the moment…”

“...J-just make sure y-you ask permission, okay?” Alphys conceded. The way she looked at Undyne was unmistakably affectionate. Undyne returned the look and gave her a quick peck. They nuzzled a bit, before you coughed awkwardly.

“So...lunch?” You asked sheepishly. They both snapped up and blushed a little. Undyne grinned devilishly.

“Actually, I have a better idea.”

*

“Undyne.” You grimaced, looking out the truck window. “Why’re we at the mall?”

“To get you ready for your date of course!” Undyne was beaming. “How did you put it? Right. You’re going to be so prepared Sans won’t even KNOW WHAT HIT HIM!”

“...Do we have to?” You whimpered. Undyne didn’t seem to hear you as she looked for a parking spot. Alphys tapped you lightly.

“W-we don’t have to go here if you don’t w-want to.” She whispered. “We c-can always go somewhere else.”

“...It should be fine.” You tentatively murmured back.

“Okay. Just l-let me know if it’s t-too much, o-okay?” She gave you and encouraging smile, and you couldn’t help but return it.

The mall wasn’t _too_ busy, unlike the last time you had gone. There was still an annoying buzz, but it wasn’t overwhelming.

Lately, your soul had been doing much better than usual, too, making it easier to block out the noise. You weren’t even that exhausted from being at the university campus, you realized. You briefly wondered why that was; it had been years since your soul had done anything but degrade.

You decided to worry about that later.

After being dragged around by Undyne, you blushed at the store before you. You tried to escape, but Undyne’s grip was insanely strong.

You hadn’t realized that when Undyne had said she was getting you ready for your date, the first stop would be a lingerie store.


	47. What Else are Friends For?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, didn't mean to take this long.
> 
> I have a good excuse though! My older sister needed help on the farm so I was voluntold by my mom to go. So I did. And have been working really really hard milking all the cows and shovelling all the shit.
> 
> And then a cow had triplets...and then another one had twins...yeaaaaaaah...and they all have to be fed by hand...
> 
> Apparently there were 2 more calfs born today. Good lord.

“U-undyne! Y-y-you can-n’t just-t...it’ssupposedtobeafirstdate!” Alphys tugged helplessly at Undyne’s grip on you.

“And we have to prepare for the BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME!” Undyne cackled loudly.

“B-b-b-but-t-!” Alphys whined helplessly and blushed. “I’m so sorr-ry, ___!”

“Nothing to apologise for, Alphys. Undyne’s right.” You held a hand up to her with a serious expression on your face. “I own nothing sexy. I hadn’t even considered this travesty when I asked Sans out.”

“EXACTLY!” Undyne heartily agreed. “You have the appeal, now we just need to make you IRRESISTIBLE! How could he leave you for some other girl if you show up in something LIKE THIS!” She held up an excessively complex and impractical bra.

“You’re a genius, Undyne. Letting things go stale is how you drive a relationship into the ground.” You nodded in deep understanding.

“You guys _do_ know what a f-first date is supposed to be like, r-right?” Alphys cut in with a blush. She was not against changing things up, after all. “Wait, of c-course you do. Undyne! You went on a first date with m-me! There was no l-l-l-l-lingerie!”

“But I mentally put you into some you from the moment the date began began. Gotta give ‘em something to work with.” She held up two hangers. “Do you think she’d look better in yellow or blue?”

“B-blue.” Alphys answered quickly before registering the first comment. “Wait, what?”

“Yo! ___! What’re your sizes?” Undyne called to you across the store, leaving Alphys to reassess their first date with a deep red blush burning her cheeks. Many patrons looked at you with sympathetic embarrassment, but you didn’t quite understand why. It would be a normal question at a store like this, right?

“[REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED].” You called back. For some reason you felt as though two powerful magics were removing your answers from history, though. Eh, whatever.

“I meant your bra size, punk!”

“Oh, [REDACTED] then.” An attendant was snickering at your nonchalant responses, but gave you a thumbs up. At least _somebody_ approved.

“Perfect. Then get your ass over here and GIMME A SHOW!” Undyne didn’t wait for you to get your ass over there, but rather jumped across the room and picked you up like a football under one of her arms. She tossed you into a changeroom and dumped a pile of underwear onto you.

Trapped in a pit of hangers and strings, you flailed. Then you got tangled even more, so you just sort of gave up and lay there helplessly. Had Undyne ransacked the entire store or something? She had definitely broken a few item limits.

“OhmygodI’msosorrypleasedon’tbemad!” Alphys suddenly burst into the room and began digging you out. “ThisisallmyfaultbecauseIthoughtthatifUndynehappenedtoshowuparoundthesametimeasyouandcamewithusthatmaybeyouguyscouldbecomebetterfriendsbecauseIthinkthetwoofyouwouldmakereallygoodfriendsbutthenthingsturnedoutlikethisI’msosorryit’sallmyfaultandnowI’mramblingitmustbesoannoyingI’msosorry.”

“What’re you even apologising for?” You looked up at her from the floor. “This is really fun!”

Alphys froze.

“Y-you d-don’t find this at all o-overfriendly? W-we only met ea-each other once before…”

“Well, I supposed I’ve met Undyne twice, but that doesn’t really matter.” You shrugged. “I mean, you guys are amazing. Whether it’s a day or a decade, friends are still friends. And it’s always fun to goof off with friends. Thanks for thinking ahead and asking Undyne to go see you at lunch today too. It really made things take a turn for the fun!”

“...Haha...hahaha…” She stared at you, and then began giggling softly and to herself. You were confused, but decided wiggling out of underwear was more important than questioning things. “You really mean that.” It was a statement, not a question, and was mostly to herself. She smiled down to you. “O-okay. We’ll be he-here all day if you p-put on all of these. Here. Put on th-this, this, an-nd these. Th-these ones don’t s-suit your body type, and th-these are the wr-wrong colour. This kind c-contradicts your per-ersonality.” She continued on, sorting through the pile of clothes and leaving only those she deemed to be suitable.

“Wow.” You were staring. “Holy crap man, you sound...so professional…” You muttered as she tossed the last few ‘unacceptable’ styles out of the room.

“Ehe...I wou-ouldn’t say I’m a professional…” Alphys scratched the back of her neck. “I-I’m just used to developing st-tyles f-for a certain friend…”

“Seriously man. Undyne was literally going to kill me with panties. Or thongs. Or whatever you call these strings. You get my point.” You patted her on the shoulder. “Go out there and go wild on Undyne. I’ll get it for you. Make her as sexy as your little heart can handle.”

“B-b-bu-”

“Ah nonono. I _want_ to do this. Go out there and let your libido control you.” With that, you shoved her out of the change room. “Oh yeah, and she had better be getting changed by the time I get out.”

There was silence, and then you heard the telltale pattering of hurried feet. Excitement hung in the air, and you smiled. Time to figure out how this shit gets put on.

*

It was not as easy as it had seemed to put the collection of convoluted clothes on. But you had figured it out! Each had looked surprisingly good on you as you had ho-hummed at yourself in the mirror. A few didn’t quite fit properly, but that was to be expected.

What you were doing at the moment, though, was listening to the adorable conversation between the two love nerds. You hadn’t realized Undyne was capable of becoming embarrassed until you eavesdropped on her and Alphys. Oh and Alphys...she was a little devil it seemed.

“FINE! I’LL PUT THEM ON!” Undyne finally conceded. “But if I’m doing a little runway show, then so are you ___! You hear me? YOU ARE STRUTTING YOUR STUFF TOO!”

Eh?

“I _KNOW_ you’re listening on us, you punk!”

Ah. Heh.

Putting these things on in the privacy of a tiny little room was one thing, but you weren’t sure if you had the confidence to model them…

But then again, the aisle of changerooms couldn’t be seen from the entrance of the store…

And it would be really funny to see Undyne modelling…

…

How could you turn that down?!


	48. Battle of the Sexiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all of your comments all the time. They all really mean a lot to me.
> 
> I can't believe how many kudos this has. You guys are really the best! Thank you so much for being so supportive! It really means a lot to me!
> 
> I hope you all have wonderful days forever and always!

“So you want us to model some lingerie together?” You asked through your curtain.

“Hell yeah, punk!” Undyne bellowed back. “We will be the sexiest women to ever grace this store! Fuhuhu!”

“I _am_ pretty sexy, not gunna lie.”

“Oi, you sayin’ I’m not?” Undyne playfully growled back. “Wait, I don’t need an answer. I KNOW I’m sexier than you.”

“Hey, you talkin’ smack ‘bout me?”

“What’re you gunna do about it?”

“Challenge you to a sexiness competition. Duh.”

“Tch. As if. It’s OBVIOUS that I’d win by a landslide.” There was a hint of apprehension in her voice.

“I didn’t hear a ‘yes’.” You teased in a smug tone. “You scaaaaaared? I don’t blame you. This bod can be pretty intimidating.”

“Me?! SCARED?! Who do you think you’re talking to?! As if I would ever lose to YOU!”

“So, we having a lingerie competition or what? I get it if you want to back out.” You couldn’t stop smiling. It was so fun antagonizing the ferocious warrior.

“LINGERIE BATTLE! LET’S DO THIS!” Undyne let out a battle roar. Apparently anything could become a battle with her.

Now that you had her riled up enough that she wouldn’t back out, the participants were ready. Still, you’d need judges. Alphys was just too obviously biased to do the job. Besides, the whole point was to pay her back for the amount she was helping with your little project. She needed to relax during the show.

Ah. That could work.

You hopped to your feet and wrapped the change room’s curtain around yourself. It was difficult to unhook, but you got it down quickly enough. You burst out of the change rooms and skid to a stop at the center of the store. Quickly scanning your surroundings, you located three employees at the cash register.

“Excuse me, miss empolyees, I have just been challenged to a lingerie battle...TO THE DEATH! Would you guys please be our judges?” You slammed your head into a clothes rack when you bowed. “OW! Fack.”

“Oh my god ___...YOU’RE BRILLIANT! Every competition needs judges!” Undyne dashed over to you and bowed as well. “PLEASE JUDGE OUR COMPETITION!”

The group of employees stared at you two. And then one began giggling.

“Martha!” One chided her.

“What?! A girl just burst out of the change rooms in a curtain and asked us to judge a model-off! And then a fish seconded that motion! How the hell do you two still have straight faces!” Martha snickered, leaning on the checkout counter for support. The silent employee cracked a smile and tried to suppress a laugh.

“Not you, too, Maria!”

“It _is_ pretty funny, you have to admit.” Maria turned to you and Undyne. “Considering that it’s a pretty slow day, and we have nothing better to be doing at the moment, I will use my authority as supervisor of this shift to allow this competition to take place! Martha, May! We have a duty to our dear customers to give them our unbiased opinions on everything they put on! Ladies, we have a competition to judge!”

“YES!” “Are you serious?”

*

“This is stupid.” You could hear Undyne pacing nervously in the change room beside you.

“You can always forfeit. It would make my job a lot easier.” You suggested teasingly. “But seriously, just have fun with it.”

“Easy for YOU to say!” She snapped. “AUGH! WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS!”

“Because you wanted to show off in front of Alphys.”

“...H-how’d you know that?” Suddenly she sounded sheepish.

“Well, I’m just really good at reading people.” You figured that was close enough to the truth. “To be perfectly honest, Alphys is ecstatic right now. Go out there and give her a show.”

“...Can we go out together for the first round?” There had been a pause before her quiet request.

“Of course. It would probably be good to get a nice side by side comparison anyways.” You conceded.

“Thanks.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. You smiled. Even the people that seem the most confident have things they aren’t confident in.

When the music began (it was an anime opening, though you couldn’t place which one it was from), you stepped out of your room. Undyne was peeking out of hers with a soft blush. You gave her an encouraging smile and offered out a hand.

She took it and the two of you made your way down the makeshift catwalk. Undyne walked awkwardly behind you, trying to shield herself. Unfortunately, you were much smaller than she was, so it didn’t work very well.

You were nervous, too, but you had promised yourself that you’d make the most of everything.

*

While the first trip down the makeshift catwalk had been anxiety inducing, you soon realized that you had no reason to worry. Everyone was having a good time. You and Undyne took turns strutting your stuff, stopping in more and more risque poses each time. Martha gave everybody 10s. May started off only giving 0s, but eventually the upbeat atmosphere overtook her and she found herself giving more generous marks. Maria’s marks were completely arbitrary and liable to change.

Everyone loosened up as the show went on. Undyne became more and more confident until she was acting completely like herself again. At the same time, Alphys became more and more flustered, with it her stutter became so bad that she was reduced to happy squealing sounds and nosebleeds. Even the employees had fun with it.

8 rounds of competition were held until finally the points were tallied by a lightheaded Alphys.

“It seems that our l-lingerie champion is Undyne by 18 points!” At her girlfriend’s decree, Undyne let out a loud whoop and effortlessly scooped Alphys into her arms.

“SUCK ON THAT!” Undyne was grinning wider than you had ever seen her grin before.

“Are you sure? Alphys, can you recount?” You protested in a childish voice.

“Are you seriously questioning my darling Alphys’ math?!” Undyne snuggled the yellow lizard. “I win and there’s nothing you can say about it!”

“I want a rematch!”

“As if, PUNK! I won and you know it!”

“You must’ve cheated!”

“How could I cheat at a runway competition? Just accept that I’M THE SEXIEST FITCH UP IN THIS! FUHUHU!”

“...Aaaah ha ha. Fish. Bitch. Ha. That was good. Still think you cheated, though.”

“Ladies, please.” Maria cut in. “Was there any you’d like to buy before we put it all away?”

You bought each set from the last three rounds for both Undyne and yourself. They held good memories, after all. And made you look sexy as fuck. But mostly for memory’s sake. 100%. Not the sexy thing at all.

The tip you left was ridiculous.

*

“You sure you’re okay, Alphys?” You asked again as you made your way back to the truck. “I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to have that many nosebleeds in a row.”

“I-I’m fine. Better tha-than fine. I will cherish this day forever.” Alphys breathed in a whimsical tone. “I never thought Undyne would let me take p-pictures of her in an-nything like that.”

“Wait.” You stopped. “You...took pictures?”

“Of course. I wasn’t going to waste that chance.” Alphys scoffed. “Oh. Ri-right. I can de-delete the ones of you, if you w-want. I-I-I didn’t ask, after a-all. I w-was just going to u-use them as...m-motivation for a mutual friend.”

You decided to ignore the last bit. It was best not to think about that.

“...Actually...do you think you could send them to me?” A smile crept onto your face. “I think I have someone I want to share them with.”

*

It was a normal day at work. Well it had been. Up until Eli’s phone had begun vibrating every few minutes.

For the love of god, why were you sending her sexy pictures of yourself?!

Eli couldn’t focus on her work at all! Why?! Just, why?! Well, she knew why; because you were you. Everything you did had no point. She knew it was better not to question it, but she was having a really hard time with that. How could she not question this?!

“Oh, I know that expression, girl. What’s your sister up to now?” A voice cut into her thoughts.

“Hey Saffron.” Eli greeted curtly and with a forced smile. “You here to drag Mike out to lunch with you?”

“You know it.” She agreed happily. “The man will forget to eat if you don’t watch him. Now, quit stalling and tell me what your sister’s doing to make you so exasperated.”

“How do you know it’s my sister?”

“Girl, it’s _always_ your sister.” Saffron laughed. “Now spill.”

“...She’s sending me sexy pictures of herself in lingerie.” Eli sighed.

“Seriously?” Saffron tried not to chuckle, but failed. Eli glared, so she covered her laughing with coughing. “So you need a way to get back at her, ammiright?”

“That would be nice. You have an idea?”

“I _always_ have an idea.”

*

It was a normal day at work. Well it had been. Up until Sans’ phone had begun vibrating every few minutes.

Why was your sister sending him these pictures?!

...

...

...

"Professor Sans, are you alright?" A student suddenly snapped him out of his daze.

"...i...uh...yeah, i'm fine. what was i talking about?"

"Hydrogen wave functions...?" Everyone seemed a bit confused.

"oh, right right. _lace bust_ continue with that."

"Uh...pardon?"

"...on second thought, let's just have personal study time!"

He couldn't keep himself from saving the pictures.


	49. IT WASN'T A STRIP SHOW DAMMIT!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This transition chapter is 100% because of MelodicTrigger's comment about the song. I don't know why this happened, but I blame them.

“Oh my god! It was from Ouran!” You suddenly cut into the debate over what the optimal size of a sword should be. Alphys and Undyne both turned to you with confused expressions.

“Umm...what?” Undyne would’ve kept her eyes trained on you if she hadn’t been driving.

“That first song!” You hummed it happily. “I couldn’t place where it was from, and it’s been bothering me since it was put on!”

“D-do you mean d-during the str-r-rip show?” Alphys seemed to understand.

“It WASN’T a strip show.” Undyne corrected quickly with a slight blush.

“Yeah, during the strip show.”

“NOT A STRIP SHOW!”

“I knew I had heard it before, and that it was from an anime, but for some reason I couldn’t remember which one. God, Ouran was hilarious. How could I forget that intro?! Kinda want to rewatch the series now...Stripping to that song was fun!”

“ARE WE JUST GOING TO IGNORE THIS?!”

“Y-y-you’ve watch-ched Ouran?!” Alphys’ eyes were bulging out of her skull. You could’ve sworn there were sparkles in them.

“Uh...HELLO?! We just gunna let the stripping thing go?”

“Of course! I already told you I was into anime at Frisk’s party, though.” You chuckled softly. “And Ouran is one of the ones everybody seems to have watched.”

“Really you guys…?”

“I-I-I thought you wer-re just being polite and ma-ake small talk!” Alphys looked ecstatic. “Wo-would you want to come o-over sometime? We could ha-ave an anime marthon!”

“UGH! FINE!”

“That sounds amazing! Eli has some anime that she likes, but doesn’t really watch most series with me. It’s not as fun to watch things by yourself.”

“I-I totally ge-get that! Half the fun is st-t-tupid commentary!”

“Especially with the really stupid or cheesy se-GAH! Undyne! You almost gave me a heart attack!” You patted your chest softly. “The was the most aggressive park job I’ve ever experienced…”

“I’m sure it was.” She forced a smile at you. “For some reason, I’m frustrated.”

“Oh, why?”

“It wasn’t a strip show.” She was very stern.

“What wasn’t?” You tilted your head. There was a long, frustrated silence before she let out a sharp sigh.

“...Nevermind.” Undyne looked like she had given up on you. It reminded you of Eli. “Alphys, do you have time before your next class starts?”

“Uh…” Alphys pulled out her phone. “A-actually, I ha-ave to get going if I wa-ant to get there on time! S-sorry Undyne!”

“No problem, Alphy. I was just going to take ___ here over to the physics building.” The fish pulled her girlfriend close to her. “You have a great day at work, okay?”

“O-okay.” The two nuzzled into each other, and then Undyne gave her girlfriend a little smooch. The amount of affection saturating the truck was heart warming, while at the same time a bit awkward. You let out a soft cough. “Oh! Sorry!” She apologized quickly, but then she seemed to remember something. “R-right! ___, here’s wha-at you asked f-for!”

“Thanks!” You took the pink memory stick she offered to you. “Really, thank you so much!”

“D-don’t mention i-it!” She stole another quick kiss from Undyne and then hopped out of the truck with a wide grin. She gave one last wave to her girlfriend, who blew a kiss back, before dashing off towards campus with red stained scales.

Undyne let out a soft sigh and leaned into the steering wheel. She looked longingly after her retreating girlfriend with a lovestruck expression.

“You’re adorable.” You cooed.

“Shut up.” She snapped instantly. “Let’s just bring your things back to your bike, punk.” You opened your mouth to say another teasing comment, but she cut you off. “And if you make one more comment, I’ll be THROWING you to the physics building.”

“Ah...Understood.”

*

“Are we there yeeeeeet?” You whined. Even with how resilient your soul seemed to be today, you were still becoming exhausted as you snaked through bustling crowds of students. “I thought you said it was close! Is it too late to take you up on that throwing offer?”

“I thought you were stronger than THAT! C’MON! Show me that athletic SPIRIT from this morning!” Despite saying that, Undyne picked you up and threw you over one of her shoulders. “Don’t worry; tomorrow I’ll whip you into a UNIVERSITY TRAVERSING BEAST!”

You weren’t sure you wanted to be a university traversing beast, but you decided not to correct her. You couldn’t risk losing this wonderful method of transportation. She was like a super express train with how easily she plowed through the swaths of students in her way.

Her pace was easily triple yours, which made the trip very quick. That and her parkour shortcuts were amazing, too. You would’ve never thought to climb over the campus hospital, but you also weren’t Undyne. You sent a selfie of you hanging over Undyne’s shoulders from the peak of the hospital to Eli. Sharing was caring.

Abruptly, you were dropped to the ground.

“Ow…” You whimpered.

“Quit your whining. We’re here.” Undyne pointed to a huge set of antique double doors. “Let’s go see your-...?” Undyne stopped, and you heard a faint buzzing. She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and checked the call display. Immediately, she accepted the call and put her phone to her ear. “Alphys? What’s up?...Seriously?!...Yeah, I can do that...No! It’s no problem, I promise. It should only take me twenty minutes or so...No, I want to...Okay. See ya soon...Love you too, bye.”

She hung up the phone and gave you an apologetic look.

“Sorry, Alphys forgot to bring somthing for her next class, so I’m going to go get it. Sans’ office is 402B.” She paused. “Are you okay if I leave you here?”

“Don’t let me hold you back.” You smiled warmly. “You go help Alphys. I’ve got this. How hard could it be to find a classroom?”

Apparently it could be quite hard.


	50. Tattoos, Spacers, and Accents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks AnonChan for giving me help to overcome writer's block. Thank you so much. I knew I needed something, and this is exactly what I was needing to write. Thanks man.

How long had you been in the complex labyrinth designed to confuse and befuddle? You had lost all sense of time! By this point, you were wondering if time even was a thing anymore. It probably wasn't, otherwise you'd have died from old age or something. It was just you and the hallways now, forever wandering. There weren’t even any exits! How many classrooms had you passed? How many windows had you stared longing out of wondering how long you would be trapped in this maze.

Forever. There were no exits here. 402B didn’t exist. Nothing existed. Everything was a lie. Except your headache. That was very much a reality.

You see, it wasn’t as if you couldn’t figure out where Sans was. He was OP as shit. Of course you could find a magical signature like that in a space even as big as a university building.

The real problem lay in getting there. NOWHERE LEAD TO WHERE HE WAS! The building probably hated you. It was conspiring against you. Stupid building.

Well, it seemed as though you were going to have to ask somebody.

You flipped off the wall, and then skipped over to a group of chattering students shambling down the hall.

“Excuse me, do you know where I could find room 402B?” You asked in a cheery voice. The group turned to you. There were only three guys; one had those weird spacer things in his ears, another had a tattoo up his neck, and the last one was as bald as an eagle.

At first, the group gave you a slightly annoyed look as though you had interrupted them, which you had. Shortly afterwards, you felt amusement and a hot feeling radiate from the tattoo guy.

“Are you a first year?” The tattoo guy (who you decided to call Tats) asked, looking you up and down. You supposed you did look kind of young.

“Not really…” You sheepishly admitted. “I don’t really go here.”

“Ah, that explains it. I would know if a cutie like you joined a class here.” Tats smiled at you, and leaned a little closer. You quirked an eyebrow.

“There’re over 500 people in the immediate vicinity. I don’t see how you’d be able to know that. Though I'm sure your social circle is impressive, I doubt they know every single person on campus.” You were quite confused by his irrational statement.

“Oi, th’r’re behtt’r things t’ be doin’.” Eagle complained in a thick accent. “Let t’ poor lady alone.”

“That poor lady is lost, aren’t ya?” Tats turned back to you after shooting his bald companion a hard glare. Spacey nodded in agreement. Eagle sighed, dissatisfaction emanating from every fiber of his being.

“Yeah. This building is evil.” You pouted. You were really inconveniencing these people. “Sorry I bothered you guys! I’ll try to find it on my own again, sorry to take up your time.”

“No, it’s fine. 402B, right?” You nodded at Tats. He grinned. “I know where that room is. Here, I’ll show ya.”

“Really? Thank you!” You smiled. Your headache was getting worse and you just wanted to find Sans. Thankfully, you had run into some nice people.

As the boys lead you around, Tats did most of the talking. He tended to walk pretty close to you, which was just making your headache worse, but he was nice enough to lead you around, so you tried to ignore it. He was a very charismatic person, and very dramatic in his tales. His stories were pretty boring and mostly about him, but you tried to be polite. He flattered you a lot, too, but it felt hollow somehow. He was probably just trying too hard to be nice.

Eagle only made disgruntled remarks, while Spacey usually just agreed with Tats. They seemed like nice enough people.

“402B! As promised, my lady!” Tats, who had mentioned his name at one point, stopped at a large door and made a dramatic gesture to it.

“Thank you so much!” You were relieved that you had actually made it before you died of starvation. “I don’t know how I could ever repay you! Thank you!”

“I know a way.” He pulled out his phone and tapped a few things. He turned the screen to you and held the device out. “How about you let me take you to the new bar down the street? I’ll text you what time.”

“I don’t really like going to bars, thanks anyways, though!” You smiled, looking up from the new contact sheet opened on his phone. You didn’t get why he was holding it out to you.

“C’mon, it’d be fun! It’ll be on me. If you don’t like it, I won’t ask you ever again. Just one chance, okay?” Tats insisted.

“Sorry, I really don’t.” Bars weren’t your thing. They were usually quite loud.

“T’ lady said sh’ didn’t wanna go.” Eagle groaned. “Jus’ leave ‘er alone.”

“Okay, okay. I get it. No bars. Understood. No problem. That’s fine.” Tats shifted gears quickly. “Can I get your phone number, though? I promise I can show you a good time. Just one chance is all I need.”

“My sister keeps telling me not to give that out...” You sighed. You already had to memorize four phone numbers this year because Eli kept changing it.

“She must care about you a lot. It’s some good advice. There are a lot of creeps out there. But I promise I’m not like that. Just ten digits and one night. That’s all I’m asking. Cross my heart. I swear it’ll be the best decision you’ll ever make.” He put on a begging face, but annoyance was bubbling at his soul. Oddly, you also found yourself a bit annoyed.

This guy threw around promises like confetti.

“That pause says you’re considering it. It’ll be great, love. I promise.”

“Love?” You found yourself taking a tentative step back. He quickly encroached upon your slight retreat.

“Darling, sweetheart, honey, babe, cutie, love...whatever suits your fancy.” He pushed you against the wall. The hot feeling was practically burning the outer layers of your soul. You tried to block it out and focus on the situation before you, but you just couldn’t. Fighting back just made your mind and soul throb painfully. You didn’t understand!

...Oh.

That feeling was lust. Pure and unbridled lust.

You felt uncomfortable. The soul leaning into you was aggressive and uncontrolled. Every lick of magic sent courses of unwanted feelings skittering through every inch of your soul. You didn’t like it. It felt wrong. You wanted to block it out so badly, but when you did that, each wave of emotion felt like a mace bashing against your ribcage.

“No answer? I think I’ll go with ‘honey’ then.” His breath was hot. So hot. Burning.

“personally, i prefer ‘professor’, but you can call me ‘ketchup’ if you really want to. i like it much more than honey.” You didn’t have to look up.

“Ah! Didn’t see you there, professor!” Tats immediately took a step back, but your wrist was locked into his squishy hand. Sans looked down at your shackle, and then up to your face.

“okay. you have 5 seconds to leave before i decide to personally toss you through that window.” His magic was sparking, but not in an unstable way. Sans was in complete control. And he was not pleased.

“Sorry about blocking the door!” Tats practically yelped. Even if he couldn’t detect the magic, his soul sure could sense the hostility. “C’mon honey.” He tugged roughly on your arm, and you squeaked.

“oh yeah. i forgot to mention…” Sans’ eye sparked to life and Tats was pulled into the air like a marionette. “ **do you mind letting go of my G I R L F R I E N D?** ”


	51. Girlfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay university! Yeah...it was partying all week...so I hadn't written anything...sorry guys...
> 
> I'd like to give a big thanks to TheGGFox and knifehappypsycho for helping me through this. Honestly, I had forgotten what I was going to do for this chapter, and then these wonderful people came along and gave me ideas! Thank you so much!

You blushed as your hand slid from Tats’ grasp and he was flung away from you. Girlfriend. Sans had called you his girlfriend.

“did either of you touch her?!” He snarled at the other two. Spacey froze in place, fear locking every muscle into place. Eagle took a step back.

“Not’a fuckin’ hair!” He proclaimed honestly. Sans’ blue eye flashed to you and you nodded softly, your eyes still unfocused and a blush deepening on your cheeks. He gave a small growl, a bit threatening but not overly so, and then turned back to the person he had pinned to the wall.

“do you mind explaining why you were hitting on **MY** human?!”

“Dude! I didn’t know she was taken!” Tats struggled helplessly. “It’s her fault for not saying as much!” The moment the words left his mouth, he regretted it. Sans let out a low, animalistic growl. He bared his teeth much more than normal, revealing long, sharp canines. Tats looked terrified.

“what gives you any right to bring **MY HUMAN** to the brink of tears?!” Had you been? You touched beside your eyes, feeling a slight dampness.

More than that...he had called you _his_! Twice! You flushed even deeper and covered your face with your hands.

“C’mon man. It’s her fau-”

“ **DID I FUCKING ASK YOU THAT?!** ” Sans was clearly losing it. You’d never heard him yell before. Tats whimpered as he was slammed against the wall a bit forcefully. He whimpered softly. It seemed things were about to escalate.

“Sans.” You cut in. You didn’t raise your voice, nor did you beg. You simply demanded his attention. The flaming blue eye locked onto you immediately. He gave him a look and he immediately released Tats from his magic. Without regarding him further, you walked over to Tats, who had been dropped from the wall and was slumped against it. “Thanks for showing me how to get here. I really appreciated it. Sorry, I don’t think my sister...or my...boyfriend,” You blushed at that, “would be happy if I gave out my phone number to strangers. I hope you have better luck with somebody else.”

With a soft smile, you placed his phone next to him and turned back to Sans. He was staring at you intently with his beautifully flickering eye.

“Apologize.” You demanded.

“...wha…?”

“You swore at poor Tats here. Apologize.”

“...you’re concerned about the swearing?”

“Of course. Now apologize.”

“you can’t be serious…”

“I’m completely serious.” You stared expectantly at Sans. He stared back a you. After a few moments, he sighed and glanced over to Tats.

“...sorry…” He grumbled under his breath with a sneer.

“Sans.”

“fine. i’m sorry i swore at you.” He growled. It was a bit threatening, but acceptable. You turned to Tats with a similarly expectant look. He blinked at you in confusion for a few moments before realizing what you wanted.

“Uh...ah...it’s fine?” He glanced up at your for confirmation. “Yeah. It’s okay, man. Don’t mention it!” His eyes flicked nervously between you and Sans. You hummed happily.

“Now then, that takes care of everything wouldn’t you say?” You clapped your hands together. “It’s all water under the bridge now, right boys?” Sans nodded slowly while Tats was nodding so quickly that you were worried that his head would pop off. “Perfect!”

Eagle and Spacey slowly wandered over and helped Tats to his feet. Eagle muttered something like ‘told ya so’ under his breath, while Spacey was gushing about how cool it had been to experience magic. Eagle gave you a thankful nod before the three of them made their way back down the hall and out of sight. You waved goodbye to them.

There was a silence between you and Sans as the group drifted out of sight.

“So...I’m yours…?” You broke the silence in a quiet tone. You nervously glanced over at Sans.

“...!” His bones were immediately stained a dark blue. “it was-i mean-i only!” He sputtered, sweat beading on his forehead. His eyes flicked around nervously. His little white dots had returned, which you had mixed feelings about. It was good that he had calmed down, but you rather liked the flickery one.

“...I don’t mind. Since it’s you.” You found yourself saying without meaning to. But it wasn’t a lie. For some reason, you really didn’t mind. You blushed immediately after the words left your mouth, though. The blue across Sans’ face deepened into a dark navy.

There was a long silence while the two of you tried to regain your composure.

“so...why’re you here anyways?”

“Undyne told me where your office was and I wanted to see you.” You bounced excitedly. “I wanted to tell you all about what we did at lunch today! It was really fun!”

He quirked a browbone at first, and then something seemed to dawn on him. The blue returned, and he looked a bit nervous.

“...you really don’t have to...it’s been an eventful day already, so why don’t you tell me some other time?” He shifted awkwardly, and avoided eye contact.

“Aw, come on. It took me forever to find your stupid office. I’m not leaving until I get to see it! And the story isn’t boring! It’s pretty funny, actually.”

“...but-”

“No buts, Professor Ketchup! I was lost for a long long time! We’re going into this legendary office and then going out for lunch. I never actually got any food with my lunch buddies…”

Sans stared at you blankly.

“professor...ketchup?”

“Well, you did say that you wouldn’t mind being called them...and I figured it’d make...a cute nickname, since I’m your...g-girlfriend and all…” You tried to explain sheepishly, unable to make eye contact. You felt your face burn.

“i think ketchup suits you a little more.” You felt him poke your cheek, causing you to blush even more. He chuckled at that.

“Not funny!” You pouted. “Just show me your stupid office already! And then I'm going to tell you all about my fun lunch with Alphys and Undyne!”

Sans' eye lights constricted a bit, and a forced smile found its way onto his face.

"...sounds great."


	52. It's All a Matter of Perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got some "down time" (read: study time) between classes. Really wanted something from Sans' perspective, so there's really no new content or anything. Sorry buddies. Luv ya <3

The students had had a hard time with that day’s lesson, and Sans’ distractedness hadn’t really helped in that regard. Sure, it had started off fine and dandy, but it had all gone downhill pretty quickly after he had checked his phone during a short break. Every time his phone vibrated after that, his mind had immediately hopped off of the physics train.

It had taken him a while to realize that the pictures Eli had been sending were in fact what you had been doing until a short while ago, and, the moment he had come to that realization, it had taken his distractedness to a whole new level. Well, the timestamp should’ve been obvious enough, but who would look at the timestamps of pictures like that?

After that, his lesson had become a lot more scattered than usual and lacked the distinct style of his method of teaching. It was still a great lecture, though; just not up to his usual standards of approachability and it had been uncharacteristically serious. Understandable, as he was trying his very best just to keep his train of thought in the ballpark of quantum physics.

Given that, more students than usual had approached him after class asking for clarification. By the time he got through that, the halls had emptied out, leaving him to wander back to his office through vacant corridors.

He just wanted to take a nap. Naps solved everything.

Why had he agreed to take this job? He really wasn’t suited to it.

It had been Tori’s fault. She had suggested the idea to Paps and had let him take it from there. Frisk had argued that it would give monsterkind more merit in governmental debates. Even Undyne had wanted him to give it a try, if for no other reason than to help out Alphys. They were two of the handful of monsters on campus, and the only professors.

Sans heaved a sigh, and decided he would nap instead of grade assignments. His nap would be glorious! He would burn your pictures into his mind such that memories of _those_ timelines wouldn’t be able to touch him! It would be a great nap.

...God he felt like a creep.

Rubbing his face with a distinctive scraping sound, he rounded the corner and stopped.

“Darling, sweetheart, honey, babe, cutie, love...whatever suits your fancy.” What were those nicknames? Who was this guy? Why was he leaning into you?

Oh.

Well it wasn’t as though he hadn’t expected it. Of course you’d rather someone more than literal bones. It would’ve only been a matter of time before you realized how broken he was, anyway. He knew you’d leave eventually. He had expected it. He hadn’t held onto any hope. It didn’t hurt.

“No answer? I think I’ll go with ‘honey’ then.”

It didn’t hurt.

The guy slid in close to your face, brushing his fingers along your jaw lightly.

It didn’t hurt.

His face was so close to yours. Sans didn’t want to watch what he was sure was going to happen next, but somehow he couldn’t find the will to move. There was no point. It wouldn’t matter. Nothing mattered.

Then he had seen your face. He had seen your expression.

And it didn’t hurt; it made him angry.

Never before had he seen you look so… _terrified_. Voicelessly, you were begging for help. It was the first time he had ever seen you afraid, and he immediately hated it.

“personally, i prefer ‘professor’, but you can call me ‘ketchup’ if you really want to. i like it much more than honey.” Sans stood behind the tattooed assailant. Every fiber of his being wanted you safe. Nothing else mattered.

“Ah! Didn’t see you there, professor!” Mr. Stupid Tattoo flinched away from Sans' voice, moving only slightly further away from you. But he didn’t let you go. He still brutishly held onto your delicate wrist.

Sans looked at the link and then up to your face. You definitely didn’t want this. You looked so uncharacteristically delicate, shaking softly with water threatening the corners of your eyes.

You were on the brink of tears.

It was then that his protective instinct had threatened to overwhelm him. He needed to protect you. He needed to remove the threat.

**He needed to remove THE T H R E A T.**

But of course, he had restraint.

“okay. you have 5 seconds to leave before i decide to personally toss you through that window.” The threat was hardly veiled.

“Sorry about blocking the door!” The guy’s voice went up a good octave or two. “C’mon honey.”

And then he had made you yelp. It had been a sharp tug on your arm, a simple act.

But it had sent Sans over the edge.

“oh yeah. i forgot to mention…” Sans couldn’t stand it anymore. He wanted you away from _him_. Immediately. “ **do you mind letting go of my G I R L F R I E N D?** ”

His magic eagerly tightened it’s grip around the whelp’s soul and flicked him away from you.

“did either of you touch her?!” He reared on the bystanders. They denied doing anything, and you had confirmed deliriously. That was fine, then. He felt a growl reverberate through his body. It hadn’t been intentional, but he wasn’t really in the state of mind to care.

He had turned back to the scum struggling against his magic.

“do you mind explaining why you were hitting on **MY** human?!”

He was saying words, but he was barely aware of them. He wanted you safe, but you weren't. He was angry that you weren't. He was angry at what kept you from being so. He needed to protect you.

“Dude! I didn’t know she was taken! It’s her fault for not saying as much!”

Your fault…? Your fault?! Sans' temper flared up. His magic longed to attack, but Sans restricted it to a low, guttural growl.

“what gives you any right to bring **MY HUMAN** to the brink of tears?!”

_Mine._

“C’mon man. It’s her fau-”

“ **DID I FUCKING ASK YOU THAT?!** ”

This scum had no right to touch you.

_Mine._

This lowlife had no right to be near you!

_MINE._

This whelp had no right TO LI-

“Sans.” At your voice, he froze. You effortlessly snapped his attention away his victim. He was transfixed by you, by what you wanted. You wanted him to stop, so he did so without hesitation.

You effortlessly calmed the situation down. You took control and brought everything back into reality. Nobody was being hurt. Nothing bad was going to happen. Everything was fine.

...

When had you become so important to him?

When had he become so possessive of you?

When had his soul...claimed you as his?


	53. Picture Book with Too Many Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been FOREVER since I updated. I had writer's block. Well, more like I had 'good writing' block. 11th time rewriting this chapter, so it is what it is.
> 
> Please feel free to leave suggestions for improvement!
> 
> And thank you so much for putting up with my inconsistencies.

You wondered how you had expected anything different. Really. What else would Sans’ office look like?

There were books and papers everywhere. In fact, the large oak desk, immaculately carved with careful precision, appeared more like a dumping ground for all things that were deemed procrastinateable than the majestic centerpiece it was clearly created to be. Even the books on the bookshelves were haphazardly placed, some being left vertical while others were squished beside them horizontally.

If it were anybody else’s office, you would’ve thought that the room had been broken into. It was almost like Sans had created a tornado specifically for the purpose of ransacking his own room.

...Actually, you wouldn’t put that past him...

“so...uh...yeah. this is my office.” He sort of gestured around, scratching the back of his skull with a sickening scraping sound. “sorry for the...eh...mess.”

Your shoulders trembled softly as you attempted to hold back a laugh. It didn’t work. To maintain your balance, you placed a hand on the wall as childish giggles shook your frame. Sans’ nervous smile fell a bit.

“Sorry!” You choked out. “Oh my god! Sorry, it’s just so _you_!” Snickers cut off the rest of your reassurances and you staggered from the wall into Sans. You didn’t even get why it was so funny. Probably because you had pictured an incredibly professional and studious atmosphere. This one fit so much better.

“is that supposed to be a nice way of calling me a slob?” Sans raised a browbone at you. He steadied your unbalanced form by tentatively placing a hand on your waist.

“What? No!” You jerked back waving your hands in front of yourself in denial. You almost fell over, but Sans softly lifted you back upright.

“ _clutter_ you thinking! you _mess_ ed a great opportunity!” His smug grin and stupid puns really weren’t helping you with your hysterical giggling problem. The puns weren’t even good, but they initiated another weak-legged giggling fit.

“Clutter!” You breathed, unable to stop yourself. You found yourself leaning into Sans a lot more than you had intended to, so you tried to take a step back. Instead, you just sort of tipped over.

“woah! okay! you’re sitting down now!” Sans caught you easily and swept you into his arms. Almost too soon, he haphazardly tossed you into the big squishy chair behind his desk where you rode out your laughing fit.

“Heehee, clutter.” You huffed whimsically with the last of your hysteria, the tension from earlier finally leaving your body.

“ya good?” Sans seemed a mix of amused and concerned.

“I’m wonderful.” You went limp in the chair, sighing at it’s softness. “I think I’ll need to steal your chair. So comfy.”

“you keep saying you’re not, but you look like the epitome of laziness right now.”

“Do not!”

“uh huh...you seriously look like you’re about to fall asleep.”

“That’s just because of all the crowds.” You whined. “Not my fault they’re exhausting. I went to the mall AND came to the university today! Should’ve dragged you along…”

“me?” Sans’ voice got oddly high pitched at the end. Well, high pitched for him.

“Yeah! You see, Alphys and I were supposed to go out to lunch at a quiet little cafe a couple blocks over for lunch, but Alphys invited Undyne to lunch too and Undyne wanted to go shopping instead. So we went to the mall.”

“sounds like that was a lot of...fun.” His tone was a forced levelness.

“It really was! Shopping with them is fun!” You forced yourself to sit up. “We went to this place called...hmm...what was it called again?...it started with an “L”...” You were too busy staring at the ground in an attempt to remember the store name that you missed the guilty look of the skeleton across from you.

“...la vie en rouge.” Sans nervously muttered. You didn’t hear him.

“Whatever. So we went in and Undyne told me to try on pretty much everything in the store! Alphys saved me, though. Did you know she’s a fashion genius?”

“...she does have good taste.” He nodded slowly, refusing eye contact.

“She does! And so Undyne and I decided to commemorate our friendship by having a modelling competition! Alphys put on some awesome anime songs and the store clerks judged our outfits and poses! It was so much fun!” You sat cross-legged in the center of the seat, swaying side to side happily.

“...sounds...great.” Something was off with his voice, making it a bit huskier. He was still avoiding eye contact with you and small droplets of magical sweat were appearing on his skull. You frowned at the vague emotions in the air; you couldn’t pinpoint what they were due to how many there were, but they had an overarching sense of discomfort.

“It was. But we never got lunch...so I figured I’d go out with you!” You smiled innocently over at him. “You seem busy, though.” You glanced down at his desk, where piles of papers were vaguely sorted into ‘marked’ and ‘unmarked’ piles.

“you mean with the papers?” Sans looked at you for the first time, distracted by the change in subject.

“Yeah. Look like you’re marking…” You picked up an assignment and squinted at it. “Some sort of mumbo jumbo.” You concluded with 100% accuracy.

“mumbo jumbo?” The smirk was back with a vengeance. He looked so smug. “please, do go on.”

“Eh?” Surprise coloured your expression.

“please. explain to me this mumbo jumbo, professor.” He leaned back into the chair across from you.

You must’ve looked like a deer in the headlights at first. Sans waited patiently with that same smug smile. Eventually, that look of horror and surprise contorted into a more confident yet silly smirk.

You picked up a pair of glasses from the table, unsure as to how Sans would even wear them, and put them on such that they hung at the very tip of your nose. Immediately, Sans broke down into deep laughter. You had to force back a smile.

“Silence.” You demanded in as stern a voice as you could muster. Sans over at you with subdued laughter, eye lights blurry with amusement. “Now, I don’t have time for games. My time is much too precious for such things.”

“oh, do forgive me professor.” Sans drawled sarcastically, drawing a small snicker from you.

“Very well. This paper is about...uh...quantum interference between...transverse spatial waveguide modes…?” Your confusion was apparently hilarious. Seriously though; the fuck?! “Yeah. Those. So, um, it starts off with a bunch of words. Riveting, really. You have to read it outloud to truly appreciate the beautiful word choice and emotion put forth by the author.”

“i don’t think i can quite understand without an example.” Sans prompted slyly, his grin wide enough to have you finally questioning his face.

“I won’t be doing your work for you, mister.” You looked down over your glasses in the typical stern librarian fashion.

“please?” He pleaded. You sighed.

“One, and one only.” You started from the first period you saw. “‘Increasing the di..dimensionality of current quantum systems using higher degrees of freedom such as trans...verse spatial field distribution, polarization’...” You kept stumbling over your own words as you glared at the paper. After a few moments, you sighed and placed it back on the table. “Let me be perfectly honest; I don’t even understand the diagrams in this thing.”

There was a beat of silence and then Sans just lost it. You couldn’t help but laugh softly yourself, gingerly removing Sans’ glasses and rubbing your eyes.

“Worst. Picture book. _Ever_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you guys may have guessed from...my everything, I know jack about quantum physics. So I'm going to leave a reference for the scientific paper I used to sound smart.
> 
> https://arxiv.org/pdf/1601.00121.pdf
> 
> Feel free to go read it if that's your thing.


	54. Clara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried to write from a new person's perspective because you guys said you'd like that. Let me know how it turned out ^.^
> 
> knifehappypsycho really suggested this chapter. It kind of ended in more sexual tension, though. Oops. Sorry man.
> 
> One line in here is completely plagiarized from MelodicTrigger, so if you read anything clever it was them.
> 
> This chapter is really just to explain what happened after Tats got his ass handed to him and why Sans will get away with it. Sorry about this, have fun with the random OCs.

Clara was a soft-spoken English major that was a bit too tall and a bit too awkward. She was a kind girl, but she wasn’t overly bright or talkative. It was hard for her to engage in proper conversation as she took much longer than normal people to think of what to say. She felt no need to speak unless she had thought it through several times, but people tended to find her overly quiet yet occasionally abrupt manner annoying.

But she didn’t need everybody to tolerate her. She had Krissy. Krissy was smart and confident, but she was a bit too short and a bit too talkative. It didn’t bother Clara, though. She was happy to listen.

When Clara did contribute to a topic, the words often left her lips a bit too late to have any bearing on ever evolving conversations. It had been hard to talk with people until she had met Krissy. Krissy never gave her confused looks or annoyed expressions, but was instead overjoyed to go back and talk some more about the outdated topics. Krissy always filled in the blanks between what little Clara had said and what her expression was hoping to convey. It was cute, in Clara’s opinion.

One of the most adorable things Clara found about Krissy, though, was both how confident and shy she could be. It was for that reason that Clara was walking around the physics building listening to Krissy talk about all the things that happened that day. Clara didn’t really understand most of it, but loved the way Krissy’s face lit up while she talked passionately. Understanding that was enough for her.

“Oh! Here it is!” Krissy cut herself off, glancing at the plaque reading 402B. She bounded over to the door with intense enthusiasm, only stopping after raising her fist to knock.

Clara cocked her head as if asking ‘what’s wrong?’.

“Uh…” Krissy looked back with a blush. “Do...do you think you could knock? It’s not like I can’t knock or anything, but it’s kinda maybe a little scary, you know? I mean we’re here to ask about a rumour and all that, and the guy sounded suuuuuper convincing when he talked about how professor Sans almost killed him over a girl. But then again, that guy’s is a total sleaze, so maybe he was lying? I don’t know, but it’s a little scary. Most monsters are nice, though...I think. I haven’t really talked to any. Have you? Well, there aren’t really a whole lot of monsters in the first place and I’m rambling again, aren’t I?”

Clara nodded understandingly with an encouraging smile. Krissy understood that she was saying ‘don’t worry about it’ with that expression.

“Thanks, but I should stay on point. Which was...would you mind knocking for me?” Before she was even through speaking, Clara was already nodding happily. She was more than happy to be the brave one.

Krissy blushed and stepped away from the door. Clara patted her on the head and took her place, rapping on the door with three distinct knocks.

There was a feminine ‘Come in!’ followed by a much deeper ‘why do you get to let people into my office?!’. Apparently the alleged girl was real. Clara opened the door silently and stepped inside with Krissy half-hiding behind her awkward frame.

“Because I’m the professor of you, professor.” You were sitting behind the big oak desk, rolling glasses between your fingers.

Clara couldn’t help but think you looked a little young to be a prof, and a little too innocent to condone attempted murder. Across from you sat a skeleton, presumably professor Sans. He looked very laid back and not at all murderous. That was good.

The room was...not at all what she was expecting. She decided not to comment on it.

“but _i’m_ the one with the doctorate. several of them, actually.” Professor Sans huffed indignantly.

“Welcome! What can we help you with?” You had apparently ignored professor Sans. He sighed at that, but the look of adoration in his eye...sockets(?) was unmistakable.

Clara couldn’t help but snort. This wasn’t a murderous monster. He was just a lovesick softie.

“Uh, if you two are busy, we can always come back later.” Krissy said hastily, stepping a little out of Clara’s shadow. Apparently she had come to the same conclusion.

“Nonsense!” You waved it off, putting on the glasses in your hands and striking a ‘seductive teacher’ pose. “We aren’t busy at all! We’re more than happy to- holy crap these are going to give me a headache. Why do you even need a prescription like this? You don’t have eyes.”

“rude.” Despite saying that, he was laughing softly. Somehow, Clara felt as though that laugh was just for you. You didn’t catch that, though, and instead briefly stuck your tongue out at him.

“I just wanted to ask a few things for the school paper, professor.” Krissy bobbed her head at you quickly. Apparently she was going through with writing the article. That made Clara proud.

“when did you become a professor? i think you need some credentials for that. ya know, like mine. with the doctorates and stuff.” The way he talked to you was playful.

Clara had heard that professor Sans was notoriously lazy despite being a brilliant teacher, but there was no hint of that. He was just...calm. You seemed energetic, though. Maybe it was because of you then. Clara began wondering about your relationship.

“You must be forgetting my doctorate in mumbo with a specialization in jumbo. I’m a real expert.” You managed to deadpan it, only revealing a tiny smile, while professor Sans’ deep laugh resounded through the room.

Clara concluded that you two must be lovers. But how did that work?

Krissy started asking questions, which the two of you answered quickly and easily. Professor Sans became visibly more tense when Krissy brought up the incident with the male student, and you became a little uncomfortable, but neither of you seemed to be lying. It actually seemed more like you had been sexually assaulted and your boyfriend hadn’t approved of it. He admitted to using magic, but you cut in by saying that the worst the guy had was a bruised back. In Clara’s eyes, that was much less than a man like him deserved, but she stayed quiet. Maybe she’d tell Krissy her opinion later while they wrote the article.

About halfway through the questioning, Clara finally formulated the sentence that had been on her mind for a while.

“How do you two get intimate?”

There was a stunned silence. Krissy gave Clara a horrifed look, while professor Sans’ little glowing eye things had disappeared.

And then you took off the glasses and placed them on the table. You looked Clara straight in the eye and replied in a whimsical tone.

“Magic.”

Suddenly, the professor froze and became a deep navy blue.

“_-___!” He protested, the blue spreading from his cheeks to the rest of his bones.

“You manifest it, though.” You quirked an eyebrow and he retreated back into his hoodie. He seemed to be trying to get his plush seating to absorb him, but it wasn’t working. You turned back to Clara. “How do you?”

Clara glanced at Krissy, and there was a long silence. She turned back to you.

“Toys.” She eventually said with confidence.

“C-Clara!” Krissy snapped in a horrified tone, her skin becoming stained with a deep crimson. She opened and closed her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but no words came out. It was the first time Clara had ever seen Krissy truly speechless.

“Wow, I didn’t realize you needed toys for that. I honestly thought your tongue would be good enough.”

Clara simply nodded and looked back over at Krissy. She looked about as embarrassed as the professor.

“...That’s good too.” Clara eventually replied.

“I’ll have to ask my sister about this later!” Clara was surprised by your sudden enthusiasm. Your comment seemed to be the last straw for professor Sans, though. He had disappeared from the room all together at your comment. Clara chalked it up to magic.

Still, Clara was a bit confused. Why would you talk to your sister about that? Hopefully you were thinking of something different or things would be getting weird.

“...What...do you think we’re talking...about?” Clara forced herself to say before she was ready. You gave her a confused look.

“Kissing?” You were so innocent. Clara really felt for the poor skeleton. She wouldn’t’ve had the heart to deflower Krissy if she had been that innocent.

“W-we’re going now! Thank you for your time!” Krissy grabbed Clara’s wrist and dragged her from the room before she had time to think up anything else to say.

“Bye!” You called happily after them.

Krissy berated Clara as they made their way back to the club room. The two of them wrote the rough draft of the story and sent texts to the photography club about what kinds of photos they were hoping to use. It was an enlightening article on the dangers of overlooking sexual crime.


	55. Kiss Kiss Fall in Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naoko_Kiseki was kind enough to point out a mistake in my writing...only after drawing an adorable chibi mocking my improper use of role/roll. Check it out. It's really clever and adorable.  
> https://nekonekodemon.tumblr.com/post/150938855504/hello-friends-here-have-some-more-of-my-trash
> 
> As for this chapter, this is my best shot at angst. Everything has been really happy go lucky, so my angst lord sister insisted I try my hand at angst.
> 
> Her idea fit really well, so you can thank her for the long chapter!

_____  
**Marco.**

_Sans_  
**polo**

_____  
**Maaaaarcooooo!**

_Sans_  
**pooolo**

_____  
**...This isn’t really working.**

_Sans_  
**really? i thought it was going great**

_____  
**Haha, very funny. Where are you?**

_Sans_  
**that depends**

_____  
**On…?**

_Sans_  
**on whether you ever find me**

_____  
**...Saaaaaaaans...I’m hungryyyyyyyyy.**

_Sans_  
**sucks to be you, now doesn’t it?**

_____  
**...If I find you, you’re paying for lunch.**

_Sans_  
**deal. if you can’t, you’re drinking a bottle of ketchup**

_____  
**...Seriously?**

_Sans_  
**:)**

_____  
**...You suck.**

*

It hadn’t taken you too long to find him. You had the cheat-like ability of tracking his magic, after all, and he wasn’t even hiding in the complex depths of some building. He had been sitting behind a bush in a courtyard behind the medical science building.

“I didn’t cheat!” You insisted for what felt like the hundredth time.

“tracking me down with your magic senses is totally cheating.”

“Is not! It’s just resource management!” You huffed, stepping closer to him as you crossed the street alongside hoards of university students. “If anything you should be blaming your overpowered magic. It’s not my fault you’re like a giant beacon of chill.”

“giant beacon of ‘chill’?” He raised a browbone at you.

“Yup. You’re a giant beacon of chill. Which is why it’s impossible not to know where you are if I’m looking for you.”

“it’s still cheating.”

“Says the guy who used teleportation during a game of tag.” You nudged him playfully. “Don’t think I forgot, mister.”

“oh riiiiight. you mean that time you were shamelessly looking through a book of naked skeletons.”

“I was looking up bone names!” You immediately flushed a deep red.

“suuuuuure.” Sans chuckled and poked your cheek. You made a face. “hey, i get how hard it can be to resist _this_ ," He gestured up and down his body, "but doing it while you had guests over...scandalous.”

“It was for the sake of puns, damn you!” You got bumped by a passerby as the two of you tried to navigate the busy sidewalks.

“whatever you say, ketchup.”

“...What did you call me?”

“ketchup.”

“...Uh...Why…?”

“ketchup is my favourite food.”

“You mean condiment.”

“no, i mean food.”

“...Do I want to know? Probably not.” You sighed at the cheshire grin directed at you. “I’m going to learn regardless, aren’t I?”

“yup!” He popped his ‘p’, though you weren’t sure how. He snaked an arm around you a pulled you out of the way of a panicked student running down the street. “so, uh, where are we going anyways?”

“Well, Alphys and I were going to go to some place called Muffet’s Bakery, so I figured that’s where we’d go!” You reasoned out loud with certainty.

“...kid...do you know where Muffet’s Bakery is?”

“Not a clue!”

“...it’s in the other direction.” He sighed with a grin.

“Eh, uh, ah...oops?” You shrugged. Sans laughed at your expression.

“c’mon, i know a shortcut.” Sans gently took your hand in his and led you around the corner of a building.

“You mean teleportation?!” Your eyes widened, excitement clear on your face. “Please tell me it’s teleportation!”

Sans snickered at your enthusiasm and radiated a warm emotion.

Contentedness. Happiness. Adoration.

You blushed deeply at the realization. You had never felt more loved.

Before you could react beyond a blush, he pulled you into an embrace and dragged you out of existence. The nothing was a brief moment between destinations, but the familiar unnaturalness was unmistakable as you passed through it.

You blinked a few times as you reoriented yourself to the world around you. You were in an alleyway, but it was a different one.

“Still awesome.” You affirmed as you looked up at the skeleton holding you to him. He gave you a relieved expression.

“seems like you’re fine.” He snickered, begrudgingly letting you out of his hold. He didn’t let go of your hand. “Frisk always complains about the nausea.”

“Eh, I'm fine.” You shrugged it off. “Let’s just get food already!” You dragged him out of the alley and to what you could only describe as the cutest looking bakery you’d ever seen. Without hesitation, you dragged your skeleton into the shop.

Everything in the shop, from the windows to the grout between the tiles on the floor, was practically sparkling from cleanliness. There seemed to be an army of chibi spiders milling about cleaning the store, and you immediately wanted one.

The Underground probably had the cutest Halloweens, what with all of the cute skeletons and spiders.

“haha, that’s not how humans tend react to seeing Muffet’s employees.” Sans poked your widening smile.

“But they’re so cute!” You cooed. “Just so adorable!”

“well, don’t go asking what’s in the food then.” Sans mumbled to himself. You gave him a confused look, which he quickly waved off. “trust me. don’t worry about it.”

“If you say so…” You turned back to the display at the center of the store. So many delicious things to choose from, so little time. “I’m having the Classic Spider Doughnut and the Apple Hibiscus Spider Cider. And you’re paying.”

“that was fast.”

“I’ll just try everything else next time!” You clapped. Being decisive was one of your strong suits. You pushed Sans up to the counter. “Order it to go, okay? Gibbon’s park is just over there, right? We can go look at the duckies!”

“i dunno, that sounds like a lot of work…”

“Sans! It’s across the street!”

“that’s like...all the way over there though.”

“Saaaaaaans…” You whined. He grinned at you and ruffled your hair.

“okay, the park it is.” Sans conceded with a warm smile.

“Yay!” You clapped your hands and bounced around like a child. Sans laughed and turned to the human working the cash register.

You talked with the little spiders as you waited. They were true gentlespiders, and all seemed to speak with a British accent. It was soul-crushingly adorable.

Your conversation was interrupted by you being picked up with a familiar blue magic and pulled into an embrace. Instantly, you disappeared from the store and found yourself staring at a river. The area around you was blocked off by thick shrubbery and numerous trees, leaving only the view of sparkling water to be seen from the little secluded shore.

“Sans.” You scolded. “As awesome as your teleportation is, the park was literally across the street.”

“i knoooooow. so far away.” He plopped down on a bench and patted the area beside him. “you gotta understand how fragile these old bones are. a walk like that could use up all the energy i use to hold myself together.”

“Really?! Holy shit!” You immediately went to check to see if he was okay, but caught yourself. “Wait. That’s a lie! We were walking around just fine earlier! Liar!”

Sans laughed at your expression, eyelights blurring. You crossed your arms and let out a soft huff. He held up the bag of food and the tray with your drink and a ketchup bottle(?) apologetically.

Maybe you could forgive him this time.

“Stupid Sans, making me all worried.” You pouted as you sat and took your doughnut. You took a small bite. Okay, the shop had been an amazing idea. Best. Doughnut. Ever.

“your reactions are so cute though.” He seemed to say without thinking, stopping the moment he realized he had said it out loud. He glanced over at you nervously, a magical blue blush dusting his cheeks(?) and small droplets of magical sweat forming on his skull.

“Wait. How do you even sweat?” You asked without thinking.

“...magic?” He seemed about as knowledgeable about it as you were.

“Can I touch your face?” You dusted the last of your doughnut off of your hands and took a small sip of the steaming Spider Cider.

“Uh...sure…”

You placed your drink on the ground next to the bench’s leg and turned back to your skeleton. He looked a little nervous.

Slowly, you reached up and patted the top of his skull. The sweat wasn’t even wet and only left a tingle of magic in the palm of your hand as you wiped it away.

His skull was smoother than you had expected, and it reminded you of rubbing a buddha statue’s head. You giggled at that thought.

“what…?”

“Just picturing your falling asleep at a buddhist temple and being mistaken for a good luck charm by tourists.” You hummed. He seemed to agree with the hilarity of your mental image.

“why would you even think of that?” He laughed out.

“Because of your head!” You rubbed vigorously with both hands to make your point. He laughed and reached up, grabbing your wrists gently. You grinned, and he grinned back.

It was so peaceful.

He released his lax grip and let your hands slide down the sides of his face. With your thumbs, you traced the rim of his eye sockets. His eye lights twitched, but he made no movement to stop you.

“I kinda want to stick my hand in your eye again.” You admitted. “May I?”

“please don’t.”

“What does it feel like?” You were curious what he would do if you _did_ stick your hand in his eye socket again, but moved your hands down to his jaw instead. You traced it back to where his spine connected to his skull and rubbed his vertebrae curiously. Sans flushed blue a little, but said nothing about it.

“...uncomfortable.” He decided after much contemplation.

“Very specific.”

“it’s just a really weird feeling.” He defended. You stuck out your tongue at him.

You touched his teeth with a bit of hesitation. A quick look at his expression told you that it wasn’t weird to touch there, so you rubbed your hand across them.

“Smile.” You half asked and half commanded. He smiled more from your entranced expression than your request.

It was weird how his bone-like features molded to fit his smile. You poked at the edges. There was a bit of give, in that it didn’t feel like a rock, but wasn’t really all that squishy.

“Can you open your mouth?” You asked in wonder as you felt around.

“of course.” He snorted. “how else do you expect me to eat?”

“Magic.” You deadpanned. There was a slight pause before he laughed. It was the sincere laugh that you loved.

Sans opened his mouth, revealing the sharp canines you had caught glimpses of. You traced down their edges and poked at their tips, careful not to poke too hard.

“Dude, you don’t have a throat!” You reached into his mouth, and his jaw tried to snap shut instinctively. His teeth tapped your wrist softly before he opened his mouth back up. “Where does your food go?!”

“it’s dissolved into magic…”

“You can talk with my hand in your mouth!” You gasped. “Wait...that makes sense because you always talk with your mouth closed...huh.” He chuckled at your late realization, and received a glare for his trouble.

You took your hand out of his mouth and flexed it experimentally. Magic was buzzing across your skin. _Sans’_ magic was buzzing across your skin. It felt oddly nice.

“I wanna see your tongue.”

“needy.” The insult was affectionate. He closed his mouth, only to open it again a few moments later. Inside his mouth was a blue tongue that seemed more like a tentacle than a tongue.

It hummed with magic as you grabbed it. Again, it wasn’t wet, but instead coated your hands with magic. Sans gave you a worried expression.

“It’s so cool!” You squished it between your fingers. “Literally and figuratively.”

Sans looked relieved.

You played with the tongue for a few more moments before letting Sans close it into his mouth again. Contented with your exploration, you picked up your Spider Cider and turned back to the sparkling water.

“Thanks.” You sipped your drink happily.

“don’t mention it.”

The two of you stared silently out at the water. There was no need to talk. Even when Sans gave you a pointed look before drinking straight from a bottle of ketchup. You had gaped, but you had been speechless. He had laughed at your expression, but hadn’t used words.

Just sitting there with him made you happy. Your soul reached out to his, and his reached out to yours. It was a moment in time reserved just for the two of you.

It was serene.

You were happy here like this.

“Hey, Sans?” You broke the silence.

“yeah?” He glanced over at you with a sleepy expression.

“Can I kiss you?” Your eyes stayed locked on the glistening water.

“...s-sure.” He stammered after a moment of disbelieving silence.

And so you kissed him.

It was just a soft press of your lips on his teeth, but it was so much more.

You turned back to the water with a deep blush and a contented smile. Sans looked like a blueberry.

“I love you.”

This is what happiness felt like.

***

_____  
**Marco.**

You sent the text despite the slight sense of deja vu. When no response came, you sent a few more. Where had Sans teleported off to? You were hungry.

_____   
**Maaaaaarcooooo.**

_____  
 **Marco?**

_____  
 **You're supposed to say 'polo'.**

Sans didn’t reply.


	56. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...this is still depressing...
> 
> I promise it will get better, though!

Frisk was sorry. So so sorry. They hadn’t meant for it to happen. They were just trying to give _everyone_ a happy ending.

Chara had been so good for so long. Sure, they always made snippy comments and insulted people around them, but they hadn’t actually _done_ anything for a long time!

It was Frisk’s fault. They felt so bad about what they had done.

A new save point had appeared during class. Those always popped up before and after an event. Something had probably been happening with one of the boss monsters and Frisk had really hoped that it had been something between you and Sans. It had been countless resets since they had seen him so happy.

Without thinking, they had switched over their save file to the new save point. That had been their first mistake. They knew that saving over an old save file temporarily weakened the pull of loading over resetting.

But they hadn’t thought about that. Saving was second nature to them. Saving was _good_.

The recess bell had rung some time later and Frisk had happily picked up Flowey and run off with MK into the fields outside. That had been their next mistake.

In hindsight, they should’ve noticed how agreeable Flowey was being. But they didn’t.

MK and Frisk had gathered a few friends and decided to play tag. It was really fun, and even Chara hadn’t made any snippy comments about the childish game. They had almost seemed happy.

And then they had asked for something. A small thing. An innocent thing.

_**...Hey...uh...Frisk…? Do you...think that...maybe...I could play with Asriel? Just tag with everybody is okay. I mean, it’s been awhile since we had a chance to act like kids...** _

Frisk had been hesitant. Chara had done horrible things in the past.

But the past wasn’t a reflection of the future! They had reasoned to themselves that maybe Chara just needed a second chance. Everybody deserved a second chance.

Some people just need to be believed in.

Besides, they always had their save file, right?

…

At least they had managed to cling to their volatile save file somehow. Chara had almost forced a true reset.

*

Sans wanted to be mad. He really did.

But he couldn’t muster the energy.

The kid had loaded for a good reason. MK didn’t deserve to stay dusted just because of some stupid date.

He tried to look on the bright side, like you undoubtedly would; at least Frisk had managed to load. At least they had managed to keep the demon child from reducing everything back to zero. At least you still knew who he was.

But somehow he still felt empty.

His life was ruled by the whims of a twin souled child. And he couldn’t do anything about it.

Maybe you would know who he was today or even next week, but one day you would forget him completely. What was the point of trying? It was all going to disappear eventually. He must’ve been so stupid for forgetting that.

But he had vainly hoped that maybe he could have a future. He had hoped that he could be more than an empty shell to be played with. He had actually hoped he could be _happy_.

...

When had he forgotten that having hope was dangerous?

*

You had searched for Sans, but he wasn’t at the university anymore. You had texted him a few more times, but he didn’t reply. You had waited a good half hour for any sort of sign from him before you went back to work.

You were worried about him.

There was nothing you could do and you had other things you needed to get done. You wouldn’t just let Sans’ odd behaviour go, though, so you sent a quick text to Papyrus. He would tell you if there was any news. You promised that, if anything came up, you would go immediately regardless of what you were doing.

Sans was very important to you.

But that was all you could do, so you had gone back to work and locked yourself in your office. You had stared at the thumbdrive from Alphys for a while before plugging it in; the documents on it would surely be immortalized in the archives of the library for decades to come, and what you were going to immortalize would pretty much be records of your treason.

Well, this was the only solution you could come up with to solve the problem, so there was no point in worrying about it.

With the documents loaded onto your computer, you began transcribing.

It was hard work. You were incapable of activating any of the sequences you drew to double check their accuracy and it had been years since you had tried to write anything in this manner. Since you were you, you couldn't double check anything, so you just recorded very carefully, small errors be damned.

It was one in the morning before you decided to go home.

You didn’t receive a text from Sans or Papyrus the entire night. It was worrisome. Papyrus was the kind of person that would tell you if something wasn’t wrong.

When you got home, the lights were all off. That was pretty usual considering that Eli was an early bird. What wasn’t usual was the scratching sounds you heard as you pulled out your keys to unlock the front door.

Cautiously, you opened the door. The moment you did so, a white cat with small blue flames on the tips of each ear bolted from inside the house and took off down the street.

“Belyy!” You cried, instantly recognizing the familiar. Without hesitation, you tossed off your motorcycle jacket and began chasing after the magical kitten.

Familiars were in tune with the emotions of their masters far more deeply than you could ever hope to read. They reacted intensely to any dramatic shift in their master’s mental state.

Something was definitely wrong.


	57. Down the Kitten Hole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry you guys. I really hadn't intended for there to be any angst in this series. It just sort of happened.

You had always taken pride in your physical stamina. Without magic, you had pretty much relied solely on your own fitness to balance out your blatant disadvantages against anybody in your family. You may never have been the strongest or the fastest contender, but you were always the last one left standing.

If it hadn’t been for such an unfair past, you probably couldn’t have kept up with a frantic kitten for just under an hour. He hadn’t slowed down even the slightest since he had bolted from your house, and so you hadn’t either. At least the blue magic on his ears made him easy to spot in the dark.

He led out of your neighbourhood, out of town, and out past even the most isolated lampposts. You were running in darkness, the clouds above you concealing the moon, and were trusting the instincts of a magical kitten to lead you. Familiars were never wrong about their masters. At least in theory.

Belyy left behind all roads and took you up trails that humans had never walked. You felt the ground beneath you slowly rising to an incline, steepness conspiring with darkness to trip you.

You didn’t trip. You fell.

You were not proud of the sound you made as the ground beneath you vanished and you plummeted into the Earth. At least Belyy had fallen a bit before you so you’d at least have a second or so of notice before you died.

There was a flash of blue and then your body suddenly felt very light. Your fall slowed and you alighted softly on a bed of yellow flowers.

You stared at the white kitten.

“Hot damn, Belyy, you got some moves.”

He seemed to regard your awe with a smugness reminiscent of a certain skeleton when a prank went well. And then he immediately took off down the tunnel. That dick. Didn’t he know that he was your flashlight?!

Without hesitation, you took off after him.

How a kitten knew his way around an underground world, you had no idea. At least all the traps were deactivated. What was with that one unnecessarily long hallway, though? It was just...a really long hallway. There hardly seemed any point to that.

You came upon a quaint little house with a creepy tree in front of it. Belyy disregarded all breaking and entering laws and just jumped in an open window. You opted to take the door, muttering a hasty apology to whoever had once lived in the house.

You jumped over the railings of the stairs to the basement in pursuit of Belyy. You were led through an unnecessarily long hallway to a door and then down another unnecessarily long hallway. What was with these people and long hallways?! The least they could do would be to put up some sort of decor to make the monotonous travel interesting.

Without thinking, you pushed open the door at the end of the hallway.

Holy fuck it was cold.

You had barely registered opening the door, but you sure as hell noticed when it was open. Well...there was no going back now.

Besides, winter jogging was a thing, right? It would just be that but a lot worse. No problem. You got this. Just follow the white cat. It’ll be fun.

The white cat stared up at you with an ‘are you fucking kidding me’ face.

“You gunna lead the way or what?”

‘Fuck you’.

“Well I don’t know where I’m going.”

‘Then figure it out, bitch’.

“I guess I could try using my hide and seek cheating method...”

You blamed the exhaustion for your hallucinated conversation with a kitten.

You closed your eyes and blocked out everything but the magic swirling through the world. This place was absolutely saturated with the stuff. It was difficult to get any sense of any magic more than a few meters in any given direction.

But you could find him.

His magic was more brilliant to you than a thousand stars. Not even a millennium of magical build up could hide him from you.

“C’mon Belyy.” You scooped up the kitten and stuffed him into your shirt, cradling him against your chest. “Let’s go get our skelly.”

Fortunately, the snow wasn’t very deep. You tried to ignore the cold as you ran blindly through the winter wonderland, but it was a very difficult thing to ignore. It ended up preoccupying all your thoughts, actually.

You almost cried when you saw a village. They probably had blankets! Well, that and Sans was nearby.

Belyy batted you in the face when you tried to stop by the inn. Stupid cat. Fine.

You didn’t attempt any more stops as you ran through the little village. It almost felt wrong for you to be there with how lifeless it seemed.

Finally, you stopped in front of the last house at the edge of town. Sans was inside.

“So...do we knock or what?” You asked the kitten. He didn’t reply. “It _would_ be the polite thing to do.” He didn’t care. “I think I’ll knock.”

So you knocked. The door creaked open when you hit it, though, so you only hit the door once. Did that count as a knock?

Eh, you were going to say it did. By that logic, you were not trespassing if you entered. Probably.

As you stepped inside the dark house, Belyy jumped from your grasp and scampered through what appeared to be a living room and up some stairs. Well, that was where you were heading then.

You closed the door behind you and took off your shoes. Just because you may or may not be breaking and entering did not mean you could be rude.

It was very very dark, but you somehow managed to get up the stairs without incident. He wasn’t behind door number one, much to your displeasure, so you walked down the hall with your hand against the wall.

The next door you came to was cracked open a slight bit. You peaked in. Belyy was definitely in there, his signature pale light illuminating the room like a crappy night light. There was a big lump on the bed.

“...how’d you get here?” A familiar voice muttered. He sounded...well...it made your soul ache and not in the good way. The emotions radiating from him were even worse.

“Through a hole in the ground.” You stated honestly. Clearly he hadn’t expected you to be there. There was a loud clattering as he knocked something over.

“why’re you here?!”

“Just taking your cat out for a walk. How about you?”

He didn’t reply.

“Sightseeing, huh? That’s a fun hobby.”

He chuckled darkly. You both knew that wasn't why he was here.

“...Wanna talk about it?”

He didn't reply.

“Hey, it's pretty cold and I'm pretty sure my toes are slowly freezing. You mind if I hop in there with you?”

He thought about that for a while.

You had already taken his silence for a no when you heard the shuffling of blankets.

He had made room for you.

You carefully made your way across the horribly messy room and crawled in next to him.

He stiffened when you wrapped your arms around him.

You pulled him into a tight hug and whispered into the side of his skull.

“You are important. You are needed. You are loved.”

 

You hadn't realized that skeletons could cry.


	58. You Need Two for Dialogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> glittershimmerkitty is awesome, glittershimmerkitty is cool, glittershimmerkitty is a really long username that keeps getting autocorrected by my computer.
> 
> Seriously though, everybody go worship our lord and saviour glittershimmerkitty.
> 
> Their gospel (*coughcough*inspiration*coughcough*) is tripy as balls. We should all take up their wise words and...try to write stories before we get brutally murdered by clowns...? I really don't know. Religion is ambiguous.
> 
>  
> 
> Anyways, so, this chapter ended up as almost all dialogue. Oops. Have fun with that.

Neither of you said anything for a long time.

“sorry.” He whispered. It was barely audible. “i got your shirt dirty.”

“It was already dirty.” You voice became soft but shifted to a more accusatory tone. “If anybody needs to apologize, it’d be Belyy. I mean, he did force me to run up a mountain.”

“sure, blame the cat.” He chuckled into your chest.

“I will! And whoever designed this place to have so many needlessly long hallways.”

“are you starting a shit list?”

“Swear jar.”

“what? no. that’s the name of something. you can’t charge me for that.”

“You totally just used it as a normal noun!”

“what if I said Shit list? then it’s a proper noun.” You felt him grin against you.

“...I’ll let you get away with it this time...but know that I’m watching you, mister.” You grumbled.

There was another comfortable silence. You shifted slightly.

“sorry. it can’t be very comfortable...you know...hugging me…”

“Do you mind that I’m sticky and sweaty?”

“what? no, not really.”

“Do you want me to let go?”

There was a long pause.

“no.” He looked up at you with a pleading expression. “i can get a coat or-”

“Then it’s fine.” You thought for a moment. “Though, I wouldn’t mind a sweater.”

“...i _am_ pretty pointy…” He sounded defeated.

“Not for you.” You scoffed. “While this blanket is nice and all, an extra layer of warmth would be wonderful. But if we’re talking about comfort levels, then I hate to say it, but you’re not as uncomfortable as you seem to think you are.”

“...if you say so.” He paused. “do you want me to get you a sweater?”

“...Nah.” You nuzzled into him. “Because I don’t want me to let go either.”

The silence prevailed once more, but this time it was a bit warmer. That might’ve been just your imagination, though.

“why did you come here?” You barely heard him.

“Because you were here.”

“you know what i mean.” He gripped your shirt tightly. “why did you come?”

“Because I wanted to.”

“but _why_?”

“Because I care about you. And don’t go telling me I need a better reason or some shit because there isn’t one. You are important to me, so of course I’ll chase a cat up a mountain and down a hole for you.”

“...but i’m not worth it…”

“You _are_ worth it.”

“but i’m _not_.”

“You don’t get to decide that; I do. And I know you’re worth so much more than that. Don’t try to make a liar out of me, mister.”

“i’m seriously fucked up.”

“I don’t care.”

“more than you can imagine.”

“Not a problem.”

“to the point where i fear going to sleep because of the nightmares.”

“Sans.” You waited for him to look up at you. “It’s okay to not be okay, okay?”

His eye lights remained focused on you for a long time, but he said nothing. Eventually, he leaned back into your chest.

“i came here because i couldn’t break down in front of Papyrus.” He admitted abruptly.

“...What happened?”

“it’s complicated…”

“We have time.”

“it’s so crazy that you probably won’t believe me.”

“Try me.”

“...okay.” He mulled over his words for a few long moments. “it started back when Frisk first fell into the underground…”

And so he explained to you about the resets and how Frisk had the power to reverse time on a whim. He told of how they used that power to befriend every single person in the Underground and somehow use that to break the barrier. Sometimes. Other times, it wouldn’t be Frisk inside of Frisk’s body.

His voice had sounded so strained talking about those timelines. He talked about a person named Chara, how they massacred their way through the underground. Sure, there were timelines where Frisk themself killed out of fear or frustration, but it was always Chara that was systematic. Only _they_ ever had enough LOVE to force him to act.

Sans remembered every single time. He remembered the good times, and the times when his world was left dusty and empty. He remembered helping the kid along in their quest, and when he was killed by them. He remembered them all, and he always would.

“since we managed to relocate to the surface without too much trouble this time, the kid promised not to reset anymore…but they couldn’t keep that promise.” He let out a ragged huff of air. “it was for a good reason, of course...but…”

“...But?”

“we went on a little lunch date - god this is such a stupid thing to be upset over.” He tilted his head away from you.

“We went on a date…?”

“yeah. because you never actually got lunch with Alphys and Undyne. so we went to Muffet’s Bakery.”

“The place Alphys recommended.”

“yeah. and then we ate at the park...and...god this is so stupid.” He groaned.

“What’d I get?”

“...does that really matter?” He sounded like he had given up.

“Yup. Because I have to get a different thing next time.”

“...but you haven’t actually tried what you ordered last time…”

“Well, I probably said something along the lines of ‘I’ll just try the rest next time’ after making a super hasty decision.”

“exactly right.” He laughed emptily.

“Then you it’s up to you to help me try them all. I can’t go having repeats.”

“but you haven’t actually tried it...”

“A minor technicality. I just want to try them all.” You laughed softly. “Now, I’m getting a little jealous that other me got to go on a date with you and I didn’t.”

“Muffet’s will be closed by now.”

“We already did that date.” You pouted. “It’d be boring to do the same thing over again.”

“...how can you just accept this so easily?”

“Because I trust you.” You said without hesitation. “Hmm...well, since we’re already here, why don’t we start off going on a walk through the Underground! We can come up with other ideas along the way!”

You practically jumped out of bed, and then immediately regretted your decision. You yelped at the sudden coldness and tripped over the treadmill in the middle of the room.

“i would tell you to _tread_ with caution, but that’s a pretty meaningless warning now.” You could hear the smugness in his voice.

“Haha. Very funny.” You rolled over to stick your tongue out at him, but he was no longer on the bed. Suddenly, a bunch of soft things were dumped onto you. You flailed about in the pile, earning a deep chuckle. “Heeeeelp meeeeee! I’m drowning!”

“i honestly don’t know if i should laugh or sigh at this.” He was clearly laughing though!

“I appreciate you trying to save me from hypothermia, but some help would be nice.”

After a bit more teasing, he did help you out. You ended up putting on an old blue sweater with an old blue coat on top and long black sweatpants to match. It was much warmer than your usual fall attire and much more appropriate for the weather outside.

You were so keeping these.

Hand in hand, the two of you left the dark house with a proud looking cat trailing behind.


	59. OP as Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when I try and write at 1:30 in the morning. Please let me know if anything needs fixing.

You trusted Sans. He wouldn’t lie to you about something like that. You _knew_ he wasn’t lying.

But how could complete control over the resetting of time be possible? The very pursuit of that stupid ability had driven your mother insane. You had long since marked it as theoretically possible but practically impossible. There was simply no way that a single being would have enough magic to power a sequence like that.

Your mother had tried to force one to exist. She had failed.

_You_ had failed.

...

Now was not the time to bring this up.

The past was in the past, so there was no point dwelling on it. You needed to focus on the here and now. With the time you had left, you were going to just be yourself and have fun, no matter how selfish it was.

The magic of the people who chose to protect you put off the inevitable, but your soul couldn’t hold on forever.

*

“No, you’ve gotta show me.” You protested as the two of you walked through the snow.

“is it really that unbelievable?” Sans snorted.

“Of course it is! I definitely can’t imagine you working as a sentry!” An image of Sans dressed up in a military uniform came to mind, but it was more hilarious than anything else.

“well, i wouldn’t say ‘working’ per se…” He tilted his head to the side. “more like i watched for humans with my eyes closed.”

“You mean you napped.” You clarified blandly.

“hey, i was just _that good_.” He gave you a wink and a lopsided smile.

“Okay, this makes it even more unbelievable that they hadn’t fired you.” You laughed with a blush. That playfully laidback expression looked so good on him.

“what can i say? my charm is irresistible.” He gave you a mock seductive look.

“I don’t see Undyne being seduced by you. Like, ever.” You refrained from saying how not a joke his comment was. “I need, heh, _cold_ hard evidence of your employment.”

“suit yourself.” After a soft laugh, Sans pulled you into his chest without hesitation. You weren’t opposed to the gesture by any means, but you squeaked at the suddenness. Something seemed to register in his mind and he suddenly pulled away from you with a blue blush coating his cheeks. It was adorable.

“If you wanted a hug, you’re always welcome.” You closed the gap he had made and pulled yourself back against him. “It was a good squeak.”

“haha, yeah, sorry.” He chuckled nervously, running his boney fingers through your hair. “forgot which timeline i was in for a second. i was just going to take a shortcut over to my station.”

“You mean teleportation?!” Your eyes widened, excitement clear on your face. “Please tell me it’s teleportation!”

“holy crap, you said the exact same thing last time.” He laughed a deep and sincere laugh, his hands shooting up to cover his face.

“Because teleportation is cool no matter the situation. Now hold me!” You commanded. “If I need to hug you to teleport, then teleportation just got way more awesome. Now teleport me!”

“alright alright, _hold_ your horses.” He couldn’t hold back a few more deep chuckles before he finally wrapped his arms around you again.

“That was-!” Halfway through your sentence you felt yourself being torn from reality, pass through the nothing, and pop back into existence. “...I was going to say lame, but that’s just about the pun. Your teleportation is still the most amazing thing ever.”

You glanced around. He had teleported you to the bridge with the weird poles on either side that you had passed after the second needlessly long hallway.

“teleportation really doesn’t make you nauseous at all, does it?” He looked you up and down with clear curiosity.

“Not at all. Should it?” You looked around at the scenery properly for the first time. You could see your footprints from before haphazardly cutting through the pristine snow. The imperfection almost made it more beautiful.

“well, Frisk is the only other human i’ve ever teleported with and they still get dizzy.” He shrugged down at you. Seemed that was the extent of his experiences.

Maybe you would be able to convince Eli to be a test subject.

“I’m just an amazing passenger for illogical methods of transportation.” You stated matter-of-a-factly. “Your magic ain’t got shit on me now that you’ve shown me all of your tricks.”

“oh really?” He quirked a browbone at your challenge. “you really think i’ve shown you everything?”

“Dude, you’ve shown me,” You began counting on your fingers, “teleportation, telekinesis, and god-like dodging power. That’s three overpowered abilities. You’re like the final boss from Hell.”

“dodging is considered magic now?”

“I don’t have that skill so it’s magic.” Your flawless logic shut down all arguments. “But I don’t see how you could have any more abilities and still be considered even somewhat fair.”

“then i guess i’m not very fair.” The grin on his face was one of pure glee.

“...How many more?”

“Three.”

“You can’t be serious.” You looked over at him. That smugness was not a lie. “No no no, nobody gets to have that many. I need proof.”

“weren’t we here to get proof of my job? that thing you thought i would get fired from?” He mockingly tried to change the conversation, tilting his head towards an outpost behind you. You were having none of that.

“Irrelevant now. I need to see this magic.”

“well, the first one i can’t really demonstrate - it kinda has more to do with EXP.”

“Fine. Show the other two, though. I wanna see your magic!” You were bouncing up and down all around him until he pulled you in so that he was leaning over you from behind.

“alright alright.” His eye lights disappeared, his right eye remaining hollow and the other hosting an iris that was on fire and flickered indigo.

“Have I ever told you how damn attractive that is?” You reached up and touched the side of his face. The feeling was familiar in an unrecognizable way.

His face immediately lit up with his magic.

“n-no…” He cleared his non-existent throat in an attempt to get back on track. “ya wanna see a couple of magic tricks or not?”

“Magic!” You turned back to his hands with clear excitement. You felt his ribcage vibrate as he chuckled nervously behind you.

He held a hand in front of you with an open palm(?). You really wanted to grab his hand and look it over, but you resisted for the sake of seeing some new magic.

Blue magic collected around his hand and, as if effortlessly, a bone was manifested before you. It was pretty cool, sure, but Eli could manifest _swords_.

Sans chuckled at your amused yet unimpressed expression.

Suddenly the bone became a light blue. You gawked at it, intrigued.

With his free hand, Sans raised one of your arms straight out and mumbled for you not to move. His deep whisper right into your ear turned your face a bright red. Yup, you definitely weren’t going anywhere.

He slowly moved the bone through the air and then through your arm. It passed right through. Harmlessly.

Your eyes were wide when you looked up, a million questions on your tongue. All of them were cut short by the look on his face and the emotions radiating from his soul.

...Maybe your questions could wait.

“That’s so cool! I’ve never seen a magic designed _not_ to hit people!”

“trust me, the next one’s even better.”

Without waiting for a reply, you felt him tear a hole in space and summon...a giant dragon skull. It was much bigger than you had thought it would be that time when Lillianna had been over.

And suddenly it shot a giant laser from it’s mouth. A motherfucking laser.

Those poor poor trees.

You were frozen. There was a very long silence.

Sans began to sweat a bit, and you could feel his magic twist in anxiety.

“h-hey, maybe that was a bit too-”

“That was fucking awesome.” You breathed. “I don’t even care about the swear jar. You just summoned an adorable skeleton thing and it shot a laser. A _laser_.”

“...um, what?”

“Do it again.” You looked up at him with eyes filled with more sparkles than there were in a plate of friendship spaghetti.

“uh...okay.” He lifted a hand and summoned the beast back into reality.

Sans’ magic was a dick to trees. And it was glorious.

“Okay, this is officially my new favourite thing about your magic.” You practically dashed over to the floating dragon head, who seemed to glance between you and Sans in uncertainty. “Can I pet you?”

You looked up at the dragon skull with unrestrained awe. It whined softly, but lowered enough that you could reach the top of it’s head. You were tentative at first, not wanting to offend the poor guy, but soon learned that it wanted to be scritched in all the same places as a dog.

The two of you quickly bonded. The guy was just so adorable!

Sans just stood there and stared as you climbed on top of the dragon skull’s head. His one eye was still a flaming blue and followed you with a soft gaze. The look of adoration on his face and radiating from his soul was unmistakable. You had never felt so loved.

From your perch atop your new friend, you gave him the brightest smile your soul had to offer.

“Sans, you are officially OP as shit. I love it.”


	60. Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just handed in my midterm essays...I haven't slept for days O.O the power of energy drinks flows through me.
> 
> I was so tired at one point that I wrote a chapter of just dialogue between reader and Sans arguing about whether Gregor ( _The Metamorphosis_ by Kafka) is pillbug Jesus.
> 
> Hint: he isn't.

“I think I’ll name you Fluffy.” You decided. You were nuzzling the dragon skull from on top of him, and your hands were rubbing behind his boney protrusions. Fluffy purred happily beneath you.

“but his name is already Polaris.” Sans protested.

“Well, it’s Fluffy now. Isn’t it, Fluffy?” Fluffy swayed side to side in response. “See? He agrees.”

“you can’t just go around renaming my gaster blasters.”

“...Fluffy, do you wanna be MY gaster blaster then?” He gave a small chirp. “He totally wants to be mine. If he’s mine, then I get to name him. And I’m going to name him Fluffy.”

“you can’t just-”

“Please?” You gave him a pleading look while giving Fluffy the biggest hug you could. “He’s just so cute. I promise I’ll take him for walks everyday!”

“...you do realize that you’re talking about a giant skull that shoots lasers, right?” Sans sighed, his eye fire(?) soft despite his scolding tone. “besides, how do you plan on summoning him?”

“You can keep him summoned for me foreeeeever.” You explained in a whimsical tone.

Sans gave you a look.

“I take it that isn’t an option?”

“no. no it’s not. i’m a bit too lazy for that.”

“Boo! I still wanna keep him.” You pouted. Use the power of cuteness! Cuteness always worked! You could see him cracking under the cuteness! Just a little bit more!

And then he seemed to get an idea. An awful idea, judging from that smug grin.

“...but ___,” He gave you an exaggeratedly worried expression, “what would Eli say?”

You froze.

He just _had_ to bring out the big guns (well, the non-literal ones).

“yeah, i’m sure your sister would be positively _thrilled_ to have another pet.” As good as that grin looked on him, it was still annoying. “we both know just how much she just _adores_ pets.”

You were quiet for a long time.

“...Fluffy. I am so sorry. I don’t think I can keep you.” Fluffy gave you a small, sad whimper. “I know, buddy. Sans _is_ a dick-”

“hey.” He interrupted halfheartedly.

“-but he has a point; my sister would probably attack you with glowing magic swords. I know you can shoot lasers and stuff, but that would probably just piss her off. So...I guess...this is goodbye.” You sniffled. “I really wanted this to work out, but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. I’ll always love you, my dearest friend.”

Abruptly, you were surrounded by blue light and lifted off of your Fluffy. You tried to swim back towards him, but that did shit all so you ended up just flailing about in midair.

“i think it’s about time ‘Fluffy’ here says goodbye.” Sans half grumbled. You made a sound of protest and futilely reached for your blaster, but Sans pretended not to notice.

Fluffy disappeared. You let out a whine and went limp in Sans’ magic. It seemed that he was trying to hold you apathetically, but the way his magic swirled around you protectively with threads of clear emotions betrayed him.

You snickered.

“Oh my god, are you jealous?” As soon as the words left your mouth, his magic shorted out and you were dropped into the snow. After a short struggle, you righted yourself and laughed. “You are!”

Sans grumbled something that you couldn’t quite make out, but he couldn’t hide the soft blue blush deepening on his snowy bones.

With a smirk, you jumped to your feet.

“Don’t worry Sans!” You tackled him into a tight hug, the two of your tumbling into the fluffy snow together. “You get hugs, too!”

You giggled into his ribcage, pleased with yourself that you actually managed to catch him. You really hadn’t expected for him to not dodge. It took him a moment, but then he laughed along with you, his ribcage vibrating softly. The happy chuckle shifted into a contented purr as he reached down and stroked your hair.

You would’ve been happy to stay like that, curled up in his arms with the soft vibrations from his purring lulling you to sleep, but something caught your eye. Were those...bottles of ketchup…?

“Why’re there a bunch of ketchup bottles?” You sat up and gawked at the scattered red bottles. Sans propped himself up by one arm and followed your gaze.

“oh, those.” He muttered with a hint of nostalgia. “i forgot that i put my backup stash in those snowballs.”

“Your stash of...ketchup.” You confirmed with skepticism.

“not all ketchup.” He defended. “just mostly ketchup.”

“But...why…?”

He just snickered at your confusion, so you stuck your tongue out at him and wandered over to Fluffy’s path of destruction. Without thinking, you bent over and picked up one of the many bottles.

You let out a soft yip and dropped it immediately. Sans was by your side in a heartbeat.

“Owwie...they’re really hot…” You whimpered, shaking your burnt hand.

“well, they were just shot with a laser…” Sans gingerly took your hand and was inspecting your palm with an uncharacteristic intensity. After a few moments of consideration, he gathered a soft turquoise magic around his hand and pressed it into your burns.

It was the worst healing magic you had ever seen. You giggled, and he shot you a glare.

“But then how come the bottles aren’t melted?” You chose not to bring up that healing magic was supposed to be green.

“...i stole them from Grillby.” He admitted slowly, as if debating whether to be honest about it or not. You were going to assume that ‘Grillby’ knew a thing or two about fireproofing.

While you waited for Sans’ pathetic healing magic to work, you glanced at the scattered bottles of boiling condiments. Sure enough, nine out of ten were ketchup. There was also mustard, relish, honey, maple syrup…

Oh. That could be good.

Your eyes lit up as you tugged your hand away from the slightly frustrated skeletons and trotted over to the bottle of maple syrup. You let the sleeves of both your sweater and winter jacket slide over your hands.

Carefully propping the hot bottle between your two coat covered hands, you held the bottle up to Sans with excitement stirring in your eyes.

He was already preoccupied with drinking from a bottle of ketchup, though.

You just sort of stared.

“...Just...why?” You finally forced out with a hint of exasperation.

“because it tastes good.” He smirked. “it’s my favourite food.”

“No it doesn’t. It's not a food. You’re weird.” Of course Sans’ favourite food would be a condiment.

“says the girl that named a _skull_ ‘Fluffy’.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but you had no comeback to that. Polaris just _really_ seemed like a 'Fluffy' to you.

With a sad shake of your head, you turned back to your mission. You found a patch of undisturbed snow, crouched down, and used the squirt bottle to draw a series of squiggles out of the boiling maple syrup.

And then you waited for your snow taffy to cool.

Sans hung over your shoulder curiously.

“Here, try this.” You handed him a strip of taffy, taking one for yourself immediately afterwards.

No sooner had he eaten the strip of maple taffy than he was crouching over the snow and squirting down rows of ketchup.

“...Seriously?”

“everything is made better with ketchup.”

There was no point in trying to argue about it.


	61. Echo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I have a good excuse though.
> 
> So, I met this really cute girl in one of my classes and we've really been hitting it off for the past week or so! She's super awesome and amazing. So I've been distracted by a crush...I guess that isn't a good excuse...
> 
> She's on Tumblr a lot, so she helped me make an account...but she's the only person I'm 'following'...is that creepy? Probably. I'd love to 'follow' some of you guys if you would let me.
> 
> So, yeah.
> 
> I can't wait to see her again (tomorrow).

Apparently sweatpants weren’t the best attire to play in the snow in. They were soaked through and through after an incredibly one-sided snowball fight and excessive number snow angels. You had made enough angels to populate the choirs of heaven, but Sans...well he had made a snow print where he had flopped down.

Eh...good enough.

You bribed him with promises of ketchup to let you steal more of his clothes.

A quick teleport and outfit change later, you were ready for the next stage of your adventure! Which you had made very clear was not to be in anymore snow. You had turned to go back to the first area with the absurd hallways, but Sans had grabbed your hand and said that he had a better idea.

He had taken you in the opposite direction, further into the underground. When he led you through dense fog, you’d had a little apprehension. But you trusted the boney hand intertwined with your own and let it lead you through the blinding weather.

“It’s a cave!” You exclaimed when the world around you came into focus, failing to resist your urge to reach out for a waterfall as you were led past it. Sans chuckled, but tugged you along.

“i’m not sure exactly what you were expecting.” He snorted. “you’re kinda underground, in _cave_ se you hadn’t noticed.”

“You know what-oh..oh my god.” It took you a moment, but once it registered, you put your free hand to your mouth to muffle your snicker. “That one wasn't half bad. Almost good, even.”

“i'll count that as a win.”

“ _Almost_.”

“fine, _almost_ a win.” He shrugged with a wink. “i’m glad you enjoy caves, but what i really wanted to show you was this.” Sans stopped in front of a crystalline flower.

Now, Eli was the one that was into the whole gardening and flower thing, but it was hard not to fall in love with the delicate plant. It bathed you in a soft blue glow as magic danced through the glassy crystals, bringing a tender sense of life into it.

“You’re beautiful.” You smiled softly at the plant.

“You’re beautiful.” It echoed back at you. You were stunned for a moment before giggling softly.

“And polite, too!”

“And polite, too!”

“Thank you so much! You’re too kind!”

“Thank you so much! You’re too kind!”

You gave the flower a mock bashful look and waved your hand in an ‘oh you’ motion. Sans was looking at you with a ‘really?’ expression.

“...ya done?” He quirked a browbone at you.

“Don’t judge. It’s a very cool flower.” You turned back to Sans with a sheepish smile. After a moment of thought, you poked the flower again.

“Thank you so much! You’re too kind!” Your voice thanked you.

There was a short pause where you just stared at Sans while looking just a little too proud of yourself, and then you began giggling. Sans couldn’t help but smirk.

“you’re easily amused, aren’t you?”

“You’re just figuring this out now? I laugh at your puns.”

“ouch. that’s harsh.” He held a hand out to you, clearly not at all offended. “and here i thought i was a punmaster.”

“Oh, you are.” You took it, but instead of letting him show you around, you took the lead.

“wait, what’s that supposed to mean?”

But you just laughed and tugged him along.

Very quickly you ran into a problem; the only path you could follow had a waterfall flowing right over it. It wasn’t even a narrow stream or anything. Nothing you couldn’t deal with, though.

You took off your shoes and socks, placing them into a conveniently located box, and then rolled your stolen sweatpants up to your knees.

Without thinking too deeply about it, your hopped into the water. Oddly, it wasn’t particularly cold or warm. Pleased, you went to continue on your merry way, but you were still holding Sans’ hand and he wasn’t moving.

You gave him a tug, but he didn’t budge, so you put your entire weight into pulling him along with you. He just wasn’t having it.

And then he let go of your hand.

Sans keeled over in laughter a few moments after you face-planted into the water. His laugh was contagious.

“I just changed!” You laughed as you sat in the absurdly shallow water looking at your stolen soaked clothes. “Quit laughing!”

You were laughing just as much as he was, so your words had no weight or seriousness to them. You stood up and tried to squeeze out your clothes, but that wasn’t really working, so instead you tossed the wet winter jacket at the laughing skeleton.

He dodged.

You tossed the borrowed sweater at him.

He dodged.

You pulled off the borrowed sweatpants and tossed them at him.

He didn’t dodge. The pants smacked him right across his blue blush. Revenge was sweet.

At least the baggy t-shirt you had stolen was long enough to be a mini dress and was completely dry. You still wondered why a skeleton would need baggy clothes, but it seemed more like a style thing than anything else.

“Magic dodging skills ain’t got shit on me!” You struck a dramatic pose.

“you totally cheated.” Sans groaned from the ground. He still hadn’t gotten up.

“Did not!”

“no matter how you look at that, it wasn’t fair.” He grumbled. You laughed and skipped away through the water.

“Fair or not, I won. Now I’m going to go explore! Feel free to catch up whenever you manage to get up from the ground.” With a glance back at the lazy skeleton, you skipped into the next room.

You crossed through some tall grass and over a bridge of flowers into a large room. According to a plaque on the wall, the flowers were supposed to be a puzzle, but somebody had already solved it and nobody had bothered to reset it.

The large room had three bridges of flowers. One led into what was clearly the next room, the other was over to a sign, and the last one seemed to go to a more secret section of the cave. You were definitely going there first.

It was a bench next to another one of the blue mimicking flowers.

“I just wasn’t ready for the responsibility.”

What a sad thing to repeat over and over.

You closed your eyes and thought for a moment. You knew what you wanted this flower to repeat for you.

“Do you think you could keep a message for me?” You asked the flower.

“I --- was-- ready for the responsibility.” Parts of the flower’s repetition distorted itself. You smiled and stroked it’s petals softly.

“Thank you. Please remember it across time and space, okay?”

You whispered your message to the flower and, as gently as you could, etched a temporal lock onto the flower’s stem.

This was all you could do.


	62. The Potato Constellation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Midterms suck. A lot.

**Congratulations! You failed the puzzle!**

You frowned at the sign. What a dick! Well, it wasn’t anything you couldn’t fix.

By the time Sans eventually sauntered into the room, fingers scraping over his neck, you were almost done rewritting the sign. Sans looked around the room, visibly panicking for a moment until he caught sight of you sitting on the ground in front your project.

Curious, he wandered over to stand behind you, laughing the moment he peeked over your shoulder.

“Hey, it’s much better like this.” You defended without taking your eyes off of your project.

“are you serious?!”

“Perfectly.”

Sans stuttered about in some sort of attempt to make a coherent sentence. He just ended up huffing random words between laughs.

“Shuttup!” You were tempted to turn around, but you were busy. “Bad Sans! No laughing! This is amazing and you know it!”

“your idea of amazing is amazing!” His composure apparently returned.

“Damn straight.” You muttered as you felt something boney lean on your head. Even without looking you could tell that he was watching your pen strokes with a soft smile. He was silent as he watched you work. You didn’t feel the need to talk, either.

Finally, you clicked the pen closed and let Sans pull you up from the ground. The two of you stood for a moment and appreciated your work. You didn’t let him put his hand back into his pocket.

**Congratulations! You ~~failed~~** DID AMAZINGLY ON **the puzzle!**

Around the words were crudely drawn pictures of people giving thumbs ups.

“you suck at drawing.” He commented. After a moment, he pointed to one of your amazing and encouraging drawings on the left. “what even is that?”

“You.”

“that's supposed to be...me?”

“Yeah.”

“...that’s definitely a potato.”

“Yup.”

“i’m not a potato.” He stated flatly. You looked him over with an appraising look and then shrugged. “i’m not a potato!”

You let out a noncommittal hum as you pulled Sans off of the flower bridge towards the door.

“i’m not a potato…” He muttered, letting himself be dragged off.

As you entered the next room, your eyes widened. It was beautiful. The ceiling glowed with a soft blue light, tiny light twinkling above and reflecting off of the water below. Beyond that, the room was warm, not in the physical sense, but rather it radiated a soft feeling of hope.

You didn’t realize you had stopped.

“This is amazing.” You eventually said and stepped further into the room. “This is just...amazing.”

“not quite the real stars, but they were all we had.” Sans shrugged. “we’d pretend they were the real ones and wish on them.”

“Did you ever wish for something?” You glanced over your shoulder.

“...once.” His eyelights dimmed. You decided not to pursue that topic.

There was a telescope further into the room, but somebody had scribbled a clue to a very obvious puzzle onto the lense. Sans turned around when you used the bottom of your borrowed t-shirt to try and rub the marker off.

“It’s not coming off!” You complained.

“there’s nothing to see but rocks stuck into the ceiling, trust me.”

“But I wanted to invent constellations!” Sans snickered at the pout in your voice.

“the king did name a few a while back.” He glanced over at you, relieved that you were no longer hiking up his shirt to use as a cloth. “i can teach you them.”

“That’d be amazing!” You happily bounced over to him.

“you see those four there?” He pointed up and your eyes followed. “that’s called ‘square’. Those three make up ‘triangle’, and those twelve are ‘almost circle’.”

“...Are you serious?”

“unfortunately, yes.” Sans grimaced. “our king is not very creative.”

“Okay, those four are now going to be called ‘Enternus’!” You declared, pointing at the original four lights. Sans raised a brow bone at you.

“...eternus?”

“Yes! He seduced the goddess Violetta on her wedding night with the god of death.” You hummed for a moment. “Eternus made a bet with death that he could win Violetta’s heart despite being a mere mortal farmer.”

“are you making this up as you go along…?”

“Of course.” You waved him off and then began telling a made up story about an imaginary person. Reclining to lay on the ground, the two of you created other stories to go along with other random patterns on the ceiling, too, yours mostly being wondrous epics and Sans’ mostly being baffling comedies.

Eventually, you felt your eyelids drooping and couldn’t suppress your yawns any longer. You squeaked when Sans picked you up. He cradled you gently against his chest and you didn’t care to protest.

“ready to go home?” He rumbled.

“Nooooo.” You whined. “I didn’t get to see the entire Underground!”

“you’re half asleep.” He laughed. “maybe next time.”

“You’d better bring me back next time.” You grumbled and lazily punched at his chest. He laughed at you. “Then we’re going to adventure through the rest of the underground together.”

“alright.” He whispered softly and then the two of you were back in your room.

Sans placed you down onto your bed and tucked you in. As he went to leave, though, you grabbed his ribs through his shirt and pulled him down next to you. You snuggled up to him and got comfortable, not letting go.

“h-hey. i need to go home, too.”

“No you don’t.” You whispered, barely awake.

You felt him sigh and slump down next to you, and then you fell into a happy slumber.

*

When Eli woke up the next morning, she did everything as she usually did. Everything was business as usual.

Until she walked into your room to wake you up.

Hey, if you wanted to cuddle a skeleton in your sleep, power to you. If you wanted to hook yourself into and around said skeleton in what might be an overly intimate way, power to you. If you wanted to do so while wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt prone to riding up, again, power to you.

Eli had no problem with any of this.

She just wished that maybe she didn’t have to walk in on you doing it. Eli sighed. Maybe she’d have to come up with some sort signal. Like a tie on the doorknob or something.

Looked like she had a few things to talk to Sans about.

It was going to be so fun.


	63. Big Sister is Watching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uwaaaaaaah. This really didn't go the direction I had planned for it to go...it kinda got a little heavy there at the end.
> 
> Oh well, it's probably about time I get into some sort of explanation.

Sans woke up slowly. It had been a while since he had slept so soundly, so it wasn’t completely unexpected. In fact, had it not been for the open blinds, he probably would’ve slept the entire day away.

The first thing his groggy mind registered was that he was tangled with something pleasantly soft and warm. With a lazy purr, he pulled it closer against his ribcage. So comfortable.

It shifted a bit and let out a soft whimper. The small sound dragged Sans’ sleep addled mind out of it's stupor, if only slightly. The lazy part of him wanted to ignore everything and go back to sleep, but the rhythmic breath dancing across his neck made such a thing out of the question.

He opened his eye sockets partially, still internally protesting the very thought of moving. And then he realized that he wasn't in his bed. Or his room. Or his home, even.

You muttered something under your breath and entwined yourself even more completely with his bones. Sans choked and immediately flushed a deep blue.

One of your hands was still holding onto his ribs in the same manner as you had been the previous night. The other, though, had somehow snaked underneath his sternum and you had twined your fingers through his ribcage from the inside.

Your legs weren't any more innocent, either. They had both decided to wrap around the base of his spine, hooked over his pelvis.

“I see you’re finally up.” The nonchalance of the comment contrasted the panicking skeleton. Sans’ constricted eye lights snapped to the apathetic commenter. Eli was reading through some sort of legal document at your desk in the corner of the room, highlighter in hand.

“i-...this-...uh...it isn’t-...” Sans stammered looking between you and your sister. He tried to slide away from you, but you were just dragged along with him.

“Of course it isn’t.” Eli looked up and gave Sans a reassuring smile. It was actually more unsettling than reassuring, though. “Perhaps we have a few things we should talk about regardless, no?”

Sans was _not_ going to have this talk with your sister.

He gently grabbed your hands and attempted to pry them from his bones. It didn’t work very well since you just kept putting your hands back every time he removed them.

“I wouldn’t bother trying to escape that way. She’s surprisingly clingy in her sleep.” Eli smirked at the growing blush on Sans’ face. “Oh, and I wouldn’t try teleporting away if I were you. It would hardly be fair to poor ___. Just look at what she’s wearing.”

Sans couldn’t help but look. Yup, you were still just in that oversized t-shirt of his. He couldn’t hold back a groan, though it was more like whimper.

“Of course, feel free to teleport if you can do so without dragging her along for the ride.” Eli challenged, watching him.

After a few moments, Sans let out a soft whine and slumped back into the mattress. Eli’s grin widened.

“Well, now that that’s been taken care of, let us begin.” Eli placed her papers back on the desk and crossed her legs.

Sans grimaced. He really didn’t want to get _the Talk_ from your sister.

“Congratulations.”

“...what…?” Sans muttered after a few beats of silence, confusion evident in his voice.

“Congratulations.” Eli repeated with a happy seriousness. Sans blankly stared at her, so she elaborated. “I’ve seen many attempts at wooing my sister, and yet you’re the only one who’s managed to get this far. I do believe such an accomplishment deserves a congratulations.”

Sans looked down at you. He found it hard to believe that someone like you had never been with anybody...but at the same time it was hard to imagine you with somebody else. In fact, he really didn’t like the thought of you being with anybody but him. His soul rejected the idea; you were _his_.

He hadn’t realized that he had let out a quiet growl until he heard Eli’s chuckling. He immediately flushed in embarrassment and hid his face in some pillows.

“I’d also like to thank you for sticking to the...agreement we made over the phone a while back. I really do appreciate that you respected my request that you restrict your...fun times to her bedroom.” Eli folded her hands together. “Next time, though, perhaps you could put a tie or something on the doorknob so that I don’t accidentally...interrupt anything.”

“w-we didn’t-...we’re not-...!” Sans could feel the magic of his blush spreading beyond his face.

“I have no problem with anything you guys decide to do together, but I have no desire to walk in on anything. I do _not_ need to know what goes on in my sister’s sex life.” She thought for a moment. “Well, as long as it’s all consensual. If you force her into anything, I will break every bone in your body, including the figurative one. Are we clear?”

Sans, magic becoming navy on his bones, nodded vigorously.

“Then I do believe we’ve reached an understanding.” Eli smiled. After a moment she picked up whatever she had been reading over before and walked towards the door.

“wait.” Sans said without thinking. Eli turned back to him. “that’s it?”

“...Yeah.” She paused. “I suppose I could say cliche things like ‘you break her heart, I’ll break your ribs’, but it’s not really my place to threaten things like that. She’s old enough to make her own decisions. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to vet you much more thoroughly before I give you two my blessing on your wedding day.”

Sans hid his face at the mention of marriage. Eli continued in a more serious tone.

“I’ll tell you something important. ___ probably wouldn’t want me talking about this, but it really is important. You have to take care of her. As in _really_ take care of her.”

“of course…”

“There is no half assing it, okay?” Eli took a deep breath. “___...doesn’t really have any magic of her own anymore. She has tiny wisps in the core of her soul, sure, but not enough. Magic is what keeps the soul alive, but she doesn’t have enough even just for that.”

Sans’ eye sockets widened. He knew your soul wasn’t exactly the strongest, but he didn’t think it was _that_ bad.

Then his brows furrowed in confusion.

“You’re wondering how she’s alive then.” Eli laughed darkly. “You know how your magic curls around her soul protectively? That’s one way. She basically relies on donations from people like you and me. She doesn’t want to die, so her soul leeches off of the people that care about her...and that’s why she doesn’t like talking about it; she feels like she's using them. But there's no other way to get the magic she needs.

“Intent is very important when it comes to magic, so she can only absorb from people that care about her deeply. It has to go the other way, too; she has to care about you as well. It’s a system built off of trust.” Eli sighed. “That’s the basics, I guess. I figured that you deserved to know. In return, I ask that you please take care of her.”

With that, she left the room.

Sans looked back at your blissful expression. He stroked your cheek softly.

Some things were worth the effort.


	64. Your Favourite Potato

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it's after Halloween, right? All the halloween candy is on sale.
> 
> Yesterday, my sister and I were grocery shopping with our mom and then we noticed that a bin of chocolate was 22 cents for 100g. Man, we were excited.
> 
> So our mom told us she'd buy us some, so we half filled a bag. Then my sister was saying that maybe we could take a bit more. I wasn't sure.
> 
> And then my mom said we could dump the entire bin of chocolate in a bag for all she cared.
> 
> My sister kept chanting "More, more, more" as I filled bag of chocolate. She has Chara level adoration for chocolate.
> 
> ...So yeah. I have a lot of chocolate now.

You were having a great dream about a giant potato. It wasn't just any potato, though; you could feel in your soul that it was _your_ potato. So, logically you wrapped yourself around your potato. Nobody was taking your potato from you.

You were happy with your potato.

Waking up from such a lovely dream should've been, at the very least, disappointing. But it wasn't. When you opened your eyes, you found yourself snuggled up into a boney neck and with hard fingers sliding through your hair. You smiled and leaned into the touch.

“You’re my favourite potato…” You murmured blissfully, still half asleep. The hand on your head paused and the ribcage you were snuggling so steadfastly shook as a deep chuckle resounded through it. You hummed as the hand resumed it’s ministrations.

You felt Sans shift, leaning closer to you with a purr. He whispered into your ear seductively, his voice deep and smooth.

“still not a potato.”

You turned to meet his gaze. He looked back at you with a charming yet goofy smile and wiggled his browbones. Your lips twitched into a grin and you tried to stifle a giggle.

“Are you sure about that?” You challenged. “Maybe you’re secretly a potato underneath your clothes.”

“you are literally holding onto my ribs right now.” He deadpanned, gesturing to his chest.

You glanced down at your hand. Huh. You were. And you had an arm looped around into the inside of his ribcage, too.

Common sense would dictate that your first instinct be to untangle yourself and apologize. You had much more curiosity that common sense, though. So, instead of doing the polite thing, your eyes lit up with excitement and your fingers twitched up and down the bone slightly.

“Hey, Sans?” You glanced at him. “Would it be alright if I felt you up?”

His magic immediately stained his face and his smile went from lazy to stiff.

“...what?”

“I really want to check out your sweet bod.” You pulled your hands out of his chest and made playful finger guns, cheeks warming slightly. “But it’d be rude to sate my curiosity without your permission. So, would it be alright if I felt you up?”

He studied your face for a moment and you felt your usual confidence falter for a moment. It had just been an impulse, but maybe you had taken it a bit too far.

“...i guess…” He whispered, eyelights flicking nervously around the room. “ya sure ya wanna? there's really nothing to me but bones.”

“Of course!” You agreed immediately. “Only if you definitely don't mind, though. I don’t want to make this weird.”

“it’s a bit too late to be worrying about that now, kid.” He laughed.

“Hey! I’m just curious about you, okay?” You pouted, face reddening. “Just hold out your hand or something already!”

He did hold out his hand, albeit glowing with blue magic. You felt his magic wrap around you and lift you into the air in time with the motion of his hand.

“Saaaaaans!” You complained, reaching down vainly in an attempt to reach him.

“what? i held out my hand.” He grinned up at you, one eyesocket empty. He emphasized his point by spreading his fingers and curling then uncurling each digit one after each other.

“Yeah! But don’t use it to levitate me!” You made grabby hands at him. “I can’t look at it!”

“you seem to be looking at it just fine.” Somehow, his smile grew.

“But you said I could touch you!” You protested. He seemed to consider the idea for a moment before slowly letting you down to sit on top of him. You smiled triumphantly, but he just rolled his eyelights at you.

At some point in the night, Sans had ditched his sweater, his white t-shirt exposing much more than the long sleeved clothes he usually wore. You happily took his offered hand. He let his arm go limp, allowing you to move his joints around at you wished.

It wasn’t like it was your first time seeing his hands, but it was the first time you really paid attention to it. His fingers were long, but they were also thick and sturdy to make up for the lack of muscle. You bent his fingers, noting the the magic connecting each joint prevented you from bending them in the wrong direction or pulling them too far apart. The magic also seemed to keep all the bones from grinding against each other.

The small bones near his wrist, making up the only thing that could be called his palm, seemed fused together at first, but would shift against each other to a certain extent when you pressed into them.

You glanced over at Sans before you moved up his arm. He was watching you with wide, blurry eyelights and a soft smile. You grinned back. He blushed when he noticed you were watching him.

“You have chubby bones.” You commented as you ran your hand along his forearm bones, contemplating whether it would be rude to try and shove a few fingers through the narrow gap. Unlike on Papyrus, who had much thinner bones, you doubted a kitten of any size could squeeze into the gap.

“gee, thanks.” Sans groaned sarcastically. “there goes my dream of being the centerfold for Funerals Monthly.”

You gave him a confused look as you rubbed your fingers along the inside of the gap. His arm twitched away despite him clearly trying to stay put.

“Hey, it’s cute. Suits you perfectly.” You would’ve noticed his face become a deep blue had you not been preoccupied with tracing his chubby upper arm.

You got up to his sleeve before you stopped, glancing over at his partially exposed ribcage and thick spine. Your eyes lit up at the thought of more things to discover.

“Can you take off your shirt?” You glanced up to see his face turn navy. You couldn’t help flushing red yourself and began backtracking. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, of course. I was just curious.”

“...it’s not a problem.” The air buzzed with his uncertainty, but he pulled off his shirt anyway. “see? nothing but bones.” He laughed dryly, refusing eye contact.

You suddenly started laughing. Sans seemed to shrink into himself beneath you.

“Sorry, sorry!” You amended. “It’s just...you’re literally big boned. It’s just too perfect. You’re perfect. It’s amazing.”

“...really?” He looked at you with wide eyesockets and constricted eyelights.

“Of course!” You smiled. “You’re so perfectly you!”

After a moment, his eyes slipped into a blurry half-liddedness. His grin seemed more genuine, but you could feel that he still didn’t fully believe you.

You continued from his upper arm along the joint and down his collar bone. His blush seemed to deepen as you rubbed it. Satisfied, you moved to his ribcage.

His ribs were definitely much thicker than your own. You placed your hands in the center of his sternum and focused. You could feel his soul pulsating unevenly, and idly hoped that you hadn't crossed any boundaries.

You ran your fingers lightly down his ribs. As your fingers touched the lower ones, though, Sans squirmed beneath you and flushed a light blue.

“You okay?” You asked, confusion evident in your voice.

“...yeah. just peachy.” He breathed. “...my false ribs are just a bit sensitive is all.”

You were certain that all of his ribs were real, and decided that he probably meant the lower ones.

“Oh, sorry. Did it hurt?” You asked guiltily.

“no! no. not at all. they’re just a little...sensitive.”

You quirked an eyebrow and then ghosted your finger along the bottom-most rib. Sans’ entire body squirmed beneath you and he let out an unintentional giggle. Your eyes widened.

“Oh my god. You’re ticklish.” You grinned.

“a-am not.”

“Oh really?” You feathered your fingers across multiple of his lower ribs.

Sans’ body reacted immediately. He thrashed around beneath you while wheezing out laughter. You gave him reprieve after a moment, and his laughter calmed into pants.

“I dunno, you seem pretty ticklish to me.” You smiled and leaned in to tickle him again.

His eye flashed blue, although it was a much more unstable blue than usual, and you were unceremoniously tossed to the other side of the bed. After quickly checking that you were okay, Sans bolted from you room. You recovered from you shock (mostly shocked that the skeleton could be motivated enough to run), you popped off the bed and chased after him.

You jumped down the stairs, tripping and rolling down at the end, and caught sight of him fleeing to the kitchen. You quickly righted yourself and chased after him. Passing the game room, you finally lunged at him as he opened the door to the backyard. You weren't letting him get away!

He dodged, and then caught you mid-air so that you wouldn’t fall and hurt yourself. Taking your chance, you reached over to tickle him. He tossed you before your fingers you connect.

With a loud splash, you landed in the pool.

You surfaced a few moments later and stared at Sans. He stared back, panting. The two of you grinned and then burst into laughter.

He really was your favourite potato.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Someone mentioned that they were disappointed there wasn't any ecto-tum. Ask and you shall receive.
> 
> READ ONLY IF YOU LIKE THAT KIND OF THING
> 
> ***
> 
> He had been sitting on the couch with his food and a book for a while now and had yet to notice you peeking around the corner to watch him with narrowed eyes. You couldn’t understand what you were seeing.
> 
> Time to call the experts.
> 
> “HELLO?” Papyrus answered his phone on the first ring.
> 
> “Papyrus. Something weird is going on.”
> 
> “OH! HUMAN ___! WHAT’S THE MATTER?”
> 
> “I’ve been watching your brother and - hear me out - he almost seems to have...a little bit of chub around the middle? I really don’t know how else to put this.” You sighed into the speaker. “Like, chub on a skeleton would be outlandish enough, but _it wasn’t there earlier_. Please tell me I’m not going crazy.”
> 
> “WAIT, HE DIDN’T HAVE IT EARLIER…?” Papyrus first sounded disbelieving, and then quickly became overjoyed. “I’M SO PROUD! He usually just lets his magic seep out of his bones and pool around his abdomen instead of actually controlling it, but YOU’RE TELLING ME HE ACTUALLY PUT IN THE EFFORT TO KEEP HIS MAGIC WHERE IT BELONGS?! I AM SO PROUD RIGHT NOW!”
> 
> “Whoa there, Papyrus. You mean he essentially has a magical belly but was sucking it in like a girl trying to get into skinny jeans?”
> 
> “SOMETHING LIKE THAT.”
> 
> “Thank you Papyrus, that was all I needed to know.” A grin grew on your face. “See ya later, bye!”
> 
> “GOODBYE, HUMAN ___!” With a soft beep, he hung up.
> 
> You popped out of your hiding place, Sans not looking overly surprised, and sat down next to him. He kept glancing over at you and your innocent expression suspiciously.
> 
> “what do you need?” He eventually decided to ask.
> 
> “I really want to touch that stomach you were hiding from me, but I haven’t figured out a polite way to ask yet.”
> 
> He immediately flushed blue.
> 
> “now why would you want to do that…?” It seemed to take a lot of effort for him to keep his voice steady.
> 
> “Because I want to.” You smiled. “So, can I?”
> 
> “do you really want to…?”
> 
> “Of course.”
> 
> “...then i don’t see why not…” He whispered after a long pause and lifted his shirt.
> 
> It was blue. Which made sense because it was his magic, but it still somehow surprised you.
> 
> He coughed, avoiding eye contact, and you realized you had been gawking. Well that just wouldn’t do, now would it?
> 
> You reached forwards and poked it experimentally. It felt like poking jello, and you giggled at the thought. You didn’t notice Sans flush a darker shade of blue and look away.
> 
> You crawled closer and gently rubbed his stomach. After a bit of that, you decided to squish a little.
> 
> It was very squishy. You rather liked that. He made a sound of protest and squirmed a bit. You rather liked that as well.
> 
> Contented with your exploration, you pulled his shirt back down with a satisfied smile.
> 
> “So cute.”
> 
> He muttered something and slid into a more reclined position, still as blue as the tiles in your pool.
> 
> You disappeared from the room in a hurry, but returned quickly with the newspaper, a book, and a blanket. You jumped onto the couch and flopped down, tossing the blanket over yourself. Gently, you lowered your head onto Sans’ stomach and, shortly afterwards, you felt him run his fingers through your hair.
> 
> What a perfect place to relax.


	65. Let's get Down to Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Undyne. She's intense in all the right ways.

You quickly found out that whole-heartedly laughing while treading water was a lot harder than movies made it seem. Fortunately, Sans decided to keep you from drowning by lifting you into the air. Unfortunately, he flushed navy and dropped you when he realized that there’s a reason people don’t wear white t-shirts while swimming.

With a pout, you swam over to the edge of the pool and hoisted yourself out of the water. Sans immediately offered you a towel and avoided looking at you. What a gentleman.

Sans sent you upstairs to take a shower, much to your dismay. Actually, it was less like you were ‘sent’ and more like you were manhandled into the room and then locked in with blue magic. To be fair, you were only fighting back because it was fun, and he seemed to know it.

“But I don’t _need_ a shower!” You complained through the door in a childish tone. “I literally just had a bath. Technically it was in a pool, but it’s pretty much the same thing.”

“kid, it really isn’t.”

“Not a kid.” You grumbled to yourself. “And is too!”

“it’ll be good for ya.”

“Dun wanna.”

“...c’mon, kid, it’ll be relaxing.” He paused. “and, uh, well, it would be really bad if ya got sick.”

He sounded really worried. All of your childish arguments died in your throat at his tone. You supposed that it made sense for him to be worried, since monsters never became physically sick. Well, there wasn’t much you could say to that. His concern was actually really sweet.

“I’m not a kid!” You stated. “Of course, like the adult that I totally am, I can take a shower no problem. But! You have to come up with a new nickname!” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Oh, and I don’t really have anything to change into in here, so could you grab something for me from my bedroom?”

There was a long silence. You raised an eyebrow, but otherwise prepared for your shower.

“Everything’s in the dresser, and Eli makes me keep it pretty neat. It should be easy to find everything.” You assured in your confusion. “Please?”

Eventually, you heard slow clicking as the skeleton walked away from the door. It wasn’t until your shower was pretty much done that a skeletal hand poked into the room and put down a pile of clothes. You called out your thanks, but he was already gone.

After you wandered down stairs from your shower, the two of you ate breakfast as you solved the crossword together. Sans kept grabbing your phone and locking the screen whenever you went to Google something. Without Google, you really weren’t much help, but it was fun nonetheless.

Hey, you _did_ solve the word search in under 2 minutes, though it was just a newspaper one. You didn’t do them all that often because they were pretty easy, all things considered (you really liked the ridiculously difficult ones, particularly the ones in a book Eli got you for Christmas). Still, the surprised look on his face was worth it.

After the two of you read and then rewrote the comic section, Sans teleported off to the University. You got ready to go, too, and in much more comfortable clothes than you usually wore. You were confused by the choice of socks, though. While every other part of your outfit was the epitome of lazy selection, the socks Sans had chosen for you were one of your nicer pairs.

You shrugged it off. They were cute, at least.

After a quick glance at the clock, you hurried out the door. You had some research to do on this Chara person before you met up with Undyne, after all.

*

Surrounded by open books, you closed a thin records compilation and placed it down in front of yourself. You leaned back in your chair and looked up at the vaulted ceiling with a tired sigh.

It explained so much.

You weren’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

*

As you pulled into the parking lot, you saw Undyne’s pick up with Papyrus’ sports car next to it. The lot was pretty crowded so you carefully parked between their two vehicles. After a moment of contemplation, you hopped into the bed of Undyne’s truck and put your helmet in a corner and covered it with your motorcycle jacket. Hey, it was better than carrying all of it.

It was easy enough to spot the two tall monsters. They seemed to be doing push ups in the middle of the park, and pretty loudly at that. The motivation and encouragement emanating from them was enough to immediately set your heart ablaze.

Today was going to be great.

You sat on Undyne’s back, crossing your feet. She didn’t even so much as flinch at your added weight.

“You started without me, traitor!” You complained, fiddling with her ponytail.

“YOU’RE the one who’s LATE!” She lifted a hand up to smack you away from her hair, the pacing of her pushups remaining the same. “Thought you bailed on us, punk.”

“Ah ha. Yeah. Sorry about that. It was a late morning.”

“Oh, I’m sure it was.” She cooed. “Heard you had a certain skeleton over last night.”

“AND IT WASN’T ME!” Papyrus chirped. He was keeping up with Undyne’s pace, but he was sweating much more. To be fair, Undyne was a _beast_. You held back a laugh as you imagined how Sans would be holding up.

“And in the same bed, no less. How scandalous!” Undyne snickered. “I’m sure our… _purchases_ were a hit.” You could practically hear the wink in her voice.

“I completely forgot to wear those…” You muttered regretfully. Next time. “But hey! How’d you know he stayed over?!”

“I told you - Saffron knows EVERYTHING! It cost me a box of pocky…” She seemed saddened by that fact. “But THAT DOESN’T MATTER! We have TRAINING TO DO! FUHUHUHU!”

Without thinking, she popped to her feet. Good old Papyrus caught you before you fell to the ground, though, and placed you on your feet. You gave him a thankful smile.

Undyne whipped around and struck a pose.

“When I’m done with you, you’ll be IN THE BEST SHAPE OF YOUR LIFE!” She paused and looked you up and down. She let your lazy attire slide after a moment of contemplation. “We’re starting with 10 LAPS AROUND THE ENTIRE PARK! HOP TO, PUNKS!”

With that, she took off down a pathway with Papyrus close behind. You smiled and ran after them, not at all fast enough to _keep up_ , much less _catch up_.

Oh well. You’d see them again when they lapped you.


	66. Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this didn't quite turn out how I'd imagined it, but I think it turned out well. Let me know if anything could be made better through changing. I'm always happy to make things better!
> 
> And I'm really blown away by how amazing you guys are every chapter. Everybody who's made it this far in this silly fic, you guys are the real MVPs. Thanks you guys.

Okay, you were definitely lost. For one thing, you were fairly certain that the woods you were wandering through were not actually a part of the park. Also, neither Undyne nor Papyrus had passed you in quite some time.

You pulled out your phone, several internet tabs still open with half typed in queries. With a small huff, you sent Undyne a text complaining about them ditching you, despite being fully aware that it was probably your own fault that you had ended up so far off the path.

In your defence, the butterfly had been _really_ pretty.

A notification popped up, letting you know that you had no reception. You frowned, but decided to walk in a random direction until you got service.

It was a pretty calming walk, honestly, but you kind of wished you had someone to talk to as you meandered around bushes and hopped over fallen trees. You probably wouldn’t’ve gotten lost if he’d been with you. Well, you probably wouldn’t’ve been running for very long if he’d been with you, either. You couldn’t help but laugh a little to yourself at that thought.

It started small; just a little irritation in your chest. You frowned, though. Now wasn’t really the time for this. The irritation shifted into a dull pang, and you sighed. You should probably call Eli or something.

Your phone buzzed, snapping you out of your thoughts. It was Undyne, who had sent you a barrage of texts. Well, and there was one from Eli but you guiltily closed that one after forwarding it to Sans. He could deal with that. It seemed you weren’t calling your sister after all. You really didn't want to try explaining to her where Belyy was.

You turned back to your other texts. Apparently Undyne was going to ask a good friend, and former subordinate, to find your sorry ass. You smiled to yourself. She was such a good friend.

There was a painful throb in your chest and you blacked out for a moment. You found yourself leaning against a tree when you started registering the things around you again. With a sigh, you slumped down so that your were sitting with your back against the trunk. Now really wasn’t the time for this.

“I told you this was the wrong way, stupid!” A voice chided, sounding like it came from a young boy.

“I’m not stupid!” A young girl seemed to retort, voice indicating that she was on the brink of tears. “I’m telling auntie Kate!”

“You better not!”

“I will!”

“Don’t!”

Then you heard the sound of something tumbling through the underbrush. You grimaced and forced yourself up from the ground. You felt a bit dizzy and out of it, but whatever was happening with these kids was more important.

As you approached where you had heard the conversation, you heard crying. Picking up your pace, you came across two kids that couldn’t be older than 7 or 8, with the sister clearly being the younger of the two.

“Stop it!” The boy looked down at his sister that appeared to have been pushed over. She had a scrape on her elbow from the fall.

She just whimpered in response. The brother seemed frustrated by this.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” You decided to step in, smiling warmly at the two kids. “Are you okay?” You crouched down in front of the girl and looked over the scrape. It was pretty minor.

“Yeah…” The girl sniffled. The boy eyed you suspiciously.

“You’re a strong girl.” You praised and turned back to the young boy. “What happened?”

“...I pushed her.” He wouldn’t look you in the eye.

“Well, that wasn’t very nice. Would you like to apologize?”

He looked you over for a moment before letting out a small huff.

“I’m sorry, okay? Here,” He pulled a bandaid out of his pocket, “I’ll even let you have my choochoo train.”

The girl looked up at him, and then over at the bandaid. She wiped her eyes and gave a weak nod. The boy leaned down and struggled with the packaging before haphazardly sticking the train themed bandaid on.

“There. All better.” He held a hand out to her, and she took it after a moment.

“Are you guys lost?” You decided to ask.

The girl nodded and she looked like she was about to cry again. They both looked absolutely exhausted, almost like they had given up finding their way home again. They just looked so...hopeless.

“Wow, you guys, too, huh?” You smiled understandingly. “But don’t worry. A couple of superheroes are gunna come save us.”

“...Superheroes?” The boy’s eyes lit up.

“Of course.” You nodded, sitting down on a fallen tree. “Undyne the...uh...Undying and the Great Papyrus.”

“Never heard of them.” He looked disappointed.

“You’ve never _heard_ of them?! I’m surprised! _Everybody_ knows about Undyne the Undying and the Great Papyrus!” You chided. Two sets of childish eyes looked up at you will curiosity. “Let me tell you a little bit about them…”

And so you told grand stories about the General gone rogue and her trusted knight. The kids’ eyes sparkled as you detailed their adventures, and they cheered as you acted out their noble fights. Each epic was more ridiculous than the last, but the kids’ faces shifted away from tired hopelessness to childish glee.

“...and when all hope seemed to be lost, Undyne the Undying forced herself to her feet, leaning on her spear for support, and-”

In the middle of your sentence, a white dog burst out of nowhere and tackled you to the ground. He immediately began licking your face, much to the amusement of the kids. You struggled beneath the dog until you heard a familiar voice.

“GREAT JOB, lesser dog!” The dog hopped off of you and you were hoisted into the air. You smiled sheepishly up at the fishwoman. She gave you a look reminiscent of a disappointed Toriel.

“Hi. Fancy meeting you here.” You gave her finger guns, swaying side to side in her grasp. She raised her eyebrows at you.

“How hard is it to follow a gravel path? No, really, explain to me how you managed to _not_ follow it. It is literally harder to _lose_ the path than to stay on it.”

“...Oops?” You smiled, eyes flicking to Papyrus for support.

Before Undyne could begin whatever she was going to say next, the two kids cut her off.

“Are you the Great Papyrus?!” The boy, who you had learned to be Hansel, bounced around in front of the tall skeleton.

“THE ONE AND ONLY!”

“Really?! You’re so cool!”

“I SEE MY REPUTATION PRECEDES ME!” Papyrus ‘nyeh’d happily, eye sockets sparkling. The two of them hit it off really well, immediately delving into a silly conversation about scarves and capes.

“So you’re Undyne? Undyne the Undying?” Gretel, the sister, tentatively asked Undyne with a reverent expression.

“Yeah…” Undyne shot you a look. You shrugged, trying to ignore the pulsations in your chest.

“You...I think you’re awesome.” The girl shifted shyly and then ran back to hid behind her brother. Undyne's attention snapped back to you.

"I need an explanation. Right. Now."

The moment you explained what had happened, Undyne immediately commissioned this ‘lesser dog’ to find their parents. The kids were overjoyed that their two new idols each decided to carry them as they dashed through the forest at breakneck speed. You were contented to be slung over Undyne’s shoulder.

The search began. Papyrus and Undyne fell into their superhero roles naturally, their absurd personalities making every destination exciting and fun. The kids even managed to convince the two dorks to make up catchphrases and practice poses. Of course, the two monsters easily got into the spirit of things.

You were too out of it to accurately follow what was going on around you, though. The pain in your chest kept flaring and fading, your focus and attention both slipping constantly. It hurt.

*

Kate was pacing nervously along the end of her driveway. Her sister had left her two kids with her and she had lost them. She had only looked away for a few minutes!

They must’ve headed into the woods. She twirled her hair nervously around a finger and looked at her watch. Her shift at the information kiosk would be starting in only half an hour, but she couldn’t just _leave_! What was she supposed to do?!

“Auntie Kate!” Kate’s head snapped up at the familiar voice to see a fish person and a giant skeleton running towards her.

As a slight racist, it was a very scary sight to see two powerful looking monsters charge at herself. To be fair, even if she weren’t racist, it would still be pretty scary.

She threw her hands over her head and cowered away from the two monsters, waiting for a strike that never came. When she realized that nothing was happening, she slowly peeked out from her defencive stance.

You stood before her. You. She recognized you. You were that innocent person who had been looking for a bakery with a short, fat skeleton that time at the mall.

The monsters behind you put down her niece and nephew and said their goodbye to the children. She had never seen the perpetually bored kids so engaged with anything other than their video games before. They looked...happy.

She was going to have to rethink her biases again, wasn’t she?

*

“Man, that was fun.” You looked up at your two companions with a contented smile.

“Yup! And it was GREAT training, too FUHUHU!” She thought for a moment and then glanced over at you. “Except...I CARRIED YOU THE ENTIRE TIME! THAT ISN’T TRAINING!”

“PLEASE DO NOT LET MY BROTHER RUB OFF ON YOU…” Papyrus sighed.

“Hey, it’s not my fault I’m not as fast as you guys.”

“We’re RUNNING BACK TO THE PARK!” Undyne declared. “And I don’t want to HEAR ANY EXCUSES!”

“Fine by me.” You really didn’t want to get lost again, though. “Hey, Papyrus? Do you mind sticking with me this time? It's more fun to run if you have somebody to talk to.”

“OF COURSE! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS ALWAYS GLAD TO BE OF ASSISTANCE!” He chimed proudly.

“Thanks, Paps.” You smiled up at him. “Okay, let’s go!”

The other two yelled in agreement and you started off.

After only a few steps, though, there was an overwhelming pain in your chest and you fell to the ground, unconscious.


	67. Lost 2: How to Lose a Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, been really busy with essays n shit. They suck a lot. Because I'm bad at them. Oh so very bad at them.
> 
> This is short, so sorry.

Sans wasn’t in a good mood when he got your text, seeing as the dean had just reprimanded him for using magic on a student, but his irritation quickly melted away when your text showed up under your new nickname. He’d talk to you about it next time he got the chance. For now, though, he needed to see what you wanted.

_ket_  
**Just got a text from Eli...um...she said: “Hey, Belyy didn’t come get is food at lunch. You know where he went?” We...didn’t forget him in the Underground, did we?**

Oh shit. You totally had. Cats could neither climb up gaping holes nor operate elevators. So...he was definitely still down there.

...Oops?

A quick series of teleports later, Sans was standing in your kitchen with an annoyed kitten velcroed to his sweater and with an unamused Eli glancing between him and said kitten.

After a moment, she just sighed deeply and rubbed her temples. She cut Sans off before he could begin to try and explain.

“Don’t.” She held up a hand for him to stop, eyebrow twitching. “I don’t need to know. I don’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss. Just put the kitten down make sure it never happens again. Let’s just pretend whatever happened never happened, okay?”

“will do.” Sans really loved dealing with your sister sometimes. She was just so used to dealing with your shit.

As Sans tried to pry his rightfully angry familiar from his sweater, he heard Eli’s phone buzz across the table. She answered promptly on the first ring.

“Hello?”

“HUMAN ELI IT’S HORRIBLE!!!” Even Sans, who was across the room, could hear his brother’s voice as clear as day.

The phone fell to the ground with a clatter, Eli rubbing her ear. Sans looked over with a concerned look, but she didn’t seem too fazed. Honestly, she looked more ready to deal with some sort of bullshit than anything.

Apparently, the drop had hung up on poor Papyrus and the phone began vibrating across the floor as he tried to call back. This time, Eli held the phone far from her ear and answered on speakerphone.

“Hey Paps, what’s wrong?”

“IT’S TERRIBLE! YOUR SISTER SUDDENLY FELL DOWN AND ISN’T GETTING UP! I-I...don’t know what to do…” He sounded absolutely heartbroken.

What.

You...collapsed?

But why?! Maybe you hadn’t gotten enough sleep? But you could be woken up if you were asleep. Had Undyne pushed you too hard during training? No, as intense as she was, she was actually very good and not pushing people _too_ far. What if you ran out of magic! You had been absorbing from him all night, though. Did you need a constant stream of magic?! How long could you go before you ran out?! Were you dying?!

His soul dropped at the thought and his magic flared. No. You wouldn't be dying. He had plenty of magic. More than enough to give you. He would douse your soul in as much magic as it could handle. There was no way he was going to let you die from magic deprivation.

He wouldn't.

He just wouldn't.

He just _couldn't_.

“-ans! For the love of god, Sans, don’t make me punch you.” Eli clapped her hands rapidly in front of his face. “Okay, we’ve got your weird glowing eye dots back online.”

He must’ve missed something because Eli was no longer on the phone. His eyes drifted into focus on Eli's worried yet calm expression. She seemed slightly more relaxed when he made eye contact with her, letting out a relieved sigh.

“Good. Your face probably would’ve hurt my hand. Now, we had better get over to your brother before he freaks out too much. Teleport us to the post office on Valetta.”

She grabbed him a couple moments before mentioning the destination, which was very good planning on her part. The second he knew where you were, he connected his location with yours using the void and dropped through, unintentionally dragging your sister along with him. It wasn’t really an issue to bring her along with him, considering how much surplus magic he was pouring into the shortcut. He really wasn't in the mood to be efficient or lazy.

Though, immediately upon appearing at their destination, Eli leaped away from Sans and wretched against the side of the post office, so it may have been an issue for her.

Sans couldn’t be bothered with that, though; his soul was already busy searching frantically for the familiar, weak hum of yours. _And he couldn’t find it_.

Which was really fucking worrying considering he was staring right at your unconscious body.

*

Being nowhere was always disorienting at first, but you had been there enough times to know that trying to reorient yourself would just make everything more disoriented. Nothing made sense here, so it was best just to accept that fact and quit trying to understand it’s rules. The less you tried to fight the unaturalness, the easier it was to exist there.

Oddly, it wasn’t cold. It was usually cold when you came, though it wasn’t really cold in the usual sense of the word. Perhaps empty would be a more apt description? Whatever. It was impossible to describe the Nothing anyways. All you could really say was that you were much more comfortable than usual.

You knew you had Sans and his wonderful magic to thank for your unusual comfort. Focussing on the magic, somehow blue despite colours not existing here, you felt at peace. You weren't able to remain transfixed with the swirling magic for very long, though, before you got a visitor in this place where nothing existed.

There was nothing to see or hear, but you could feel his greeting nonetheless.

“W̫͚̞͞e̡̻̣̟ḽ͇̱͙͞c̫ơ̻͎̖̘̠̲̗me̙ͅ ͔̭̗͖͉̼̤b̡̘̮̲͈a͍̣̻͙c̡͓̘͙̱͍̭ḵ͕̝,̣͎̥̟͚ͅͅ ͚̭̦̻li͉͚̟̕ṭ͉̤͓͓̯͔͟t̙͖̭͍̕ḽ͇̭͇̕e̝̖ ̹͉ͅo̰̭̯n̙̥̳e͔͓.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, it's really late as I edit this. Please let me know about typos, about grammatical errors, and about what could be phrased better.
> 
> Thanks guys!


	68. The Doctor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys...bricks are _not_ how you greet new characters, okay? I'm looking at you, NekoAbunai.
> 
> But, yeah, you guys seemed to have such high expectations of Gaster buddy. I dunno how this measures up, but Mr. Fluffles and te lolz.

“Sup. It’s been awhile since I last came to see you. How’ve you been?” You righted yourself as your visitor turned the nothingness around you into a little pocket dimension. As awesome as you were at handling being both nowhere and everywhere, it was still much more comfortable to have something definitive around you.

“S͖̫̙̥a̭m͓͉e͇̜ ͚̳͓̤̺̟ol̪̫͕̠͢d,͚͎̼͍͕̹̝ ̴͖͇̜͙̼̠͖s͜a̜̟̤̭͈me̞̜̭͎̙̖̳͘ ̟͉̮͖̬̮o̻̭͙̦l͇̯͓̗͔d̺̹.̛̭͚͈ ̡̞̖̗̗Y̬̩o̰̺͖̮̮͉u͉͠r͟s̟͕̞̱͓e͞l͖̹̩͇̣̻f̸̲̥̜̝͉̞̱?”

While his voice was always the same warped distortion, his appearance was more variable. Sometimes he appeared as a blobby mess and other times he appeared more solid and dignified. Today was a dignified day.

“I’ve been absolutely amazing. Though, I’m sure you already know all about that.”

He laughed at that. He was scattered across time and space; of course he knew.

“Ó̯̖̙̮͙̝f̘̖̬̙̻̩ ͞c͈̤̬ó̠̺͈̖̼u͇̞̥̹̕r͈͓̮͜s̲̘̫e̱ͅ,̠̦ ҉̬̩͇̝̖̭l͏͔̼͍̼̖į̥͍͖͍̯t̝̲̜̩͚́t͉̗l҉͔̤̬e ̮̤͈̖̩͡o̼͖͉͘n̴͓͕̼̲͇e͙̱͇̬̲. ́A̹̬̞̦ͅn̡̻͕͇̙̖̗d̗ ̩̫̲̘Ì̫̥͍͇̼̞̰ ͔͔̪̭m̦̭̬̠̬u̴̟̭̻͕̤̝ͅs̸͈t̛̳̥ͅ ̖̞͎s̘̳̜͕a͕̭̭̪y̸̻͍̣ ̼̫̦̗̙̮͙i͕̱̙̲̩t̩̞̺̩̦͓ ̩̺w̡̤̖̮̬a̼̞̦̰̺s҉͉̱̞͙ ̥̗̮͓q̢͇ṷ̶̥̲͙͕i̹̣̝t͙̘͕͖͕̦͓e͙͈͇̙̳̫ ͢e̺̯͓̹͡n͓̮̯t͎̭̯̞e͔r̶̻̯t͇̮͍a͙͇͈̙̦̠̰i̝͍̤͖n̵i̜͇̭ng̹͓͎̳̰̫.͎͈̼͓͙ ̼̣͎̠̟̖I͏̦̹̳͕͖…̫h̨͔̱͙̩̰o͚̖w̧̰͔ ̢̭ͅdo̷̩͇ ̬̞͎̩̺̲̀t̕h̀e̡̫͎̖͇͉̹̱y͓̫͖͍̙ ̢̖̩say̝͍̮̖̲͙͎͢ ̵͉͎̦̺̟̝̖i̲̯͈̤̯̦t͙̻̦͖̹ ̴a̰͕g̸͇̝̜̙̫̺͔a͏i̖̞̟̼͈͠n̮͔̖̬̰…͎͚I̼̹̹̦̤̻͘ͅ ̱͖̞̰̞͝‘̘̀l̮̱̪̣̤̤̯į̰t̥̟͈e̵̗̻̻r̪̱a̘l̗̜̺̀ͅl͚̭̮̫̬ͅy͎͇͔̙̤̭͉ ͏̺̝l̗o͚l̪̲̱̙̟͖̤’̣̣̭̬͕ḏ̳̻̰́’̭͚̱̪̩̠̱?͙͈̜͔͞ ̖͙̠͉̣͞D̶̰͇̺o͖͇̖̠ͅ ͇͇̩̣͉̘I̵̦ ͏͈̩̖͓h̰̳̤̬a͖͎̙̖̯v̭̝̩͠ę̤ ̹͘ͅt͓̱̳h̞̻̠̗a̱̥̻̥͍t̺̳̫͔ r͚̥̖̭i̙̮̲̭͔g̗̤͕͖̟͖͢h́t̠͇̱͓?̦̹͙̱̪͇̰͝”

“You got it.” You flashed him a thumbs up.

“T͍̣̠̫h͍̗̣͈̦ͅę̭n̨̻̝̻̺̹͉,̞̯͖̦͙͞ ̵͕̬͉͍͔͎̝I͟ ̠̜̻̰̣̜̼‘̷ḽ̡̗̤i̙͍̺̠̲̠t̻̤͉̘͜ͅe̺͙r̨̟̬͙͇̙̰̤a͈͉̹͇̙ḷ̡l̮̪̫̮̮̹͖y̱̹ ̦͓̩̯̲l͖̭̭̰͇̹o̲̺̕l̫̱̩ͅ’̶͎̺̞͕d̲̖̤̫̱’̳̠͙̫ ̗a̸̦ṭ ̨̯̫ỵ̮͚̤̯̱̣o̲͙̘͔u̕r̭̼ ̻̻̙̣͖͉t̛̞̰͕̲͚r͕̫͉̯̬i͇̫̯̠͎̕p͍͈̗̯͔͟ ̻͎̀ṯ̵͍̬̼̤͖o͓̰͔̘ ̷̼̘̱̱̬ț̯̼̹̙ͅh̦̻̫̼͜ḛ̼̻̼̩ ̪̝͙̩m̗̮̹̼̟a̙̰l҉̟̺̳͕̺̼l̵̺͓̖̮̬ ̻͇̮̞̲w̩̯͖̹͕į̘͇̰̻t̥̤h͔̭̩̳̞ ̭̳̠̭̰͔̖U͇ṉ̴͔̣͍͇͍ḏͅy̢̫̪̗̯̥̯͙ṇ̣̖̻̰̝̥e̸͕̱̫.̺̭̙͉͚͓”

He seemed very proud at his use of slang.

“T̪͙͈̗h̟͈̻͙͡o̟̹̱̗͙̙̕u͍̜̯̞̞̠͢g̞̪̼̟͖͢h͠ ̶̰͉͈̹̝̮̻I͚ ̱͔̹͠ͅm̛̫̜̜͖͇̰̖u̪͍͘s̰̠͓̟̥ͅt͕ ̧̦̗̳s̯ąy̩̝̺,̸̖̮ ̵͉I̺ ̹̝̹̭͈̱̖r͚̹̙̻̟ͅa̸̯̦̘͎̥̙t̝h̗͚̞̤͈͔͇e̘͍̗̠͈̰̝͠r͚̫ ̖̺d͓͖̗͝i̫͕̲̙ͅs̗̝̰̲̝̺a̼g̢̹̝̘͙͕͉͚r̷̤̣̬̝͇̜ͅḙe̹̣͈̤̱ͅ ҉w̙̦̰͢i̹͈̣̭͇͕͕t̢̘̹h̦̝ ̡t̯̻͜h̴̥̤͚͔̰̱̬e̯̹͚͈̞ ̼̹͕̪̩͞r̹̹͙͉̰̙̺͠e̴̗̯̮̮͎̘͍s͎̝̦u̙̳̞͢l̸͖̦̭̮̠ͅt͠s̳̹̭̜̩͙”

“I know, right?! The judges were totally biased!”

“U͖̠̖̝͔n̯̪͟ḑ͓̮͍̰o͔͈͕̜̕u͉͖̠̲̼b̧t̤̱̰̲͕̻͞e͈͖͇͓̯͉͞d͕͍͍l̺̟̫̪̩̙y̼.” He nodded in agreement.

“Guess only the two of us will know that I was the _real_ winner.”

“O̝̰h̨̗̝̖̰͓,̼̞̰̠̘͕ ̖̫̖̦̲t͕̻̰͍͍͙h̹̫͟ḛ͍̮͔̘r̭͓͔e͠ is̤̦͓̭̯̳̣͟ ̟̬̳͖̦͘o̱̯ņ̻͇͇̮ͅe̟̹̟̤͉ͅ ̳̜̼̲̣̭m̪͕ͅo̬̤̥̺r̦͇̫͔͉͕̲e̖̮ͅͅ ͚̭t͇̗̲͟h͙͖̼a̞̠ṱ̤̰̺͈̩̜ ͎̙͚̩͉͚ͅa͙̠̭g̘̹̬re̗̬̭̗͈̮e̲̦̼̟̲̕s̟̤̜̖̗.”

“...You mean the pictures? Eli wouldn’t really find me any sexier than Undyne.”

“Į̣̹͙ ̷̜̤̤̟a̲̻̝̱s̴s̠̘̣̫͖̭ṷ̲̼͈͍̻r͇̩̹̤̦͠ͅḙ͖̘͍̯ ̻̜̯yo͈̳̱̯͔̩ͅu̻̺,̹ ͓͖̯͙̲͖̟I̯̝̠̣̦͎̜ ̰w͏̝à̭̭̜͇̻ͅs̝ ̴̦̮n̻̰ǫ͇͔͖̥̖̠t̸͚͍͕̲̯̫͕ ̲̫̗̗̱s͖̠̱̖ͅp̴͚e͖̭̮̝a̡k҉̝i̥̫ͅͅn̼̥g͔͇̩̣̻̥̫ ̠͖̤̬ơ̪̱f ̡̞̠̰̺͕̘y̠̲̥͉̬̟o̩͔͍̜̮̥ų̙̳r̠͢ ̖̳̰̠̦̣s̶̞̰i̥̰̠͚̼͜s̥͍̺̫̘͎t̢e͓̫r̷͙”

“Then...who?”

“.̠̯͉̜̱͎̫.̶͉̲̠͎͍.͏͚͈P̗̘̣ẹ̢̹̻̳r̫͕̙ͅh̹͓͍͚̘ͅa̲̬̳͢p̰̟͎̦s҉̝͈̬̼̫ ̡̣̗o͢n̥͎̭̞̤̗̮̕e̵̹̞͖ ͙̪̖̹̙͟d͉̣̱a̴y҉̮̪͇͉͈ͅͅ ̸̠͍͖͈̳y̻͝o̤̖u’l̸̖͈l̤͍ ͈f͉̗̲̹̭͢í̻g̜̯̟̠͓̬ṵ̥͇r͇̬̳̲͇̮e̝̫ ͓̺̘̺i̢̫͓̯t̩̗̭̟̳̳̣ ̯͙̞o̸̹u͖̳͖͠t̗͔.̶͍̼͎ ̫̙͚̩̫͕F̼̲̜͝o̻̮̝̟̖r̬̱̬̜̙̭ͅ ͖̱n̩̙̪̤͞o̟̰̼w̮̝͍͉͙̮,̳̻̲̗̠̖ ̞̼̮̮̰͉̯͢w̵̞͓̤̖͚e̯͇͍͈͍̗̰ ͕͉̻̳̲̭h̠a̜͎̻͖̗͉v̜̭̖͎e҉͓͖ ͏̜̬͉͍̙b҉̮̯͈̼͉͎u̖͉̤̮͟s͙̫͕͖̣i͏̩̮̮̪͔n̟͙͓̥e̴̮͍̫̜̻ͅs̢̙͙̠s̻̣ͅ to̖̖̼̬̭͝ ̢̙̤̬̪͇ͅͅḁ́t̖̩t̼͇̳̰̯͎en͕̼d́ ̳̣ț̪̞̝̦̣ò̲̬̭̼̖,̯̯̟̼̮͚ͅ ͈͚̬̬̲ͅḓ̕o̱̗̰̗ ͠w̨͈͇̭e̹̲̙͝ ̰͙̟͓̰̫n͈̤̟͔̮̯̥o̻͔̹̗t̰̰̯̩?ͅ”

“Ugh...I’ve been trying not to think about thaaaat.” You whined, but let your soul drift over to the scientist. “It always hurts.”

“Y̰̹̞̲͇̝̕ọ͓͝u̖ ̲̬͔̮͖̺͖k҉͍n̷o͈̱̺͎͜w̸̭̖͕ ̗̳̟͈̪I̘̮̗͎ ̵̭͖͓c̸̘̻a̝̳̭ṉ̳̙͍͇̣̝n̸͙̺̗̯̯o̟̯t̢͔̹̳͚͖̜ ̹̟͍̳h̨̠̭̰̪e̶̤̘l̴͈p̸ ̫̲͈̝̠ṭ̨̩͙̺̼̝h̥̹̗̞͇̹̕a̗t̵͙̘̞̲ ̻͚͢b̪̠͕̮i̜̣̙̕t͓͢,̴̰͉ ̴t̗̬̮̻͎͠h̥̼̹̗̳ọ͎u̞͉͇ǵ̙͚̻͙h̥̰͈̜̦̞̥͞ ̡̫̱͙̗̰̲I̷̪ ̭d̗o͓͚͎̣͖̥ ͇̟̹̹ap̪̙̹̣ͅo͍̪͇̰̜͈l̨̬̱̤o̧̤͇̖g̥͖̻i̙͕͇͜z͕̳̲̙̝͈̤͞e̢̻̝̮̣̠̣ ̴͕͇̠̖ͅf͚̩̣́o̶̱̰̱̜̝̹̥r̲ ̴͈͍̬̝̯i͕̞͘t̘̖̖͉͍̭̲”

Your hissed and tried to jerk away from him as he began fixing your dying soul. After this many times, you would’ve thought that it wouldn’t be so painful anymore. But no, it was just as painful as it always had been.

“I̻͖̤t͕̣ ̷̮̘̘̖w͔͔̳ò̰͕̯͖̗̠ụ̖̘̭l̼͎̭͓̖͙̪d͖̹̮̟̞ ̶̤̘͈h͈̭̟̟͢u̦̮̫͈̪͎͢r̭̖̦̬̫̰t̢͈͇͙͓̦̹̙ ̨̩̯̤͔̰̳̭l̞e̶͉s͝s̴̗͚ ̡͉i͚̺̣͔̥̱f̟͔̖̖̝̥͎ ͙̱̞͚̫͔̤͢yo̷u ̫h͈̞̙͍͢e̙̝l͓͉͝d̮̞̜̻̹͠ ̬̲̯s̪̙̥̞t͍͇̣̣i̴̦̘͍̼͇͓̪l҉l҉̺͚̗͇̠̗.”

“I know that. But it really _really_ hurts!”

“W̛̫͖͈o̵̬͚͕u̦͜lḓ̪̥ ̻̹̼̜͇̼ͅy̯̮̟̩o̷̟u̞̣̣̤̜ ͏̬͚̱li҉͍̩͙͔̝k̬̞̩͕͉̭̬͘e̺̫̥̥͕̰̜ ̀t͎̞̘o͚̪̟͇͔̟ͅ ̷̮̫̠͇̙̥g̹̖̻̳͞ͅiv̷̺̠ͅe͎͔̫͠ ̧̝̘͓u̢̬p̲̗̳̱͉̖ͅ,̯͍̪ ̸͎͖̭͕̱̭̣t̠̙̤͙͎̜͘h͝e̶̮͎n̫?”

His hand hovered next to your soul and he looked at you for your answer. With a huff, you let him take the core of your being back into his hands.

He worked quietly, removing sound from his dimension so he wouldn’t be distracted by your pain.

Everytime he stitched your soul back together, you would complain about it, but you knew that it was necessary. The shattered fragments that made up your soul would sometimes sheer against each other and slip out of alignment. The sheering wasn’t such a big deal, uncomfortable and exhausting yes, but not life threatening or anything. When something popped out of alignment, though, well, that was when you ended up passing through the void towards the afterlife.

Gaster always caught you, though. You never really understood why he helped you, but without him you would've been dead several times over. You’d asked him why once before, but he just laughed and said you were going to make people very dear to him happy.

And so you had decided to be as kind as you could to everyone you met, since you didn’t know who you were supposed to be making happy.

Oh. Right. You could ask about that.

You poked at his head with your foot. He seemed to raise an eyebrow at you (though you weren’t sure how you got that sense) and unmuted the dimension.

“W̝̯͇͇̪̝̜ḥ̜̞͕a̝̮̞̙̯͈t̩͍̞͍ ̜͙̠͙͉̲i͕̹͕͠s̸ ̣̳̟͇i͚̦̜͎ț̜̘,̮̫̠̥ ͎͔͍̮̪̜̫ḻ̨̖̠̝͓̰̭i̖̪t̮̣̯̹̫͇t͔̯̻̀ͅl͈̯̝̭̮̗̀ͅe̛̥͍ ̧̮͕̘͇̮̜̖ò̠n̗͎̳̱͙͈ͅe?̴̩ ̹̮͍̜̯ͅI̗’̙m̝̝̱̘͠ ̷̫̫̦̪͖̞a̝͉̟͇͈̻l̼͖̭̭̤͝m̢̹o̪s̡t̩͓̭͍̫ͅ ͇̭̤͕̩f̙i͏͚͍̘̬̟̻̫n̥͎̖i̭̼͓̞̠s̸̮h̯̙̦̞̟̫͞e̥̫̩͙d̹̩̤̹̖̮̀”

“You know what happened during the genocide timelines in the Underground, right?”

“.̢̞̮.̙̖͓͚͇̙.̡͕̲̭Y̺o͔͙̗u̞̞͎ ̦͉k̹̪̰̻̝̥n̯͢o̪͖w͈̫̕ ̰̘I̖̗ ̺̰̗̱̖̗̖d͕o̻̲̖̼͇͕͠,͍̝̫ ͈̙̝͇̥ͅl͇̘͈̣̤i̟t̘t͏̗͍̯̞̙͖l҉̞̟̘͈̼e̗̰̞̝̫͚͎ o̯̩̗̥͖͝ͅṋ̳̲͖̗͡e̱͝.͓͖̗͓͢”

“And you know about my research this morning.” You prompted.

“O͕̥̟̗̯͘f̗͖̟ ̳͖̻͢c̴͎ọ̶̜̻̝u̠͕̘̥͔͕r̫͙̥͙͙s͢e͕͚̝͔̼.̨̙͙̗ ̜̘̠͟A̦̙̥ͅr̺͎̰͓̱ͅḙ̛̟̼͙͔ ̗̲͕̙̤y̡̞̞̝̳̜̣̫o̴͍̻͓̜͙͈u ̛̻̙͔̞̤̰͔s̠͉̲̝e̺͜e̳̻̗ͅk͙̩̞͕̝̱i̬̯͇̥̟̖ǹ̫͈̪g ̢͍͓̱̘̬̯c̴̗͓o̤̮͙̩̪n̦͇͔f̷i̹͕̲͈̠͝r̗m͚̱͓̺͉á̞̥t̴̤i̙̩͎͈͝o̼͔̯n̤̯͇ ͇͔̱͓̣o̢̭̺͕n͎͠ ͉͢s̡̲o͚͔̖̟̪̮͜ͅm͈͔̝̹̖ͅe͍̮̫̻̩̼ṭ̭̮̖̥̲̜ḩ̮̫͙̠̠̻̥í̜̦͖̬̞n̹͔̮̤͞ǵ̰̝͕̳̩̻”

“Yeah. Has Chara ever used magic other than time magic? You know what I mean; like any of the other ones besides the knife?” You felt his ministrations slow, and there was a long silence before he replied. For some reason, he had always had an intense dislike for simply giving you answers.

“Y̰̣̼e̱̰s̳̰.͚̰͖̳̲̝͝”

“What kind?”

“..̯̥͖͇.̙̲͞W͍͉̫̥̥̟ha͍̦̲̤̼̻̺t̨̘̼̮e͓̞̤͉̜̺v̶͕͙e̟r͞ ̯̬̩̼͚k̸̟̦̖̠i̵̙̗͈̲͖͎͍n̨d̙̫̗͚̝ ̣͍̫̞͠i̷s͖ ҉u͉͚͚̩͎̗͕͝ś̳ͅe҉̝̮d҉̗̖̘͈͍ͅ ̦͍̯̺͕̣̭t͍̤̻̪̟̖o̦̳ ̺sh̖̕ó̹̟̤͉̱o̬̙̦̯̫ț͔̟̣̖͜ ҉̺̝͍a̬̲̖͟n҉̭̤̜ e̱̠̞̠̪̠̣m̤̰̹͉p̱̕t̪y̡̫ ̘͔͔̪̭̹͓͡g͕͖͈u̲n.”

It seemed that was the extent of what he was going to tell you. It was already more than enough to confirm your theory, though.

“So I’m right, then?” You smiled to yourself, and then winced as he fiddled with your soul one last time.

“Į͕̳̪͕’͚͕͚̮͖̪̬m̧͉̼̠̹̩͚̳ ̝͖͕͝à̝͈͎̥f̘̀r͙̭̪͓͍̭͎a҉͓͍͕̬͖̲͙i̩͝ͅḏ ҉̬̮͍̣ͅso͙̻̥.͓̭̪̹̖͜ ̞̜̜̮̀Ṉo͓͚̭̝ͅͅw͇̰̜̺̞̬,̘̘ ͓̫̥̩̬̞̀I͕͖͉̗͚̺ ͅḑ̝͔̠̩͖o͈̯ ̣͍͖̫̻͠ͅb̩̭͜e̻͎̘̥͈li̵̭̟͎͖̬͚e̡̝͖̬̙̣͕v̫̥̯̪e͈̪͉̩̖͜ͅ ͍̻͈̰͕̝̩I̞̩̣̗̭̜’̛̪̙̞m̶̞͚̪ ͈̹̮́d͇̳̭͙o͇͍̳̤͍̬̻n͚ͅé͕̮̲̙̦̭̣.̤͔̞͚͚ ͜D̙̦̼̜͔̬̜o̙̬͙͉͎͢e̙͚͇͎̕s͏̤ ͕̪̜ͅȩ̻̙̩̬v̺̻̼̮̦e͏̺͙͇̱͙̣̺r̷̹y̟͙̝̳t̞̩̤̟̙̮̪͜h͓̝i͕̮̜̰̗̺͝ͅn̸̤̤̣̬̺g̶͔ ̸̻̼̬ͅfe͖̣͍e͏͇͇̪l͓̻͔̱̖̺̲ ͇̗͠c̱̤o̹̗r͍̟̫̝r̭̹̯̳̳͈ḙ̺̯̯̜c̵̰t̶̩̞̙̤?”

“You know it.” You hummed, loving the consistent and relatively powerful thrum emitting to your soul. Maybe this is what it felt like to have a normal soul? It was a great feeling.

“The̘̘̟n̙̦̦̪̜̥̖͞ ̮̬͈͓͞I̳̰͇̜̻̲̙ ̟̙̱̦̪̣͚͡d̤̲̺̟͙͖͇͞o̫̻ ̱̣̣͙̪͜b̢͉̫e̟̪l̼͡i̘͓͝e̫͉͈̻v͈e̢̖̤ ̷̻ḭ̶̳̜͔ṭ̖ ̦̱i҉̜ͅs͈̺̻̩͔̰ ̳͔̣ͅt͓̣͇͍͘ͅi̠̺̥͎̳̕m̱̻̺̭̞̦͡e͔̬̤̠ ̯̗͝f͇͎̯̠o̟̘͖͖ṛ ͚͢y̛̭̖o̯͓̲ú͔̭̟̫̝͖ ҉̞̭͓͈̥̩t͔̙̫͈͟o ̕r̼̙̻͡ͅe̠̹͚̟͟t͘u̶̖̱̻͍r͡n͕̱͍͘.”

“What? Are you kicking me out? What about the conversations? And the shenanigans?! There are so many shenanigans to be had in the nothing here! You _love_ the shenanigans!”

“N̦̳͇̖͠o̙̺͉t ͕̞̗͓̺͠t̥̱̖h͇̦̖̘͙̲̫͡i̛͕̪̟̖̱̟s̶̼̙̘ ͉̺͖̱̼̀t̫͉i̡͎̲͔m̨̟e͔,̟̙̳ ̧̙̭̲̻li̪t̯̗̪t͇̙̭̣̦̻͓͘l͏e̯̙ ̪͓͍͓oṋ̙̯e͔͚̱̲̫̟̫͠.̬̫̣̤”

“Why not?!”

“B͍̝͍͓̟̤͖ę̻̳c̺a̜̻̺̕u҉̠s̗̰͉̻̥̦e͏̬ ̞̯̬͔̥ͅṭ̱̩̩̲͘ḥ̜̣̘͜i͏̣̭s̮ ̞̻t̶͕̭i̯̰m̫̪̯̀e̠͚ ̛͚̗̲̼̺ͅt̶̹͙̯h͓̣̳̝̖e̯͓̞͎̖͕̝r̖̣̩̬͚e̙̰̗̲͉̳ ̢̩i͞s̴ ̵s̼̗͖̟̥̫͍o̹m̗͕̮eo͏̤̭̟͖ǹ͙e̥͎ ̲͇͚̗͔̝͝w̠̫̺̤͈͔a̺̘̟̙̥̥ͅi͎̘̬t̪̻̞̣̖͙̣ḭ̫͉͈̕n̞̻͔̹͔g̟̙̩̯͍ ̧f҉͇͉̪o̪̖̯̗r̬̘ ̛̹̱̰y͇̝̫̜͞o͔͝u̹̜̻̦̺̖ ̧̪̯͎͓̣i̸͖n̯̭̯̹̦ ̰̮̬̝ạ̰͠ ̢͚̖̤͓̱p̤͔a̗̟͖n̖i̼̩c͇̦̘ķ͖e̢̪̟̯̮̹̤ͅd̢͇̰͔͇̻ ̘̙̫̤s̷̝t͎̱̟͈̣̳a̠̦̘̩͝t̜̱͍̘̕e̯͍̥̠̯̗.̯̣̥͎̙̗͢”

“...Oh. Crap. Um. Right.” You suddenly remembered that, yes, you had just sorta collapsed while walking around. “You make a very good point there. But still! You’re lonely too often to just ditch you like this!”

“R̴̗u̳͍͈ḓ̲̘͎̥ͅe̹.̞͇”

“But you _aaare_.”

“.̮̗͇̜̙̙̹.͈̗̙͔̯̻̫.̴̼͉͎̪F̬̮͚͉̲̟͎a̱͘i̵̠̖͎̳͍̘r̩͍͉ ̜͎͚̹̪̦̼e̡͈̯͕̙̪̜no̶u̧͇̬̰̙̜gh̜.̣”

“So let’s at least have a quick tea party again.”

“T̸̝̤h͡e҉̖̗̱̟̬͙̖ ̯͙͓̪͈l̠̘͉̕a̠͉̦͖͜s̝̲t̳̣ ̘͍̜t̺͎̼̫̙̝e̲̬a̩͍̝̤̠ͅ ̜̖̝͈̰p҉͕a̠̘r̗͕̩̥̫̤ṱ̶̪y ̢w̘̝e͉̹̰̣̝̣̯ ̳̻̣̕h̭̱̘͍̹̖ͅà̗̬̩̝̤d͓̠͔̬͎̘̯ ̞͟w͖͕̮̪͔͕a̱̪s͇̼̤̖͓͞ ̴͕͉͈̻̲̫ǫ̙̜̣̙n̷͈̻l̴̜͙y̵͖̮͓ ̙o̢͎̣͖͉͓̣v̛̺̣̙e͕̫͙r ҉̰̠̤̞͕q̰̳̥̜u̶͙͙̹̜̩i͔̥̕ͅc̵͍k͕͖̟̕l̴̹̬̘͔̦y͟ ̺̬̜̝͞b͓̗͕̮e̱̪̝c̥̬̖a̛͈u͕̼̬̩̗̮͢s̟̹e͉̻͍͔̹͖ ̜̩̩͎͚͞y̢̞̭̜͍o̺̹͞u͓̜͓͙̲̪ ̞̣̥̥̠p̩̭̭̳̣̘͢o̘͕̬i͇͔s͓̬̲̺o̰͓̫̯̥̕n̨͈̝̗̮̙͕̜e̙͘d̡̥̯͙̭̻̘ ̘̪̞͖̖̻̦a̸l̻̜̭̫̙̟l̰̫̖̝̪͕ͅ ̙̱̠̤̮͘ţ̠h͙͈̦͓̞͍͠e̜̻̪͘ ͍̫̩͍̜̭̞s̱̖͢t͕̘̪̜̹̥ų͍̰f̖͖f̸̦̖̰̪͔̮ͅe̥͚ͅd̪̦̟͠ ̨̳a͠n̙̱̻̱̠͓ị̤͙̻m̤̞̥̦a͇͙̱̮͍͍l̩̝̟͕̯͚̬s͈͔.̺͎̱̝̤̬”

He was clearly still mad about that.

“I was just spicing it up a bit...Hamlet style.” You shot him finger guns.

He was not amused.

“W̹̹͕͖̰̪a̳͈͢n͙͚̮͉ͅt̟̮͚̹͉ͅin͚͙̮̣̝͔͘g̲̫̱̲ ҉̲͕͙̫ͅt̵̫o͎͇̞͙͡ ̤̟͙̫ͅb̳̯̪̪̪͠e͓͎͉̫̠̗͢ͅ ͈̼͈͙͈k̴͚i̸̖̣̜̪n̩͓g̢͎̟̹̜̘̣ ̢͈͎̣̳̳is̨̭̻͙̤ ̢͙͉̘͙͕͈̦n̴̖̻̭̩̠̝o̴ ̹͘r҉e͇ͅa̸̖s̢o͚͓͡n̵̯̪̠̳̪ ̮͘t͚͍͎̙͖̦o̴̠̲̳ ͏̯̩͖̲̜m̡̮̣̦u͇͓̙̠̪r̷̜͖d͇͕͘e̘̯̯͉̝̖͖r̞̮̥̫͙͉͓ ̪͞M̗̙̠̰̱̣r̻̺̰͍͓̹̝͢.̢̙ ̶̜̗̞̺̺̬Fl̳͙̙̝̝̬͝u͞f̯̦͜f͏̮̹͇̩̝̹̻l̪̫̞ͅe̳̲͖̣s̰͙̠̳̮̬̕. N̙ơ̗̲w̻͇̝͕ ͍̪g̙̼̺̹̫ͅe̜͚̱̠t ͎̗̘̫̝͕͇o̲͙ut̻̫̮̳̟͟ ̳͚͚o̩̺̻̼̳f̛̞̖̺ ̨m̰̮̣̲̗̪̖y̲̬͙ ͕͓̙̯̻voi҉͎̯̩͚̣̙d̰̝͉͓̱ͅ.͎̖̲̣̻”

“Fiiiiiiiiiine. Let’s go.” You huffed and grabbed at the wispy threads of his scattered soul.

“Y̬̞̭͓͉o̧u͇̱͙͔͜ ̢̳̪̭̻a͙̫̺r̲̼̯͙̟̰̙ḛ͖͎̞̩ͅn̸̥’̢̻̫͇̰̮̪t̸͔̞̮̗ ̻̲̯͘g͈̲̦̩͝o̺͕̼͍͔͝i̖͞n̵̺͔̲͍g̜̹ ̟̟̟̫̲͙͢t̶͙̫͇͖̪̺̳o̡̥̳̮̥̳̝ ̳͔̰͙̥̳ț͍͚͕̣̖̫ry̶͖̙͍̪ ̲̰̠d̰̦̲͉̮r̛̥̳̫̜a̫͇g̱̙̞ǵ̦i͎̟̟̙͖ń͕̠̦̘̠g̩ ̜̮m̠̳̦̟é͍͍̹ ̱̼͓w̜̭̺͇̥̦͡i̬̺̥͈t̜͙͕̜̘ͅh̭̜̞̪͜ ̵̠̲̘͎͍y͙̲͙óu̶̩̳̱̼ ̢̘ag̳̠̜̞̠͉̞̕ḁ̛̜̳̬ìn̛̝,̡͎͓͓͖̥̪ ḁ̥̱r̢̗̱͓͎͖̺̙e̱ ̨̝̗y̗̩̲ͅo͙̻͓̫̖ṵ̥?”

“Always will until it actually works.”

“T̡̺͕͈h̹e̟̟̘͍̟̟͓͞r͕͖ę͖̥̩͈̝̭̯ ̜̖̘i̤̜̭ś͙̟̬̟̫̦̠ ̵̬n͉̗̯̱͙̲̙o̻̣̟̝̞ ̞̬̹̘̯c̛̝̜̻̮͔̦h͎a̬͇͎͕n̟̝̼͖̯̜ͅç͖͎͖̳͈e͈̲͍̜̠ ̥̝̭̖͉o̬̦̣f̗͙̗͇̭̰ i͕̗̱͚t͖̥̭̯̜̺ͅ ̮̦̺̤è̼̜̲̩̗͍͖v͉e̴r̛ ͉͎͉̝w͚͡o̞͓͉̲r̨͙̖͓k̙̹̣͇i̵̟̰͚̰͚̼̻n̢̩̥̦͈g̫͖̜̼”

“Buzzkill.” You stuck your tongue out at him. “Doesn’t mean I can’t try.”

“I͎̥̣͡ͅ ̳̣̝̻̯̥̯s̶͇̖u҉̬̜͉̗̳p̸̜̦̼̦̼p̞̟͔̩̺ͅo̫̞̺̩s̫̘̫̰̩̱͈e͎͠ ̸̖̥i͏͚̮̝̖͙t̶̯̤̪̳̙̥̣ ̤̪͔̠d̲͈̳̘͔͓o͖̲̹͜ͅe͇̺s҉n͉̩͟’̜̳̗̬t͇̫̖̩͕̫…͖̖̙͈̻ͅͅ”

He let out what you assumed was supposed to be a sigh. It was actually just static, though. Without anything more to say, you felt him shove you from the void.

You were unable to drag him with you.

*

You woke up in your bed. You glanced around. Eli was sitting at your desk, staring at you.

“Do you know...how hard it is...to manhandle a teleporting skeleton?”

Eli looked pissed.

...Was it too late to have that tea party?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what to fix ^.^


	69. Kinky Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, it chapter **69**! XD
> 
> ...I'm so mature.
> 
> Anyways, I just wanted to dedicate the sexiest of chapters to Sedated Smiles and Moss-Flowers-Trees for convincing me to keep going with this. I was having a hard time with real life, and was considering dropping this all together. Thanks guys.
> 
> Sorry for how long this took. After exam week, I'll try my best to be more regular.
> 
> EDIT: OMG AGILES DID SOME FANART so happy TT^TT  
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Fanart-for-ToumeiKyoudai-648812179

“I said I was sorry.” You whined as you followed Eli from your room, sweater still half pulled over your head.

“We had a deal, ___.” She countered with the exhausted finale of her frustration. “You _promised_ me you would call me when you felt something like this happening.”

“I know I did. And I’m sorry. I messed up. I thought I had more time.” You popped your head out of the head hole and rolled up the sleeves as you followed Eli down the stairs.

She suddenly stopped and turned to you. The anger she had chided you with in your room was long gone, replaced by motherly concern.

“I know you didn’t do it on purpose and it isn’t exactly something you can control...but what if you hadn’t been with Papyrus and Undyne? What if they had never found you in that forest? What if you had been driving? What if some sick pervert found you unconscious on the side of the road? I know you want to trust the good nature of people, but I can’t.” She sighed, eyes watering up. “Please, don’t keep these things to yourself. I’m begging you; ask for help. It doesn’t have to be from me, but please, just ask for help. Would Undyne or Papyrus have judged you if you had said you needed to go home? That you were in pain?”

“...No.” Your eyes drifted to your feet and you shuffled awkwardly on the step.

“Please.” She touched the side of your head gently, silently begging you to look at her. You complied. “Please, just rely on us more, okay?”

“...Okay.” You couldn’t help the guilt in your face as you noted the small tear rolling down her cheek. She didn’t cry very often.

She pulled you onto a hug, standing level with you despite standing on a lower stair. After a few moments, she patted you on the back and pulled away.

“Now then, I managed to send Papyrus and Undyne home, but your boyfriend is a whole different story. He’s in the front room. Have fun.”

“What?! He’s going to be so pissed! Why didn’t you send him home?!”

“He’s a teleporting skeleton. I did my best.”

“What am I supposed to do, though?!”

“Now,” She patted you on the head with a sadistic smile, “that really sounds like a ‘you’ problem, doesn’t it?”

“Eli! No! Don’t leave me!”

She ignored your pleas, though, and just waved as she walked away.

It took you a bit to gather the courage to walk into the front room. He was sitting on the couch, handcuffed to your lamp. The handcuffs glowed dully as they suppressed his magic, explaining why he hadn’t been hovering over you the moment you woke up.

“So, uh, did you get a haircut? Looks _so_ good on you.” You nervously tried to joke. He wasn’t having it. His stare could’ve cut glass.

Silence fell between you.

“Sorry.” You eventually whispered.

“...is there anything i can say that your sister hasn’t already…?” He mused with a slight bitterness to his voice.

“...I don’t think so. She’s very thorough in her reprimands.” You laughed humourlessly. It died quickly when you saw his expression.

There was another long moment of silence.

“are you okay?” He was deathly serious.

“...Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just...a thing that happens with me…” You scratched the back of your head and your gaze dropped to your feet.

“and you never thought to mention it?” Oddly, he didn’t sound angry.

“...I just...didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal...I mean, it only affects me and all.”

“that attitude is the problem here.” He growled. “you are important to me, to all of us. we care about you, and that means we care when something’s wrong.”

“Sorry, I just don’t want to be a pain and all that…”

“you would never be a pain. do you hear me? never.” He sighed. “i care about you. i care about you so much. please, just tell me these things, okay?”

You nodded with a quiet affirmation.

“good. so, uh, can you go ask you sister for the key now?” He jangled his bindings. “a bit too kinky for before our first time, wouldn’t you say?”

It took you a moment before you understood what he was getting at. It was more like a couple minutes when you were in the other room with Eli, but it could be rounded down to a moment, right?

“Hey, so can I have the key to the cuffs now? We worked everything out.” You popped your head into the game room.

Eli looked up from her book with a mortified expression.

“Eli, what’s the matter?”

“Um...don’t… _you_ have the key…?” She asked quietly.

“No? Why would I have that?”

“I got the cuffs from your work room.”

“Eli…” You said slowly. “Those ones were defective. I was fixing them.”

“...Okay, how defective are we talking here?”

“Unable to unlock defective.”

“...So you’re saying I locked a skeleton to an antique lamp and we can’t unlock it…?”

“Exactly.”

“...Well,” Eli looked you straight in the eye, “fuck.”

She got up from the couch calmly, walked into the kitchen, and dropped her payment into the swear jar; her first payment since it’s inception. There, the two of you stared at each other in silent dread. Neither of you quite knew what to do.

Suddenly you realized something.

“Oh my god, he meant bondage.”

“Well, if the two of you are going to make the most of the situation, then I’m spending the night with Papyrus.” She pulled out her phone.

“What?! No!” You flushed a dark red and waved your arms wildly. “It’s not like that!”

“I know it isn’t, honey. It was a joke.” She chuckled. “So, any ideas?”

“...I can try to rewrite the sequence.” You scratched your cheek. “It’ll be more difficult since it’s activated, but it shouldn’t be too hard.”

“I’ll go grab your tools.” She immediately offered and fled.

With a sigh, you went to break the new to Sans.

*

“so you’re saying you don’t have a key.”

“Not for this pair, no.”

“and that these are defective ones that wouldn’t unlock even if we did have a key.”

“This pair wouldn’t unlock, no.”

“and that you’re going to essentially magic-pick the lock.”

“Exactly!”

“...this doesn’t seem very safe.”

“It’s not. Editing a magic sequence while it’s active is a really stupid thing to do.”

“...do i have _any_ other options?”

“Well, I guess you could just live on our couch until the sequence degrades enough to be ineffective.”

“and how long would that take?”

“This model has pretty horrible stability...so maybe a couple years?”

“...alright, stupid and quick way it is.”

*

It took less than an hour for you to get the cuffs unlocked, but it seemed like much longer with the two older siblings kink shaming each other over your head. Fortunately, you were engrossed with your work and merely regarded their snide comments as friendly bickering. You had a harder time ignoring Sans' insistent complaining, though. At worst your tinkering was probably stinging, but Sans would have you believing you were taking a bone saw to his arm.

Well, at least you got them open easily enough.

As you were putting your tools away, you noticed a pair of cuffs sitting on your workbench. The defective ones you had been working on.

“...Eli.” You called. “Where exactly did you get the handcuffs from in my work room…?”

“On the shelf by the schematics.” She leaned against the doorframe and pointed to the bookshelf filled with odd trinkets at the back of the room.

“...You mean...where I keep my sequence references…?”

“That...isn’t the defective one…?” She stared at you.

You picked up a key from the shelf.

...

“Let’s not tell Sans.”

“Agreed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things have had me squeeing happily the past couple days.
> 
> 1\. Teddy_Feathers agreed to be my friend and internet mom. I am so happy :')
> 
> 2\. oh_my_lord_its_sans replied to me :D so happy you guys!
> 
> This is just random shit, but it made me happy so I'm writing it. All these people are awesome. So happy.
> 
> So so happy.


	70. Sleepover Part 2: Undyne Edition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about being gone for a while.
> 
> ^.^"""

It all started with the simple action of calling Papyrus to assure him that you were alright. He had already sent Eli five drafts of a get well card by the time you had woken up, and had sent two additional ones since then. Eli had informed you that it would be in your best interest to explain everything to the precious child as soon as possible.

Of course, you had immediately teased her for using that as his contact name.

She had repeated herself, and advised that you call immediately. Her murderous aura had sold you on the idea.

And then Undyne happened.

Everything, from the moment she had yoinked Papyrus’ phone out of his hands until her hanging up spontaneously in the middle of a sentence, was all still a complete blur to you. Somewhere along the line,  she had decided that she was going to bring Alphys and Papyrus back to your house and everyone was going to spend some good ole quality time together.

You knew she had arrived when you heard your front door being kicked in. Eli gave you a look. You didn’t get a chance to say anything to her before you were scooped up into a spine-shattering hug and swung around in circles.

“You scared me, punk! Don’t you do that ever again!” Undyne dropped you to the ground with a painful noogie. Of course, you weren’t on the ground for long before Papyrus got his turn to suffocate you.

“Sorry I worried you guys.” You wheezed out as you were aggressively pet. Papyrus was making a sad ‘NYOo HOo HOo’ sound, which instantly made you feel guilty.

“Next time, just COUNT ON US!” She flexed an arm and slapped the bicep. “We got your back, okay ___?”

“Got it!” You squealed to her as Papyrus began wrapping you up into a burrito. “I’m not sick, Papyrus! I’m fine!”

Your half-hearted protests were met with a motherly NYEHing, and he didn’t stop until you were wrapped up tightly in a blanket cocoon. Despite your desperate wriggles, you were unable to even slightly loosen your bindings. Papyrus was truly skilled.

Eli saved you from another layer, tapping Papyrus gently on the shoulder and requesting his help with making dinner. She hadn’t expected so many people to come over, after all. Papyrus was more than eager to be of assistance.

Undyne dashed after them into the kitchen, vowing that she would make the best dinner ever. You became a bit concerned at this. Hopefully there wouldn’t be any friction between the two warrior women.

You felt you should head to the kitchen. Just in case.

Apparently, flopping around wasn’t the fastest way of getting around. At least it was super comfy in your cocoon. Really made you want to take a nap, but you were determined to keep your house in tact!

After only a few meters, you slumped over onto the ground and snuggled into the blankety prison. Too much effort, too sleepy. If they wanted to murder each other in the kitchen, then power to them. You were literally wrapped in a mobile bed! It would be a waste not to nap in it!

“Uh, s-sorry for barging i-in on you guys…” Alphys got your attention with a weak stutter, wringing her claws nervously.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re always welcome here. Besides, I’m actually really happy you guys came over today.” You rolled over to give her a reassuring smile. “Oh! Right! Did you bring over any anime or anything? We don’t really have anything to throw a party with.”

“A-actually…” She gave you a sheepish yet apologetic look. “Undyne and P-Papyrus wanted to play s-some of your board games…”

For a moment, you sat there motionlessly. Then your grin widened and your eyes filled with sparkles. You flopped around wildly until you ended at Alphys’ feet looking up with clear excitement.

“Let’s do it.”

From the kitchen, there came a loud clatter followed by the sound of bickering.

“M-maybe after we g-get dinner settled?”

“Agreed.”

The two of you hurried to the kitchen, one of you taking much less time than the other to actually get there. Eli and Undyne weren’t quite fighting each other, more just throwing shade.

Alphys managed to convince Undyne to leave everything to Eli and Papyrus and come play something in the game room. You were looked to for a recommendation, which you were more than happy to provide.

You were really regretting your choice, though.

“Undyne noooOOOOOOOoooooo…” You wailed as she put a train down directly where you needed to go. “WhyyyYYYYyyyyy…”

“When I play, I PLAY TO WIN! Blame your bad luck for meeting MY PATH OF AWESOME FUHUHU!” Undyne slammed the train cars down aggressively, knocking over other already laid tracks. Alphys quickly reached over and righted everything again.

“O-okay, that’s the end of y-your turn. Sans?” Thank the good lord Alphys was keeping track of things. You were fairly certain that, without her, the game would’ve been pure chaos.

“man, that was savage undyne.” He commented in a lazy drawl. With a grin at you, he handed two wild cards to Alphys and pointed to your last hope to even remotely complete your train.

“...You wouldn’t.”

“would i, though?”

“This is nowhere NEAR your train!”

“i dunno. might need it at some point.” He smirked at you, damn well knowing it did nothing to help him win.

“No you won’t! And it’s on a tunnel! You might have to play an extra card, remember? You could be throwing your turn away! Why risk it?” You desperately tried to convince him not to screw you over.

“alphys, i’m playing on a tunnel. if you would be so kind, please flip to see how many extra cards i owe you.”

“Sans noooooooOOOOOOOO!”

Alphys flipped the first safe, the second safe, and the third answered your prayers.

“Hah! You need to play an extra card!” You gave him a smug look. “But you already used two wilds. Guess you fai-”

“here you go, alphys.” He handed her...another fucking wild card.

“You had three?!”

“yup.”

“You’re cheating!”

“nope.”

“EEEELIIIII!” You yelled.

“What?” Eli called back from the kitchen.

“SANS IS CHEATING!”

“Aw, poor baby. Good luck with that.”

Alphys won that game, with Undyne pulling a close second and Sans taking third, more than 50 points behind them. You were in the negatives.

Worst. Game. Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The game that was being played is Ticket to Ride: Europe.
> 
> The rules can be found here:  
> https://cdn0.daysofwonder.com/tickettoride/en/img/te_rules_2015_en.pdf
> 
> It's a really cool game and I highly recommend it.


	71. NOT Children's Card Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, meant to upload this a few days ago but I got really sick. I may have turned into a vampire.

Your luck with games in no way improved as the night went on, no matter how many different ones you played. Eli and Papyrus joined everybody in the game room after preparing several dishes of foods and snacks, and they put them on a table off to the side so that everybody was free to serve themselves when they were hungry.

Undyne begrudgingly agreed that it had been a good idea to let the two of them cook, and even went so far as to ask Eli for a couple recipes. Eli had given her a disbelieving look, but then realized that the fish woman was being serious.

When she realized this, she smiled in that way that made your heart warm.

But all this heartwarming fluffy goodness was for naught with how heartlessly she shattered all of your hopes and dreams.

“Why is everybody so mean to meeeeeeeeee!” You wailed as Eli compounded Sans’ sabotage with her follow up move. “Papyrus and Alphys are my only friends in this den of wolves!” Then Alphys played. You were not impressed. “Correction. Papyrus. You’re my only friend. Screw all you other guys.”

“Well it’s not Alphys’ fault you’re so easy to exploit to victory.” Eli snorted. “That’s on Sans.”

“guilty as charged.” He shrugged and then winked at your sister. “you have to admit it’s fun to get her all worked up, though.”

“Agreed. Absolutely adorable.” She conceded with a tinge of guilt.

“Guuuuyyyyyysss!” You pouted, attempting to shoot terrifying glares at both of them. They each just gave you their own take on a smug grin. “Ugh! Fine! You both suck! But we’re playing poker next!”

Your suggestion was met with confused stares.

Undyne suddenly burst into laughter. Eli did not. She put a hand on Undyne’s shoulder.

“Remember this moment.” She said ominously, looking the fish straight in the eyes with a calm acceptance. “Remember this moment when you laughed at the absurdity of her suggestion. Remember this naivety later, when you owe her your house.”

“...Uh...What?”

Everyone fell silent, mulling over Eli’s warning.

“THIS MEANS I WIN, RIGHT?” Papyrus, the only one still paying attention to the game, broke through the silence.

Sure enough, he had.

Undyne flipped the board and got up to go get some booze. Apparently she was still “far too sober for this shit”. Eli immediately announced that she owed $1 to the swear jar. Undyne riffled through her wallet and pulled out a loonie, throwing it as hard as she could at the drink in Eli’s hand. Eli caught it without looking up from the table and announced that Undyne was now free to go.

Man, your sister was such a badass.

*

By the time Undyne rage quit the poker game, she did not, in fact, owe you her house. However, she did owe you other things.

“No! FOGHORN YOU! You can’t HAVE MY GIRLFRIEND!” Undyne held the little dinosaur out of your reach.

“You’re the one that bet her!” You jumped around, attempting to claim your prize. “And she’s cute and adorable and I want her!”

“You can have my truck!”

“You already bet that!”

“Then MY ANTIQUE PIANO!”

“Again! It’s already mine!”

“FINE! YOU CAN HAVE MY FOGHORNING HOUSE! Anything but my Alphy.”

“I don’t want your house, though. I want a lil’ dinosaur to snuggle.”

“YOU CAN’T HAVE HER!”

“Should’ve thought about that before betting her on a game of cards!”

“I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE STUPID FOR YOU TO WIN THIS MANY TIMES IN A ROW!” She held you back from her girlfriend with a foot. “You know what, we’re NOW PLAYING TRUTH OR DARE! You’re first, you get truth-”

“That’s not how it works...”

“YOU GET TRUTH! Now, tell me HOW YOU’RE WINNING, PUNK!”

“I’m just playing how Ryan taught me to!” You whined, still making grabby hands towards the dinosaur that was rightfully yours.

“...Who?”

“She’s a mob boss.” Eli interjected boredly. “Now, ___, just take the house. We can sell it for more money than the dinosaur.”

“HEY! NO SELLING MY SHIT!”

“Swear jar.” Eli caught the coin with a smirk. Undyne narrowed her eyes at her, as if looking for something.

“...Okay, you get truth too; how much have you made off of this gimmick?” Undyne inquired in a low voice.

“Didn’t you just ask a question? Doesn’t that mean it’s ___’s turn now?” Eli grinned. Undyne made an ‘I’m watching you’ motion at her.

“Hey! You’re right! It _is_ my turn to ask now!” You realized. You knew exactly who you were going to ask. “Papyrus! Truth or dare?”

“NYEH?” He pointed to himself in shock, and then began beaming. “HUMAN! THE GREAT PAPYRUS NEVER BACKS DOWN FROM A CHALLENGE! DARE!”

Perfect.

“Then I dare you to get Alphys from Undyne for me!” You gave Undyne a triumphant look. Undyne, on the other hand, did not look impressed.

“CONSIDER IT DONE NYEH HEH HEH!” Papyrus immediately dashed at Undyne and attempted to snatch the little yellow dino from her grasp. Undyne wasn’t giving up without a fight, though.

The two of them brawled for a bit, even going so far as to use their magical status effects to gain an edge. Eli followed them around, catching everything they knocked over with only mild annoyance while you just cheered your chosen warrior on. Sans took a nap.

When all was said and done, Papyrus presented your poker prize to you with a proud NYEH. Alphys seemed to have found her life as a football rather disorienting, but staggered into your hug with a smile.

Undyne flopped back onto the couch with a huff, arms crossed and glaring at you.

“Okay! It’s your turn now, Papyrus!” You smiled innocently at Undyne.

“NYEH HEH HEH! HUMAN ELI!” He pointed dramatically at her. She looked up, eyebrow quirked. “TRUTH, OR DARE!”

“Truth.” Clearly Eli wasn’t too keen on dashing around the house again.

“AS PER TRUTH OR DARE TRADITION, DIVULGE YOUR CRUSH!”

Eli immediately blushed and choked on her drink. You snickered and she shot you a deadly glare. That shut you up _real_ fast.

“Pass.” She eventually said.

“You can’t pass, PUNK!” Undyne jumped to her feet in protest.

“It’s tradition to get three passes.” Eli stated matter-of-a-factly. “Truth or dare is a human thing, so believe the human.”

“SHE HAS A POINT.”

“No she doesn’t, Papyrus.” Undyne sighed. “URG! FINE! YOU CAN HAVE YOUR FOGHORNING PASSES! But, you have to take a shot every time you do!”

“...Alright. Get me a glass.”

And this was how bad decisions were made.


	72. Hangover Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agiles is the best. Lookit this amazing comic they drew for the last chapter!!!
> 
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Fanart-for-ToumeiKyoudai-2-660287540
> 
> I love it. Love it so much.
> 
> Man, midterms are hitting hard. When you guess on more than half of the multiple choice questions, that's generally a bad sign, I think. Hope all you guys are doing fine ^^

You woke up with a headache and the confusing inability to move. It took you a moment to realize that your two conditions were mutually unrelated, with the former being caused by a slight hangover (which you would get over quickly - the joys of having near infinite HP) and the latter having more to do with how your cocoon had somehow grown into an absurdly huge ball. At least the shape was conducive to slowly rolling to the kitchen, which was pretty fun. So, that was a plus.

Your sister was covering her face with her arms while faceplanting the dining room table. Papyrus was very clearly sober (the benefits of drinking apple juice and pretending it was whiskey) and was milling about the kitchen preparing breakfast, though he accidentally hit a couple things together every now and again. Eli groaned pitifully each time. Sans was sleeping in a seat near her, seemingly unaffected by the noises. With Undyne dying on the couch in the front room, that left Alphys to be the one you could hear showering.

Man, you were so smart.

You smirked with pride at your brilliant deduction up until your head throbbed painfully at a dropped pan. Eli and Undyne whined in unison. Sans snored softly. Papyrus immediately turned and opened his mouth to apologize, but hesitated for a moment before going back to cooking without a sound.

It was then that you noticed the ring pop on his glove, stuck there upside down.

“...What happened last night…?” You hadn’t realized you had said it outloud until the words were already past your lips.

“WEL-” Papyrus stopped himself and dropped to his version of a whisper. “Well, a lot of things, human. It was quite the lively game of truth or dare! I think the highlight of the night was either my wedding or when you rode down a hill on Undyne’s spears like they were skis.”

“...what…?” Your half-dead mind wasn’t quite processing what he was saying. You probably heard it wrong anyways. You would’ve remembered a wedding.

“You used Eli’s swords as surfboards as well, and attempted to use my amazing bone attacks as pogo sticks.” He rubbed his chin and narrowed his eyes. “Though, that last one was...unsuccessful. But feAR NOT HUMAN! THE GREAT PAPYRUS BELIEVES IN YOU! YOU’LL GET IT NEX-oh, right, sorry.”

“...Thaaaaaaaanks.” Eli groaned shakily into her arms when Papyrus lowered his voice again.

“What? No. I mean, that’s cool and all, but I was more wondering about, you know, the wedding thing.” You ignored your sister’s pain. You needed answers dammit.

“Oh! Yes! I got married!” Papyrus looked at the ring pop on his left hand with pure joy and adoration.

“...You...you WHAT?!” You yelped, attempting to jump back dramatically. You just sort of rolled over backwards, though. At least Papyrus rolled you back upright.

“Oi! Shut the fuck up!” Eli snapped. “I’m too fucking hungover for this. I lost to a cat...a fucking CAT FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”

Undyne muttered something about a swear jar. Eli began slamming her head repeatedly against the table, the hits slowly vibrating the slumped over Sans towards the edge.

“It was only one game, human Eli! You beat Belyy in all the other rounds!” Papyrus rushed over to her with clear concern, but not sure how to help. “I assure you that you have great talent at Go Fish.”

“Wrong,” _**BANG**_ “fucking,” _**BANG**_ “cat.” _**BANG**_

Worried, Papyrus stole a blanket from your ball of happiness and stuffed it between Eli’s head and the table, then dashed upstairs to find some bandaids. Eli kept chanting the sentence over and over again into her new face protector.

Then Sans fell off the table. Stupid sister vibrating him off the edge.

You rolled over (now much more difficult due to your lopsided ball) as fast as you could. He was still half in his chair, but the other half was snoring against the floor. How. Does nothing wake this guy up…?

With a shrug, you decided to help him back onto his chair. Even heavy sleepers could get sore backs, after all.

Then you realized that you didn’t have arms. Well, you had arms, but they were wrapped tightly in the ball of blankets around you. You wiggled and squirmed and wiggled again.

Your bubble of warmth had become a prison.

“Eli…” You whined, tears in your eyes. She was busy though. You wriggled desperately but Papyrus was too good at burritoing that there was no way to escape from the blankety clutches.

You were going to die a ball.

A circular casket, a round grave.

Never before had you ever been so distressed.

And then your saviour came to the rescue. In the form of a giant bony dragon head. Fluffy. Your eyes widened as the greatest of all creatures began unwrapping the blankets from around you. Eli froze and stared in pure awe of the majestic beast. (Eli regarded it more as a “WTF IS THAT?!” expression, but that’s all just a matter of opinion.)

Fluffy was your new favourite person.

You gave him all the praise and cuddles you could before he vanished from reality again. You were so getting him treats next time you were at the pet store.

With a triumphant grin, you turned to Sans to thank him for summoning Fluffy to save you even if he was too lazy to do it himself. Except, he was still flopped over on the floor. And still very very asleep. Huh.

Well, whatever. He was still going to hurt his back sleeping like that.

It was only as you reached down that you noticed that he wasn’t wearing his usual hoodie and shorts. He was wearing the robes of...a pastor?

...Father Sans?

Eh, no. That was weird even to think about. Considering he (probably) wasn’t actually a pastor, you briefly wondered where he got the cosplay. Then you realized it was probably best not to ask such a question.

You gathered all of your strength and heaved the skeleton back upright in his seat. He immediately fell over forwards onto the table, knocking papers all over the place and still NOT WAKING UP.

He was indeed very talented at sleeping.

With a sigh, you walked around the table to pick up the papers scattered by your dropping Sans on them. Looked like he was doing the daily crossword before he passed out. You smiled at the half written word with a half written letter that had a line of ink trailing off the edge of the paper. How do you fall asleep halfway through writing? By being talented. You shook your head with a smile.

Two brightly coloured papers fell out of the newspaper. Upon closer inspection, they were both written in randomly chosen crayon colours. They were both brightly decorated with crude borders and failed attempts at fancy text.

**Reverend Sans Serif**  
**a totally a legit pastor for all of your marrying needs**

...Okay, what the hell happened last night? You turned to the next sheet for answers.

**Certificate of Marriage**

Well that was a _great_ start.

**this certifies that PAPYRUS SERIF and CORSIVA AYER have united in marriage. now kiss the kitty.**  
**Minister: reverend sans serif**  
**Witness: Unydne the UNDYING**  
**Witness: Alphys Undying**

“Oh. You lost to a cat. Got it.”

“Shut up.”


	73. It was a Stabulous Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transitioning back into plot territory.
> 
> OH! AND MORE FANART! This one is of last chapter! Please give it a look! It's perfect!
> 
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Fanart-for-ToumeiKyoudai-3-662628544

“So, what’s the plan, Eli?” You implored with a smirk, still looking at the childish marriage certificate. “Bribe the kitty to file for divorce using Whiskas Temptations?”

“Unfortunately, she’s quite difficult to bribe.” Eli chuckled sinisterly. “No, I will not ruin their happy union. I just worry about what _ever_ could happen to such a frail paper should there happen to be a _freak_ fire. Now, ___, on a completely unrelated note, how do you feel about arson?”

“I feel that I like my house the way it is, dearest sister.”

“I’ll make cookies.”

“Deal. When do you need it done?”

“How does Tuesday work for you?”

“DON’T TALK ABOUT A COMMITTING ARSON IN FRONT OF A POLICE OFFICER.” Undyne advised loudly.

“Should we talk in code then?” If you were going to commit a crime, you were going to do it right.

“...You know what? Sure. Do that.” She groaned and rolled over, accidentally falling off the couch with an oof. She didn’t get up. “Covering my ears now. I will not be held responsible for your criminal empire.”

“Thanks Undyne!” You chirped before switching to your best serious voice. “So I say we whisk the dough on the second time of the owl.”

“...Okay.” Eli nodded.

The two of you exchanged knowing glances. The date was set.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN OKAY?! You actuALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT?!” Undyne yelled in disbelief.

“Yeah.” Eli shrugged.

“You punks are a special brand of stupid. First you thought that thing with Alphys and the slip and slide wAS A BRILLIANT IDEA, then deCIDED TO STAB EACH OTHER AT A PLAYGROUND, now you spEAK IN GIBBERISH!!! NGYAAAAAAA!!!”

“Shut up, fish. I’m still hungover.”

“Wait, what do you mean stabbed each other?” You cut in with a worried voice.

“Yeah, we fought each other. It was rather one sided on the stabbing front, though.” Eli grumbled. “My soul still hurts from where you used your stupid soul baton sword lightsaber thing to beat the shit out of it. On the plus side, I didn’t lose any HP. Yay me.” If there were a font for sarcasm, Eli was speaking in it.

“I fought you with my modified subjugator?!” Why did you not remember this shit?! Because you were a lightweight, duh. You frantically began searching your pockets then your discarded blanket shell for your weapon.

“You gave it to Alphys.” Undyne interrupted your search.

“Oh…” You breathed a sigh of relief. At least no kid was going to pick it up at the park and accidentally paralyze someone’s soul with it. “Well, I’d better ask for it back before I head to wor...k...what time is it?”

“Half past who cares.” Undyne grumbled.

“ _Quarter_ past _ten_.” Eli corrected.

“Oh shit. I need to get to work.” Your eyes widened. You really needed to get your project done soon.

“Don’t we all.”

*

Your motorcycle was missing. It was definitely missing. It wasn’t in the garage, in the driveway, or even in the backyard. You kind of needed that to get to work, though.

Oh.

There it was.

…

Goddammit Undyne.

*

“I don’t care that you’re hungover! Get my baby out of this goddamn tree!” You squinted up at Undyne.

“I’m going I’m going, punk! It was a lot easier getting it up here, okay?” She shimmied across a branch, trying to undecorate the branches of the poor tree. “You have to admit that I did a pretty amazing job hanging it, though.”

“Yes. Very impressive. But I want my motorcycle back.” You frowned; you really hoped that nothing was broken.

“Hey, _you’re_ the one that dared me to do it!”

“...Really?”

“Uh, yeah. Even drunk, I’m not _that_ much of an asshole that I’d do it without your permission and encouragement.”

“Huh. That’s...actually pretty cool of you.” You smiled. “Still need it back, though.”

She was about to say something back when her phone rang. With a frown, she leaned against the tree-trunk and answered. You could only hear half the conversation.

“...What? No. It’s my day off…No, I’m busy. Watching Frisk...No, I don’t have anybody else to watch them. Everybody works today...Just call somebody el-...Another one?! You can’t be fucking serious!...Yeah...Yeah, I’ll find somebody...Okay, be over as soon as I can…” She hung up with a deep, frustrated sigh. It was the first time you had seen her pissed off. You didn’t like it.

“You okay?” You inquired nervously.

“...Yeah...just work. Promised Tori I’d watch Frisk today, though...goddammit, why the fuck…” The last bit seemed to be to herself.

“I can watch Frisk if that makes it any easier.” You offered. “I mean, where I work is actually pretty interesting and nobody would mind if I took the kid along. Plus, they’re adorable.”

“Really?” Her ear-fins perked up. “You mean it? You sure it isn’t too much trouble?”

“Yeah. It’s no problem.” You gave her a thumbs up. “Just need my motorcycle.”

“Yeah! Right! Of course. No problem.” She began hoisting the motorcycle with a new vigour. “Just a...little...more!...got it-OH SHIT!”

…

She did not have it. The motorcycle fell to the ground with a crash as loud as the shattering of your hopes and dreams. RIP your baby.

You wondered if Reverend Sans did funerals.

*

You had to reassure Undyne it was fine more times than you could count. It took a while to convince her to go to work and that you would still be able to watch Frisk. You promised her that you just needed to call Ryan to bring you your other bike.

Undyne leaving seemed to cue everybody else that it was time for them to go as well. Papyrus had his shift at some restaurant downtown, Sans had a lecture to teach, and Alphys had some research to do. Eli was already late to her job at her law office.

You sat down at the table and scrolled through your contacts. It had been a while since you had called Ryan.

She hadn’t changed a bit.

*

“So is she able to bring it over?” Eli came down the stairs in her suit.

“Yup. She’ll have it here in under half an hour.” You smiled. “Oh, and she invited us to her Halloween party.”

“And you declined, of course.”

“...Well...not exactly…” You looked over to where you had marked the date on the calendar.

“ _You_ can go. I’m not.”

“Aw, come on Eli. It’s way more fun when you come! She said we can invite our friends, too!”

“Nope. Not going.”

“Eli, you can’t avoid Sophie forever.”

“Yes I can.”

“You didn’t even break up with her for a good reason.”

“She called my swords _cute_ , ___. Cute.”

“Even so, Papyrus would find the party fun.”

“...You’re an asshole. Fine. But I’m stabbing Sophie if she calls them cute again.”

“Deal.”


	74. 2HOT4U

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter hates me. Fuck you chapter.

You felt around with the tip of your boot then flicked down the stand when you found it; you didn’t drive this one enough to have muscle memory of where the sidestand was. With a choked breaths, you stretched out your back and shook out your left hand. God you hated driving supersport-style motorcycles in traffic, and this one was no exception. Not only did they tote the god awful name “supersport”, it also did a number on your back sitting hunched over the gas tank like that and the hard clutch really made your hand ache when you were constantly stopping and starting.

At least Ryan had left your “stupid looking” tankbag on there. It had been there for so long that you couldn’t remember exactly what was in it besides a super squishy pillow for you to sink down onto as you slowly died in stop and go traffic.

Well, no matter how uncomfortable the ride on city streets had been, it had gotten you across town and to Toriel’s apartment building. It was definitely a fancy building, almost looking more like a sleek, high-end hotel. The place likely had all the amenities fitting of a queen and her child ambassador. It even had fountains on either side of the entrance bridge which went over a small artificial pond surrounding the building. Talk about fancy.

You pulled off a glove and sent Frisk a message that you were here and that they had better be dressed in jeans. They replied instantly, assuring you they were and that they had borrowed a leather jacket from the people across the hall, too.

_”What at funny **stupid** license plate.”_ You turned towards the childish giggle. _”2HOT4U? I love it. **Stupidest thing I’ve ever read. It’s obviously a fake plate.** ”_

“Holy crap, you’re the first person to notice.” Your eyes widened in shock.

_”What do you mean? **Motorcycle plates can only have 5 characters, stupid.** ”_

“Wow, I’m impressed you know that. Everything else about the plate is perfect, except the easiest part to get right! Ryan really likes to push my luck…” You sighed. “Well, anyways, let’s get that head of yours covered up.”

You opened your backpack and pulled out a kid-sized helmet. They put in on their head then stood completely still as you did up the chinstrap.

“Wait...where’s Flowey?” You looked around. Frisk froze and held their backpack tight to their chest. “You’ve got him then? Great.”

_”...You’re not going to tell me to leave him here?”_

“Of course not? I mean, he’s got a mouth on him, but, for a soulless guy, he’s actually pretty chill.”

_”Aren’t you worried that he’ll bother people at your work?”_

You looked at them with raised eyebrows.

“Trust me. It’s fine. Now hop on the back, flip down your eyeshield, and hold onto me.”

You heard a bratty complaint from their bag when Frisk slung it over their shoulders and dashed to your bike with unbridled excitement. They slammed their face into your back. You laughed to yourself.

_”Better not disappoint us, got it?”_

Was that a challenge?

*

To say that you drove recklessly wasn’t quite accurate. You didn’t kill anybody, so that was a plus. And you totally won the challenge, which made it all the traffic violations worth it.

As you pulled up next to a library-esque building with grand yet antiquated architecture, you couldn’t keep yourself from grinning in pride. Frisk’s soul was almost bubbling with an almost giggle-like exuberance and you could feel Chara’s dizzily fading into their shadow. Until you took off your helmet, you couldn’t hear anything from Flowey, but you definitely got your fill of his snark after you did.

Frisk handled their two irritated compatriots like a seasoned veteran, and had the both of them calmed down in minutes. You tried not to think about the implications of that; it was hard enough to stay composed without dwelling on that as well.

You led your little posse into the antique building, but not the way Frisk had wanted to go. They were not impressed at being dragged away from the intricately carved double doors at the top of the marble staircase. Instead, you opened a small, mundane side-door and shuffled them inside.

Frisk shot you a pout.

“What? Oh come on. The little door is cool too. Don’t hurt it’s feelings.”

Frisk was having none of it.

“...You have to admit that the little door _is_ more practical, right?”

They huffed a begrudging sigh and let it drop...for about two seconds until you led them into the main entryway - directly on the other side of the massive main-entrance doors.

Frisk dropped Flowey and threw their hands in the air. They waved dramatically at the doors as if to say ‘its right fucking there!’. All you could hear from their soul was a soft, hissing _whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy_ , though.

“Okay, real reason? Because they’re heavy. Look at these little noodle arms!” You wiggled your noodle arms. “You think I can open those big ass doors? Hell no. I’m not Subin. Or Undyne...I guess Undyne could open them, too…”

The diligently working receptionist looked up from her work.

_”But we could’ve made a dramatic entrance! Giant double doors! Just! GAH!”_

“...You’ve convinced me, tiny human!” You struck a pose. Frisk raised a brow questioningly. “What? It’s fun. Papyrus knows how to make any statement dramatic and hilarious, okay? But that’s besides the point. Next time you come, I’ll get Subin to open up the doors and even roll out the red carpet we have for special occasions!”

Frisk squealed in delight.

“I will be sure to pencil that in.” A chipper yet vaguely unimpressed voice assured you.

“Subin!” You spun on your heel and dashed over to her desk. “Can I have three guest passes for today?”

“Of course.” She smiled without moving to do anything. It was a customer service smile. “As for the dramatic red carpet entrance, what day were you planning on doing that?”

“Maybe next week?” You looked at Frisk. They nodded excitedly.

“Quite soon. Regardless, I trust you will do your best.” She opened one of her many filing cabinets and handed you a pair of dumbbells. “I will leave the vacuum cleaner out for when you are finished.”

She had handed the small weights over with very little effort, but your hands were far too weak to hold the disproportionately heavy dumbbells. They fell to the floor with a resounding bang.

“...B-but...noodle arms…” You wiggled your noodle arms. “Too weak to open the door.”

“That is what the dumbbells are for!” She grinned encouragingly, but it was somehow not encouraging at all. “Also, are you just going to leave your friend on the ground like that?”

You followed her gaze to a pissed off Flowey trying to scrape all his dirt back into his pot. Both you and Frisk immediately dashed over to help, while Chara laughed hysterically and Subin got a broom.

“You guys are all assholes! Fuck you! I hate you! All of you! Go die!” Flowey seemed to become frustrated that he had no middle fingers to flip you off with.

_”Flowey! Language!”_ Frisk scolded with a frown.

“If only it were so easy, my flowery friend.” Subin sighed wistfully as she swept up the floor. Flowey looked delighted at that response. “So, ___, did you come in early so that you could finish all your backlogged work and then benevolently assist the rest of your overworked staff?” She shot you a brilliant smile.

“...No…” You glanced around nervously. You really did have a lot of backlogged work. “Actually, do you think you could show Frisk around on a small tour while I finish up some things?”

Subin considered that for a moment.

“Yes, I think I have the time for that.” She nodded, unquestioningly handing one guest pass to Flowey and two to Frisk. “Apologies for not introducing myself sooner. I am Subin Choi, part-time Gatekeeper of the Archives. It is a pleasure.”

Frisk shook her hand and then signed out a greeting. Flowey went to translate, but Subin didn’t need it.

“Would you prefer it if I signed with my speech?” Subin slipped into older sister mode, signing as she talked.

_”You don’t have to; don’t want to bother you too much. I can hear just fine.”_

“It is no trouble, I assure you. I do it with my little sister all the time. Please correct me if I get anything wrong, of course.” She smiled. “Now, are you ready to go for a tour of our magical facility while ___ does her job?” She gave you a pointed look. “Speaking of...is your report on the Spirit Core shortage not due in half an hour?”

“...WHAT THE HELL REALLY?!”

“Yes.” Subin double checked her watch. “Twenty minutes now, actually.”

“FUCK!” With that, you began booking it down the hall.

Frisk, Flowey, Chara, and Subin watched as you almost ran into another worker carrying a stack of papers.

“She really is a complete idiot, isn’t she…” Flowey sighed, half in amazement.

“...I will refrain from agreeing.” Subin nodded. “Now, would you like to start your tour with our gallery of ancient weapons of mass murder?”


	75. Greatest Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Maybe I jinxed it. I think I did.
> 
> I dropped my bike the other day. Like a dumbass. I will choose to blame Undyne, though.
> 
> *deep sigh*
> 
> My mirror is taped on now. This makes me sad.
> 
> DUDE BROS. I IMPLORE YOU TO LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT IT DAMMIT.  
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Fanart-for-ToumeiKyoudai-4-668075830

You slumped back into your chair with a long sigh. Well, you had managed to hand the report in on time. It hadn’t been too difficult to write; it was the spirit core report, after all. Nothing in it ever changed. You just had to state the number of spirit cores that were still functional and reconfirm that there still wasn’t a way to ethically produce new ones.

Such an easy task took you hardly any time at all. You could go back and play with Frisk and pals now. You knew you should, and you really wanted to go see them.

But you couldn’t face them. Not yet.

You pulled your knees tight against your chest. It was so dumb. _It was just so dumb._ Why were you crying in your dark little office over something so stupid?! You could almost laugh at yourself. You knew exactly why, and you also knew exactly how dumb it was.

You could never remember anything. Not this morning, not that time with Sans, and definitely not those times with mom. Of course, you were crying over the dumbest of them all. You were such an idiot. It had just been alcohol. Of course you would forget shit if you were drunk.

But you still cried. It was painful to know you had forgotten something. Something important. You knew _what_ you had forgotten...but somehow the holes in your mind remained as blank as they had started.

This was getting you nowhere. If you stayed like this, you would probably stay huddled in your office all day. You needed a distraction. Something you needed your entire focus for, something that would make you feel numb.

You grabbed a massive file out of your desk and opened it to a blank page. It was almost done.

You found your place in Alphys’ document and continued your transcriptions.

*

“No, I highly doubt these could be used to become a...God of Hyperdeath? As I have already explained, these weapons have remained unused ever since the Great War. You would need a highly skilled sequence mechanic to even get them functional again.” Subin calmly shattered Flowey’s dreams for the fourth time.

“Well, this place is stupid then.” Flowey growled from Frisk’s back. “Don’t you have _anything_ in this goddamn building I could use to mass murder innocents?!”

“Of course we do.” Subin nodded with a smile that was probably meant to be warm. “The level below us is devoted to our lovely sequence mechanics. They have plenty of active weaponry you could commission. An entire catalogue, actually.”

“Oh, a _caaaataaaalogue_.” Flowey mocked in a prissy voice. “Probably a bunch of decorative bullshit that would be useless in a real fight.”

“Well, some of them are for aesthetics, but I assure you that most of them would easily bring about the sweet sweet release of death.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a thick magazine.

Frisk took it and flipped through the pages. There wasn’t really anything interesting to them in it, but they weren’t the only one watching as they browsed.

Frisk almost had a heart attack when Chara screamed with their mouth.

“Oh my GOD!” Frisk felt Chara speak without permission. “Look at these mana channeling stats!!! And you can have up to three inscriptions?! And they don’t interfere?! Get _out_.” She squeed and hopped around. “Asriel! Lookit lookit! They can apply second tier magic to even the cheap ass knives!!! And the compatibility ranges! They can sync-”

Frisk snapped their mouth shut, biting their tongue. It hurt, but they needed to get Chara back in her mental corner. She was still on timeout from the load stunt she had pulled.

When they looked up, Subin was staring at them. Frisk held up their hands to explain, but they were trembling. They really didn’t know how to explain this.

“...While I do need this one back, I have last year’s issue in my desk if you would like to take that one home with you.” Subin smiled. It was a real smile.

Frisk hesitated.

_”Would I be able to buy from it?”_

“Unfortunately, no. Even if you placed an order, it would not be filled unless you had approval from a member of the lower council or above.” She looked apologetic, but couldn’t have delivered better news.

_”That’s fine!”_ Frisk breathed a sigh of relief. _”If it isn’t too much trouble, I’d love to have that magazine. Even if I can only look.”_ The last part was more directed at Chara. There would only be looking.

“I assure you, it would be my pleasure. I am surprised that you know so much about magical weaponry, though. Not too many children find it interesting.” She paused, seemingly contemplating something. “...Actually...would you like to enter the Inner Chamber? I think you would really appreciate the brutal yet oddly entrancing sequences of the forbidden class weapons.”

Chara seemed to know exactly what she meant by that, and that made Frisk feel a bit uneasy. It sounded interesting, so they nodded despite their unease. They tightened their hold on Chara’s soul, just in case.

Subin smiled warmly, then began leading them back through the building.

“Pray tell what the glorious _forbidden_ class is.” Flowey mocked. “What did they do to deserve such a _wonderful_ name.”

“I agree, it is a rather silly sounding title.” Subin tried to hold back a chuckle. “But I assure you, they are not to be fucked with. They were created during the darkest era of the Great War; when desperation overrode common sense. Safety was of no consequence. Ethics were optional. While the methods of creation were dubious at best, the payoff was spectacular. With one of these, even a child could defeat a high mage, assuming they had the magical capacity to use it. Due to how they were made, though, they cannot be recreated or used safely. Hence, ‘forbidden’.”

“...Still a dumb name. Accurate, but dumb.”

“I cannot argue with that.” She smiled at Flowey’s sass. She had always thought the same thing.

She stopped in front of an unassuming door. With a twist of her key, a powerful barrier dispelled and the wooden door creaked open. Subin lead them inside and began her tour of the artifacts, beginning with the first case which contained the newly recovered forbidden class artifacts.

Frisk froze the moment they peered through the enchanted glass.

They had different names now, but they knew these weapons. They knew the Ballet Shoes. They knew the Empty Gun. And they definitely knew the Real Knife.


	76. Woofers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skyyyyyyyrimmmmm.
> 
> Also SWE's abridged series of SAO. It's really really good. Made my heart do things. Legit teared up at the end. 15/10 would watch again. Have watched again. Good shit.
> 
> You know what else is 15/10? This fanart for last chapter by the wonderfully notorious Agiles!  
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Fanart-for-ToumeiKyoudai-5-670556339

Flowey couldn’t believe their luck. Well, it was no time to look a gift horse in the mouth.

It was easy to slip undetected from Frisk’s backpack, and even easier to slide back to the first display case. It was sealed with magic, but Chara had already told him what kind it would probably be. Something like this would be simple for him to tear away as it was much simpler than the barrier he had broken timeline after timeline.

He glanced back at Frisk...or rather Chara, he supposed. Excellent. Frisk was letting her talk with Subin. She was on a tight leash, of course, but Chara was just acting as a distraction. There was no doubt Frisk was watching her carefully...too carefully to notice their missing houseplant.

Frisk was such an idiot. Being compassionate. Letting Chara have fun. They really should know better by this point.

Flowey smirked and slipped his vines into the keyhole. He felt the magic humming and got to work dismantling it. Sure enough, it responded to him exactly like Chara had said. Dumb humans hadn’t thought to change it even after all this time. How arrogant.

“Might not want to do that.”

Flowey whipped around. If he had had a heart, it would’ve skipped a beat. Hell, if he had had a soul, it probably would’ve seized up too.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell if you won’t.” You smiled and put a finger to your mouth. “Now, shouldn’t we catch up to them before we get lost? I would be no help with directions.”

“Sure! Yes! Um. What?” Flowey tried to put his petals in the way of your view of the lock. You seemed to know exactly what he was doing, though. He hated the way you looked through him, as if searching for something that wasn’t there.

You held out his pot. He had no other choice but to climb back into it.

Something about you unnerved him.

*

“Welcome back, it is so kind of you to finally join us.” Subin dipped her head slightly with a relieved smile. “I assume you submitted your report?”

“Yup!” You hugged Flowey into your chest. “Amongst other things.”

_”When did you get Flowey?!”_ Frisk’s eyes widened and they frantically looked into their backpack. You could almost feel Chara glaring at you.

“Just now; I’m very good at pickpocketing.” You assured them, grateful that they weren’t looking at your poorly lying expression. Subin seemed disappointed in you. You forced a pleading smile at her. She raised a brow but appeared willing to go along with it.

Frisk breathed a sigh of relief and put Flowey back into their backpack. You felt a bit guilty, but forced that feeling aside. Subin gave you one more disappointed look before continuing her tour.

Even though they were technically restricted, these weapons really were some of the best examples to explain the basis of magical sequencing with. The lack of encoded safety nets really made everything so simple to understand.

You chipped in with additional details every now and again, but Subin’s explanations were much more coherent. Besides, it was nice to listen to the basics.

Eventually, the tour shifted away from sequencing and engineering, and more onto the basics of casting. Chara seemed bored by this shift, while Frisk became more excited by it.

They immediately became crestfallen, though, when Subin mentioned that beginners tended to start with chants.

“What’s the matter?” You smirked at them. “Interested in becoming a mage? You certainly have the capacity for it.”

_”Yeah, but I...I don’t talk…”_

“Yeah, but chants aren’t all oral. Subin is actually one of the best sign-chanters out there.”

_”...I think you’re using the word ‘chant’ wrong.”_

“We’re very bad at naming things, okay?” You grumbled. At least no mage had named their third house ‘New New Home’...that you knew of at least...

“There is a scourge of bad names in this organization.” Subin deadpanned. “And it must be stopped.”

“This is coming from the person that named their familiar Cerberus.”

_”Puppy?”_

“They are Sir, Burr, and Russ, thank you.” She corrected indignantly.

_”Puppy…?”_

“Yeah. Cerberus.”

_”Puppy!”_

“...Not everyone can appreciate their clever names, it seems.”

_”PUPPY DAMMIT!!!”_

You flinched at the powerful wave of magic that slapped your soul.

“Yes! Puppy!” You finally confirmed. Stars appeared in Frisk’s eyes. “You want to see puppy?”

_”YEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!”_

“Okay! Subin! Take us to the puppy!” You rubbed your chest a bit. They really had a lot of potential as a mage.

“...Right this way…” Subin sighed and led your little group to the other side of the building, right out the door you had once entered through. Standing on the sidewalk, she raised her fingers to her mouth and whistled loudly and clearly.

The sound echoed across the parking lot. After a moment, Flowey sniggered. A chorus of howls shut him up before he could make a snide remark. It wasn’t long after that the horse-sized wolves came into view, barrelling down the street towards their master.

_”Puppies!”_ Frisk attacked them with all the childish adoration a kid could have the moment they were within range. Somehow, they had subdued all the giant wolves in mere minutes with strategically placed pets. Flowey didn’t seem all that amused, but got dragged along by Frisk. It was a heartwarming scene.

“So about that time off…” Subin hinted, watching as her three dogs chased after a small child with a stick.

“You’ve more than earned it.” Your gaze dropped. “Just have the case sent down to my office. Thanks for sticking your neck out for my dumb idea.”

“Not a problem.” She let out a soft sigh. “I will trust that you have a good reason for this.”

“...Yeah. I just need to be sure about something. Then…then, maybe, everything will turn out alright.”

“Talk to someone.”

“What?”

“Talk to someone about whatever it is that you are doing behind closed doors.” She didn’t look at you, but her expression was hard. “Not me, of course. I have an inkling that it is something far above my station. Still, I suggest you talk to someone.”

“...It...It isn’t that simple…”

“I assure you that it is.” She squinted across the street. “Talk to someone that you think will understand. Whatever it is, there has to...be...what is..? Do you see that?”

“Huh? See what?”

“The two tiny blobs running...oh.” As they came closer, Subin’s voice shifted from concern into exasperation. “Yin and Yang.”

“Who…?”

“My sister’s familiars…”

_”MORE PUPPIES?!?!”_ Frisk just barely managed to whip around before being tackled by two small dogs with tails wagging a mile a minute. The ensuing squees of joy assured you that they were okay with this development.

“Wow. Your sister can already support two familiars?!”

“Yes. Even in our family, the family that the practice originated within, she is considered one of the most naturally talented of the past few generations.” She picked the two pups off of Frisk. “Though you can see how well their training has gone thus far. There is still much work to be done.”

Frisk chased after the stolen puppies, but Burr got in the way. He whined softly and lowered his head, waiting for Frisk to resume cuddles with him. They laughed at the larger wolf’s selfishness, but happily obliged.

It only took one snide comment from Flowey about the absurd size of the horse-sized dogs for Frisk’s eyes to light up, determined to ride them. The wolves were more than happy to carry Frisk around in exchange for snuggles. They trotted around the parking lot with Frisk on board, even going so far as to jump around cars like they were an obstacle course. This wasn’t quite enough from Frisk, though.

_”Let’s have a race!”_ They pointed dramatically at you from on top of Burr. _”Flowey can ride the little puppies and you can ride your bike! And we’ll have a race!”_

“Fuck no.” Flowey immediately shot down.

“Fuck yeah!”

“I have a suggestion.” Subin stopped you before you could hop onto your bike. “Seeing as playing in the streets can be dangerous and this is an objectively pointless race, how about we change locations?”

_”To where?”_ They took the helmet you offered to them. Safety first.

“The endless labyrinth.”

_**”You guys still haven’t found the end to that place? Lame.”** _

“That’s a great idea!” You ignored Chara. “Then we can do some mapping while running around pointlessly! Maybe even find whatever’s hidden down there.”

_”Hidden treasure!”_ Frisk clapped their hands excitedly. _”I’ll find it first!”_

“Do I get a say in this? ‘Cause I think this is dumb.” Flowey looked for support, but you and Frisk were already dashing back inside. “...That’s what I thought.”

“If it is any conciliation, I doubt either of them would notice if you just stayed with me at the entrance.” She smirked down at him. “On an unrelated note, apprehending those try to steal from the archive is currently my responsibility. Would you like to hear about the punishments I am authorized to impose?”

“...Are you threatening me?”

“Yes.”

“...I can respect that. Attach me to the dog.”


	77. Hidden Treasure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Well...this happened...
> 
> Um. Well. I can't say I didn't mean for it to happen. This was exactly where I was going with everything. All I can say is things will get better. Here. Look at fanart. Seriously. One is of puppies and the other is sexual nice cream chapter.
> 
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Fanart-for-ToumeiKyoudai-7-675201637  
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Fanart-for-ToumeiKyoudai-6-675198589

You and your posse strut into the monster policy section of the police station with all the confidence of a prison hardened criminal. The amount of gold hanging off of every inch of your body put even the most blinged-out rappers to shame. Frisk had even convinced you to stop for sunglasses on the way over, and by god was that the best decision you had ever made.

You waved at Undyne as you took a seat in the waiting area. She seemed to immediately get busy, and you were unable to completely get her attention again. You shrugged; she was probably hurrying to get done so that she could take Frisk.

What a hardworking friend you had.

*

_Rainbow Fish_  
**WHY THE FUCK IS YOUR SISTER DECKED OUT LIKE A TACKY PIMP?!?!**

_Stabby Stabby Asshole_  
**...First of all.**

_Stabby Stabby Asshole_ sent an audio file.

*

_**BWAAAAAAAAA** _

You jumped at the loud sound and your attention, along with everybody else’s, snapped to an angrily blushing Undyne.

“Is everyth-?” You called, but were cut off.

“EVERYTHING IS FUCKHORNING PERFECT.” She screamed at the top of her lungs.

“Lan-!” You chided, but were cut off again.

“NOT. NOW.” Her fists shook against the table. “So help me I will DESTROY this office, do you hear me?”

“Yes ma’am.” You squeaked.

“Good. Now sit there like a good girl AND NOT A WORD.”

*

_Stabby Stabby Asshole_  
**Second of all, I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about.**

_Rainbow Fish_ sent an image.

_Stabby Stabby Asshole_  
**Oh...you know what? I’ve learned that it’s best not to ask. Especially since we’re talking about my sister, a person who cannot comprehend the idea of common sense.**

_Stabby Stabby Asshole_  
**Thank you for finding her, by the way. I’ve been calling over and over. Do you think she has forgotten that she’s coming with me back to the main estate for the high council vote in, I don’t know, an hour?!**

_Rainbow Fish_  
**...I think she’s betting on a game of rock, paper, scissors against a determination dealer...sooooooooooo...yes. 100% on the forgetting thing.**

_Stabby Stabby Asshole_  
**...**

_Stabby Stabby Asshole_  
**I’m coming to get her.**

*

You pouted and childishly refused to talk to Eli. Tonight was supposed to be anime night at Undyne’s place! Alphys was going to show you all sorts of things from her collection!

“Please tell me you’ll at least change when we get there.”

“You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not my _real_ mom.”

“...I...I don’t want to be…?” Eli pushed her eyebrows together in confusion. “You do remember how the council is, right? I brought your uniform and everything; it’s folded there on the backseat.”

“Oh shit, we’re going back to the main estate?”

“Yeah? That’s what I told you earlier. You know. At the police station.” Eli sighed. “Swear jar, by the way.”

“I was a bit busy being heartbroken over you taking my sunglasses. They were amazing and you know it!” You unbuckled your seatbelt and climbed into the back of the car. “Is it the vote on monsters already? Thank god I got my stuff done today.”

“What stuff?” Eli looked into the rearview mirror.

Already half naked, you passed her your file folder.

“I’m driving!” She glanced at it a few times, and you felt her soul run cold. “...Is that…? No…”

You preoccupied yourself by contorting your body to pull on the absurdly fancy guard uniform.

“Monster Magic Sequence Compilation.” Her voice was low. “Why. Why would you make this.”

You avoided looking at her, choosing to waste time straightening your tag on your chest.

“You know more than anyone what they’ll do with that. That’s all the high council needs to ruin our friends’ lives, ___. You know _exactly_ what knowing magic sequences for magic based creatures can do!” Eli growled. “Now answer me. Why would you do this?!”

“...Because it’s the only way.” You whispered. “Please, Eleanore. Just trust me on this, alright?”

For a long time, even her soul was quiet. It had been years since you had felt her be so angry about anything. You climbed back into the front seat, looking straight ahead at the bland road winding into the forest.

Eli exhaled sharply.

“You had better fucking know what you’re doing.”

*

Eli drifted through the meeting in a daze. She was on autopilot as she greeted the high mages with soulless praise and accepted the curse of truth with an empty smile. Even as she was posed like a human doll on one of the lower thrones, she couldn’t find herself to care about any of it.

She had been betrayed. It was as simple as that.

The proceedings played out before her. Much was discussed, but little was done. Typical. Tensions rising with the Sinistera clan. Spirit core shortages. Classified research documents missing.

And finally, monster rights. Lillianna took the floor, using your sequences to push her agenda. Eli felt sick.

“...Provided by none other than my dearest sister and head of our clan’s archives, Eleanore.” Lillianna gave a shallow bow to her. “Please, reassure the court that the majority of monster magic has been sequenced.”

“Those files sell out all of monsterkind, if that’s what you’re asking.” Eli surprised herself with how little she managed to hide her disgust. The truth curse tingled slightly, but it wasn’t like she was lying.

“I do suppose that is one way of putting it, yes. And may I ask for confirmation as to the accuracy of the sequences?”

“As accurate as any other sequence in the archives.” Eli glared. There was no way that you’d do it half-assedly. Sequencing was something you took pride in, after all.

“Thank you, my darling sister. Your effort shall be rewarded.” Lillianna turned back to the council, and Eli let herself tune everything out once more. She watched as Lillianna convinced the council to vote in her favour.

Monsters were officially people now, it seemed, and their royal line recognized as its own self-governing mage clan. The real question now was how long that would last.

The meeting ended just as the sun fell below the horizon. Eli didn’t bother with formalities and just made her way to her car. She wondered if there was any alcohol leftover at home. Maybe. Undyne had brought a lot of it, and she doubted even as a group they could’ve drank that much.

“Eleanore.” A calm, cold voice stopped her. “It would be an honour if you would allow me to entertain you in the upper suite this fine evening.”

“I’m not in the mood, Lillianna.”

“You misunderstand. It is not a request.”

Eli turned, looking deep into the unfeeling eyes gazing upon her. It gave her the chills. Lillianna’s face showed a smile, but it didn’t feel like she was smiling.

“Come.”

And Eli had no choice but to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...God this isn't good for my heart...


	78. Resource Management

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I tried...to fix it...
> 
> ...
> 
> ...it didn't exactly work...
> 
> BUT HEY!!! FANART!!! SUPER CUTE!!!  
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Fanart-for-ToumeiKyoudai-8-676350604  
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Fanart-for-ToumeiKyoudai-9-676368109
> 
> In all seriousness, though. That shit...is fucking beautiful. Please stop by if you have a chance.

You stood back from the table and off to the side, in no way interfering with the view into the garden. Normally, nobody would notice you like this; after all, you were about as important as unneeded furniture on most occasions. This time, though, you could feel the set of eyes you most wanted to avoid boring into your soul even after you had served their tea.

Steam rose lethargically from the two cups you had served, each soft puff accented by the soft tick of a clock. The nearly inaudible click of china with the raising and lowering of a cup from its saucer resounded through the room as clearly as a kettle whistle at boil.

“It would hardly be the best use of our time together to simply sit in silence and watch as your tea gets cold.” Lillianna hummed, lowering her cup with queen-like grace. “While its not the best tea I’ve ever had, even a subpar cup of tea is quite soothing.”

“What? No empty compliments?” Eli raised an eyebrow at the politest way of saying ‘crappy tea’ you had ever heard. “Thought that was your style.”

“Come now, you know as well as I that our council’s little curse lasts for a little over a day.” Lillianna glanced out at the pastels staining the sky. “And seeing as we still have a while to wait for that, I thought we could have a small...how shall I say...heart to heart?”

“So, basically, you’re interrogating me while I can’t lie to you.”

“...Something along those lines, yes. Although, I do believe ‘interrogate’ is a bit harsh here. I simply noticed how oddly you were acting this evening.” She brought the cup to her lips. “Needless to say, it was rather worrying.”

“Tell me what you actually want, Lillianna.” Eli growled impatiently. You hadn’t heard her use that tone for years, and Lillianna seemed to notice her seriousness as well.

“...Very well.” Lillianna dropped all pretences of warmth, and the room seemed to immediately become a few degrees colder. Even Eli looked uneasy as the sudden honesty. “I wanted to hear your thoughts on a few matters from this evening. You are aware of our clan’s current geopolitical...situation, yes?”

“You mean how some mages in the Sinistera clan are pushing to declare war, right?”

“It’s so much more than just that, Eleanore. It’s not like an ambassador for a single clan got offended. Nothing of the sort. This has to do with power, not pride.” She gently tapped the spirit core in her necklace. “The next Great War won’t be over race; it’ll be over resources. We, as mages, are all running out of that which keeps us powerful, but we, as the commanders of this region, have the resources to renew our power. If we stand by and do nothing with those resources, blood will be shed.”

“...I don’t agree with what you’re implying.” Eli hissed through gritted teeth. Her hands trembled slightly against the table.

“Whether you agree or not, this is the situation we have been forced into.” Lillianna placed her hands on her lap with a cold calmness. “As far as I can tell, there are only three paths we can take. One: we put off the conflict by refining all of the resources available at once and create a temporary surplus. It would be idiotic to do such a self defeating thing, but it's the quickest, easiest, and most certain to succeed; hence why the high council favoured this option. Two: we create a sustainable supply by controlling our resources completely an-”

“THEY AREN’T JUST RESOURCES, YOU BITCH!” Teacups and saucers shattered, their table clattering to the ground along with them. “Those ‘resources’ you’re talking about HAVE NAMES. Those ‘resources’ HAVE GODDAMN FAMILIES. Those ‘resources’ are MY FUCKING FRIENDS!”

“El-” You tried to step in.

“DON’T YOU ‘ELI’ ME!” She turned to you, justice burning her soul. “You just GAVE her exactly what she needs to control her ‘resources’ like goddamn pets. I really want to believe that MAYBE you just sort of forgot that knowing the base sequences of someone’s magic IS EXACTLY HOW YOU YOURSELF ARE CONTROLLED AS A SLAVE!”

“I-”

“But of course you didn’t! There’s no way YOU would forget that!” Her magic crackled, swords spawning behind her without her conscious command. “They aren’t just _my_ friends, ___! They’re YOURS, too! Don’t you even have a date with Sans tomorrow?!”

“I...yeah…” You looked away, rubbing your arm. You weren’t sure how to explain this right now, but something told you that you’d have to come up with something quickly.

“Look at me!”

There was a twisting pain in your soul and your body obeyed without your consent. And what you saw when you were forced to look shattered your soul. You saw someone broken and desperate. You could feel how much she wanted to believe in you, to trust you, but she just couldn’t accept what you had done.

Her eyes watered, threatening tears. Her soul cried out, threatening despair. Her magic crackled, threatening wrath.

“Tobias.” Lillianna snapped a finger.

A sword was handed to you. You turned it over in your hands. It was heavy, just as it ought to be.

Eli laughed dryly. She didn’t find anything funny, but there was nothing else she could do. She walked out into the garden and manifested swords into her hands.

“...Eli…” You whimpered.

“Fight me.” She demanded is a dark tone, staring at you with merciless eyes. You flinched. That wasn’t Eli’s tone. That was Eleanore Ayer, second daughter of the Ayer household. That was who she had been the first time you had met her. The person she had promised not to be.

“...Eli...no...I don’t…” Of course, your hands were already unsheathing the blade.

“Sorry, I can't keep my promise, ___, but I can't just stand by and accept this. Father taught us that the only truth that exists is on the battlefield, now show me your truth with that blade.”

“I don’t want to!” You felt tears dripping down your face, but your body took a readied stance.

“Show me why you’d do this. Why you’d sentence our friends to be owned by this wretched collection of scum they call a family.”

“Eli!”

“Now, ___! As your master I order you to fight me!”

There was nothing you could do. Your body acted as commanded, and you fought.


	79. Fight Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been quite the OC party. Time to go back to our loveable characters...after this.
> 
> Plus. Hey. Look. Art. Heart wrenching art.  
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Fanart-for-ToumeiKyoudai-10-676782658
> 
> And a depiction of me, it seems.  
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/Chara-s-Scales-of-Fluff-V-Angst-676766836

You knew how to fight against Eli. The two of you had fought so many times, but you could only recall two times that she had been this serious about it. Her sword came flying at you with all the ferocity of her soul, but you knew how to negate them.

You knew exactly where the reference points were in her magic, even as the blades shot towards you at inhuman speeds. You were never very good at dodging, but that was because you didn’t need to; if you destroyed enough reference points, then the magic would become unstable and shatter. The more familiar you were with a magic, the easier it was to find and destroy those points.

You knew Eli, just as you knew her magic.

It wasn’t as though she was just tossing swords at you from a distance, though. Far from it. Keeping up with her relentless melee attacks as well as dealing with the onslaught of varying swords required your full attention.

Spell after spell and attack after attack, you fought her back. You were not weak. Outlast the enemy. Wait for them to make mistakes. Wait for them to tire themselves out. Wait for them to run their mana pool dry.

And then strike. Exploit their errors. Every crack in their defense was an opportunity.

…

No.

This wasn’t just some random enemy your mom had put you up against. This wasn’t some stupid fight to test your limits. This wasn’t someone that saw you as a tool.

This was your sister.

This was the sister that cooked you delicious meals everyday, but would also eat the crappy shit you made whenever you tried to help.

This was the sister that helped you pick out your motorcycle while repeatedly saying she would never ride on the back, but also bought herself a set of safety equipment ‘just in case’.

This was the sister that would climb into bed with you when you scared yourself silly watching horror movies, but also needed you to climb in with her when the nightmares came.

A crack in her defenses opened, just as you had predicted. Your bindings whispered into your soul for you to attack. They reminded you of your master’s commands and prompted you to act on them.

Like fucking hell she was your master. Everyone knew she was just your sister.

...Oh dear god you hoped this worked out.

“YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU’RE NOT MY _REAL_ MOM!”

You redirected your body and chucked your sword as far as you could, vaguely hearing it clatter against some rocks and into the pond. You didn’t have much time to revel in your sweet throw, though, as the pain was immediate.

Disobeying a direct order with a tag as powerful as yours was masochistic at best and suicidal at worst. Your soul was twisted and torn, magic flowing in and burning through everything it touched. You couldn’t hear yourself, but you knew you were screaming like you never had before.

HP dropping at lightning speeds, world flashing in and out of existence, your sense of self destabilizing. Everything hurt.

And then it all stopped at once. Your screams ceased abruptly, and the pain vanished in the same moment. You choked and coughed, looking down at the sword stabbed through the center of your chest. You knew it should probably hurt, but you weren’t feeling any pain yet. Just dazed relief.

“...Why…” Eli whispered, and you forced your blurry vision to focus on her. “WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THOSE AS YOUR LAST WORDS?!”

You would have laughed, but you choked on some blood. Your eyes dropped back down to your chest, watching as the two halves of your tag fell to the ground from either side of the sword.

“I thought it sounded cool.” You muttered with a shrug.

“IT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE!” Eli rubbed her face. “I’m not your mom! At all!”

“That’s the point. Not my real mom.”

“Which implies that I _am_ your mother in some context.”

“...Oh shit, you’re right.” Your eyes widened. “Can...can we, like, do this all again? Take two?”

“ _GOD_ no! You almost died! If I hadn’t stabbed you, you wouldn’t be here to realize how dumb your last words were!”

“Oh come on. I trust you. You got this.”

“...You’re such an idiot…” She sighed, wiping her eyes with her free hand.

“I am not.” You snorted indignantly.

“You disobeyed a direct order. If I had hesitated...god...it would’ve been all my fault…”

“Hey, I’m alive and well. All because you’re the best sister ever.”

“...Okay, about that idiot thing...you do know I’m still stabbing you, right?” She rolled her watery eyes. “Please hold off on your ‘World’s Greatest Sister’ awards at the very _least_ until after I take it out, alright?”

“...Yeah...alright.” You reached up with trembling hands and patted her on the head. “Eli. I would never betray you. Not you, not Sans, not Papyrus. Not anybody important to me.”

“...Got it.” She sniffled. “Now, let’s get you to the hospital.”

“Ew, no.” You wrinkled your nose.

“What do you mean ‘no’?!”

“If we go to the hospital, then we’ll miss anime night.”

“...God you’re a moron.” She laughed. “You’re bleeding out, though. It wouldn’t be a very fun party if you died halfway through the night.”

“I guess you have a point.” You thought for a moment, before turning back to Lillianna while pointing at your chest. “Heyyy, you think you can fix this?”

You blinked. There was no way...she looked relieved. She looked well and truly relieved to see that you were alright. You smiled to yourself.

“I doubt I can fix it completely, but I can heal enough that it will scar over for now.” She tried to keep her voice calm, but it shook slightly. Eli looked over in disbelief.

“Thanks, Lilly.” You murmured as Eli pulled her sword out of you and your felt cold magic wash over your chest.

“...You’re welcome.” The embarrassment in her voice was obvious.

It took her until the sun dipped completely below the horizon to have you fixed up to an acceptable degree. You poked at the scar on your chest. It tickled.

“Okay, let’s go to this all important party of yours.” Eli sighed.

“Carry me.”

“...I can’t really say no…” She scooped you into her arms, then promptly slung you over her shoulder.

“Hey! Don’t carry me like a sack of potatoes! Carry me like a princess!”

“You’re either overestimating my strength or underestimating your weight.”

“I’m not fat!”

“Of course you aren’t.” She agreed in a motherly tone.

You weren’t sure what to make of it, so you just pouted and let her carry you however she wanted to.

“...Thanks. For keeping me from doing something stupid.” Eli whispered so quietly you barely heard her. You let out a soft sigh.

“What else are sisters for?”


	80. Maybe Don't Cut People Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Started my summer job at a golf course. It's pretty great, but I have to get up by 5am. It's not too hard to wake up, but I usually end up passed out on the couch when I get home.
> 
> Oh well, I will be rolling in da munz.
> 
> I also got a haircut. I know it's irrelevant, but I had long hair for the longest time and now it's super short and I don't regret it at all? Short hair is amazing, people. I love it so much.

You dabbed at your clothes with a napkin, then frowned at how few they had given you in your take-out bag. All your rubbing had done was make the whole bloodstain thing worse, anyway. But still, they could’ve afforded to give you at least twice as many. This was pathetic.

“Don’t worry so much. Take your time. It’s the whole reason we stopped at this place, remember?” Eli tried to give you a gentle expression, but was clearly anxious to hear your explanation for the earlier events. “No need for a furrowed brow. What’s done is done; just let me help with what happens from here, alright?”

“...What?” You looked up at her in confusion. “Oooh. No. I was just wondering if it would be a good idea to dump my ketchup over the stab hole to camouflage the wound. But that would leave me with no ketchup for my nuggets and everybody knows nuggets suck without ketchup.”

“...” Eli’s eyebrow twitched. “Why don’t you just get changed back into the clothes in the backseat?”

“Brilliant.” Your eyes lit up and you immediately clamoured into the backseat. “See? This is why you’re the older sister.”

“...Clearly. Nothing to do with birthdates or anything, just the amount of common sense.” Her eye-roll was obvious in her tone. “Well, with that logic, everybody’s your older sibling.”

“What?! No. I may be dumb, but not _that_ dumb.”

“Oh come on. Not even Lillianna thought you’d be dumb enough to disobey a direct order to fight me.” Eli scoffed with a dark humour to her voice.

“She gave me a sword! And encouraged the whole fight to the death thing!”

“Was it really though?”

“...It… _was_ a fight to the death, right?”

“I ordered you to fight me, not kill me. Besides, your HP is too high for me to kill you within any reasonable timeframe and your AT is so low you’d barely scratch me every time you got a hit in.” Eli tapped her forehead to her steeringwheel. “Lillianna totally didn’t expect us to have anything more than a sisterly brawl…”

“...She was using me to calm you down because you were getting...passionate.” You looked back at your sister with an awkward smile. “Well...we fucked that up pretty good.”

“Swear jar.”

“Pff no. I get a free night to cuss as much as I want.”

“And why do you think I’ll let you off like that?” She turned back to look at you, forcing back a smile.

“Because, uh, you _stabbed_ me.” You showed her your badass scar. “It’s only fair.”

“...You’re just going to milk that, aren’t you.”

“Until the day I die.”

“Not likely. I’m thinking my guilt will wane in about, eh, a month with the frequency you’re bringing out the stabbed card.” She pulled her seatbelt across her chest and clicked it into place. “Now get back up here and eat your nuggets.”

“So needy.” You grumbled as you squished back into the front seat, bling reapplied. Eli gawked at you, then let out a deep sigh and started the car. “Anyways, yeah, she probably wanted you to not cut her off and stuff.”

“Noted. But I have a hard time sitting idly by as my friends are dehuma...depersonized?”

“Yeah but you know how Lillianna is. Talks that way about humans, too.” You shrugged and dunked a nugget in ketchup.

“Doesn’t make it right. Besides, the only two options she was offering me were to kill all my friends now or enslave them all to be used as cattle in the metaphorical spirit core slaughterhouse.”

“She had three options, though.”

“ . . . “

Eli looked at you.

Eli looked back at the road.

Eli looked back at you.

“...She had...what now...? Please elaborate.” Her smile was beyond forced to the point that it made you incredibly uncomfortable. You turned back to your food.

“Option three was to work with the monsters on research into synthetics.”

“...And why couldn’t she lead with that?!?!?!?!”

“I dunno.” You shrugged. “Maybe because it’s the most dramatic and shocking?”

“...Anything else I should know?” She rubbed her temples. “Such as the ‘why’ for...everything, really.”

“Well, I was planning on talking with Frisk and Toriel sometime at the party about the specifics, but the main problem we were facing was how the council heavily favoured option one. The whole mass murder thing could be done at any time, so the whole sequence thing I did was to make them consider option two.”

“So you were buying time.” Eli frowned. “And why didn’t you tell me about this?”

“Because the easiest way to lie under the truth curse is to not know you’re lying.” You dropped your gaze to your feet. “Still...sorry I didn’t tell you about anything. It was awful.”

“...No.” She sighed heavily and smiled over at you. “I’m horrible with all the political things that happen over there. It was probably right to keep me out of the loop until everything was over with.”

“No, Eli, it wasn’t. It was the easiest way to get everything done, but it was by no means the right thing to do. Sorry about that. And...thanks. For putting up with it. I know you knew I was up to something. So, thanks for never asking. I don’t think I would’ve been able to lie to you…”

“Of course you couldn’t’ve.” Eli chuckled with a soft smile. “We both know you’re a horrible liar.”

“Then why am I so good at gambling, huh? Boom. Can’t be _that_ bad at lying.”

“Because you clearly cheat.”

“It’s called resource management! Not cheating!”

“...Whatever you say. Let’s get to this anime party and sort this whole genocide thing out. And get a drink. Or a couple drinks.” She thought for a moment. “Actually, I’ll probably just take the entire bottle.”

“Eli no. Bad Eli. I will lock you in the trunk if you do that.” You held out the drink that came with your meal. “You can have iced tea.”

“...Fine. Whatever you say.” She continued driving, but kept looking over at you. “Okay, I can’t ignore it anymore. Where did all the bling come from?!”

“The what?”

“All that gold hanging off of you! There’s so much that you put Mr. T to shame!”

“Oh, this?” You held up a big dollar sign necklace made out of solid gold. “Dunno. Just sorta found it.”

“...You. Found it?”

“Yeah. In the basement. Turns out Burr is really good at sniffing out treasure.”

“And why would rapper bling be in the basement of the archives…?”

“For te lulz! Obz!” You shot her finger guns. Her expression died, like she had just been reminded about the futility of existence.

“...Why do I even ask you things…”


	81. To Hug a Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I'll ever get used to waking up at 4:30am for work.
> 
> I needed this for me.
> 
> Just.
> 
> Cuz.

“WHAT’S UP LOSERS, THE PARTY HAS ARRIVED!” You kicked in the front door of the house and barged in.  
   
“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ___, YOU CAN’T KICK IN EVERY DOOR IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD!” Eli screeched from behind you, running to catch up.  
   
“Yes I can. I have very strong legs.” You posed to accent this.  
   
“ThAT ISN’T THE PROBLEM HERE!!! We literally just got chased from the house across the street! Stop kicking doors in!!!”  
   
“How else will we find the party, though?”  
   
“Text?! Email?! Carrier pigeon?! Literally anything besides this?!”  
   
“...You bring up a good point.”  
   
“Excuse me…” A soft voice interrupted.  
   
You looked over at the family playing Monopoly in their livingroom. It was impossible to prevent yourself from giving them a look of pity. Poor shmucks. Everybody knows Monopoly is trash.  
   
“Are you by any chance...friends of Undyne’s?” She hesitantly continued, to which you nodded enthusiastically. “Her house is three houses down and across the street.”  
   
“Thank you!”  
   
Without a moment’s hesitation, you dashed from the house, ready to kick in the correct door.  
   
Eli sighed and gave the family compensation for the damaged door before tiredly following.  
   
*  
   
“Bhy did jou ‘it me?” You whined, holding your nose.  
   
“A better question is: WHY DID YOU KICK MY DOOR IN?! As a monster in this day and age, MY RESPONSE WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL! You could’ve been the serial kidnapper TRYING TO TAKE MY ALPHY!” Undyne pouted.  
   
“But jou bunched me zo ‘ard…” You showed her a blood covered hand. “Eben gabe be a nosebleed...azz’ole…”  
   
“At least I didn’t stab you, punk.” She huffed. Alphys gave her a look. “I COULD’VE! BUT I DIDN’T!”  
   
“H-honey. Wh-why don’t y-you wait in the livingroom wh-while I help our FRIEND with h-her SUDDEN BLEEDING PROBLEM. Alright?” Alphys was having none of Undyne’s shit.  
   
“...Fiiine. But it WASN’T MY FAULT, OKAY?!”  
   
“Wh-whatever you say…” Alphys sighed and pulled a towel from the kitchen cupboard. “S-sorry about that. Y-you know h-how it’s been and all. A-are you alright?”  
   
“Eh, ids bine.” You waved your free hand dismissively. Eli sighed from behind you.  
   
“I didn’t know you could even get nosebleeds.” She commented.  
   
“Uzually don’d ‘ave low nuff HP.” You shrugged. “But somboby zdabbed be…”  
   
“Oh don’t you start. You already guilted me for chicken nuggets. And 90% of your HP loss was you being a dumbass and disobeying an order.”  
   
“...Shuddup.” You stuck out your tongue at her. She scoffed.  
   
“Well you certainly look healthy enough to abandon. I think I’ll join Undyne in the snack laden living room and eat away the guilt you keep exploiting.”  
   
“Snacks!” You immediately hopped up from the kitchen table and zipped into the living room. A bloody nose was no reason to let snick snacks go to waste.  
   
In your haste, you didn’t watch where you were going and ran straight into something metallic. You bounced off and began falling, only to be caught in a tango dip.  
   
“Oh yes~!” A slightly metallic voice called your gaze up to your dance partner, his face shrouded behind luscious black hair. 11/10 would stroke. “Darling~ what flexibility and grace! And those legs! They may even rival mine! Would you be interested in becoming a dancer?”  
   
Hitting the...robot(?) jarred your nose just enough for it to start bleeding again. What a pain. But then again, this gorgeous boy-bot was looking at you with seductive pink eyes. He gave his hair a flip.  
   
...What a hottie.  
   
Undyne took a picture, muffling her laughter. You could vaguely heard her mutter something about the scene being straight from an anime.  
   
“...what’re you doing, you breadless toaster.”  
   
“Seducing me.” You turned to look at Sans, wiping blood from your face. “And he’s doing a damn good job of it. So seductive, in fact, that he gave me an anime-style nosebleed. I’m smitten.”  
   
“Already? Oh my~ how shameless!” The robot pulled you from the dip straight into a spin, stopping you with hand on the small of your back.  
   
“I don’t even know your name, but with moves like these I don’t need to. Take me now.” You swooned melodramatically.  
   
“I would...but I fear destiny has conspired to keep us apart!” He tossed his hair, a single sparkling tear dripping from his eye. “For you see...I’M GAY!”  
   
You made an audible gasp.  
   
“Sir robot! Why have you kept this from me? Our wedding is tomorrow!”  
   
“And I apologize, but I will be eloping with my secret lover.” He grabbed one very confused Papyrus from the sidelines. “Can you ever forgive me, my darling dearest?”  
   
“...Sir robot...I, too, have a confession...I already have a lover!” You pointed dramatically. “And that lover is...YOUR SECRET LOVER!”  
   
It was the robot’s turn to gasp.  
   
“Pappy, darling! How could you?!”  
   
“...COULD I WHAT? I AM NOT FOLLOWING…”  
   
“He is simply too great, sir robot. He has seduced the both of us.” You gave a solemn nod. “There is no greater woe than being unable to be with the Great Papyrus!”  
   
“I fear that is true. His greatness has overwhelmed us. Will we ever be able to love anyone again after experiencing the peak of greatness?” The robot made a dramatic angsty pose.  
   
“...WHILE THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS VERY GREAT, I AM ALSO VERY GOOD AT BEING FRIENDS WITH MANY PEOPLE! WHY CAN’T WE ALL BE TOGETHER?”  
   
“...Polyamory!” You both exclaimed at the same time.  
   
“Of course! There is no other solution!” The robot clapped his hands together.  
   
“Yes! This is the only logical way to go about it. No downside.” You posed triumphantly. “And so, we must introduce ourselves! For how else will we be able to keep this relationship together?”  
   
“The name’s Mettaton, darling~.” He took your hand and kissed it. “Actor, musician, celebrity. And you?”  
   
“___. Head magical engineer for the Ayer family.” You shook his hand.  
   
The two of you shared a look of deep understanding, the likes of which only the ridiculous persons of melodrama could comprehend. Eli and Undyne looked at the two of you as if you were crazy. They whispered back and forth, seemingly coming to the conclusion that it was best not to question eccentrics. Sans stood there quietly radiating jealousy with a laid back smile.  
   
“So what’re we watching?” Your tone swiftly shifted back to a casual one, ignoring the group of three judging you.  
   
“Some sort of magical girl anime. The outfits are adorable~! But I’m looking forwards to the idol anime we’ll be watching when this one is finished.” Mettaton gestured to a half invisible ghost. “It was chosen by none other than my dearest cousin, Napstablook!”  
   
“That’s so cool! So it’ll have singing and dancing and stuff?” Your eyes lit up. You loved that sappy shit. “I’m ___, by the way!”  
   
“..........oh……..it's nice to meet you…” He spoke softly and looked at your outstretched hand awkwardly. “.........sorry……….i don’t have any hands…….sorry to be such a bother……”  
   
“Nonsense! How about a greeting _hug_ then?”  
   
“.........” He seemed to blush and said something too quietly for you to hear.  
   
“It’s okay if you don’t want to.”  
   
“......only if it’s alright with you……….”  
   
“Of course it is!” You jumped at him...or rather, through him. Right. Ghost. Non-corporeal.  
   
“oh.......sorry……..” Napstablook looked sad. This simply wouldn’t do.  
   
“Alphys!” You called, and she poked her head out of the kitchen. “You’ve got all sorts of weeb stuff, right?”  
   
“Y-yup.” She nodded quickly and proudly.  
   
“Calligraphy set?” You ventured.  
   
“O-of course.”  
   
“Can I use it? I need to create a talisman.”  
   
“B-be right back!” She shuffled away and brought you a decorative Japanese box in under a minute.  
   
“Thanks! I knew I could count on you!”  
   
Without stopping to contemplate the look of wonder and shock that appeared on her face, you got straight to work. First off, you needed some magic power in the air or this style of talisman creation wouldn’t work in the slightest. Ambient magic tended to be the name of the game with Eastern style sequencing.  
   
Your thoughts became slightly crowded by the feeling of Sans hovering over your shoulder curiously and protectively. Before telling him to back up a bit, you paused and looked at him thoughtfully.  
   
...He would be perfect.  
   
“Hey Sans, girlfriends are allowed to kiss their boyfriends, right?” You hummed as you pulled out a bookmark-shaped talisman paper and began mixing the ink.  
   
“what?” He blinked in surprise. “uh, yeah, i guess. why?”  
   
“Think fast.” You grabbed the two strings dangling from his sweater hood and pulled him down into a kiss. You could vaguely feel him internally freaking out - in a good way - and his magic swirled around uncontrollably. Welp, that should take care of his jealousy and saturate the room with enough magic to use.  
   
You released him, somewhat pleased that he stumbled back in a happy daze, but turned back to the task at hand. Making the non-corporeal corporeal was fairly simply if you knew what you were doing.  
   
A series of deliberate and precise strokes later, you felt the ink absorb the magic in the air to become a true magic sequence. You picked it up and tapped it to Napstablook’s forehead.  
   
“.....oh…….uh………..” He looked unsure as to how to react to this.  
   
Then you pulled him in for a hug.  
   
“It’s nice to meet you, Napstablook!”  
   
“....likewise…….”  
   
You could feel a gentle happiness bubble in his soul. In your peripheral vision, you could see Mettaton crying.  
   
“Blooky...you made a friend Blooky…” He sobbed.  
   
“......oh...no…….im sorry……..im just a bur-”  
   
“Rejected!” You tapped a finger to his mouth. “No trash talking my friends, even if they’re yourself. Now, why don’t you show me this idol anime you brought?”  
   
His eyes softened and the perpetual tears that accented them faded.  
   
“....yeah.”


	82. Start: Dash!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. I died. Look. Agiles actually fucking drew the absurdity of last chapter. What the fuck. I love you.  
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Chapter-81-685983796
> 
> And Sans, too, of course. Just. God. I love this. You're a sweetheart, Agiles.  
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Fanart-Think-Fast-686936470
> 
> I don't have much to say other than wear sunscreen, children. I have so many tan lines from work. The sun is awful.

“Hey! Hey! Hey start dash!” You sang, dancing in your seat with Napstablook held to your chest like a large stuffed animal. “Hey! Hey! Hey start dash!”  
   
“A-ameagari no kibun de, t-takamaru kitai no naka. T-tsumazuita koto sae mo, omoide ni shiyou!!!” Alphys took the next line for you, eyes practically sparkling with otaku joy.  
   
“Something-something saku yo! Something-something saku yo!” You tried your best. You did not speak Japanese.  
   
“T-tanoshii merodii, k-kuchizusami saita!”  
   
“DASH!”  
   
And then you and Alphys broke out into the main chorus. You didn’t know the words in the slightest, but that didn’t stop you from singing random sounds to the tune.  
   
“I need to set that as my ringtone!” You declared after finishing your impromptu sing-along, and immediately handed your phone to Alphys. “I have no idea how to do that, but I hear it’s a thing that can be done.”  
   
“G-gimme a minute.” Her claws skittered across the screen at lightning pace. “Y-you want ‘Start: Dash!’, right?”  
   
“Well, you can’t really top a song like that, ammiright?” You scoffed. “It’s just so _catchy_. And they have adorable voices. And a cute ass lil dance.”  
   
“...........well…..” Napstablook quietly interjected. “......i think….’Wonderful Rush’ suits you better………..”  
   
“TH-THATS BRILLIANT! YOU’RE S-SO RIGHT! WONDERFUL RUSH I-IS PERFECT FOR HER!” Alphys squealed and her nails somehow began moving faster. “Th-there! I-I set it to Wonderful Rush. T-trust me. It s-suits you p-perfectly! I-itsallaboutmakingyourdreamscometruethroughpuredeterminationandupbeatspiritwhichtotallysuitsyoubecausethat’stotallyathingthatyouliketodoandthere’sthisonelineinthemiddlethattranslatesto…”  
   
You tried your best to keep up with her explanation. She sputtered passionately, which made it an absolute joy to listen to her but also made it really difficult to process what she said as quickly as she dished it out.  
   
You were actually doing a half decent job of understanding her until Undyne violently ruffled your hair from behind and broke your concentration.  
   
“Congrats on being recruited to be an unofficial otaku-dork.” Your assailant snickered as she walked past you and towards the TV.  
   
“Heeyyyyyyy! Rude! Alphys will make me an OFFICIAL otaku-dork, thank you very much. She is the best...uh...senpai? Yeah! Best senpai!” You pouted and reached up to fix your hair.  
   
Napstablook floated up from your lap and hovered awkwardly. It seemed like he wanted to help you, but didn’t have the confidence for it. Sans, who had been shifting closer to you the entire three episodes of anime, saw his chance and proceeded to climb into your now vacant lap, flopping onto you with mock laziness.  
   
You stared at him.  
   
His soul was a mix of emotions, with impatience being the most distinct. That wasn’t much to go on. What did he want from you?! You knew what you wanted - to squeal with delight and cuddle him - but that didn’t mean shit about what he wanted. Well, whatever! You just needed to keep calm and wait for him to explain.  
   
He stared back at you. Then rolled over without addressing your obvious confusion.  
   
“No no no. Hey. No. Sans.” You fought for his attention again. You needed this cleared up ASAP.  
   
“Yes?” He replied to you with a silky smooth voice, eyes blinking up at you innocently.  
   
“Why’re you...uh...on my lap…?” Your heart wasn’t listening to your stellar advice. Apparently it didn’t have any chill at this point in time.  
   
“i’m doing what now?” He had a smug grin. “haven’t the slightest clue what you’re talking about.”  
   
“You just climbed onto my lap!”  
   
“think you might be sick, dearest; you’re hallucinating.”  
   
“I AM NOT!” You stopped. You _had_ lost a lot of blood because of the whole being stabbed thing. “...Am I…? I don’t think I’m hallucinating...do nosebleeds give you hallucinations? Am I dying?!”  
   
“You’re not. Sans is just being weird. And would you STOP with the PDA in my livingroom.” Undyne dismissed your uncertainty by flicking popcorn at the grinning skeleton. Well, fuck. There went the whole cuddling plan.  
   
Though Sans showed no external sign of anything other than teasing smugness, you couldn’t help but blush at the way his soul sputtered magic in embarrassment. He internally pouted and his magic clung to you more possessively.  
   
...That...that was a bit more clear.  
   
“Says the one that made out with her then girlfriend while chaperoning a primary school field trip.” Toriel scoffed with a pointed tone. You and Sans looked at each other in surprise then burst into laughter.  
   
“Are you serious?!” You snickered.  
   
“no no no, i think you meant to ask if she was _kid_ ding you.”  
   
“Boo. Be more original.”  
   
“...uh...did Tori _school_ d her afterwards?”  
   
“Pff haha, much better! Yes! I can just imagine goat mom giving her the Mom™ look!” You burst into hysterical laughter until you were hit with a handful of popcorn.  
   
“IT WAS _ONE TIME_ YOU GUYS! AND IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE BRENDA THE HOMOPHOBIC RACIST WAS THERE!” Undyne’s scales slowly revealed a blush as she glanced at the supposedly innocent child in the room. She quickly changed the topic. “BUT ANYWAYS! What PUNK brought the next anime! IT HAD BETTER BE ONE WITH MORE ACTION THAN THIS SISSY IDOL SHIT!”  
   
Frisk’s hand shot up into the air and they waved it around excitedly.  
   
“Hey! What do you mean the next anime?! We aren’t done this one! We need to hear Wonderful Rush or whatever! And we nEED TO KNOW IF THEY SAVE THE SCHOOL DAMMIT!” You protested loudly. You would’ve jumped to your feet, but Sans was surprisingly heavy...and because you really didn’t want to knock him off to begin with.  
   
“OF COURSE THEY SAVE THE SCHOOL BY THE END OF THE SEASON, PUNK!”  
   
“God, Undyne, SPOILERS! Now you’ve ruined the series for me.”  
   
“...IT’S A FOGHORNING ANIME!!! WHAT ANIME WOULD HAVE THE SCHOOL SHUT DOWN?!”  
   
“I don’t know! But you didn’t have to ruin the end for me!”  
   
_”Ladies, please. Mine has robot lions. In space. Let’s all just calm down and appreciate this majestic work of art.”_ Frisk stood between the two of you with a smug expression and handed their DVD case to Undyne.  
   
“Well, if there’re robot _lions_...” You huffed, conceding that that sounded fucking amazing. “...Still want to hear that other song, though.”  
   
While Undyne took your comment as her cue to switch out the DVDs, Alphys seemed to pause at it. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed her tapping her chin in deep thought, then scurry out of the room with a look of determination. You really wanted to ask where she was going but...goddamn space lions.  
   
*  
   
You didn’t know when you started, but at some point you had begun petting the Sans in your lap. You justified to yourself that it was just a natural reaction because it was normally Belyy or Bianco lying there and they were super fluffy. It was perfectly normal to scritch the edges of your boyfriend’s vertebrae because you had been conditioned to scritch behind kitten ears. Yeah. That’s it.  
   
...  
   
Okay. No. You couldn’t even convincingly lie to yourself about this. This should’ve been weird as hell. You were rubbing a spine. A _spine_. Not through skin or anything. Just the bones. As in what was inside your body, under all the mushy bits. You should’ve found this at least a little creepy.  
   
But instead, you just found it… _right_.  
   
Besides, Sans’ soul was positively glowing with happiness at the attention, so there was no reason to let rationality stop you now.  
   
You gently touched the pointy bits on the back of his neck bones, suddenly wishing that you had actually read that anatomy book. Maybe then you’d know how his structure compared to yours. Another time, you promised yourself.  
   
As your ran your fingers down his neck, you could feel his magic flowing through his bones like some sort of magical circulatory system. It was calm and relaxed, like a lazy river as it wound through the landscape.  
   
You glanced down. He was half-asleep watching watching the TV, and a soft smile forced itself onto your face.  
  
This was nice.  
   
Out of nowhere, there came loud crash followed by a happy squeal. Undyne hopped to her feet, clearly able to disconcern her wife’s squeals anywhere.  
   
“You alright, babe?” She called hesitantly. There was the loud pattering of footsteps up a flight of stairs, then Alphys exploded into the living room with pure joy and excitement on her face.  
   
“O-of course!” She was practically sparkling. “L-look what I-I managed to find! I knew I h-had it around here somewhere!”  
   
In her hands she clutched a game. When you read the title, your eyes went wide and a childish smile grew on your face.  
   
Just Dance: Love Live Edition.  
   
...  
   
You shoved Sans off your lap with a loud thump.  
   
Fuck the serene lazy river, it was time to rule the dance floor.


	83. It's a Trap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been replying to all your comments. Thank you so much for leaving them, though! It's really nice of all of you. I just haven't been feeling all that up to responding recently. I'll get around to it eventually, though! So expect SUPER late replies to all of your comments!
> 
> Also...the forgotten date!  
> http://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Muffet-Date-692228964

“I said I was sorry!” You wailed, tugging weakly at Sans’ hood. “Can you please move now?”

“nope.” His voice was muffled by the carpet. “can't.”

“You’re in the way of the dancing, though!” You hooked your arms under his shoulders and tried to heave him upright. Emphasis on ‘tried’.

“good.”

“Saaaaansssss…” You huffed and crossed your arms, dropping him back onto the ground.

“yes, love?” He turned and batted his eyelids innocently.

“Can you pretty please move from the middle of the living room?” You gestured dramatically to the couch Papyrus had shoved against the wall. Sans glanced at it, then back at you.

“...is this with or without a cherry on top?”

“With a cherry and whipped cream and sprinkles.”

“...still nope.” He returned to being face planted into the carpet again.

“What?!” You frowned and began trying to roll him back over. “If you don't like cherries, then I can take the cherry off!”

“the deal still isn’t sweet enough to mend my broken heart.” There was a slight snicker to his voice.

“If I add anything more you’ll get diabetes!” You began jabbing at his side. He rolled over halfway, caving to your persistence.

“diabetes is a human thing.”

“Fair.” You conceded and switched to a different complaint. “Your teeth will still rot, though!”

“a risk i’m willing to take.” He smirked in that devilish way that always made your heart skip a beat. “you think i’d look cool with a golden filling?”

“Not the point here, buddy!” You forced yourself to not look away, though you were well aware of the slight blush on your cheeks. You couldn’t say you _dis_ liked that image.

“so you don’t?” His eyes half lidded and his smirk widened in amusement.

“Never said that!” You replied both too quickly and too forcefully.

“you do then.”

“D-didn’t say that either, dammit!” You sputtered, heat rising to your cheeks. His teasing was so difficult to handle sometimes! The conversation was getting out of hand, and by this point you were silently praying for divine intervention.

“FOR FOGHORN’S SAKE! JUST GET OUT OF THE WAY ALREADY!” Undyne slid into the conversation, grabbed Sans by the back of his sweater, and threw him across the room onto the couch all in one fluid motion.

…

You’d take it.

Of course, your newly-crowned-Jesus-fish’s solution hadn’t been perfect. Sans simply rolled off the couch and across the room, all the way back to his initial position. Undyne looked like she was about to uproot a tree in frustration.

“Easy there, Rainbow Fish.” Eli patted Undyne on the shoulder, her grin as smug as Sans’. “No need to resort to violence. We’re with friends here.”

“...Can I point out a hypocrisy?” You raised a hand slightly.

“Not at the moment, please.” She coughed and turned back to Undyne. “As I was saying. Friends. A completely different kind of battle can be waged here; exploitation of soft spots.”

“I kinda wanna hear about that hypocrisy thing.” Undyne muttered half to herself.

“Papyrus. Initiate phase one of operation Couch Potato.” Eli chose to ignore the half directed at her.

“ROGER!” Papyrus flew across the room with determination gleaming in his eye sockets. You could’ve sworn little glimmering diamonds appeared and everything.

He scooped Sans from the floor with the grace and experience of a mother, then carried him over to the couch. Papyrus rearranged the pillows into a pile, then placed his brother into the comfy nest-like structure. Sans raised a brow. A mere comfy spot could not contain his stubbornness, and his brother should’ve known this.

“EAGLE ONE, THIS IS EAGLE TWO; PHASE ONE HAS BEEN COMPLETED. I REPEAT; PHASE ONE WAS A SUCCESS!”

“...Just ‘Eli’ is fine, Papyrus…we don’t...we don’t need code names...”

“Hey. Eagle One. Your plan sucks.” Undyne snickered. “He can still escape.”

“Just ‘Eli’ is fine!” Eli repeated more forcefully. “And that’s what phase two is for, genius.”

Then she took your hand and turned you to face her.

“My dearest sister, you have the most important job in all of this. Can I put all my hope into you?”

“Of course! Leave it to me!” You replied instantly. There was very little you wouldn’t do to help out a friend when asked like this.

“Perfect. Then I’ll trust you with keeping Sans under control.” She smiled warmly before seamlessly switching to manhandling you. With a squeal, you were removed from the ground and plopped down on top of Sans on the couch.

“Eli!” You lay on top of Sans with an arm propping you up from just above each of his shoulders and your knees supporting you from around his hips. “I-I...I CAN’T DO THIS! I HAVE TO DANCE OR SOMETHING!”

“aw, and here i thought i was simply too seductive for you to resist.” He mocked, wiggling in what was supposed to be fake seduction. Your heart didn’t get the memo. “but i get it. you’d rather dance.”

“Sans! That isn’t what I meant and you damn well know it!” You hadn’t blushed so hard in a long time. At least you weren’t alone. Sans may have been able to keep his cool externally, but there was no hiding his internal embarrassment from you!

“so, are you leaving me for a limited edition dancing idol game?” His arms snaked around the back of your neck and he winked. “or are you going to hold me hostage so that everybody else can play?”

_”Fear not, ___! I’ll help you restrain the criminal!”_ You heard Frisk only moments before then slammed into your back and the two of you collapsed onto Sans together. They sat on you while radiating childish joy.

“........HFVJJGFG FINE! I GET IT ALREADY! I’LL WAIT MY DAMN TURN!” You resigned to your situation. Sans patted the back of your head apologetically while also laughing at your struggle.

“See? The perfect trap.” Eli looked too damn proud of herself.

...Stupid sister.

With the dance floor cleared, it was time for the dancing to begin. Alphys got the game loading, then walked around with a handful of sticks that each had a number from 1 to 5 at one end, with each number appearing on only two sticks. This was how she would determine both the order and match-ups for what she described as a dance-battle royal.

Yours had a 2 on it. Not the 1 you had wanted, but it was borderline acceptable. Especially since it was Frisk and Papyrus facing off in the number 1 position. They deserved to be first, anyways.

The two of them pandered to the crowd more than they aimed for high scores. It was incredibly entertaining, and really would’ve kept your complete attention if you were in a normal position. But no. No you were not in a normal position.

...Goddammit Eli...why would she do this to you? Was it some sort of twisted revenge? Or was she just trying to make things up to you by being overly supportive? You couldn’t tell in the slightest.

“...you can get up if you want to…” Sans was watching the dance-off intently, as if avoiding eye contact. “...didn’t mean to force you into this much...uh...public affection…”

His eyes flicked to you when you remained silent.

“sorry…” He chuckled nervously.

“Don’t you go apologizing to me, mister.” Your heart raced, but you decided to be honest with both him and yourself. “I’m very pro-cuddles. And you give some quality cuddles. I have no complaints with any of this. Well. One. But that’s cause I’m miffed that Eli tossed me into such a scandalous situation. She has her own love life to figure out! She doesn’t need to kickstart mine!”

“...we…we can appreciate her contributions regardless.” He coughed and blushed slightly. “so...you going to get up? or just, uh, chill here?”

“Well, it’s not going to be my turn until they’re done, anyways. No point in getting up.”

“sweet.”

“Then you’ll get to see me tear up the dance floor!”

“i’m sure.” While he was being supportive, you could feel that skepticism.

“I’m actually pretty good at dancing! Because I had to train suuuuuper hard to make up for my magiclessness, Mr. Super-talented-with-lots-of-magic.” You flicked his nose cavity, inciting a cute little sneeze. “Just you wait. You’ll see.”

“you think you can out-dance Papyrus?” Sans covered his nose. “he’s tearing it up out there.”

Indeed he was. Papyrus really was a drama queen and the Japanese idol game had brought out the very best of it in him.

“Well, I’m not sure I can beat those sick crowd-pleasing moves he’s got going on, but I can definitely get a higher score than him.”

“oh reaaaally?” Sans’ brow raised in interest. “i would offer to bet on it, but i’ve seen you gamble. don’t want to lose my life’s savings.”

“We don’t have to bet money!” Your eyes lit up. “We can bet other stuff, too! Like if I win, you’ll agree to ride on the back of my bike on our date tomorrow!”

“...the entire night…?” A small drop of sweat dripped down his skull. He looked worried. Just being in a _car_ with you driving had been scary, much less on a bicycle of doom.

“Of course.”

“...and if i win?” It would have to be something huge to convince him.

“I’ll dance for your turn in the dance-battle royal.” You smirked. He froze. Clearly he hadn’t expected you to know just how little he wanted to do an idol dance in front of everybody.

“i feel like i’m making a deal with the devil…” He covered his face and groaned. “fine. yeah. sure. you had better lose, though.”

“Not likely.”

“well aren’t you smug.”

You patted the side of his face and got up just as the last beat in the song hit. The points were tallied, and Papyrus squeaked a win out over the now-pouting Frisk. There was much rejoicing, then Alphys called for the second round to begin.

Mettaton stepped forward to meet you on the dance floor.

It seemed you were going to have to bring your A-game.


	84. Dancing Queens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: no. No there will not be porn.
> 
> As for everything else...I usually don't like commenting on delays but this was a particularly long one...I apologize for how long it took me to come back to this. I'll be slowly trying to work my way through the backlog of wonderful comments you all left for me, but that may take me a bit. Even still, thank you so much for all of your patience and encouragement. I'll try my best to reply to each of you as quickly as I can.
> 
> Hopefully there won't be another impromptu hiatus like this again. Sorry again.

“Oh darling~” Mettaton looked you up and down. “I hadn’t expected you to be my first opponent! It’s a shame; I had been hoping to save such a dramatic face off for the finale.” He flipped his hair and made a sound like clicking his tongue in distaste. “Really, luck has no sense of proper pacing.”

“C’mon, we have plenty of unnecessary drama to make this exciting.” You glanced up at him, briefly wondering if he had a tongue to click. “Besides. You know that our battle is simply an appetizer for the main event.”

“Oh???” Confusion dominated his expression until he followed your gaze to Papyrus, at which point excited understanding replaced it. “OH YEEEES~! I do like the way you think. It was silly of me to forget what we’re really here for; a chance to dance with the sexy devil that holds each of our hearts.” He licked his lips in a melodramatically sensual manner. Well that answered that question.

You nodded approvingly, trying to ignore the tongue-related questions popping into your mind. Stay on track.

At least Mettaton seemed to understand what you were implying, but he had still only just scraped the surface of what was riding on this dance battle. For you, there was so much more at stake than a fake squabble over a lover; there was your pride and your date plans as well.

But of course, that didn’t stop you from having fun with this set up.

“Unfortunately, I’m the jealous type. And I don’t share.” You stated without any room for negotiation. “While I was nice enough to let you have your fun with my lover with you earlier, that was simply to spare his feelings. I won’t be showing such leniency again! The privilege of dancing with him will be mine.”

“Oh pish posh, darling~. _Your_ lover? Don’t make me laugh. I won’t be handing Pappy - who is _my_ lover, make no mistake - over so easily!” He chuckled and waved his hand dismissively. “And how do you plan on beating me on the dance floor? I’m a professional entertainer - a single dance number is nothing but a warm-up for me. While I’ll admit you aren’t half bad yourself, you’re nothing but a beginner. Pay close attention, dear, and I’ll show you what a it takes to make it in the big leagues.”

“I may not be able to win against you if we were just dancing, but this is a dancing _game_! For this you mimic preset sequences of moves, which is an important difference! While I’m nothing special in the entertainment scene, I won't lose when it comes to mimicking patterns!”

“You seem to be really underestimating the skills of professional dancers.” He snorted. “Hardest song. Hardest difficulty.”

“Naturally.”

“Such conviction. Frankly, it’s adorable, darling.”

“You’ll be thinking of a different adjective after I whoop your ass.”

“...You’re quite the spicy one, aren’t you? It’ll make crushing you all the more delicious~.”

“It’d be wise not to fill up on the appetizer, or you’ll be too full for your main course.”

Lightning shot between the two of you as you shit talked each other in borderline incomprehensible food metaphors. Papyrus was confused, but happy that everyone was excited to try the dancing game. Alphys sighed and scrolled through the songs to find the most difficult one. As much as she wanted to roll her eyes at the two of you, she couldn’t help but smile at how much enthusiasm you both were showing for her silly anime game.

Both you and Mettaton picked your characters - you obviously going for the anime’s main character and Mettaton for the ‘niko ni’ third-year that you didn’t know - and selected maximum difficulty.

The screen went black as the game loaded. Welp, there was no going back now.

While you had talked like this was all fun and games, you really did have to win this one. And considering you were up against Mettaton, you could be certain that anything short of perfect would result in you losing. You were counting on a victory here. For the sake of the fun date you had planned, you had to win.

~

_“While it’s pleasantly surprising that you’ve managed to stay alive so long this time, you’re still going to die at this rate. Your movements are only reactions, and you aren’t going to survive just by doing that. Can really you not remember any of the many times you’ve done this fight? Not a single time?”_

_A sigh._

_“Well, if you can’t remember then it would be wise for you to attempt to predict what I’m going to do. Patterns, sequences, habits...they’re all there. If you can’t remember your failures then at least try to see your failures before they happen. Just understanding what will happen won't save you, though; your body has to react to it just as quickly. By now, though, you should be entirely capable of that.”_

_The shadows formed back into threatening figures._

_“Now, we have a bit more time until it resets again. Let’s try this again, and do try to remember this time.”_

~

Your eyes snapped open as the first note hit. Now wasn’t the time to be reminiscing about silly things like that. You had a dance battle to win.

The dance moves began scrolling at the side, until it was time for the first position to be struck. Observation and action happened simultaneously, your body effortlessly mimicking the rapid-fire move bombarding you.

How simple.

*

“Oh my~! You’re far better than I gave you credit for, darling!” Mettaton kept his voice steady as he strutted through the main chorus. It was actually quite the difficult dance routine, but he had managed to maintain nothing short of a flawless stream of perfects.

Unfortunately and remarkably, you had too.

“Taste this spicy entrée!” You cackled maniacally, blushing in clear exertion but somehow managing just fine through a particularly challenging section.

“Hmm...yes~...quite spicy indeed.” He mulled over his options. He liked you and didn’t want you to lose by any means, nor did he particularly want to lose himself. But a tie was worse than either of those two options.

Ties were, frankly speaking, the most unfulfilling outcome to any sort of competition.

The way things were going, the outcome would most definitely be a tie. It would ruin Alphys’ entire battle royale set up and put her in quite the awkward predicament. Not to mention how selfish it would be to request a tie-breaker and postpone the next pair’s dance.

Mettaton briefly considered losing himself, but losing on purpose would leave a bad taste in his mouth. Especially if he did it in front of Blooky.

That only left one solution:  
Melodramatic sabotage.

The final section of the song began, and Mettaton sighed to himself. Time to be a complete asshole for the sake of showmanship. He hoped you wouldn't mind.

“Darling~?”  He purred in a low voice. “Perhaps now isn’t the best time, but...you simply must know...”

“Hm?” Only a few moves left.

“Well~...” Pause for dramatic effect. “Toriel is Sans’ ex.”


	85. Cheating, too, is a Strategy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, thanks for such a warm welcome back. I hope this sates your metallic-ball-kicking-urges.
> 
> And I did a full maintenance on my bike today! My precious baby is all tuned up!

“WHAT?!” You jumped back in surprise, missing the last three dance moves that passed on your side of the screen. “Goat-mom got with the dorky potato?!”

Sans and Toriel both blushed a slight amount and glanced at each other in confusion. They silently confirmed with each other that they had indeed never dated.

“Hm~? No. No, darling.” Mettaton waved his hand dismissively. “Though I’m surprised you took me so seriously~! It was a joke...or rather a method of distraction. It worked beautifully.”

“Huh?! Wait, so it was a lie???” You were lost in utter confusion. “I mean, I don’t get why they’d break up...she’s a gorgeous goat. Very fluffy. A quality pillow.”

“cuz we weren’t ever together.” Sans interjected with a snort. “can’t really break up if you’re never together.”

“Why didn’t you, though? Look at her! She’s stunning. Those cute little horns on top of that loving, motherly face. What’s not to love about her?!”

“a…are you trying to convince me…” He muttered under his breath.

“Was it because she’s too good for you? Did you get turned down? I’m sorry!” You put a hand to your mouth, hoping you hadn’t brought up any bad memories.

“what? no.”

“You never asked her out?! But she’s a beautiful goat! I would definitely...how do they say it now? ‘Tap dat sweet ass’? Is that right?” You tried to remember the slang your void dad had learned with you. Undyne burst into laughter, falling off the couch and gasping for air. “Hey! Shush you! Why are you laughing?!”

“...how old do you think Tori is, ___?” Sans called your attention back, trying not to laugh himself.

“Maybe Lillianna’s age?” You tilted your head and pouted when a snicker escaped his teeth. “What?! She is, isn’t she??? That’s mother age, right??? Is she in her _late_ thirties, then???”

“Oh my, how kind of you.” Toriel blushed and whispered softly.

“she’s more of a goat-grandma than a goat-mom.” Sans elaborated, covering his mouth in an ever failing attempt to keep himself from laughing. “as _goat_ as she looks, you shouldn’t, ah, ‘tap’ someone thrice your-”

“Refrain from finishing that thought, Serif, or I assure you that you shall never eat another unburt meal.” Toriel suddenly cut him off with a motherly smile and a gentle chuckle. Sans froze and shut the fuck up instantly, to which Toriel nodded approvingly and shifted her eyes to Mettaton. “And you. Mettaton. Pardon my language…” She gently put a paw over each of Frisk’s ears. “...The fuck kind of absolute bullshit are you spouting?”

“Wh-what seems to be the problem, darling~?” He stuttered, trying to play innocent.

“Oh cut the crap, would you? And don’t you ‘darling’ me, mister, lest you tempt me into hiring Alphys to make you into my newest kitchen appliance.” She huffed indignantly. “Such a disgraceful way to force her into losing.”

“Eh? I lost?” You froze.

“Yes, darling~.” Mettaton gestured to the screen, where it declared that he had indeed won.

“BUT HOW?!”

“You missed the last few steps in your surprise and shock. It was a shame I had to resort to such tactics, but you were a truly ferocious opponent.”

“You mean...YOU LIED SO THAT I’D MESS UP?! THAT’S CHEATING!”

“I prefer the phrase ‘underhanded strategy’, dear~.”

“Alphys!” You whipped around. “He gets disqualified for cheating, right?!”

She stuttered, then simply shrugged in complete uncertainty as to what to do from here.

“Ah, but you were the one to point out that this wasn’t merely dancing, but rather a dancing _game_.” Mettaton pointed out with an arrogant smirk. “Thus, should it not be the game that determines the winner?”

“...You’re a dick.” You breathed in disbelief.

“I get that a lot~.”

“Fine! I’ll accept your douchebag strategy.” You crossed your arms. “But from now on the loser gets to revenge punish the winner, okay?”

“I-I’ll allow it!” Alphys declared quickly, breathing a sigh of relief.

“Hm? A sore loser are we~?”

“Damn straight I am.” You strut away from him, your pride untouched by your loss. “Sans, could you do me a favour?”

“is this for the punishment? if so then hell yeah.” This was the first time you saw him so eager to expend effort.

“Yup. I just need you to get me a few things from Eli’s closet.” You jotted a short list onto a sticky note and handed it to Sans. He blinked in surprise, then his grin widened in unadulterated glee.

“this is glorious.” He chuckled then vanished.

*

Mettaton stared into the mirror, both horrified and disgusted.

“You look amazing, darling~.” You mimicked his usual tone.

“I look like an abomination! A complete piece of trash monstrosity! Vulgar! Hideous!” He collapsed to the floor, wailing in agony. “How could you do this to me?! I thought we were friends!”

He wore a YOLO visor upside down on top of a stack of three sideways SWAG baseball caps, his hair parted straight down the middle and almost mimicking the golden arches. Each brim had it’s own set of sunglasses resting on it, though he himself wore only the plastic striped type of glasses. An oversized tie-dye shirt draped over him and tucked into a set of boxershorts. Well beneath this, a pair of neon green pants were belted up beneath his butt, the bottom cuffs tucked into his purple socks and sandals.

It was like his outfit had been chosen by a color-blind alien that only knew of the worst fashion trends in human history.

“Don’t forget your sweater.” You tied the 90s neon jacket around his waist, then clipped a fanny pack on top. “There. Your look is complete.”

“Please! Have mercy on me! I’ll concede my victory to you! Just stop this madness!” Mettaton sobbed, miraculously not ruining the overdone anime eyeliner you had put on him.

“Too late.” You glanced over at your partner in crime. Sans was having way too much fun with this; even going so far as repeatedly teleport to get pictures from every angle. “Okay. Now that that’s settled, time for the next group! Number 3, right?”

“O-oh! Y-yeah!” Alphys quickly put her phone away. “I-I guess i-its my turn then, haha, uh yeah, Idon’treallyhavetogoifyoudon’twant-”

“Your turn Alphys. Seduce us with your sweet moves.” You smiled with encouraging determination. “Who’re you up against?”

_”Blooky! It’s Blooky’s turn, too!”_ Frisk waved their hands frantically to get your attention.

“........oh………….i would hate to ruin your party……..”

“No. We need you!” You protested quickly, grabbing the ghost and swinging him around. “It won’t be fun for anybody if you two don’t duke it out! Dance it out?”

“..........if you say so……” Napstablook couldn’t hide that smile from you.

Alphys and Napstablook hesitantly took their spots in the middle of the room. Everyone pointedly ignored the poorly dressed abomination in the corner and cheered on the two shy contenders.

“D-do you th-think we could do B-bokura no LIVE kimi to no LIFE?” Alphys glanced around self-consciously. “I-it’s just th-that that’s one I-I know pretty well…”

“.......i know that one….too………” Blooky nodded gently, shifting around in the air uncertainly. “......i don’t know how i’ll play though…………”

“Wh-why not? I-it’s okay! W-we can mess up t-together, right?” Alphys fiddled with her hands, trying to be supportive. “I-it’s really just for fun anyways!”

“.....its not that...just….i don’t really have arms……..” He looked down at himself. “...or legs for that matter.”

Everyone froze.

Not a single person in the room had thought of this.

“Well, fuck.”


	86. Legs so Fine They Blow Your Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that should've been all the comments. Please let me know if I missed any of you!

How a person with no arms or legs could possibly play a dancing game is truly a difficult conundrum. Alas, it seems an impossible situation. But of course the brilliant mind of a once-in-a-generation genius using all their gifts and talents could potentially cook up a solution to such an unsolvable matter.

Unfortunately, unbeknownst to you, you were no such genius.

“...This is by far the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen.” Undyne was awe of the stupidity before her.

“I feel like I have failed as a mother, and I am not even her mother.” Toriel sobbed into her paws.

“Imagine how I feel.” Eli patted Toriel’s shoulder sadly, like a broken machine.

“HUMAN ___? I’M STARTING TO WONDER IF THIS WILL EVEN WORK.” Even Papyrus was losing faith.

“What do you mean?” You blinked in confusion. “I’ll totally work.”

“.................are you sure…..?......” Napstablook hovered uncertainly in the air, unsure if he should be embarrassed for you or for himself.

“Oh come on, guys! It’ll work!” You looked around only to see doubtful glances. “Shame on all of you! Frisk! You don’t think it’s stupid, right?!”

_”...Well, you certainly...tried. **I knew you were dumb, but you’ve just reached a whole new level of idiocy. Congratulations.** ...I have a difficult time arguing with them on this.”_

“Traitor. You’ll all feel super dumb when we get this game going and Blooky demolishes the competition!” You tried to ignore the naysayers, but couldn’t keep your smile from drooping slightly.

“don’t worry, i believe in you, babe.” Sans gave you a big thumbs up, smile as wide as the Cheshire cat’s.

“Stop encouraging her!” Eli repeated to him for the umpteeth time, exaspiration squeezing her voice.

“Thank you, Sans. At least someone believes in me.” You huffed and turned back to Napstablook, revitalized. “Why don’t you do a practice song to show all these losers how awesome your limbs are! You got this, Blooky!”

“...............” Napstablook didn’t know how to say that he most certainly did not ‘got this’ in the face of such purity.

Well...he’d give it a shot. Even if this was, without a doubt, the most ridiculous thing he had ever done. At least, he would have if a certain metal fashion criminal hadn’t chosen then to let his sobbing abate for long enough for him to notice things outside his own suffering.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY BOOTS?!” Mettaton screeched, busting into the room abruptly. “And are those my spare arms?!”

“If I say yes, will you take them away?”

“WHY ARE THEY TAPED TO BLOOKY?!”

“Because I couldn’t find any glue.”

“...You. Were going to. _Glue_. My custom ordered. Louis Vuitton boots.”

“Eh, you can afford new ones.”

“THAT ISN’T THE POINT HERE! STOP ABUSING MY POOR BOOTS!”

“Well Blooky needs to dance somehow.”

“And HOW _exactly_ is **taping** MY BOOTS AND ARMS to him going to make it ANY EASIER for him to dance.” Mettaton’s lip twitched in irritation.

You opened your mouth to respond with a detailed and brilliant explanation, but stopped when you realized that you didn’t have one. Your eyes widened, suddenly seeing how simply having arms and legs taped on doesn’t really help with the whole dancing thing. Because dancing requires using said limbs. As in, dexterously.

Not even glue would be able to make your solution viable.

“Holy shit this was a dumb idea.”

Sans burst into laughter, rolling around on the couch with tears forming at the corner of his eye sockets.

“y-your faaace!” He squealed with joy.

“I trusted you! You said it was a good idea!” You flushed a light red. “You even found the tape for me!”

“just being supportive, love.” What a shit eating grin he had.

“Well then,” You cocked your head challengingly, “Why don’t you keep being such a supporting boyfriend and help me come up with a new plan?”

“...yes, love.” He sighed and turned to Alphys. “i’m guessing you don’t have an extra robot body just laying around, do you?”

“A-actually…” Alphys fiddled with her fingers and looked towards the basement doors.

Somewhere, a pin dropped.

*

You stood over the mechanical body Alphys had taken to calling ‘Napstabot’. It certainly suited his personality better than the more flamboyant Mettaton model.

“So what you’re saying is...you can’t possess it.”

“......sorry………” Napstblook sank, trying to make himself smaller.

“No no no. It’s not a problem.” You patted him on the head with a reassuring smile. “Can I ask why?”

“......i can never do it right……...mettaton’s so much better than i am at becoming corporeal…………..” He looked sadly at the limp robo-body, tears forming in his eyes. “.........alphys worked so hard……..”

“Because she wanted to. It’s okay if you can’t do it right now! I’m sure you’ll get there eventually.” You sat cross-legged next to the sagging ghost. “Hey, do you think you could give it a try for me? It’s alright if you can’t. Maybe I’ll see something you haven’t yet! I’m pretty good when it comes to troubleshooting magic, if I do say so myself.”

“.....ill just waste your time…”

“Think of it as a friendship exercise. And friendship exercises are never a waste of time.” You gave him a devious look out of the corner of your eye. “Besides. I’m actually really curious. Please show me!”

“............okay…” He looked just a little bit better, though he still appeared hesitant. “......just…..dont expect much...…….”

“Hush. I know for a fact you got this.” You gently reached over and removed the talisman from his forehead. “I believe in you.”

“............” His eyes widened, and a different kind of tear formed in his eyes. He gave a barely noticeable nod.

It took him a moment to gather his courage, then the ghost sank into robot’s chest.

You watched in all seriousness, paying close attention to the way his magic interacted with the metal body. If all he had to do was form a bonding sequence like the one Mettaton was using, then he was by no means incapable of creating and maintaining one. While Mettaton certainly had more magical power, Napstablook was clearly more conscientious in its use. There was hardly any waste in Napstablook’s magic sequences, especially when compared to the inefficient machine upstairs.

In the brief moments he was able to remain inside his prospective body, you saw the issue. If you had thought a little hard beforehand, it would be obvious that this would be the problem.

He was too shy and hesitant. Afraid to get it wrong. Certain in his failure before he had even tried.

Napstablook materialized from the lifeless body, tears just about ready to fall from his eyes.

“.......sorry…….im sorry…..”

“Blooky.” You said gently. “I’ve got a better idea than this silly robot body, anyways.”

You opened your arms for a hug. He gave you a confused look.

“.......i cant…the talisman…”

“We don’t need a silly thing like that for this.” You gently tapped your chest. “I want you to possess me.”

“!!!” He squeaked in surprise. “i cant do that!”

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you. Like I said; I know a thing or two about magic. Trust me.” You winked.

“...but!.......it wont-”

“It will. Because you can. I’m just going to give you a little help is all.”

“.........are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“..............okay. ill try.”

“That’s what I like to hear! Now let’s make this body into a soul party!”


	87. Gap Moe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's pretty obvious that Malik_likeswaffles inspired the begining of this chapter. Or rather...their comment made it impossible to NOT do it this way.
> 
> This is totally written for myself. It's dumb and glorious and I love it.

“.....im pretty sure this isn’t…………..going to work…...sorry….”

“Trust, Blooky. I totally know what I’m doing.”

“....i dont have arms…….”

“Just wiggle with it!”

“...........”

“Don’t you give me that judgemental stare! Let’s just do it, okay?”

“........alright.”

“Wonderful.”

You stood facing opposite each other.

“Fuuuu….”  
“.......fu…”

You swung your arms towards Blooky, and he swayed in mock motion.

“Siiiiiiiiioooooooonnnnn…”  
“......sion…”

You turn your arms back and raised your leg, and Blooky did his best mimicry.

“ **HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!** ”  
“ha!”

You headbutted each other and the world flashed with a blast of magic.

*

Sans was mildly concerned. You had been downstairs for a while without making any indication of how things were going...well other that loud shattering-explosion sound. But those were the sounds of you trying your best, he was sure.

Still...he was a bit worried. He clicked the lock button on his phone. You still hadn’t replied.

Ugh. He really wanted to go downstairs and make sure everything was going alright. You probably wanted to make a dramatic entrance, though, so he remained seated, stewing in pointless worrying.

Yeah, you were probably fine. Always were. Besides, it wasn’t like Alphys would just leave dangerous things laying around in her basement, right?

…

He should probably go check on you.

Before he could get up, though, there was a soft click and the basement door opened a slight amount. Your head peeked around the corner, and you just about ready to cry.

Sans’ soul throbbed.

“what happened?!” He was next to you in a heartbeat, gently taking your trembling hand.

“~!!!” You let out a soft squeak with red flushing your face, tears welling up and threatening to pour down your cheeks.

And then they did. You just started sobbing. Right there.

Sans was at a loss. It almost felt like his soul had shattered, but at the same time it was burning with a murderous passion. He really didn’t know what to do with either of these feelings, so he just sort of stood there like a deer caught in the headlights while you sobbed in his arms.

Should he try and comfort you? But how do you comfort someone?! He didn’t even know what was wrong! Maybe he could go destroy whatever it was that you were crying over? Fix whatever problem broke you like this? But would you even want that?! You’d want him to stay and make you feel better, right?

..RIGHT?!

Externally, he calmly yet stiffly patted your head. Internally, he screamed louder than old brakes on a bus.

“Sans. What did you do to my sister.” Eli’s eyes narrowed at him, finally noticing your return from the basement. Sans flinched. God your older sister could be intimidating when she wanted to be.

“nothing! she just sorta...started crying all of a sudden?” His voice cracked, turning back to look at you. His soul felt like a stone sinking deep into thick water seeing you like this. He gently tried to help wipe tears from your eyes.

And you just started crying harder and whimpering out a machinegun of sorries.

“HUMAN ___!” Papyrus strode over in a few steps, worry creasing his features, and scooped your crumpling body into his arms. “THERE THERE, HUMAN ___. FEAR NOT, THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS OKAY! NYEH!”

Undyne stepped into the room with a plate of food and froze when she saw you. The food was dropped to the floor when she pulled out a spear and roared a battle cry to the high heavens. Without a moment of indecision, she went barreling down the basement stairs to bring whatever had caused your sadness to JUSTICE!

Papyrus cradled you like a child and put you down into Toriel’s lap. She let out a soft ‘oh my!’ and chuckled warmly. Between the two of them, your tears slowed until they dried off your cheeks.

Sans smiled. Everyone else seemed to know exactly what to do. There was a slight nagging at his soul, but he chose to ignore it.

As long as you were alright.

“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED DOWN HERE?!” Undyne’s voice came from the basement, slightly muffled. A few moments later, Sans could hear her thumping back up the stairs. “Okay. First of all, Alphy? I didn't do it this time.” Undyne coughed awkwardly, closing the door behind her oddly gently. “Second. WHERE THE FOGHORN IS BLOOKY?! He isn’t down there ANYWHERE! And I mean anywhere; I checked every nook and cranny! And even before I got down there...the window was broken and the bookshelf knocked over! The place looked ransacked!”

“My darling Blooky is gone?!” Mettaton gasped. “But how?! Where?! We have to find him!”

“Do you think he went home?” Eli raised a brow, clearly thinking they were overreacting. Sans didn’t agree with her assumption.

“No. He wouldn’t have. Not yet. He would’ve told me.” Mettaton nervously brought his perfectly manicured nails to his lips. “He loves anime night and wouldn’t leave without me.”

“...I’m starting a search party.” Undyne stated decisively. “I WILL DESTROY WHOEVER DID THIS!”

“Easy, Undyne.” Toriel held up a hand to calm her, quickly shifting back to a comforting tone to address you. “My child, what happened? Are you alright?”

“...im sorry…” You whimpered, voice cracking. “.....i didn’t mean to make such a mess…….im ruining your party……..maybe i should go home…..youd have more fun without me………….”

“OH!!!” Mettaton stopped chewing his fake nails and snapped to attention. “That distinctive shyness! That self-depreciation! That self-loathing tone!” He grabbed your face, tilting it to look up at him. “BLOOKY, MY DARLING BLOOKY!”

“...mettaton…….” Your eyebrows pinched together and the waterworks started right back up again. You stumbled out of Toriel’s lap and hid in Mettaton’s open arms, sobbing into his disgusting technicolour t-shirt.

Jealousy flared in Sans’ soul. He didn’t like this image. He didn’t like it one bit.

“Wait. THAT’S BLOOKY?!” Undyne screeched, and you visibly flinched.

“.......___….___ wanted to help me possess something……………..” You mumbled, lip trembling. “...............i couldn’t do alphys’ robot…...so she…….she told me to use her……….i shouldnt have…………….”

“My _darling~_! Blooky, I’m so proud of you! Your first successful possession!” Mettaton proclaimed like a proud mother. “I will be sure to thank ___ later. Until then you _absolutely_ **must** flaunt your corporeality!”

“..........okay.” Small tears still dripped from your eyes, but you were smiling softly.

God, Sans wished you were showing him that smile. So shy and meek...so unlike you but at the same so adorable that he would have difficulty containing himself. There was just something about the way you were acting that was making his soul act up. His eyes locked onto your trembling lips...he could ki-

He quickly smacked his face into a pillow.

No! That wasn’t even you! BLOOKY NEEDED TO STOP LOOKING LIKE YOU!!!

“ARE YOU ALRIGHT, BROTHER?” Papyrus gently rolled him back over.

“... _peachy_.”

“oh…….youre upset i took your…………..” You blushed shyly, hands shooting up to cover your face in embarrassment. “........precious person………….i….i can go….”

Sans’ cheeks flushed a dark blue.

“no. it’s alright, lo-...Napstablook.” It was a fight to keep his voice steady. Even you just standing sheepishly like that was making his soul do stupid shit.

“....im sorry……” Tears dripped down your cheeks, but Mettaton was there to wipe them away. Sans had to swallow a possessive growl.

“Now now, Blooky darling. There’s nothing to cry about.” Damn that stupid toaster’s seductive voice to hell. “How about you do that thing with the hat?”

“...dapperblook?” You looked up at him hopefully.

“Yes, dapperblook~. I love your dapperblook. And then you, as the dapper fellow you are, can start your dance-battle with Alphys. What do you think?”

“......yes!” You made a cute little determined look up at Mettaton. Sans internally melted. He quickly grabbed a bottle of ketchup, hoping to distract himself. His soul couldn’t take this.

The tears that leaked from your eyes stopped obeying gravity and swirled around you. Glowing white tears encased your body and burst into clothing.

“A-ANIME TRANSFORMATION SEQUEEEEEEENCEEEEE!!!!” Alphys screamed in nerdy surprise, eyes sparkling in awe and adoration.

When the transformation was over, you had much more than just a dapper hat. Sure you had a little hat on, but it was a small mock-sailor hat with two white feathers to adorn it. More importantly, though, you were wearing a short white dress with blue and gold accents. The look was completed by knee-high, blue-laced, pure white boots.

Together, Sans and Alphys collapsed to the ground in with an anime-esque moment of nosebleed explosion.

Upon closer inspection, Sans’ nosebleed was actually ketchup, but the effect was much the same. ~~You~~ Napstablook froze in horror.

“ItstheperfectcosplayofHanayointheWonderfulRushsetofcards…” Alphys rambled out in a sigh of bliss.

“...it’s too cute…” Sans whispered to himself, and covered his face while groaning in frustration. Why did Blooky have to be you?!

“No time for napping, Alphys darling.” Mettaton tsked playfully and picked her up from the ground, setting her on her feet in front of the TV. “If I recall correctly, you two still have a dance-battle to participate in! After all, my darling Blooky can’t strut his stuff without an opponent!”

“mettaton…!” You squealed in embarrassment.

“No. It’s alright.” Alphys held up a hand to stop your protests. “He’s right. Let’s dance.”

“That’s the spirit!” Mettaton flicked his hair arrogantly.

“...Alphys…” Undyne raised a brow. “I thought you’d be a lot more...y’know...hesitant? You’re dancing in front of everyone, you know that, right?”

“I-I know that dear. Just…” Alphys snapped up, blushing and panting heavily like the otaku she was. “I HAVE TO SEE THIS COSPLAY IN ACTION!!! I-I don’t care about a-anything else~!”

You blushed darkly. Sans mentally seconded Alphys’ proposition.

Mettaton didn’t waste any time getting the song set up. Alphys insisted ~~you~~ Napstablook play as Hanayo, not that he protested.

Napstablook was awful at dancing. But at the same time, Sans couldn’t keep his eyes off you. He sighed in adoration, finally too tired to bother fighting it anymore. Meek and quiet you was cute it it’s own way. And hot damn did you look good dancing, regardless of skill level.

He needed to buy you a dress like that sometime.

Mettaton and Undyne yelled encouragement at the two nerds unsuccessfully stumbling through Bokura no LIVE kimi to no LIFE. As the song dragged on, the two of them progressively began sounding more and more like suburban soccer moms. And then they started trash talking each other. Which led to them throwing down in the back of the room. The embarrassed participants ignored their shameful supporters.

In the end, Alphys won. Napstablook may have known the song, but Alphys was nerdy enough to know the dance that went along with it and it showed. It didn’t really matter, though, since you both were smiling the entire time.

Napstablook congratulated a sweaty Alphys, and daintily strided over to Sans. Sans raised a brow.

“what’s up?” Sans carefully studied your face, unsure of what Napstablook wanted.

“....thanks for letting me borrow your girlfriend.” The gentle, reserved way you smiled up at him made his soul pulsate.

“n...no problem…” Sans scratched the back of his neck, trying desperately to keep his blush from showing.

“....there’s just one thing she wants me to do before i give her back……...”

Suddenly, your hands were at his jaw, pulling him down to your level. You lips pressed his bones softly, placing a small, chaste kiss to his cheek.

“.......she really loves you, you know?”

And with that, the shy ghost slipped out of your body and scurried off. Sans was left with nothing but your limp body in his arms and a ferocious dark blush on his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if any of you care or not, but I made a Tumblr blog just for the fanarts I've been given! If your art wasn't on Tumblr, I didn't transfer it over, but I would like to if you still wish to give it!
> 
> Honestly, just do anything there with the blog. Ask questions. Submit whatever you feel like. Just have a good time, you guys!
> 
>  
> 
> I hope this works.
> 
> If it doesn't this is the URL:  
> https://rrga-on-ao3.tumblr.com/


	88. A Dance Just For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uwaaaaa you guys are way too nice in the comments section. It's so touching.
> 
> And I did see the thing about Eli and Paps. I'll give them their own chapter sometime :)

Getting possessed was a trip and a half. You didn’t realize just how much pain your soul was perpetually in until you got slammed in the face with Napstablook’s brand of magic painkillers. Well, it really was just having a magic source powering through your body.

So, basically, you were hit in the soul with sudden pain relief. And like any of the good drugs, your thought process wasn’t exactly… _sober_ while on it.

You didn’t help Blooky adjust to the new body in the slightest. In fact, you were more of a hinderance than any perceivable form of help. He calmed your distracting ramblings about love, dancing, and just the world in general being great, and coaxed your soul into a humming, almost purring, state of quiet bliss. With you finally quiet, he managed to figure out your muscles well enough to manage climbing the stairs on his third try himself.

He unsteadily walked your body up the stairs and slowly opened the door into the living room. Everybody else seemed to be doing their own thing, and Blooky sighed in relief.

You suddenly let out a loud squeal, one which only Napstablook, sharing your body, could hear. You had spotted Sans~! That sweet hunk of man meat. Meatless man. Bone-man. He teleported across the room once he noticed you, the lazy butt <3.

Awwwwww he was worried about youuu~. You cooed and squealed out your love, though you had absolutely no control over your body so it was all internal. What a perfect boi! Your perfect boi. You get to date that quality boi, that one looking down at you with concern <3\. You loved it when he watched over you like this; letting you do your own thing, but hovering somewhere nearby to make sure you were alright. The good boi deserved smooches. All the smooches. Right there. On the teef.

Napstablook couldn’t stop the blush rising to his human face. It was difficult to block out your cooing and fawning, and he didn’t know what to do with this.

You froze, unsure why your Blooky boi was hesitant. Then you realized your error! He must be sad you were only squeeing over your boyfriend! Sure, Sans was a good boi, the best boi, but Blooky was ALSO good boi! A perfect blob boi. The cutest of floating blobs. Friend-material blob.

Napstablook couldn’t deal with your sudden barrage of positivity towards him, and began crying.

Nooooooooooo. No crying precious blob boi! See, look, your good boi was being a cutie and wiping Blooky tears gone! So no sads! Everybody has lurvs for the blob boi. So much lurv. All the lurv.

Naturally, this didn’t help in the slightest and Blooky began squeaking out apologies at everyone and everything.

Your body was suddenly scooped up by Papyrus. Maaaaaan he was taaaaaaall! No wonder Eli wanted to tap dat. It was almost like you were in a little airplane nyuming through the living room! Quality plane. Best plane. Woosh~. Upon landing, you were smacked straight into the fluffiest of pillow. Hehe, fit for a, haha, QUEEN! Oh my lord you were funny. Hilarious even. If you remembered, you would tell it to Sans! Your good boi would think you’re funny, too!

Napstablook managed to pull himself together. You had only told him what you truly thought of him, so he shouldn’t have let himself get so overwhelmed. Yeah! You had lent him your body, and he should do his best with it!

He did his best to interact with the others, answering Toriel’s questions and reassuring Mettaton that he was alright.

Of course you sulked when he hugged Mettaton. Stupid robot. You  reasoned that your body should be hugging the good boi, the boney hunk of manless meatlessness. Not the glorified toaster. Bad Blooky. Hug the other one. Go. Do it. The good boi is waaaaaaay cuter, anyways. Look at him! He’s hug shaped!

Napstablook was getting better at dealing with you, though, so he made no such motions for hugs. Instead he talked with ~~Mettaton~~ stupid toaster boi.

Sans smacked his face into a pillow, and you wailed internally! Bad boi! No smack smack. Then you realized he could be mad about you selling your body to a ghost. But Napsta-blob too cute to resist! It wasn’t your faaaaaaaaault!

Napstablook instantly felt guilty. It was hard to hold back his tears. Then Mettaton talked to him gently, and suggested a dapperblook.

That sounded so cooooool~! You instantly began begging Napstablook to show you! Gotta see the dapper-napster!

When Napstablook used magic, it was almost nostalgic. Right. This is what casting magic felt like. You had almost forgotten. Then again, it was a feeling you’d never forget.

But hey. Floofy dress. So frilly and cuuuuute! 1-hit-KO on the dorks! Behold! Dapperblook 2.0! The second generation of dapperness! All bow before the seductive god NAPSTA___! MWAH HA HA!

Napstablook was horrified at your cackling, and the fact that he had just murdered two of his friends with sex appeal.

You were incredibly enthusiastic about the dance floor, and were almost as bad as Mettaton and Undyne. At least you didn’t start brawling in the back of the room, though. Or your body. Wherever you were.

Every now and again you’d pester Blooky to glance over at Sans. Just to make sure he was looking~! You whimpered like a little lost puppy, begging until Blooky would cave and quickly snatch a glance of your good boi watching you with that expression that just made you want to drag him into the warmest of snuggles <3! Then you’d be super excitable, trying to help Napstablook navigate through the dance routine. But after a bit you’d be sobbing, grovelling all over again and wailing for Blooky to make sure your good boi was watching.

It made Napstablook very tired. But he couldn’t help but smile to himself about how much you wanted to impress Sans.

You needed your good boi! You had done did a good! You wanted praise! You and Blooky had danced so good!!! Maybe you’d be rewarded with kisses! You wanted kisses. But you weren’t sure you could initiate a kiss...not for no reason, anyways…sure you _could_...but it wasn’t like you had an excuse this time! But you wanted da skelly smoochy smooch~!!!

Napstablook chuckled. He could help with that.

*

You had done did da smooches. Just after your body pressed a kiss to Sans’ cheek and fucking STATED OUTRIGHT YOUR FEELINGS WITH WORDS AND SHIT, Napstablook slipped from your body and left you to deal with the rest. You hadn’t expected his abrupt exit, so you ended up fumbling with your body’s inner controls for a long few moments of being a limp noodle in Sans’ arms.

Sans poked your cheek uncertainly. No. Stahp. So tired. So embarrassed. Nobody home. You only managed a mangled grumble of protest, though. Sans let out a little snicker. God you loved that little laugh. It revived the want for smooches all over again.

BUT! You had to resist! As cute and perfect as he was, you were totally unconscious. Yes. 100%. Make like a potato and sleep your problems away.

!!!

If Sans was a potato. And you became a potato. Then...by God...

“...you okay there?!” Sans became worried when he felt small tears trickling down your cheeks. “what’s wrong?! are you hurt?”

“...Saaaannns! Our kids are going to be french fries! Goddamn french fries! I don’t even like french fries…!”

“. . .” He froze. “wait, you don’t like french fries?!”

“I dun wan our kids to be tiny lil deep fried potatoes of laziness!”

“put the kids on the backburner.” He forced you back to the real question at hand. “how can you not like french fries?! they’re amazing!”

“They be like messed up potatoes. Itty bitty potatoes that aren’t a full potato! Sure, maybe they’re alright with a burger, but just french fries? I can’t do that.”

“are you sure you won’t _ever_ want french fries?” He furrowed his brow and looked down at you. “it’s different when they’re your own french fries.”

“They’re just so expensive...” You whined.

“but they’re worth it.”

“Not to me.” You shook your head into his chest.

“i don’t know.” He sighed. “i always thought that we’d have a bunch of french fries together...i can’t see myself _not_ having french fries.”

“You can have some! Just not with me…”

“why don’t we go to Toriel’s sometime and you can try her french fries. you can see if you like them, and there’s no commitment.”

“But even if I like Toriel’s french fries, that doesn’t mean I’ll like ALL french fries or even want my own.”

“well...i have no choice but to respect how you feel.” Sans nodded sadly, patting your back.

“Thank you, Sans.” You gave him a big hug.

You hadn’t realized french fries would be such a big deal to him. Maybe you’d give them a shot next time, but you weren’t going to hold your breath that you would like them. Too salty. Too greasy.

Undyne grabbed the two of you, dragged you across the house, and tossed you outside. She huffily commanded you to ‘think about what you’d done’ before coming back in.

“...Rude.” You huffed and sat on the porch step. “I don’t get what we even did to deserve this!”

“i could wager a guess.” Sans chuckled softly and sat down next to you.

You looked up at the dark sky. You were too far into the city to see much more than the brighter stars. Glancing over at Sans, he was doing the exact same thing, and seemed just as disappointed.

“...are you okay? as in really okay.” He muttered quietly.

“Yup. Blooky possession actually felt really good.” Your expression dropped, remembering the feeling of magic, but you quickly shoved that to the back of your mind. “How about you? Did I cross any boundaries?”

“...no. i wouldn’t say that you did…” He hesitated, but eventually chose to continue. “...i did get a touch jealous, though.”

“About what? You wanted to get inside me first or something?” You teased sarcastically, then froze when Sans choked. “Not like that!!! You’re not a ghost or a familiar so merging with me like that would be impossible, right?! That’s what I meant!”

“almost gave me a heart attack there, babe.” He snickered with a shrug. “it wasn’t all bad. i got to see you dance again, which was nice. though i’ll get to see you dancing again soon.”

“Eh? What do you mean?” You blinked in confusion. “I lost so no battle royale for me.”

“exactly; you lost. so that means you’ll do my dancing for me.” He looked so smug. “remember our bet, love?”

“What? No. I lost the battle but won the war. I lost against Mettaton, but I totally got a higher score than Papyrus.”

“that’s not how the bet went.”

“Yes it was! Don’t even try to trick me on this one; I don’t forget my bets easily!”

“damn. cmon. please?”

“I would love to, my lovely Sansy, but unfortunately I want to see you dancing, too.” You booped his nose cavity. “Besides, I _reeeeally~_ want you on the back of my motorcycle.”

“...can i retroactively add the stipulation of no trick riding?” He turned to you, clinging to his last bit of hope.

“Not a chance.” You smiled.

He gave you a sour look.

“Ugh, okay, fine. I won over Papyrus, so you’re riding my bike tomorrow evening BUT I didn’t win against Mettaton, so I’ll do your public dance off. Deal?” You offered him a small mercy. For some reason or another, he was dead set against dancing in front of everybody all the way down to the core of his soul.

“i’ll take it.” His reply was instant and filled with relief.

You hummed in contentment. It really was a shame you couldn’t see too many stars from here. Sans shifted next to you and suddenly there was an outstretched hand in front of you.

“Eh?” You blinked at it, and looked up at Sans.

“...might not be so good at those pop-idol dances, but...well you said you wanted to see me dancing anyways.”

You stared at him for a long few moments, then a warm smile grew on your lips. You took his hand and he pulled you to your feet. He gently guided your hands onto his shoulders, then slide his onto your waist.

“Full disclosure: I’ve never danced like this before.” You chuckled, not quite nervous but with butterflies in your stomach.

“really? you seemed to know how to dance pretty well before.” There was a slight blush dusting his cheeks, but he didn’t seem to care.

“That was different.”

“well, i guess i’ll just have to show you then. it’s pretty easy.”

*

Eli watched through the window discreetly. You seemed fine, but she was still worried about your stab wound. The very least she could do was to give you a night to be happy.

“Hey, Pappy?” She tapped Papyrus’ arm. “You said Undyne taught you how to play the piano?”

“ONLY A LITTLE BIT! OF COURSE, A LITTLE BIT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH WITH MY TALENTS!” He puffed his chest out proudly. “STILL, UNDYNE IS A MUCH BETTER PIANIST. WHY DO YOU ASK, ELI?”

“Just wondering if you wanted to help me be a…’low-key’ wingman if you will.” She pointed towards the two of you fumbling around on the porch, presumably without any music. “Also, do you think she’ll have a violin?”

“I THINK ALPHYS BOUGHT ONE AFTER A MUSIC ANIME? SOMETHING ABOUT LYING IN APRIL…” He rubbed his chin.

“Perfect. Then let’s get those two dorks some mood music.” Eli chuckled.

Papyrus’ eyes lit up and he quickly whisked Eli away to Undyne’s music room. Eli opened up the windows, cursing the cold fall breeze and hoping the neighbours wouldn’t mind too much.

*

Just as you were getting the hang of this slow-dancing thing, a soft piano-violin duet carried through the night. It was a simple song, but one that was easier to dance to than silence. You locked eyes with Sans and the two of you burst into laughter.

“God I love those two. Haven’t heard Eli play in forever! You think the other is Papyrus?”

“probably. Undyne likes playing ridiculously difficult songs.”

“I can just imagine her smacking her face on the keys complaining that a song is too slow and simple!” You laughed at the image.

“that’s the _key_ to her success, though. it’s a _major_ part of what makes her Undyne.” He smirked.

“Shush.” You chuckled, putting a hand to his mouth. “If our siblings-dearest hear us, they might take our music away.”

“okay, okay, i’ll give it a _rest_. on another _note_ , it seems you’ve stopped clobbering my feet! i’m so proud.”

“Sans!” You tried not to smile. You failed.

“yes, love? am i in _treble_?” He raised is brow bones innocently.

“Yes! Yes you are!”

“aw. that’s not good.” He pretended this was an awful revelation. “whatever could i do to regain your favour?”

You almost said a joking reply, but hesitated. Subin had told you to stop bottling everything up. Maybe...maybe if it was him.

“are you okay?” Sans asked quietly, noting how you’d gone silent and your expression had fallen.

“...Hey, Sans? If anything ‘resets’ again, then please just come to me and tell me what happened, okay?” You looked up at him with a sad smile. “Promise me that.”

“...___…” His smile dropped off his face like a rock into water.

“It’s okay. I’ll never not believe you, no matter how much is reset. And I hate forgetting. I hate it. I hate it more than anything else.” You looked down at your feet, still moving with the music. “...My...my mom was the time mage before Frisk. So believe me when I tell you that I understand what goes on with it. I just...can’t remember anymore. Another lovely side effect of having no magic…” You chuckled dryly. This was an awful thing to have brought up.

And suddenly you were being hugged.

“alright.”

This was all you needed.

“i’ll keep you up to date on all the _staff_.” He said a bit louder.

Aaaand he ruined it. Your music cut out abruptly and a distinct scream of frustration echoed through the night in its place.

“OH I GIVE UP! THERE’S NO HOPE FOR HIM!”

“We tried.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Mossy for helping me with the atrocity that was (is?) this chapter.


	89. Midnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaaa you all asked for some papxeli ship-bait, and it seems I can't stop after starting. Agiles you silly sailor, stop making me enjoy my side romances.
> 
> But yeah. I like Lillianna.

Eli washed the dishes as quietly as she could. Everyone had fallen asleep, tired from dancing and relaxed into the couch as a heartwarming anime film played quietly in the background. Alphys had said it was a classic and that everybody should have to watch it, but not even she had stayed awake to the end. Well, it had been quite the evening, so Eli doubted the sleeping was caused by boredom.

“Do you require any assistance?”

Eli jolted with a soft squeak of surprise, dropping the plate she was drying. A large gloved hand grabbed it before it crashed to the ground. Eli whipped around to see who had suddenly appeared behind her.

“Oh. Hi Papyrus.” She sighed in relief, heart still pounding slightly. “I hadn’t realized that you were still awake.”

“My apologies. I had not meant to startle you.” He handed her the plate.

“Thanks.” She took it awkwardly, and turned back to the sink. Well that had been embarrassing. Her cheeks flushed slightly thinking about what a pathetic noise she had made. She scrubbed the plate with excessive force, cleaning the already pristine surface over and over again.

Papyrus watched for a long few moments, growing slightly concerned.

“Did you not already wash that one?” He kept his voice quiet enough to keep from waking anybody up, though his voice was still at a normal conversational volume for anybody else.

Eli froze, and gawked at the plate like it was an incomprehensible math question - the kind where you haven’t the slightest clue where to start.

“...My mistake. Thank you.” She eventually replied, rinsing the now-soapy plate and reaching for her drying towel.

Papyrus placed a hand on hers and gently coaxed the towel from her fingers. When she blinked up at him in confusion, he simply smiled in that warm, childish way that made her heart skip a beat.

“The Great Papyrus shall do the honour of drying your dishes.” He stated it simply and matter-of-a-factly. Eli could only nod in response.

They stood shoulder to shoulder, barely a word passing between them. It was a comfortable silence. A peaceful silence. The kind of silence she could hide from her thoughts in. She sighed happily, tension finally leaving her shoulders.

“Thank you.” She said it quietly, but Papyrus heard it all the same.

“You are most welcome, Eli.” His reply was soft and heartfelt, then switched back to his more usual tone. “Besides, doing dishes alone is almost a crime with how many people are here!”

“And yet we’re the only two awake at the moment.” A smile twitched to the corners of her lips. She could always rely on Papyrus to be himself.

“Speaking of, may I ask why you are up?” He looked up at the clock and frowned at the time. “It is unlike you to be awake this late.”

Eli’s smile vanished just a quickly as it had appeared. She glanced in the direction of the living room, then watched her hands as she finished washing the last few dishes. She rinsed the counter and sink as Papyrus put the now clean dishes away. He didn’t rush her to answer.

“...Would you like to go for a midnight stroll?” Eli refused eye contact.

“It would be my pleasure to accompany you!” His eyes lit up. “Just lead the way!”

The two of them put on their shoes and left the house as quietly as they could, one clearly more capable of such a thing than the other, stepping out into the chilly night.

*

Lillianna sipped at her tea daintily, staring at the three ornate uniforms gifted to her from Archmage Fairchild. They were presumably for her and her two servants, Miranda and Tobias. Its was an adequate assumption until she took into consideration that there was only a single female version, unless of course Archmage Fairchild was attempting at a subtle jab. How unseemly.

Perhaps fearing he hadn't been subtle enough, he had decided to make his opinion woefully blatant, ruining what could've been quite the hurtful gesture; while all three were clearly costly garments, the female one was the only one that had clearly been designed for a stripper. How thoughtful.

She crossed her legs, an amused smirk gracing her lips. It seemed her political opponents were losing their touch.

“Miranda.” Lillianna spoke softly, yet with a hint of demand. Her gaze remained steady on her gifts, not so much as glancing towards the servant she had called forth.

“Yes, my mistress.”

“What do you think of the gracious gift from Archmage Fairchild?” She raised her teacup to her mouth, sipping a minute amount of the hot liquid. She frowned slightly; it was still much too hot to drink more than a few drops at once. Next time, she would have Tobias prepare the tea.

“...Should my mistress command me, this one would be honoured to wear such an expensive gift.” Miranda chose her words carefully.

“Indeed, that would certainly be a requirement.” Lillianna nodded understandingly, gaze shifting from the female uniform to the beautifully designed male ones. “Though I must say, how silly of him to presume you were male. Unless, of course, he misgendered _me_. Do you suppose our very own Archmage would make such a blunder?”

“It would be a difficult mistake to make by accident, to be sure, my mistress.” Miranda swallowed a laugh. Of course it hadn’t been a mistake, and Lillianna damn well knew it.

“Quite so. Perhaps it would be best to show our sincerest thanks by means of wearing this gift with the utmost pride.” Lillianna’s smile was small and cold, though Miranda knew that as the look of a cat finding a mouse to play with.

Conversation apparently over, Lillianna got to her feet and removed what she was wearing without any hesitation. Miranda followed after her, picking up discarded clothes and draping them gently over her arm.

“Ah, I nearly forgot! Silly me. Miranda, my dearest younger brother, Claude, should be arriving posthaste.” Lillianna stepped behind a privacy screen with her glorified stripper costume. “Indeed, I can almost hear him storming down the hall now. Please get the door for him, if you would.”

“Yes, my mistress.” Miranda dipped her head and was next to the door in moments. She opened it not even a second before Claude came storming in, as per Lillianna’s prediction. Silently, she slipped back into the background of the room, becoming unimportant scenery in the eyes of all but other servants.

“Lillianna! The stupid conference is over now so take off this dumb te-...ther…” Claude froze, staring bug-eyed at Lillianna’s changing silhouette. “Put on some clothes, dammit!”

“Is that any way to speak to the one holding the tether you wish to remove?” She replied almost teasingly. “And I do believe that I am in the midst of doing just that. If your hormones are unable to be tamed, then please feel free to stand in the hallway, my dearest baby brother.”

“I’m _NOT_ a baby!” He snapped, choosing to lean on the edge of her tea table.

“Hm? Yes yes, of course not. How silly of me.” She agreed with a chuckle, which only infuriated him more. “So, to reiterate, you have come to request I remove your proverbial leash?”

“Yes! I played along with your stupid games for this long and I’m sick of you knowing everything I’m doing!”

“Oh come now, your lonely nights are hardly embarrassing. It is simply natural for a boy your age to cave to certain primal urges.”

“THAT ISN’T THE POINT HERE!” He flushed a dark red, though if it was from anger or embarrassment Miranda wasn’t sure. “I’ve endured the fucking punishment. Let me go, now!”

“Do you know why you were punished?” Lillianna stepped out from behind her screen in a much too skimpy outfit, but all that anyone in the room could pay attention to was the seriousness of her expression.

“Y-yes…” Claude flinched. “I made a scene when I burned down Eleanore’s house, and you needed to make a show if punishing me in order to pressure her into doing that thing with the magic sequences or whatever.”

“...Please tell me you are not serious.” Lillianna raised a brow, eyes boring into him in search of the joke. “My God, you are. While I will willingly admit that such a scenario was the pretense, I believed you would be intelligent enough to grasp my true intent. No. No it is a bit more than that, brother.”

She grabbed the tether she had around his soul, dragging it out into the open. He yelped in both surprise and pain as the tether constricted around his very being. Lillianna took her sweet time walking across the room towards him, giving her barely long enough mini-skirt a sort of refinement and dignity its design would normally lack.

Claude looked up at her. His blood froze in his veins when he saw her expression. He turned away. Of course, she would have none of this, gently touching his chin and coaxing him to look back at her.

“It was because you played with one of my things. I do not like it when my things are played with by others. Not even you, my dearest brother, get to play with my things. They are mine. Sort out your grudge with our dearest sister another way, and leave my things out of it. Do you understand, brother?”

Claude whimpered and nodded jaggedly.

“Good. Then my wrath may subside.”

An icy pair of scissors formed in her hand from the water in the air, and she cut the tether binding his soul. His soul slipped back into his body instantly, and all pain vanished. Lillianna stood up and picked her tea up off her tea-table. It had finally cooled to the perfect temperature.

“Do you have any other business with me, brother?”

“Huh? O-oh. Yeah…” Claude staggered to his feet, filled with frustration and fear in equal amounts. “I want a copy of the monster magic sequence compilation.”

“Oh?” Lillianna blinked in surprise, then her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “And may I ask the purpose for which you will need it?”

“Just checking a few things.” He growled defensively. He refused to believe that Eleanore, loyal and stubborn to a fault, would betray the _creatures_ she called her friends. It just didn’t make sense. Something shady was going on here and he was going to blow the doors wide open on it.

Lillianna didn’t like it when he lied to her, but she supposed she had no reason to refuse his request. She glanced to where the council usually watched her from, the spell hidden in the largest flower of a floral arrangement. It seemed, for the sake of postponing the council’s idiocy, she would have to entertain her idiot brother’s request.

“Very well. I will have Miranda bring you a copy first thing in the morning.” She masked any hesitation she had so perfectly that not even you would’ve been able to tell she had any unwillingness. “Anything else you wish to bother me with?”

“No, thank you, sister.” He barely held back a growl. “Also, you look like a whore.”

“You dislike my gift from Archmage Fairchild? How rude. I am sure he will be deeply hurt, just as I am.” Lillianna didn’t look hurt by this revelation in the least, though.

“Give that one to your slave bitch, then. Just wear one of the male ones and you’ll look halfway decent.” He rolled his eyes. “Beside, you’re-”

“Claude.” She looked up at him threateningly, smiling wider than he had ever seen before. “There is a line, and I do hope you choose not to cross it. Have you any further business with me?”

“No.” He answered immediately.

“Then please close the door on your way out.”

Lillianna watched as he huffed and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. She listened to him stomp down the hallway until the sounds of his frustration no longer reached her room. Once he was gone, she laced her leather arm-brace on and held it out to the open window. A white falcon speckled with black feather tips swooped down and landed on it.

“Hello, precious.” Lillianna’s cold gaze thawed for a moment as she rubbed his side. Her familiar cooed and nuzzled her hand. “I know, I know. Too much work, too little compensation. Just a little more, I promise. Please, be a dear and follow my idiot brother, and come back if he does anything stupid.”

The bird screeched and fluttered from the room, disappearing into the night. Lillianna’s expression fell back into her usual, unreadable form. She doubted Claude himself could understand what you had done, but there was always the concern that someone would come to his aid. Regardless, it seemed she would be sitting this one out.

Lillianna sat next to her tea table and crossed her legs. She took a sip of her tea and grimaced. It had gone cold. It seemed nothing was going as planned tonight. A pity.

If nothing else, at least her legs looked damn fine in this uniform.


	90. Let This Ship Sail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ho wow, I didn't realize the Thanksgiving was Monday already! The Thanksgiving arc will be a bit late because of this. RIP.
> 
> Also, you demanded more Papeli, so more Papeli you shall get.

It was colder out than Eli had expected. She really should’ve searched around for mittens or something, but she hadn’t thought of that until they were a few blocks from the house and by that point it wasn’t really worth going back over. She decided to just put up with it.

The road was lined with streetlamps, but they illuminated nothing much beyond the road and sidewalk. Occasionally, she would hear the scurrying of some sort of nearby small animal through the silence of the night, but no matter how close they came to the sidewalk they never came close enough to the light for her to make out what they were.

“IS SOMETHING WRONG?” Papyrus broke her concentration, following her line of sight into the darkness.

“...No.” Eli turned back to the sidewalk ahead of her. “No, nothing in particular. I was just curious as to what kinds of animals we have been scaring off.”

“THAT ONE WAS A RABBIT.” He stated it with absolute certainty.

“Oh? Well. My curiosity has been sated, then!” Eli chuckled, looking up at him with a soft gaze. “It’s amazing that you could tell, though. All I saw was a dark blob flash across a black background.”

“MOST MONSTERS HAVE EXCELLENT LOW-LIGHT VISION, AND THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS NO EXCEPTION!” Papyrus puffed his chest proudly. “WHILE IT LOOKED NOTHING LIKE THE BUNNY FROM PEEK-A-BOO WITH FLUFFY BUNNY, YOU CAN BE REST ASSURED ON THE HONOUR OF NONE OTHER THAN THE GREAT PAPYRUS THAT IT WAS UNDOUBTEDLY A RABBIT NONETHELESS!”

“Why thank you, Great Papyrus. Who better to put my trust in? Simply, none! None in all the world!” Eli couldn’t stop her smile from spreading across her face and glittering in her eyes. “Peek-a-Boo with Fluffy Bunny, was it? Ah, that brings back memories!”

“DID YOU READ IT TO HUMAN ___ LIKE SANS DID TO ME?” Papyrus’ eyes lit up as the fond memory played in his mind. “WHEN IT WAS TIME FOR BED, HE USED TO PULL ME INTO HIS LAP AND READ OVER MY SHOULDER SO I COULD SEE THE PICTURES! ALTHOUGH, WE DID END UP TRADING PLACES AT SOME POINT DUE TO HIS SMALL STATURE…”

“I think it has less to do with his stature and more to do with yours.” Eli snorted, bringing her hands to her face both to warm them with her breath and to cover her blush. “And no. It was ___ that read it to me...though I don’t think she could read at the time? Her ‘reading’ it was basically her making up a story to go with the pictures and hoping for the best.” She paused for a moment, but chose to continue despite her hesitations. “...She still pulls it out sometimes when I, uh, have bad nights...if you get what I mean?”

“...UNFORTUNATELY, I DO.” The joyfulness in his eyes vanished, teeth locking into a decidedly serious expression. “SANS HAS NIGHTS LIKE THOSE, TOO. HE...HE REFUSES TO TALK ABOUT THEM, THOUGH.”

“...We all have things we would rather not think about….” Eli watched her feet step one in front of the other.

The night fell silent for a few beats.

“IS THAT WHY YOU ARE UP SO LATE TONIGHT, ELI?” The sorrow in his voice made Eli flinch.

“No…” She whispered under her breath, forehead creasing as her words jumbled in her throat. “No...tonight is different from that. I...did something. Something bad. And I feel awful about it even though I _know_ I am unable to change what I have done...and it doesn’t help in the slightest that I was forgiven much too easily…”

“IF YOU HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN, THEN I SEE NO SENSE IN YOU PUNISHING YOURSELF OVER IT.”

“But I deserve to be punished. I was dumb. I acted on my emotions without thinking and hurt the people I care about.”

“NO. YOU DO NOT DESERVE PUNISHMENT. NO MATTER WHAT THE FILTHY LIES YOUR MIND IS CONCOCTING IN YOUR HEAD.” Papyrus said in an uncharacteristically stern tone. “IT MAY SURPRISE YOU, BUT EVEN THE GREAT PAPYRUS MAKES MISTAKES SOMETIMES! ALL WE CAN DO IS ACCEPT OUR ERRORS AND DO OUR BEST TO MAKE IT RIGHT.”

“You don’t get it! I stabbed my sister! I _stabbed_ her! After ordering her to fight me! I completely ignored her autonomy and _forced_ her into a fight!” Eli side stepped, trying to stop the hot tears from dripping from her eyes. “I disregarded her thoughts and feelings to the point where she almost got herself killed to disobey my selfish and emotional commands! How can that just be forgiven?! It can’t! It just can’t!”

“Eli.” Papyrus put a gloved hand to her mouth, and pulled her closer with the other. “Has she not already forgiven you?”

“But…” She looked up at him, broken and lost.

“Please. Let yourself be forgiven.” He wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes. “Can you do that for me?”

“...I...yes.” Her voice cracked. Tear drops rolled down her cheeks slowly, the wet streaks drying as the cold wind hit them.

“Thank you.”

Papyrus pressed his teeth to her forehead in a skeletal kiss, and slid off his scarf. He wrapped it around Eli’s neck, the bright red fabric likely clashing with the rest of her outfit. Frankly, Eli couldn’t find it in herself to give a single fuck about fashion in that moment, though.

The scarf was warm.

“Hey...Pappy?” She looked up again sheepishly. “Do you think...we could do something to make it up to ___?”

“OF COURSE! DID YOU HAVE ANYTHING IN MIND?” Papyrus gave her a comforting smile, and they resumed their walk.

“...Not really...but maybe we could find a way to restore her missing HP?” Eli glanced at Papyrus in hopes that he would have a clearer direction to go with this. 

“THAT WOULD BE AN EXCELLENT PLAN, INDEED!” He confirmed, but ho-hummed over her healing suggestion. “HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PREPARING THE VERY GREATEST CUISINE YOU HAVE TO OFFER AND INFUSING IT WITH THE MOST POTENT OF HEALING MAGICAL SPELLS?”

“That would probably be the best way to go...if I could cast healing magic stronger than paper-cut heal.” Eli sighed. “The potency of the healing in my cooking is on par with seasonings - hardly any nutritional value but can make it taste pretty good. Creating true healing food is a task far above my capacity.”

“YOU GIVE YOURSELF TOO LITTLE CREDIT! WHILE IT MAY TAKE PRACTICE TO MASTER, IF YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT THEN YOU MAY SHOW YOURSELF TO BE MORE CAPABLE THAN YOU THINK.” Papyrus smiled down at her. “IT IS TRULY A SHAME THAT YOU LACK THE BELIEF IN YOURSELF THAT I HAVE IN YOU.”

“...Very well then.” She looked away quickly, heat rising to her cheeks, and she fought to keep her expression steady. “Do you think you could show me?”

Papyrus froze. Eli stopped walking after a few steps, and then slowly panicked.

“You’re under no obligation to, of course! I just hoped you would be willing to help me with this, even if only a little!” She backtracked quickly.

“...YOU WOULD LIKE… _MY_ HELP? ARE YOU SURE…?” He blinked at her dumbly.

“Of course, Papyrus. Though, only if you wish to, of course.” Eli tilted her head, slightly confused. “I am at a loss as to anybody else that _would_ be able to help with such a task, honestly. Perhaps Toriel? But even if she were willing, I would rather be taught by you anyways.”

Suddenly, she was scooped up from the ground and swung around in a circle while grasped in a tight hug. She clung to Papyrus, screaming while he squealed with joy. Her screams eventually dissolved into giggles, though, as the surprise wore off.

“IT WOULD BE MY HONOUR TO TEACH YOU, ELI!”

“Yes, yes, that’s great Papyrus, please put me down now.” Before she became too lovestruck, she finished to herself. He manhandled her so easily, and it was difficult keep calm as he did it.

“MY APOLOGIES!” He lowered her back onto her feet, but didn’t let go of her hand. His gloved hand warmed her own icy cold one, and she found no reason to request it back.

They walked hand in hand down the street, Papyrus more than happy to begin rambling off his own trademarked series of Tips and Tricks for in the Kitchen. Eli smiled, happily nodding along, though slightly concerned by the number of tips involving glitter. She pushed such worries to the back of her mind, opting instead to enjoy Papyrus’ enthusiasm in its entirety. Your stomach could handle it.

Eventually, a thought occured.

“Pappy?” Eli interrupted him between explanations. “You said it was only Sans who read to you as a child?”

“CORRECT.”

“Didn’t your mom or dad ever read to you?” She was fairly certain that reading to their kids was a normal-parent thing to do. “Sans can’t be that much older than you.”

“AH! YES! THAT IS A FUNNY STORY ACTUALLY-”

Before Papyrus had a chance to elaborate on that thought, a distant scream for help cut through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this is considered harassment, but please go to this Tumblr and appreciate all the beautiful fanart everybody has worked so hard on. It's gorgeous.
> 
> https://rrga-on-ao3.tumblr.com/
> 
> Feel free to send me shit, too. I'm very lonely and have nothing better to do with my time than fawn over things.


	91. She Ships It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha. I should really be editing my essay.
> 
> ...
> 
> Naaaaaaaahhhh.

Eli and Papyrus snapped to attention and instantly began running in the direction the scream seemed to have originated from, neither having a single moment of hesitation.

“Papyrus, can you see them?!” Eli demanded, unable to see much in the dark.

“NOT YET.”

They crossed through a pitch black playground and up a slight incline. As they rounded over the crest of the hill, Eli could make out a soft glow in the distance.

“What’s that?” Even not knowing what the light was, she figured it was probably where they should be going.

“A VULKIN. THOUGH I HAVEN’T THE SLIGHTEST CLUE WHAT THE THINGS SURROUNDING THEM ARE.”

“Other things???” She couldn’t see shit. “So the red glowing object is in fact a friendly monster while other weird things are not and should be dealt with as such?”

“CORRECT.”

“Understood.”

Eli leaped over what were indeed weird yet vaguely humanoid things, paper thin with intricate black lines drawn over the ‘face’ area, towards the small glowing mountain(?). In one smooth motion, she landed on one foot and twisted around to kick a weird paper thing off of the vulkin. Papyrus was right behind her, shooting what appeared to be bones through the one behind the one she kicked.

They took fighting stances on either side of the limp little volcano monster, back to back and eyeing the weird opponents before them.

“They seem to be some sort of manifested minion - ___ would be able to get into specifics but unfortunately that’s the extent of _my_ knowledge. I do know that they aren’t alive, though; they’re just following a simple set of commands.”

“THAT CERTAINLY MAKES THINGS EASIER.”

“Do we have a plan?” As easily as breathing, Eli formed the sequence most familiar to her on her soul and channeled it through her spirit core, a sword instantly forming in her hand.

“HALF AND HALF WOULD BE THE MOST FAIR.”

“And here I thought you’d offer to protect me~.” Eli snickered.

“I RESPECT YOU FAR TOO MUCH TO SAY SUCH AN INCONSIDERATE THING.” Papyrus snorted indignantly.

“...You know what? That’s the best answer you could’ve given. Which half are you taking?”

“LADIES FIRST.”

“How polite. I don’t mind if I do.”

Without another wasted moment, Eli summoned a crown of swords and shot them through the crowd of paper minions. Most swerved out of the way, but she managed to hit one, slicing off an entire arm with barely a nick. Though an ineffective attack, she had divided the minions into two clearly separate and roughly equal groups.

Time to get to work.

Swords and bones flew through the air, met with some of the most pathetic attempts at basic combat spells that Eli had ever seen. These minions clearly hadn’t been designed for fighting. Needless to say, it was a very one-sided battle.

Eli clicked her tongue as Papyrus destroyed his last one. Ladies first her ass. She locked her eyes onto her last one, deciding at the last moment not to aim for the kill. Her swords sliced through the minion’s arms and legs like they were made of wet toilet paper, leaving only a writhing paper torso and its sequence-covered head.

You would be able to identify where these things came from. You had always been good at that.

She picked up the pathetic minion and held it at arm’s length. It wriggled violently in her hand for a moment, then went still. All of a sudden, the thing burst into flame. Eli dropped it out of instinct and jumped away.

“...Somebody certainly knows how to cover their tracks.” Eli twitched in irritation, turning back to look at Papyrus kneeling over the small vulkin. “Are they alright?”

“NOT FOR MUCH LONGER. THEY HAVE A WEIRD...TALISMAN, I BELIEVE HUMAN ___ CALLED IT, STUCK TO THEIR BACK AND IT APPEARS TO BE BLOCKING ANY SORT OF MAGIC CIRCULATION. I CANNOT REMOVE IT.”

“How bad is it?” Eli asked. She was not really an expert on the logistics of magic - that was more your thing.

“MONSTERS ARE ESSENTIALLY A CULMINATION OF MAGIC. WITHOUT MAGIC, WE ARE SIMPLY DUST. IT IS INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS TO PREVENT THE FLOW OF MAGIC THROUGH A MONSTER.”

“Is it fatal?”

“IF PREVENTED LONG ENOUGH, YES.”

“I see. Stand back.” Eli frowned. She had really hoped that she could’ve at least brought the talisman back for you to look at, but it seemed that it wouldn’t work out that way.

The sword in her hand began pulsating with a different kind of magic than usual. She had learned this stupid sword form to prevent another handcuff mishap, but it would help here, too. This was probably a more dignified use for it, anyways.

With a clean slash, she cut through the center of the talisman without so much as scratching the vulkin. The talisman dissolved into white light, then vanished.

A few tense second later, the vulkin groaned and opened their eyes. Papyrus was at their side instantly, helping the panicked and disoriented monster calm down. They didn’t seem to know how any of this had happened, nor did they know why. They burst into fiery tears, searing Papyrus’ battle body. Eli made a note to herself to offer to fix that later.

Papyrus carried the vulkin home, Eli hovering nearby uselessly. Oddly enough - or rather, predictably given how monster residencies clustered around each other - the vulkin lived in the same building as Sans and Papyrus.

Not wanting to intrude, especially after such an ordeal, Eli waited in the lobby while Papyrus brought the small volcano up to their room.

“Oh _girl_! What’re you doing here? You miss me _that_ much?”

Eli whipped around at the familiar voice to see Saffron sitting at the reception desk.

“This is where you work?!” Eli blurted without thinking.

“Duh. I’ve only mentioned it, like, twenty times.” Saffron rolled her eyes, but smirked in amusement. “What brings you to my humble apartment building, your majesty? You tappin’ some sweet skelly ass, too? You sisters really are birds of a feather.”

“I AM NOT!” Eli squealed in denial, but Saffron simply raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips.

“Uh-huh. And I ain’t a fan of Snickers.” She snorted, pulling a Snickers bar from a desk drawer for emphasis. “How long you been eyein’ that prize?”

“I wasn’t eyeing anything!”

“M-hmm. I’m thinkin’...since the dinner party.”

“HOW COULD YOU KNOW THAT?!”

“Girl. I’ve known you for longer than two minutes. That boy is 110% your type.”

“...M-maybe a little…”

“And you’re wearing his scarf. Kinda a dead give away to the whole puppy love dealio you guys got goin’ on.” She let out a hearty chuckle when Eli’s hand jolted to the scarf around her neck and her cheeks flushed to match its colour. “As your best friend in the whole damn city, I approve of your marriage.”

“We aren’t getting married!”

“Yet.”

“HE’S ALREADY MARRIED TO A CAT!”

“C’mon, poly works just fine if you’re willing to put in the effort.”

Eli couldn’t stop a screech of mixed embarrassment and frustration. It was at that moment, that the elevator dinged and Papyrus stepped into the lobby. He looked between Eli and Saffron.

“...AM I INTERRUPTING SOMETHING?”

“Nah, man. Just practicing our dino impersonations.” Saffron’s gaze slid to Eli, daring her to contradict the lie. “Eli here has always secretly wanted to be a velociraptor.”

“...Yes, Papyrus. Seeing Alphys made me realize how cool dinosaurs are.” Eli gritted her teeth, and shot Saffron a ‘oooh fuck yooooou’ glare. Saffron simply snorted.

“...I SEE...UH...WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO UP TO MY APARTMENT TO PRACTICE THE PREPARATION OF HEALING CUISINE?”

“Yes. Let’s do that. Right now. As quickly as possible. Please.” Eli shot across the room towards the elevator.

“Actually, before you go, do you think you could sign my exceptions paperwork again?” Saffron pulled a small file folder of papers from her Snicker’s drawer.

“Sure.” Eli shrugged, as it wasn’t the first time she’d been asked to do this for her. Saffron passed Eli a pen and Eli swiftly initialed and signed the several pages requiring her approval.

“EXCEPTIONS? TO WHAT?” Papyrus tilted his head in confusion.

“Used to be a mage. Got dishonourably discharged.” Saffron shrugged. “Since my magic got sealed cuzza that, they keep wanting to reclassify me as a non-mage citizen. But I’ve got my pride, y’know? Can’t cast worth a damn anymore, but that don’t mean I ain’t a mage at heart. So I gotta re-apply for exemptions every now and again to maintain my mage status.”

“I still don’t get why you don’t just become registered as a non-mage.” Eli placed the pen down on the desk. “Laws are a lot more lenient for non-mages anyway.”

“Yeah, you wouldn’t get it, little miss High Mage. But trust me, girl, it’s worth it to keep your mage status even if only in name.” Saffron leaned back in her chair. “Besides. I wouldn’t’ve got a cushy job like this if I didn’t have the mage title. Now you two lovebirds have fun, alright? Just don’t burn the building down.”

Eli flushed a dark red and speed-walked to the elevator, a confused Papyrus in tow. She jabbed the UP button repeatedly as Saffron laughed behind her. Eli shoved Papyrus into the elevator the instant the doors opened and impatiently poked at the inner elevator buttons until she was safely out of earshot from the nosy receptionist.

“ELI?” Papyrus asked hesitantly when they arrived on his floor.

“Yes?”

“WHY DOES HUMAN SAFFRON BELIEVE US TO BE BIRDS?”

“...Because she’s dumb. Never believe her lies, Papyrus. Never.”

“I...SEE? AND WHAT ABOUT THE LOVE THING? WAS THAT ALSO LIES?”

Eli tripped over nothing.

Goddammit Saffron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My precious mossy editing for me. She's a darling sweetheart.


	92. Wake Me Up When It's All Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, I know how much y'all were just _dying_ for some exposition!
> 
> No?
> 
> Well.
> 
> Have some anyway.

You were quite comfortable. Supremely comfortable, in fact. That wasn’t because of anything inherent to the position you slept in or even whatever it was that you were sleeping on. In fact, both of those things were objectively uncomfortable.

No, you were comfortable because there was no way in hell anyone was getting you to move. Your muscles protested any sort of movement, not out of pain but out of sheer lethargy. In this state, even a sleeping bag filled with legos would be comfortable.

The after effects of being possessed were always problematic in this way. Maybe you could sleep all day to recover in time for your date. That sounded like quite the lovely plan, so you promptly nuzzled back into hard bowl-ish thing your face was pressed into. Your one leg was bent awkwardly and seemed to be caught in something, just as your arm was. Whatever. You’d deal with that later.

“You saw WHAT?!” Undyne’s voice echoed from the kitchen. Shush, Undyne. Some peeps trying to get some shut eye around here.

“No need to speak so loudly; the others are still sleeping.” Eli voiced your complaints in a much quieter tone. “But yes, they were...I am unsure if ‘attacking’ is the correct word? They appeared to be attempting to restrain a...what was it again…”

“VULKIN.” Papyrus provided.

“Yes, they were attempting to restrain a Vulkin, and they were quite successful at it until we stepped in.” Eli’s tone was dead serious, the kind of serious she used to only use for commands. “You’re an officer with the Royal Ebbot Monster Police, correct? Surely you know something about this.”

“...I hate to say it, but all we know is that there’s a serial kidnapper out there targeting monsters, and that this sounds like the exact kinda shit they’ve been pulling.” There was a sound like someone hitting a table. Hard. “They come back...different, y’know? Not quite dead but not quite alive, either. Sometimes, they lay there like they’ve fallen down...but other times...they shamble around like sleepwalkers. Like they’ve been experimented on by some sick _fuck_. These were perfectly healthy monsters, and they come back like _this_?!”

“That’s awful.” You could barely hear Eli, but her voice was wracked with guilt. “If only we had managed to bring back _something_...anything to give us clues…”

“No. No, you two did...all that you could. Thank you for saving them. One less family I have to visit…”

“No, this isn’t all that I can do. I can contact the Mage Disciplinary Police Force, and maybe they can help you out. They would probably have more resources for this, especially if you’re searching for a mage.”

“I would _love_ if it were that simple. Unless we can prove definitively that it’s a mage behind these atrocities, publicly asking for the mage-police’s help is basically pointing the blame finger without any evidence whatsoever. There’s already too much tension between us and you guys, let’s NOT dump nitroglycerin onto this fire.”

“Wow, colour me impressed. You _do_ know some big words.” Eli clapped sarcastically.

“YOU WANNA GO PUNK?!”

“Shhhh. It was a joke.” Eli shushed her. “I see the problem with seeking assistance officially, but a little help off the books should be fine, right? Just you and a good friend of yours talking over breakfast.”

“...Where’re you going with this?”

“Let me get you a consultant.”

Eli’s footsteps seemed to leave the kitchen, then patter into the living room. Noooooooooo. Stooooooop. You wanted to sleeeeeeeep. Go awaaaaaaaay.

Despite sending your most powerful brainwaves towards the approaching Eli, willing her to leave you be, you felt her come to a stop next to you. For some reason or another, she seemed to pause and let out a soft chuckle before gently poking the back of your head.

Maybe if you pretended to be asleep, she’d leave you alone.

“None of that, I know you’re awake.” She chided, then mumbled half to herself. “I can’t believe you fell asleep like this in the first place, honestly…”

What was she, your mother?! How could a non-mom tell that you were faking your sleeping. Unless...she was psychic?!

“No, I’m not psychic. Just a slight bit more observant than you credit me with. Your breathing, hun. You can’t quite fake the sleep-breathing very well, my dearest sister.” Eli sighed, but it was a warm ‘what am I going to do with you’ sigh. “Now, can you please get up and help me with some magic investigations?”

“Dun wanna. Sleep.”

“But we need you.”

“And I need sleep.”

“...Well, I suppose I’ll let you be lazy then.” There was a sly smirk to her voice, you could just hear it. “Though I’m sure you’re aware that two couch potatoes together make french fries.”

“NO!” You screeched, jolting up instinctively.

Of course, you didn’t get very far up because you were very tangled. Instead of getting up, you just sort of jerked both Sans and yourself off the couch and the two of you crashed onto the floor.

If anyone had still been sleeping by this point, they were awake now. Well, except for Sans. Because of course he was still asleep. As if something like this would actually wake his ass up.

One of your legs was jammed up through Sans’ ribcage with your foot poking out near his collarbone, leaving you hanging off of him in quite the awkward position considering how your arm had somehow gotten stuck between his spine and hipbone.

Oh. Oooh. That was the hard vaguely bowl-ish thing you had been sleeping in. Snuggled right into Sans’ pelvis.

Oh. Oh my.

…

Well, he was your boyfriend, right? So this was fine, right? This was just a little awkward reverse spooning, right?

Yeah. This was fine.

“Don’t just go back to sleep against Sans’ crotch!” Eli protested, grabbing you and trying to pull you free of your entanglement.

“We’re going out, though. Totally okay.” Your eyes were already half closed and ready for sleep.

“What part of this is fine?! Have some common decency!” She managed to contort both you and Sans just right to pop you two puzzle pieces apart, then dragged your half-asleep ass into the kitchen. “You can play sleepy twister with your boyfriend later. For now, though, we need your help with a serial kidnapping case.”

“I’m not exactly Sherlock Holmes, Eli.” You looked up at her. “Being intelligent isn’t my strong suit.”

“I know that. By God do I know that.” A few moments of her life seemed to flash before her eyes, but she brushed it off and tossed you into a chair next to Undyne. “But magic _is_. Can you narrow our suspect list from all mages to only family branches capable of a specific kind of minion and talisman?”

“Huh? Oh. Yeah. Sure.” You blinked. “Give me all the details you’ve got.”

Eli handed you a piece of paper proudly.

“...Okay, this is a glorified children’s drawing.” You looked up at her incredulously, well aware that it was her artistic prowess that had brought this monstrosity before you. “Like...was the main sequence symmetrical? Did it have rotational symmetry? A completely random pattern? An off-center origin point? Where their any obvious features other than the fact that there were squiggly lines all over the minion’s face?!”

“I was stopping a kidnapping, not doing an art critique, jeez!” Eli huffed and crossed her arms. “They used basic protect magic, and burst into flame when captured.”

“...You know how common both those traits are???” You rubbed your temples. “Over 500 separate techniques come to mind without me even trying!”

“THE FACES HAD ROTATIONAL SYMMETRY.” Papyrus hesitantly interrupted. “IF THAT HELPS…AND IT KIND OF LOOKED LIKE THIS…”

He held out a napkin with a rough pattern drawn on it. Oh wow. Your mind instantly went to work, your eyes glazing over as you delved through all the compilations of magical techniques you had read over the years.

You were definitely looking for a modern spell sequence - the development of the safety lock circles obvious in Papyrus’ design were fairly recent for minions. Rotational sequences lent themselves strongly towards a fire base, though there were a few other spells you could think of that would allow overlap. Running through your narrowed search, you landed on the families with the greatest likelihood to know how to create this type of minion.

“The Stavins, Vervaat, Trask, Polz, Pershan, Yu, and Bridges families are your best candidates. Though the Naddaff and Mesa families _could_ have made them, very few people in those families actually bother with learning how to make minions in general.” You huffed out, eyeing the food on the table. “Can I eat now? The food you’ve got here looks so good!”

“Yeah, go ahead. Papyrus taught me how to make healing food - hope it makes you feel better.” Eli was busy trying to write down all the families you had listed. Undyne was staring at you with her jaw hanging slack.

You didn’t notice though. You just heard that you could eat and your possession exhausted body thought that was the best thing to happen to you since ever. God, healing food helped both your dully aching chest and your aching muscles.

Alphys stumbled into the kitchen a short while later, followed by Toriel and a half asleep Frisk. Mettaton and Blooky didn’t seem to care about the idea of food, for obvious reasons, and instead took this moment to get cleaned up to look fabulous.

“Oh! Right! Alphys!” You swallowed the food in your mouth before speaking, like the proper lady you were. “You done inspecting my baton? I’m kinda not supposed to give it to people…”

“O-oh! I-I’m so sorry! I-I c-completely forgot about th-that. I-I’ll get it right now.” Alphys blinked awake and quickly shuffled off, returning barely a minute later with your modified subjugator in hand. “I-I know th-this is dumb to a-ask...but why d-do you have this? I-it seems to h-have a complete magic...s-sequence as you call them e-engraved o-on it, but I-I thought you c-couldn’t use magic?”

“You’re right, I can’t. But this spell activates when it’s stuck with or strikes a point of high magic concentration, and uses the magic energy it hits to flash with colour.” You took the folded baton from her and smiled down at it. It was your trusty weapon, with you through thick and thin. “It seems like a dumb spell to have on a weapon, but it's actually really helpful if you get creative with it. Like, you know how all magic has reference points?”

“...R-reference points? D-do you mean that c-concentrations of magic that spells form around t-to manifest...the sort of guide f-from soul sequence to phy-physical space?” Alphys stammered, unsure if she was thinking of the correct surface terminology.

“Yup! You guys call them...what...Projection something-or-others, right?” You offered, and Alphys nodded vigorously. “Yeah, well, just bash those points before the magic fully manifests and you can generally destabilize a spell enough to prevent it from properly getting cast.”

“S-so b-basically the most complex w-way possible of negating magic.” Alphys snickered. “C-can I ask the p-point of spells on weapons f-for other mages though? Ones that d-don’t share your...condition.”

“Gee. Thanks, Alphys. I’m not sick, y’know? Just incapable. Big difference.” You snorted at yourself. “Well, it’s actually pretty rare to put a full sequence on, if you know what I mean? Lillianna, for example, only has the base for ice spells on her weapons. It basically makes a shortcut for casting ice spells, so she doesn’t have to focus on the element - just the form of said ice spell. It’s basically just used as a way to cut down casting times and increase spell efficiency.”

“D-do you think you c-could show me sometime?” Her eyes were alight listening to you.

“...I can show you the basics, I think...” You furrowed your brow, knowing that most things about magic were considered military secrets. You hoped you weren’t committing treason.

Oh wait. You had already done that.

Welp, that just meant you had nothing to worry about, then! If you were going to break the law, then breaking it repeatedly wasn't that big a difference, right?

Alphys squealed quietly and took a seat on the other side of Undyne. They gave each other small good morning smooch and went about getting themselves platefuls of the cooked food in front of them. It had been weeks since they had had anything half-decent before last night. Alphys was crying.

Toriel slid in next to you with a floppy noodle-Frisk in her lap.

“Good morning, my child.” She greeted, trying to keep Frisk from falling forwards into their plate of food.

“Morning goat mom!” You paused. “Or is it goat grandma?”

“...Goat mom is fine.” Her lip twitched in irritation, shooting a glare in Sans’ general direction. “How was your night? I hope you had a good rest.”

“Surprisingly, yeah! I slept like a rock...and would’ve continued to if _someone_ hadn’t dragged me out of bed.” You huffed and shoved a baby sausage into your mouth.

“That’s good! At least you had a good night.” She chuckled, looking to Eli then back to you. “I was just wondering how you girls would feel spending Thanksgiving Monday with us? If you haven’t anywhere else to be, of course.”

You and Eli looked at each other. Eli sighed. You both knew it was a wonderful offer that neither of you could accept.

“I would rather spend Thanksgiving with you, honestly, but I have to go back to the main family for the holiday Monday.” Eli gritted her teeth, and you couldn’t help but look away knowing full well what main family Thanksgiving was like. “Thanks for the offer, though.”

“And I have...things.” You chimed in, not quite sure how to explain your ritualistic Thanksgiving plans. “Sorry, Tori.”

“What a shame. We’ll miss you.” She smiled, trying to keep the mood light. “Then I suppose you’ll have no choice when Christmas comes around. Seeing as how you’re family now, I demand you participate in at least one family holiday per year, so Christmas it is.”

The two of you blinked in surprise. Neither of you had married into the friend group. Yet.

_”You’ve been adopted. There’s no escape anymore. Best to accept it now.”_ Frisk looked at you, apparently too lazy to sign.

“Understood.” You grinned up at Toriel. “Speaking of plans, do you guys have any for Halloween? A friend of mine is throwing a party and said I could invite whoever.”

“...I’ll admit that I am a bit… _wary_ of your friend, ___.” Toriel looked down at Frisk. “Though, Frisk has plans to got trick-or-treating with a friend, so I suppose it isn’t of much consequence.”

“I’ll admit she’s pretty shady. The kind of person that’ll give you a criminal record just by being around her.” You nodded approvingly of Toriel’s parental instincts. “Anybody else wanna come?”

“You just hEAVILY IMPLIED THAT YOUR FRIEND IS A CRIMINAL! AND I’M A POLICE OFFICER!” Undyne screeched. “WHY WOULD YOU INVITE ME TO A CRIMINAL’S NEST?!”

“Oh come on. She’s a non-mage.” You rolled your eyes. “You can’t even arrest her.”

“BUT I HAVE MY PRIDE AS A KEEPER OF THE LAW!”

“Eli’s ex will be there.” You offered enticingly.

“Why would you tell her that?!” Eli cut in, but you ignored her.

“Where do I send my RSVP?” Undyne replied to you instantly.

“How did that change your opinion?!” Eli immediately looked to Undyne, who also ignored her.

“I’ll just let her know. It’s a costume party, too, so don’t forget to dress up.” You assured Undyne, then looked over to Papyrus. He looked like he wanted to say something. “How about you, Paps?”

“...I WOULD INDEED LIKE TO SEE ELI’S EX…”

“So I’ll consider you going, then.” You nodded, noting it down. “I’ll just assume Sans is going because he most definitely isn’t getting out of it.”

“How could you betray me, too, Papyrus?!” Eli’s pitch was much higher than usual.

“C’mon, Eli, get over it. We’re all curious and we’re all going to tease you about it. It’s gUNNA BE GREAT!” Undyne laughed. “Oh yeah, ___, you busy today?”

“Nope. Well, except for my date with Sans.” You finished the last bit of food on your plate. “Yeah, I’m free until dinner-ish. Why?”

“Perfect. ‘Cause I’m borrowing you for a bit.”

And suddenly you were being swung over Undyne’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes. You wiggled and squirmed, but her grip was insanely tight. It seemed this was fate. Goodbye, monster fam - it was nice knowing you.

Time to become a fish’s side-bitch.


	93. Dating Start?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what? I'm not even sorry. Not one bit.
> 
> Okay, maybe a little bit.
> 
> Still had way too much fun with this.

“Was this really the best date spot you could think of?” You raised an eyebrow at Undyne after briefly glancing at the police station. “I’m really reconsidering being your side-girl if this is the quality of date you’re going to bring me on.”

“I’M MARRIED FOR ONE THING!” She held up her hand, ring finger toting a simplistic metal band. “And for another thing, THIS ISN’T A DATE! I’m exploiting your magical knowledge, plain and simple.”

“C’mon, you can admit it. Alphys wouldn’t mind.”

“...The fact that I can’t confidently deny that worries me.” Undyne grabbed you from the car and carried you under her arm toward the building. “NOT THE POINT THOUGH! THIS STILL ISN’T A DATE! Thought you were into skeletons anyways.”

“I believe I made my position on your biceps clear the first time I met you.” You patted the rock hard muscles holding you. “You think you could train a set of these bad boys onto Sans?”

“Dude, ignoring the fact that he doesn’t even have muscles, I’m more likely to suddenly start liking Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2 than get that guy to pick up a dumbbell. Hell, he might not even know what a dumbbell is!” She snorted, seemingly amused by this. “But can you IMAGINE?!”

“I know right! Sans with an 8-pack!” You began cackling at the image. “Rippling muscles barely contained by a painted on sweater!”

“Why stop at an 8-pack? GET THAT BOY THE FULL 88-PACK MORE LIKE!”

“Flexing so hard that he rips through not only his own clothes but everybody else’s in a 5-meter vicinity!”

“He crushes coconuts BETWEEN HIS ROCK HARD THIGHS!” She paused and quickly reconsidered. “Nay, he crushes BOWLING BALLS!”

“Forever alone, as his hugs are too powerful! Heads pop off due to his pure destructive hugging power!!!”

The two of you were gasping for air by the time Undyne managed to get you into the police station. Other members of the REMP watched as you both laughed like drowning seals, unsure as to whether or not either of you were alright.

Undyne placed you on her desk so you were perched much like an oversized bird on the very edge of it. Had you been less dexterous, you may have actually fallen, but fortunately you weren’t _completely_ incapable.

Undyne walked around the desk and flopped into her chair. She sighed, the smile on her face slowly fading.

“I needed that. Thanks.” She gave you a heartfelt smile, which vanished as she pulled open a desk drawer. “Unfortunately, what I need your help for isn’t exactly...rainbows and sunshine. I hate to force you out here, but, more than anything, I _need_ this case to be solved. Anything, _anything_ , you can give me is more than I had before. Ugh...where do I start explaining this...”

“I overheard you and Eli this morning, so I’ve got the gist of it. Monsters are kidnapped and come back as half-zombies and I’m guessing you want me to take a look at them with my magic sensitivity.” You hopped off the desk, looking over to see her confirming nod. “I can’t guarantee I’ll be any help, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“At this point, help of any kind is appreciated.” She sighed tiredly and pulled a key from her desk. “We changed some holding cells into makeshift bedrooms. Not exactly the most comfortable option for anyone, but it’s the best we’ve got.”

“Lead the way Officer Fish!” You saluted, trying to lighten the mood slightly.

“Officer Undying to you, punk.” She snickered and booped your nose. It actually kind of hurt, considering the kind of power she put behind it, but you appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

Undyne lead you through the monster police station and to what you assumed were originally temporary holding cells. One of the communal enclosures had been completely converted into an almost hospital-like state, though with a higher degree of comfort afforded than that would generally encompass. Monsters of various sizes and shapes, unhindered by general guidelines of biology, lay in many of the overly furnished beds, appearing to be in a sleep-like state, while two others milled about in a completely mindless manner. They shambled around like goldfish in an empty bowl.

You closed your eyes and listened carefully. The sleepers were certainly worse off than the shamblers. Falling down didn’t seem too far off for the very worst cases of them, in fact. But, despite the crudeness of the method, you kind of recognized what had happened with them.

Undyne’s intense stare bored a hole through your temple.

“They’re missing parts of their souls.” You turned to her, reopening your eyes.

“Sans and Alphys came to the same conclusion.” Undyne nodded, though she looked slightly disappointed. “Anything else?”

“If you’re asking me how someone managed to remove parts of a living monster’s soul, then I can’t really help you.” You furrowed your brow, feeling slightly helpless. “This is a homebrewed spell for sure. I mean, I could maybe try and find what influenced it, but there’s nothing definitive for this.”

“...Thanks for coming.” Unydne forced a smile after a short pause. “Really, thanks for trying. If you figure anything else out, don’t be afraid to let me know.” She turned around and began leading you back out, shoulders sagging slightly. “Let’s get you back home to prepare for your real date, alright?”

You watched her go, unable to quite pull yourself away from the bars. Was it okay like this? You looked at the monsters, a core part of their being missing. No, it wasn’t okay like this.

Well, you had already committed treason twice, might as well go for the full trilogy.

“I don’t know exactly how, but I do know why.” You stated, your voice falling to a cold and serious register. “But you didn’t hear this from me, got it? You just overheard it one day from a very stupid mage very stupidly talking to herself.”

“Why hello dumb mage, don’t let me interrupt your musings. I’m deaf. Can’t hear you.” Undyne’s eyes was watching you carefully. Perfect.

You took a deep breath.

“What~??? Isn’t it super weird how some humans can use magic and others can’t???” You began musing in an overly childish tone. “And more than that, isn’t it completely underused in the public at large~? How strange~!”

“...Are you making fun of me?” You could almost hear Undyne’s teeth grinding, but you chose to ignore her.

“Hmm, I guess that’s because it’s _TOTALLY_ against the laws of nature for humans to use magic in the first place~! Hehe, silly me! How could I forget that, while monsters reabsorb magic from food and the environment, humans only have a set amount of magic in the very core of their soul to be used over the course of their lifetime to stay alive~!”

“What the HELL are you on about?! I’m NOT here for a fucking magic lesson!” Undyne snarled, but you ignored her.

“But if we think like this, then we have a tinsy weensy lil problem; if human magic is human life force, then how could humans use magic at all~??? Right! We cut a hole into it then sew it back up! Then magic can leak out from the center of the soul and be used for super fun things like fireballs rather than stupid boring _living_. But wait, aren’t we literally throwing away decades of our lives by casting magic??? It would but suuuuuper dumb if we could burn through all our life force using magic missile.”

“And yOUR POINT?!” Undyne’s magic crackled, and again you ignored her.

“Now humans totally like living. Turns out magic is super bad for the whole living thing, which is like super Not Good. But at the same time, humans are kinda sorta really greedy. What kind of human would _ever_ stop casting magic just because it totally kinda killed them??? Nope. Screw that. Just build a tool to make casting make so efficient that only a couple decades, max, are lost rather than entire half-lifetimes, ammiright?”

A spear hummed right behind your head. It seemed you’d have to finish your thoughts quickly.

“Now let’s go back to monster souls, then. Which circulate magic both internally and externally. Sure, monster’s have a magic reservoir, but that can always be refilled. Oh~! How envious humans must be~!”

Undyne froze, wheels turning slowly in her head.

“Hmm~? Isn’t it weird how every single practicing mage has a weird lil glowing thing whenever they cast magic~??? How odd. Maybe it’s the latest mage fashion trend! Or…” You lowered your voice. “Could it have been that, before monster’s were sealed, humans found a way to exploit the properties of monster souls and crystallize them into a sort of tool that made human magic feasible?”

Silence.

“A spell that could do that would undoubtedly be one of the most secret spells in our society. Perhaps such an important national secret that only the ruler over all mages would have the privilege of knowing it. And maybe, just maybe, somebody else would get jealous and try to learn this hypothetical spell through the process of trial and error.”

For a long while, the two of you just stood there. You watched the half-soulless monster shamble around in their cell, unsure how to feel about how the world you were a part of. Undyne slowly digested your musings as you stared at nothing.

Just keep pretending you hadn't just explained your greatest shame as a mage. That was all you could do.

“...You...you can’t be serious.” Her voice was uncharacteristically soft, filled with disbelief.

“Oh, hey Undyne! Didn’t see you there!” You forced yourself to maintain the pretense. It was all you had to keep the guilt from seeping in. “Hey, wanna go...out...somewhere. Somewhere not here?”

“...Yeah. Sure.”

Everything seemed off now.

Dammit. Committing treason really sucked.

*

The two of you walked down the street. Considering both your personalities, it was quite the oddity. And yet, neither of you really started any sort of conversation.

You really didn’t like the awkwardness hanging in the air.

“Okay. I have to say, this was the crappiest date ever.” You stretched and put your arms behind your head. “Step up your game, rainbow fish, or I won’t join your harem.”

“I don’t WANT you in my harem!” She jolted out of deep thought, then quickly noticed her error. “Wait. I DON’T WANT A HAREM EITHER!”

“And here I was thinking that my natural beauty and charm would make you consider the idea!” You gasped mockingly, placing a hand to your chest. “I thought we were friends!”

“FRIENDS DON’T JOIN THEIR FRIENDS’ HAREMS!!!”

“Says you. I’d let you join my harem, you big meanie.” You huffed. “So what, I’ve got Papyrus, Mettaton, Sans...Eli would probably join because of Papyrus…” You counted on your fingers. “And you’ve got Alphys. My harem is _way_ bigger than your harem. You’d better watch out or maybe I’ll get Alphys in on it, too!”

“NO WAY IN HELL!” Undyne screeched. “...AND YOU’RE ONLY GOING OUT WITH ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!”

“Uh, yeah. ‘Cause he’s best girl. Always go out with best girl.” You sighed. “Now if only he had a set of guns to rival yours…”

“Y’know what? Don’t even.” Undyne laughed, grin spreading across her face. “We both know you like the lazy smartass just the way he is.”

“Yes, but we have to uphold Papyrus’ tradition of complaining about it!”

Undyne paused and looked at you. You smiled back.

“Wanna teach Sans what a dumbbell is when we get back?”

“HELL THE FOGHORN YEAH!”


	94. Ignore the Stabbing Thing for a Sec

“We’re back, bitches!” You and Undyne kicked in the abused front door together, carrying large shopping bags.

“Swear jar.” Eli didn’t look up from the puzzle she was doing with Papyrus.

“Eh?! I thought I had a free pass!” You jumped back, then gestured dramatically. “You gave me a mortal injury! Death was on the horizon! The pain was agony such that not even chicken nuggets could console my heart!”

Sans, who had appeared to be sleeping, jolted up at the mention of you dying.

“...I deliberately _stopped_ you from dying because of your own idiocy.” She tilted her head to look at you, eyebrows raised. “You had a free pass for last night because I still felt bad about stabbing you. Pay up.”

“you got stabbed?!” Sans was ignored.

“Objection!” You slammed your hands on the table and pointed at her. “You never told me my swear jar immunity had an expiration date!”

“...i think we need to go back to the stabbing thing.”

“I do believe you were the one who didn’t read the fine print.” She returned at you, producing a document written on the back of a fast food restaurant receipt, and shook her head sassily. “Your honour, overturn her objection if you would. She has no grounds.”

“SUSTAINED.” Papyrus spoke up. “IT IS NOT FAIR AT ALL TO NOT TELL HER BEFORE IMPOSING A FINE, I BELIEVE.”

“Betrayal! I demand a mistrial!” Eli gasped at the skeleton next to her, who only blinked innocently in return. “The judge is in bed with the plaintiff!”

“pretty sure i’m the one in bed with her, actually.” Sans chimed from the couch. “and are we all really going to ignore the stabbing thing?”

“...Your honour,” Eli turned to Papyrus with a sick-of-this-shit expression, “can we have your darling brother removed from the courtroom for image-conjuring sexual innuendos?”

“SUSTAINED!” He screeched much too eagerly, getting up to remove Sans from the premises.

“Waitwaitwait!” You jumped in from of Sans, waving your arms wildly and swinging around the shopping bags hanging from them. “Don’t I get a chance to object?! How was that an-...ooooooh.”

You stared dumbly at Papyrus as it dawned on you, and a blush grew on your cheeks. He nodded solemnly. Indeed. That was the joke in his comment.

“It wasn’t like that you guuuuyyyyysssss.” You protested weakly. “We really just sleep together. As in sleep. _Sleep_ sleep, not _sleep ;)_ sleep!”

“FEAR NOT, HUMAN ___, I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT YOUR SINCERITY!” Papyrus patted you on the head then picked you up to move you out of his way, eyes narrowing at his brother. ”SANS, ON THE OTHER HAND...HE PLAYED WITH THE SINCERITY OF YOUR HEART FOR A DOUBLE ENTENDRE! HE SHOULD BA ASHAMED OF HIMSELF!”

“Papyrus…” You put your hands to your mouth, so touched by this white knight that tears formed in the corners of your eyes.

“BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU PUT ON WEIGHT? YOU ARE FAR HEAVIER NOW THAN LAST TIME I PICKED YOU UP.”

“yo, bro, you can’t just say that to a person.”

“I SAY IT TO _YOU_ ALL THE TIME.”

“but that’s cuz i use blue magic to mess with you.”

“THAT IS WHAT IT WAS?! HOW RUDE!” Papyrus gasped. “RELEASE HUMAN ___ FROM YOUR CLUTCHES THIS INSTANT!”

“bro. you’re going to make her self conscious.” Sans held up his hands and wiggled them. “cuz i’m doing what i do best; absolutely nothing. so quit calling my girlfriend fat. instead, call her pleasantly plump.”

“OH! MY APOLOGIES, HUMAN ___! I HAD NOT INTENDED TO IMPLY THAT YOU HAD GAINED WEIGHT!” Papyrus smiled innocently. “IF BY ANY CHANCE YOU HAVE, THOUGH, I MUST SAY THAT IT LOOKS LOVELY ON YOU!”

“Guys!” You squeaked in irritation. “I haven’t gained weight, dammit!”

You struggled out of Papyrus’ arms and, as your feet touched the ground, flung your shopping bags at Sans. He dodged them with a smug grin, which quickly became forced when they hit the wall behind him and smashed through the drywall. He stared at the hole in the wall, sweating.

“...y’know murder is a crime, right?”

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to kill you.” You smiled.

“you threw something super dangerous at me!”

“But it neither hit nor murdered you.”

“because i dodged it!!!”

“Way to live up to my trust in you.” You flashed him a thumbs up. “But, anyways, that’s a present Undyne and I got for you. Mostly from me, though.”

“you just tried to kill me with a present?!” He pulled the heavy bag out of the wall and opened it up.

“Again, I wasn’t trying to kill you. I knew you’d survive somehow because I believe in the power of OP; it can overcome all.”

“not a bag full of dumbbells hurdled at my face!”

“Nooooo. You’re not supposed to know what they aaaaaaare! Undyyyyyyyyneeeee,” You spun around to face her, whine leaking into your tone, “our plan is ruined! We can’t trap him if he knows what dumbbells are for!”

Sans looked over at you with a raised brow.

“Don’t worry. We got this.” Undyne cackled, standing tall with her chest puffed out. “We’ll just have to tAKE HIM BY FORCE!”

She lunged at Sans, half expecting him to dodge. Instead, he just sorta got caught by her. He looked over at you with nothing but apathy in his eyes.

“oh dear. i’m caught.” His voice was perfectly monotone.

“...Well that was boring.” You frowned. “At least _pretend_ to be concerned or something. We had this whole idea of you teleporting around while flinging dumbbells at us, where we blocked, using these,” You pulled weight plates out of Undyne’s dropped shopping bags, “as a kind of shield. It was going to be amazing! So hurry up and get escaping!”

“too much effort. besides, dumbbells are heavy.”

“You’re a dick, you know that?”

“yeah, but you love it.”

“I do and I hate it.” You rolled your eyes with a chuckle, turning to Eli. “Hey, do you mind driving Sans to Inglis after you finish your puzzle or something?”

“You can take my car yourself. I can have Papyrus drop me off at home sometime, or I could walk.” She began reaching for her purse to get her keys for you.

“Nonono, we’re getting him a helmet and stuff, then I’m riding off with him for our date.” You hummed happily, stepping over to the puzzle and popping in a piece.

“...How did you get him to agree to that?” She looked up at you skeptically. “I thought he would know better.”

“you do know that that isn’t exactly comforting to hear, right?”

“I won a bet.” You explained in as few words as possible.

“Of course you did. Well, I was actually planning on going to Papyrus’ later so that we could have part two of our cooking lesson but...WAIT YOU’RE GOING ON A DATE?!”

“...Yes. I said that.”

“Like, an actual date?!”

“Yes.”

“...You two get in the car. We’re going date shopping.”

You squealed and grabbed Sans, dragging him out to the car with you. Your fingers naturally laced in with his, and you couldn’t keep a giddy grin off your face.

Date shopping!

*

Eli grabbed Papyrus before he could follow you two idiots.

“IS THERE A PROBLEM, ELI?” He blinked in confusion. Eli just smirked up at him.

“A-are you th-thinking the same thing I-I’m thinking?” Alphys giggled to Eli, her glasses reflecting light in just the right way to obscure her eyes. “Sweetheart, could you get me my Datemate 2000 from the basement?”

“Already on it.” Undyne called from the stairway.

“UM, IS SOMETHING HAPPENING…?” Papyrus glanced between the plotting women.

“I-I ship th-them so hard! Th-there is no w-way I’m missing th-their first date!”

“...OH. OOOOOOH. I SHALL PREPARE DISGUISES FOR US, THEN!” Once it clicked in his head, Papyrus clapped his hands in excitement.

Eli looked to all of them and nodded approvingly.

Other people’s love lives were truly the greatest form of entertainment.


	95. Finally, Date START!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank Usabuns on Tumblr for this, honestly. I was hit hard with writer's block and they saved my ass.

Eli dropped you off at home, since you were adamant about bringing your motorcycle, and the car had gone fairly silent without you. Sans usually didn’t mind the quiet, but something about _this_ silence was unnerving him. He glanced over at your sister. She looked just a little too happy.

“...you better not be planning to tail us.” Sans took a shot in the dark.

“What do you take me for?” She snorted. “I just hope you show my sister a good time. What are you planning on doing to woo her tonight?”

“...” Sans watched her suspiciously for a moment, then shrugged. “she asked me; she’s got all the planning.”

“Are you really trusting ___ to plan this?” Eli raised her eyebrows in amusement.

“...if she forgets to plan for dinner, i’ll show her to a friend’s bar.” He resigned and leaned against the window. “and she wanted to go to the observatory before the meteor shower tonight, so i might have to remind her about that.”

“Excellent back up plan.” She nodded proudly. “Though I must say, for you to end up getting asked out by her is hilarious to me. Seriously, no initiative.”

“speaking of no initiative, when’s your date with Papyrus?”

“...You’re begging to be dumped out on the curb, you know that?”

“how _door_ you threaten me like this.” Sans smirked, watching Eli’s hands tighten around the wheel. “what would you do if ___ _curb_ n’t find me for our date? she’d be _car_ shed.”

“I will be telling Papyrus about this.” Eli huffed, clearly irritated. “Look forward to your self-improvement spaghetti.”

Sans froze. Not that. Any kind of spaghetti but that. There was terrible spaghetti, then there was _terrible_ spaghetti. Self-improvement spaghetti put both kinds to shame. Not even toilets could choke it down. Just the smell could leave one bedridden for days. A single bite...it made Sans nauseous just remembering it.

“...uh...um...can we just keep this between us?” His voice was shaky. Eli smiled triumphantly.

“That’s what I thought. Now be a good boy and keep from tainting the sanctity of my car with your puns.”

“understood.”

“Good.”

*

Three monster’s listened into the conversation from a dark room. One was offended on Eli’s behalf, but the others shushed him so they could continue jotting down prospective date locations and disguise themselves appropriately.

*

Sans stood awkwardly in the center of the showroom where Eli had abandoned him. He really didn’t belong here. At least there weren’t too many people around. A salesman kept looking up at him, so Sans shuffled to another row of motorcycles and pretended to be looking them over with a critical eye. Not that he’d know what to look critically at.

No timeline had forced him to face such an oddly specific scenario as motorcycle shopping. He was not prepared for this situation!

But then again, that was exactly the kind of thing you did, wasn’t it?

“What’re you doing smirking to yourself in the back here? You liking the Ducati Monster?” You suddenly appeared over his shoulder, and he dodged instinctively to the side. You held your helmet in one hand with your other resting on your hip, your smirk revealing how much his surprise had amused you. “It’s because of the name, isn’t it? I’m sure you buy Monster energy drinks instead of RedBull, too.”

“that’s none of your business.” He scoffed, shoving his hands into his pockets huffily.

“You totally do!”

“do not.”

“I’d only believe you on this if it weren’t such a you thing to do.” You rolled your eyes, then glanced back at the...Monster, you’d called it. “Here, why don’t you sit on it.”

“uh, no.” He shot down instantly.

“C’mon, pleeeease?” You patted the seat in an attempt to be enticing. “It’ll be fuuuuuun!”

“you say that, but all i’m seeing is me dropping it and knocking over the entire aisle of motorcycles like overpriced dominoes.”

“That won’t happen. Trust me.” You sighed and looked at him. “But, I’ll hold it straight if that makes you feel better.”

Sans couldn’t bring himself to say no to that hopeful look you had on your face. Grumbling to himself, he tried to hop onto the motorcycle. It took a bit of shimmying, but he managed to get himself sitting in the driver’s seat. He looked around for the handlebars, and awkwardly reached out for them...they forced him to pretty much lay down on top of what he was guessing was the gas tank.

You burst into laughter.

“It doesn’t suit you at all!” You collapsed into a pile of giggles. It was a nice sound.

“i don’t see how this is comfortable at all. why would anyone drive like this???” Sans sat back up straight.

“To go fast! Nyum!” You accented your sound effect with a zooming hand. “But yeah, get off that thing. There’s nothing ‘you’ about this bike. Let’s go find you a cruiser or something.”

And so you began dragging him around the showroom, getting him to sit on all shapes and sizes of motorcycles while talking excitedly about each one. Frankly, Sans couldn’t care less about the oversized bicycles, but he could listen to you talk about them for hours.

Despite you doing exactly that, though, you still couldn’t find him a motorcycle that suited him. You had just scampered away to the next section, when Sans found his motorized soulmate.

He climbed onto her.

She was perfect. Everything from the seat to the wheels was perfect.

“Sans?” You called, wandering back to find him. “Did you ditch me?”

“babe, i think you’ve got some competition for my love now.” Sans couldn’t keep a purr from seeping into his voice, and he wasn’t sure if it was from the bike or the image of you clamouring for his affections.

“Oh!!! You found a bike you liked?!” You seemed to squeal with joy as you ran over to see what he had found.

And then promptly froze when you saw it.

“tada!” Sans waved his hands.

“...Sans. It’s a scooter.”

“yup.”

“With 3 wheels.”

“isn’t it great?!”

Oh, he just loved how your face contorted at that; seemingly a fight between joy and disappointment was breaking out in your soul. It brought a smile to his face.

“Are you _sure_ this is the one you like?” You looked at him with your last shred of hope.

“yes.” He said, shattering it decisively.

“...No offense, but you have awful taste in motorcycles.”

Sans gasped and covered his scooter’s headlights.

“Do you even have a motorcycle license?” You were visibly grasping at straws. Oh god, this was so fun.

“nope. but i’ll get Asgore to change that.” He could feel his grin getting wider and wider.

“Ha! You can’t just _get_ a license! You have to do a course and there are waiting periods and screw your scooter!”

“rude.” Sans snorted. “maybe i’d have to jump through all these hoops if i was a citizen of your country...but you forget Ebbot is recognized as an official sovereign nation enclave that’s ruled by a monarch.”

“Stop throwing around big words!”

“basically, i can just ask my king to give me a motorcycle license.”

“That’s cheating!!!”

“resource management, i believe you called it.”

“...You know what? We were here to get you a helmet. Let’s go do that.” You pouted, and it was damn adorable. “We’ll deal with the scooter thing later.”

Sans happily followed you into the equipment section of the store and let you do all the searching for him. You tried to shove a couple helmets onto him, but his head was too big. Of course, that didn’t cause you to falter in the least, and you just ran back to the shelves of helmets with a renewed energy.

He watched you, soul humming happily. He liked seeing you like this, the way you smiled with such strength and energy. It was like you were made just for him; there to comfort him about his past and to drag him into his future, with that smile of yours leading the charge in both directions. That warm, infallible smile of yours, so sincere and true to your soul.

And he briefly wondered if there were times where that smile of yours faltered.

“I found it! SansSansSans! I found the perfect one!” You snapped him out of his thoughts as you slammed another helmet onto his head.

Sans had tried on countless helmets at this point, but this one actually managed to slip onto his head. It was a bit of a tight fit, but not uncomfortably so. You wiggled it around on his head, seemingly checking for something.

“How does it feel? Tight?” You began fastening a strap under his chin.

“kinda. not too bad, i guess.” He felt like a bobblehead with you moving him around this way and that. “man, all i can think about right now is that dumb helmet pun you made once upon a time.”

“Don’t judge! It was a great pun!”

“forced as _hel_.”

“Staaaaahp.” You lightly smacked his chest. “Now put on the motorcycle jacket and we’ll get you a mirror to see how badass you look!”

“you sure i don’t need fingerless gloves?” He held up his fingers and wiggled them at you. “i feel like that’s a prerequisite to being a badass biker.”

“I _glove_ you enough to buy you ones with fingers, too.” You chimed, laughing at your own joke. Sans’ soul skipped. “Safety over aesthetic.”

Before he had a chance to send a barrage of puns back, you shoved him to a mirror. He stared, grin widening once more.

“What do you think?”

“it’s,” sniffle, “it’s beautiful.”

The helmet was designed to look like a skull. A small, proud tear dripped from one eye. He was reminded once more why he liked you. This. This right here proved you were the one for him. If you had handed him a marriage certificate in that moment, he would’ve undoubtedly signed it without a second thought.

He was in such a state of happiness that he almost didn’t notice you dragging him to your motorcycle. And that it was a completely different motorcycle than the one he was expecting.

“nope. nope nope nope.” He turned around to go inside.

“What? What’s nope???”

“where’s your other one? the blue one. the one that looks...much much slower.”

“Undyne broke it.”

“how could she just-...wait nevermind, it’s Undyne.” Sans sighed. “wait. i only said i’d ride your bike for our date! it’s nowhere near time for our date yet!”

“Actually, I have a place I want to go with you. Think of it as a date extension.”

“...i would argue that that’s horrible logic...but...you wouldn’t take that as an answer, would you?” He eyed the oversized machine you were leaning against. Nothing about it looked safe. Absolutely nothing.

“You know me so well!”

“b-but..the back seat looks so tiny...are you sure i’m not going to just fly off the back?” He knew he was going to end up on the back seat of this thing, he just knew it. Didn’t mean he couldn’t complain about it, though.

“Don’t worry. Just hug me tight and I’ll keep you safe.”

…

God damn that smile of yours. It would be the death of him someday.

Probably this day, if he was being honest with himself.


	96. Slow Burn: Ignite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. It only took 96 chapters for the first official date to start. This fic certainly burns into ships like a wildfire. There is simply no matching the blazing pace of this romance.

You tried your very best to drive as smoothly and as safely as you could. You started slowly, and shifted so cleanly that it felt like driving an automatic. You even did the speed limit! Not that it stopped Sans from trying to crush your spleen, though.

You turned off the main roads and went painfully slowly down the winding roads on the West side of the mountain. It’d take you a bit longer, but that was okay. If you had been concerned about time, you would’ve just had Sans teleport the both of you.

With nobody else on the road, you reached back and tapped Sans’ leg. His head shook between your shoulder blades.

It would be so much more fun if he could see what you were trying to show him. With a sigh, you decelerated to 20 below the speed limit. You kept the bike perfectly steady and the speed perfectly constant. There was hardly any wind, and what little there was was more of a refreshing breeze than anything.

To you, this was incredibly relaxing, but it was quite obvious that Sans had quite the opposite opinion. You frowned under your helmet. You wanted to show Sans something special to you, but that meant absolutely nothing if he was uncomfortable the entire way.

Well, that was why you had taken _this_ road to begin with. You knew it had to be around here somewhere, so your eyes scanned the winding road, curving the edges of the hills rolling off the mountain until you found what you were looking for off in the distance.

Slowly you came to a stop, kicking down your kickstand at a small tourist stop overlooking the ocean of fall trees encompassing everything as far as the mountainous landscape allowed.

You leaned on your bike, almost using it as a seat. Sans stared at you. A warm sigh passed over your lips, eyes stealing a reassuring glance, and a childish remark was quick to follow. It wasn’t really childish, though. Warm. Reassuring. He didn’t have to ride with you, that much you made clear. You were so happy he let you drag him around like this, and that he let you do this was more than enough for you. Just rolling with your whims like this...you were happy.

The wind blew, and you couldn’t keep your eyes from following a blowing leaf as it danced through the air.

This was your favourite time of year on this mountain. The small winding roads moved with the land, leaves falling like sparks of a flame. You were alone together in a world of brilliant colours, ones that vibrated into a slowly rippling mosaic of brushstrokes.

You began telling him where you were taking him, intending for him to meet you there.

He cut you off with a single number. No faster than that until he said so. The upper world was big, too big. Too fast and full. But for you, he would try his best, even if that best was slow and uncertain.

You were speechless for a moment, then a heartfelt smile moved your hidden lips. You were struck by a sudden realization of how much you were cared for. Your soul ached like it would burst.

And, in that moment, you honestly didn’t care if it did.

*

“what...how have you never been here before???” Sans glanced up at the entrance skeptically as you used a bike-chain to lock your helmets to your motorcycle’s wheel. “we were topside, what, not even a week and we’d already been dragged here by the kid.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s an established character trait that I’m awful with crowds of this scale.”

“yeah, but _never_?”

“Never.” You jumped into a hug around his arm. “Hence why we’re going now, my Personal Safety Bubble!”

“...i’m your what now.”

“Boyfriend!”

“pretty sure you said something different the first time.”

“N-nope…” You looked away suspiciously, voice shaking slightly.

“could it be,” He gasped dramatically, “you're _using_ me? there's a skeleton attached to this magic, y’know.”

“It's not like that!” Your head snapped up to look at him, but he was just smirking down at you. Your face twisted into a pout. “And you know it! Don’t play with my heart like this! I’m a fragile little flower.”

“you do know you just implied you only exist for reproduction, right?”

“Oh, so you know flower biology but not what boobs are for.”

“to be fair, we had way more flowers than humans when we were, y’know, under a mountain.”

“Google _is_ a thing.”

“funnily enough, scientific articles are the last thing you get when Googling boobs.”

“...Don’t tell me you straight up googled ‘boobs’.” You raised your eyebrows at him, and he quickly looked away. “You did, didn’t you!”

“...did not.”

“What did you find?!” You asked with a grin. Sans’ face went blank and his expression suddenly became distant.

“let’s just say there are things on the internet that make me question humanity as a species.”

“Was it porn? I bet it was porn.” Your eyes glittered with determination. Sans just put a hand on your head and sighed in a way that made it seem like he had aged 100 years in a single breath.

“date.” He said simply. He pointed to the gate, then began dragging you towards it.

“You didn’t answer my question!”

You planted your feet and refused to move any further until he gave in to your demands. He raised his brows, almost daring you to out-stubborn him. Your stare intensified. He considered his options, then glanced around for a distraction.

“carousel or roller coaster?” He picked up a map and flawlessly redirected your attention.

You snatched the brochure of attractions, childish glee overtaking you and your train of thought. Everything was so new and interesting! You wanted to do all of it!

You didn’t notice Sans’ sigh of relief when you dashed off and began throwing money at the closest person resembling an employee. Nor did you notice him pulling up his hood as you were redirected and provided with wristbands. You held tight to him, but your eyes were already locked on the first ride of the day.

This was your first time at an amusement park and there was simply no holding back your raw excitement.

Well, except Sans as he quickly corrected the direction you began dragging him off in.

_Then_ there was no holding you back!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day I'll get this link thing to work. One day.
> 
> otherwise...
> 
> http://rrga-on-ao3.tumblr.com/
> 
> Honestly, hit me up with anything and everything. I love procrastinating so please help me with this nobel cause. Message or ask me anything at any time. If you want. Or not. I'll just write essays or something if not.


	97. Surprise! We ARE in a Crappy Harem Anime!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Fangirl_Serena, knifehappypsycho, and MightyLioness. I really appreciate you guys stopping by to comment last chapter. You're all so nice to me!

Lillianna stood on the observation deck, carefully watching the mock military operation by a platoon of budding mages. Of course, she could have always just requested that the observation magic following each participant be recorded and sent to her to be viewed at her own convenience, but the effect of her showing up personally to view the practice as it happened was one that she was well aware of.

Her presence demanded each member on either side of this fake battle take everything entirely seriously and put on a good show.

They were lacking in many areas, but no more than she had expected of them. In fact, there seemed to be a few with a hint of talent mixed into the squadron. She would be looking forward to their quarterly reports.

“Caster Polz, do I perhaps have something on my face?” Lillianna stated in an almost disinterested tone, her gaze unmoved from the battleground. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him jolt to attention in embarrassment. Or was it fear? Perhaps both.

“N-No ma’am!” There was a sense of panic to his voice.

“Then why, may I ask, does your attention wander from our purpose here today?” Her icy eyes flicked up to meet his. If it hadn’t been fear before, it certainly was now. The poor man trembled like a leaf. How unsightly for a man of his position.

“I just…! My apologies…!” He stumbled over his sentences for a moment, before taking a deep breath. “If I may speak freely, honourable Archmage Ayer, ma’am?”

“Please.”

“Is it truly okay for someone of your position to be walking around in…” He looked her over. “...such...attire?”

“Do you dislike it?”

“No ma’am!” He replied instantly, a slight blush rising to his cheeks. “I simply wonder why you would wear such a thing…”

“Your concern is appreciated, but it is a gift from a fellow archmage. Archmage Fairchild, in fact.” She elaborated with a tone wrought with fake appreciation. “The very least I could do is wear it after he went out of his way to get such a thoughtful gift, no?”

“...I...I didn’t take him for… _that_ sort of man…” Polz blinked in concern, then quickly made the face of someone who hadn’t meant to speak out loud.

Lillianna hummed in neither agreement nor disagreement at his unintended statement, turning her attention back to the training exercise in the abandoned village below.

It seemed the critical point in this battle wasn’t far off.

*

“Nope. No way.”

“c’mon. it’s cute.”

“No, it’s dumb and you’re not getting it.”

“but precious first date memories.”

“It’s embarrassing!”

“which makes it all the more adorable.”

“Does not! Hey! What do you think you’re doing?!”

“exchanging inherently meaningless slips of paper for the products and labour of others.”

“...What does that have to do with your wallet…? No! Stop! Don’t buy it!!!”

“too late.”

“How could you do this to me?!”

“seeing as i am a responsible adult with an adult job and adult money...easily.”

“There are so many things wrong with that sentence…”

“rude.”

“Well, whatever, you’ll lose it in your room eventually, anyway.”

“nope. i’m gunna treasure this photo for the rest of my life. pff, oh god, your face!”

“QUIT LAUGHING!”

“no.”

Sans slipped the photo from the first drop of your first rollercoaster ride into his wallet. While he looked almost bored in it, you were latched onto him like Max to the Grinch with tears exploding out of your eyes, mouth frozen in a sobbing scream. You looked more panicked than the 5 year old behind you.

And Sans loved it.

Your hand snatched his, pulling his attention back up to you.

“It’s decided, then! We’re going on that one and _you’ll_ be the one sobbing in the picture!” You pointed dramatically, with complete and utter confidence, at the bright orange rollercoaster that dwarfed everything around it. Sans looked at the tiny kid’s ride the both of you had just gotten off of, and then back at the latest in fear-producing technology.

“...uh, no.” He deadpanned, but already had an excuse prepared when your face fell into a pout. “you picked the first ride, so i get to pick next one. and i’m picking the teacups.”

“Is it because you’re scared? Because I’m not scared. I was just surprised because it was my first time and all that. Yeah.” You seemed to be trying to provoke him, but your voice became more and more unconfident as you dragged him closer and closer to the entrance of the ride.

“sure.” He shrugged. “i’m sure you most definitely could totally conquer the, what, cheek-clencher 2000 or whatever, but we could also go ride the teacups. who knows, maybe slowly spinning around together might be more romantic than pants-shitting terror. just a thought.”

“...I mean...this _is_ a date. Yeah. That’s why we’re going to the teacups! Dates necessitate romantic things!” You seemed relieved, quickly doing a 180 and walking briskly in a random direction. “And these teacups sound romantic, if not a little Britishly pretentious.”

“i am amazed at your use of big words. good job.” Sans sarcastically clapped your held hand against his free one. “and the teacups are-”

“Oh my god! They’re selling crepes! Sans! We’re getting crepes!”

“...or we could do that, sure.”

*

Sans wouldn’t have said he was irritated. Actually, maybe a little, but he was more exhausted than irritated. Not the way he normally was, though. It wasn’t because he wanted to take a nap - though he could always go for one of those - but rather that human curiosity always piqued at the oddest of times. And sometimes it was slightly annoying.

There he was, watching you happily squeal praises about the overpriced crepe you had bought, with one of his own sitting in front of him. What you didn’t seem to notice, though was ten or more stealthy glances trying to low-key see how a skeleton ate.

They weren’t malicious by any means, though that would almost be easier to deal with. But no, they were just innocently curious. And it was awkward.

You tilted your head at him in a mix of confusion and curiosity.

Nope, you hadn’t noticed a single thing, had you? Probably hadn’t noticed the poorly rendered bushes rustling in all their plastic glory. Honestly. They weren’t even well hidden. Sans wasn’t sure if his brother knew this, but bushes generally don’t wear baseball caps with sunglasses. Nor did they have short yellow tails, but he didn’t think that was done on purpose. The sunglasses on the other hand…

A figure cast a shadow onto the table, giving Sans one more fucking thing to think about. He turned to see a tall university aged girl with a deadpanned expression, with a much smaller girl literally clinging to her jacket. It immediately gave Sans the image of a chihuahua hiding behind a doberman. Whoever these people were, they definitely seemed similar, but Sans couldn’t place why.

“...Kiss.” The doberman stated after a long pause, and held up a camera.

“W-What?!” You sputtered, coughing and choking on your food. “You can’t just walk up to a person you just met and demand that!”

“...” The doberman made an ‘oooooooh okay’ face, then turned to walk away. Apparently the chihuahua didn’t see the reason in your oddly reasonable argument.

“Clara!!! We can’t just leave! If we can’t get a scoop of some sort, you know the club won’t be footing the bill for our date!” Fresh determination burned in her eyes as she whipped around to face you. “And how rude can you be! I thought we had a thing going! I mean sure, maaaaybe Clara _did_ end up giving you the, eh, wrong answers to your questions, but how could you just decide that we don’t know each other?!”

“...Sans, do I know her?” You furrowed your brow and looked to him, pleading silently for his help.

“Yes! Yes you do! How could you forget me?! Krissy? Kris? Kristina?” She tried in rapid fire, huffing when you showed her only a blank expression. “The newspaper club???”

“Wait, the people that made Sans go run and hide ‘cause he couldn’t keep his mind out of the gutter?” Your eyes had very little recognition.

“did not run and hide.” Sans snipped, a bit concerned. It was very unlike you not to recognize someone.

“You totally did and ruined my entire interview!” Krissy tried to hide a blush. “So you two are going to be the topic of my next article to make it up to me!”

“Sounds like fun!” Your eyes lit up, agreeing way too quickly and too eagerly.

“not interested.” It all sounded like a lot of work, and Sans wasn’t too interested in working on his day off. “didn’t you have a different topic you were planning on doing? you couldn’t have come here for nothing.”

“Well, we are going to be writing an article on cute couples of all demographics!” Krissy proclaimed. “And I refuse to go back empty handed. So...professor, we will be exploiting your love life.”

“...and if i don’t want you to?” He didn’t want them to.

Krissy froze at that. Clearly she had no plan. Sans smirked, and leaned his chin onto his hand.

And then the table under his elbow was kicked away, the chair underneath him knocked off balance, and he toppled forwards into you. His uneaten crepe flew through the air and fell down next to him on the ground.

He himself was not on the ground, though. No, he was on top of you, a leg between yours and hands in typical harem-anime-protagonist position.

The sound of a camera shutter clicking rapidly was all he heard as Clara took photos from all angles. Well, that and a certain fangirl squealing.

“Clara?!” Krissy’s voice must’ve hit dog-whistle range with how high her squeals went. “What was all that about?!”

“...” Clara stopped to look at her, and slowly flashed a peace sign. “...Blackmail.”

...It seemed today was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mossy. Mossy. Mossymossymoooooossy.


	98. Krissy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this one went through several rewrites. I think I'm happy with it now, though sorry about the abundance of OC.
> 
> In case it isn't made clear, this is more showing how everything ended up leading to the final events of last chapter.

Krissy spun around in front of the mirror.

“So do you think this one looks better? It might be a bit too frilly, huh? But the colour is Clara’s favourite shade of blue. It does look really good with the white top.”

She turned to look at her younger sister, Kassy, who was laying on her bed and playing on her gaming console.

“A belt would make a good accent, don’t you think? The thick black one would totally accent my waist, right? Plus if it’s tight right under my boobs, do you think it’d emphasize the curve of my chest? I should go get one, shouldn’t I.”

“Mn.” Kassy didn’t look over. Krissy furrowed her brows, but forced her smile to stay on her face.

“I’ll go grab a couple and show you!” She scampered to her room and back, bringing with her a handful of different decorative belts. “Okay, so, I was thinking about going with this one, but I haven’t worn _this_ one in a while, either. Brown would be a good accent on this, right?”

She put the first on and looked herself over.

“Ugh, I was completely wrong, huh? This brown looks completely out of place.” She pulled the belt off hastily and replaced it with a thick black one. “Okay, yeah, black was definitely the way to go. So what do you think? Do I look cute? Sexy? _Seductive_?”

She posed in quick succession with her words. Not that Kassy was looking.

“...Hey, did I tell you what I’m doing today?” Krissy blinked away the awkward pause, her tone light and bouncy. “Well, somehow Clara figured out the one kind of present I couldn’t say no to! Apparently she talked with Maven - oh! That’s our club president, I don’t know if I told you that - and somehow got him to help her cover the cost of tickets to-”

“I _know_ , Kristina. You’ve already told me this. Like, ten times.” Kassy didn’t look up from her game. “Shitshitshit, wrong move...gah I should’ve switched out…”

“...Haha, sorry about that. Forgot.” Krissy tried not to deflate. “But what do you think? Do you think Clara will like it? I could do up my hair in a different way. Oh right! I went shopping with mum and got some brand new shoes! I could show you. They-”

“You look fine.” Kassy sighed. “And how am I supposed to know what Clara likes.”

“You’re right. I guess I’ll just have to go like this, then!” Krissy posed in the mirror. She thought she looked cute, but that could just be her own opinion. “Hey, do you think I could borrow your feather earrings? The big blue ones? I think they would look really good with this outfit. Or would studs look better? I think the feathers would be good.” She looked over at her sister. “Well, I’m borrowing them, then. Thanks! Ah! I should go ask mom for the car! Man, you know how inconvenient the 17 is? It’s always an hour early or an hour late, which is amazing considering that it comes every 30 minutes according to the schedule!”

“Yeah.”

“...Ah, um, so do you want me to grab you something on my way home? I’ll be passing the Tim’s on Commissioners on my way home from Clara’s place.”

Kassy shrugged.

“I’ll let you think about it; I’ll text you before I drop Clara off. Don’t hesitate to send me a message, though!” Krissy paused, but there was no reaction. “Well, I guess I’ll go ask mom for the car, then. Thanks for letting me use your mirror!”

She hung around for a few more seconds before slowly leaving the room and hopping down the stairs. Oh, mom was doing the dishes.

“Oops, sorry mom, I forgot to rinse that out after breakfast! My bad, my bad!” Krissy hovered behind her mom, half wanting to help and half not wanting to get in the way. “I was just really excited about my date with Clara today! Did I tell you? She saved up enough money to pay for some tickets to the theme park on the other side of town! I say she saved up, but you know how it is with her family. She managed to get Maven to go halvsies with her! Isn’t that so sweet? You _know_ her. Wasn’t it so sweet of her to do that? Right, mom?”

“Yes, sweetheart. Are there any dishes in the living room?” Her mom rinsed a cup and put it down on a towel.

“Um lemme check.” Krissy bounced back a few steps and scoured the living room. “Not that I can see. I think Kassy brought her hoard of plates back last night. Well, after she let Cola lick them clean. I had to clean off her stupid sticky mouth-fur and everything!”

“Mhmmm…”

“But anyways! Mom! Can I borrow your car today? I mean, we _could_ take the bus and all, but it’d be so much faster if I could use your car. I promise I won’t ride the clutch!” Krissy pleaded, trying her best to sell the idea. “You won’t even notice I drove it. I’ll bring it back with full gas and I’ll even move the seat back!”

“Well, alright. Don’t forget my insurance.” Krissy’s mom didn’t look over from her place at the sink.

“Is it in the big pocket?” Krissy opened her mom’s purse and searched around for a bit before pulling out the small case. “Nevermind, I found it. Thanks mom! Love you!”

She gave her mom a kiss on the cheek, snagged the car key from the table, and headed out for her date.

*

“Oh come on you never explained why you always pat me on my head like that! Not even a little!” Krissy huffed, closing the driver’s side door. Clara got out the other side, hers clicking shut with a telltale beep.

Clara looked around, avoiding eye contact and clearly pretending to have no idea what Krissy was talking about.

“Oi, oi, don’t you avoid my question with that ‘what pat pats’ look. I know you know what I’m talking about. We meet up somewhere, I attack you with my love and affection, and you pat pat me on the head. You know!”

Clara seemed to contemplate for a moment, swaying side to side slightly, then gave a blissful smile as her hand came down to rub Krissy’s head.

“YES! THIS IS WHAT I MEAN! WHYYYYYYYYY?” Krissy tried to pout, but she knew damn well that she was blushing. “It’s because I’m short, isn’t it? I’m not _that_ short. I’m, like, normal people height. Normal. Average. Not short, see?”

“...” Clara raised her eyebrows. “...Cereal.”

“It’s not my fault that Kassy puts it on the top shelf! No! Don’t give me that ‘there rests my case’ look! I can reach just fi-...don’t say it. Don’t you. Nope. Don’t you say it.” Krissy warned. “That is an irrelevant detail that you need to forget exists, alright? I get my cereal in the morning without a single problem. No. Shush. Nope. Don’t you dare.”

“...Chairs are cheating.” Clara smirked, apparently having the time of her life.

“No they aren’t! They are perfectly legitimate tools! What else are chairs for other than reaching top shelves?!” Krissy’s eyes narrowed at the look on Clara’s face. “Okay, maybe sitting, but nothing else, alright? Just sitting, and standing on to get high things. So, not cheating. And you still haven’t answered my original question. Why do you do that?! Is it just because you’re under the impression that I’m short?”

Clara ho-hummed, beginning the walk through the parking lot.

“Oh come on. This isn’t a final exam question.” Krissy complained, but she put no force behind it. “Do you think I’m, pff, like a dog or something?”

Clara’s eyes widened, and she looked at Krissy with sparkling eyes.

“I’m not a dog.”

Clara’s grin just grew at that.

“I’m not!” It was hard to keep the blush from rising to her cheeks. “Dogs are tiny and adorable and all fluffy-like. Wait. Oh, no no no.” Krissy covered her face, turning beat red. “I-I mean, I like dogs. Dogs are good. Really cute. But no. No no no. Aaaaaaaaah…”

Clara gently touched the back of her hands and coaxed them off her face. Krissy looked up at her hesitantly. Clara sighed softly and gave an apologetic smile, brushing Krissy’s hair behind her ear. Of course, this just made Krissy blush harder, but she also felt a bit better.

“...Hey Clara?” Krissy cleared her throat and looked around nervously. “What...what do you think?”

She spun around and took a small pose, avoiding eye contact. Clara blinked, then took her time looking Krissy up and down. Krissy fiddled with her hair nervously.

“I-It’s nothing special or anything, I just thought I’d finally have a chance to wear this skirt I got myself a while ago. I kept forgetting I had it and all, and maybe it doesn’t quite fit right, but I figured now was as good a time as any to pull it out of hibernation. I mean, it’s going to be winter next and wearing skirts in the winter can be really cold so I just…”

“Absolutely ravishing.” Clara stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. She held out her hand and bowed, much like a suitor asking a princess to a dance at a ball.

“Ah! Ah, a!” Krissy squeaked, her hand falling naturally into Clara’s. “Thank...thanks Clara.”

Krissy smiled softly, cheeks burning, as Clara lead her towards the theme park’s entrance. It took a long few moments before words returned to Krissy.

“Jeez! You’re so mean! How can I keep up my cutesy persona if you go and pull that level of romance on me! And don’t you give me that ‘this is normal’ look. How can you take all the cool bits for yourself. Meanie. Between this and the cereal comment, I think you owe me a plushie prize.”

Clara raised an eyebrow.

“You do! I’ll tell you when I find the one I want, okay missy?”

Clara chuckled silently.

“You got it? Yeah. You got it. Good.”

Man, she was going to have to find a plushie big enough to hide her blush behind. Did the theme park even have one that big?

*

Krissy was quickly distracted from her plushie search by the thrill of rides and excitement. She hadn’t been to the theme park since she was a kid, and there were so many new rides to try! That said, when she saw The Plush™, she squealed out loud.

“ClaraClaraClara!” She had Clara’s attention from the first time she said her name, but it was more a habit than anything. “I found it! It’s perfect! Look look look, see? Can you see it? It’s the big one up top there! The big one. No, _that_ one. That one, Clara.”

Clara furrowed her brow trying to find what Krissy meant. Eventually, she was able to follow Krissy’s pointed finger to the plush, then gave Krissy a ‘seriously?’ look.

“Don’t you give me that. You promised you’d get me the plushie I wanted. Don’t you worry about paying to play the silly game or anything - I just want you to win it for me all romantically. Let your sugar mama cover the expenses, okay toots?”

Clara paused and looked at Krissy with deep concern, eyebrow twitching.

“Oh come on. I could totally make a super amazing sugar mama. Admit it. I work all summer but it’s not like I have any expenses. You know how papa gets about paying my bills for me.” Krissy huffed proudly, pulling out her wallet. “So how many tries do you want?”

When she looked up, Clara was way ahead of her already at the carnival-game booth. She dug through...why did she still have that wallet? Krissy had sewn it a few years ago back in high school, before she had come to the realization that feminine hobbies like sewing were not exactly her forte.

“Hey! I said I was going to payyy!” Krissy protested, snatching Clara’s wallet from her hands.

“Sorry sweet lil thing, your friend here has already got it covered.” The booth operator smiled at her, and it made Krissy’s skin crawl. “Why don’t you just stand there n look pretty; too bad you don’t have a man around to appreciate such fine looking eye-candy.”

“Th-that’s not important!” Krissy flushed in discomfort, subconsciously stepping closer to Clara. “But jeez, you can’t go wasting money on these things, Clara! And why do you still have this dumb thing? Look, it’s falling apart. What’re you going to do if this month’s food money falls out? And what’re you going to do for food if you waste all your money on this dumb game? I know I said I wanted it, but it isn’t worth starving over.”

Clara closed her eyes and sighed, picking up the BB gun from the counter. She placed her hand on Krissy’s head and ruffled her hair.

“That’s quite the caring friend you have there, Clara was it? And she’s such a cutie on top of it.” The booth operator mused, turning his attention from Clara to Krissy. “I can’t let someone as sweet as you down, now can I? Well how about this, I’ll give you any prize you want. It’s the very least I could do for such a beautiful loli. I’ve got to say, I’m a sucker for little girls with twin-tails like that. What do you say? Can you let your old man here do something sweet for you?”

He reached out towards Krissy’s twin ponytails, and she flinched away with a silent squeak. Her words of protest got stuck in her throat. Why. Whywhywhy. She could always talk so easily, but now of all times it was so hard. She just had to say ‘no’. Make a scene. Be loud. If she just said something!

There was a loud slap, causing Krissy’s eyes to jolt open. Clara’s hand was raised in her follow through and the operator was holding his cheek. Without a moment’s hesitation, Clara flipped the BB gun to rest against her shoulder, her finger resting on the trigger. The operator jolted back as she pulled the trigger.

“C-Clara…!!” Krissy started to protest, but stopped when there was no yowl of pain. Just the sound of a stack of tin cans clattering to the floor.

Krissy and the operator stared, both in shock and one in fear.

“Fuck. Off.” Clara said in the most venomous tone Krissy had ever heard from her. Without waiting for any response, she got up on the counter and grabbed the octopus plushie Krissy had wanted. She held it out to her, and took her hand.

Krissy snuggled her face into the octopus and let Clara lead her away.

“Oh jeez...I’m going to get makeup all over this poor guy.” Krissy tried to keep her voice from shaking. “Maybe it comes out in the wash. I don’t know, though. I hope so at least.”

Clara stopped and turned to Krissy. She coaxed the stuffed octopus away from her face and gently wiped away Krissy’s tears as best she could without smearing her eyeliner.

“No need to look so upset, haha. Cheer up!” Krissy wasn’t sure if she was saying it to Clara or herself. “Thanks, at least I wore the waterproof kind today, right? Clara...please don’t make that face. It’s okay! We...we’ll just have an excellent rest of the day, right? Yeah! We’ll...I don’t know...we’ll go have fun-”

Clara kissed her.

Krissy hadn’t realized she was crying so hard.

Clara crouched down in front of Krissy, looking over her shoulder at her. Krissy blushed, but climbed onto Clara’s back, letting herself get hoisted up and carried off.

“...Ice cream or cotton candy?”

“Huh? Oh. Um, well, I really like ice cream. It’s kinda cool out, but ice cream is always the best.”

Clara nodded, and headed towards the food court.

“...Krissy?”

“Yeah? What is it?”

“...I do it because your hair is very soft...I like to touch it.”

“...Wh-wha?” Krissy froze for a moment then burst into laughter. “Seriously? That’s so...that’s the most perfectly-you reason you could’ve said.”

She hugged her tightly, octopus pressed to her chest.


	99. How to Make Words Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Ray. For, y'know, fixing that one part. You know know what I mean.
> 
> Exams...well, let's just say we tested the limits of the healing powers of food. Good job. We put a nice fight.

Clara wasn’t really sure what to do; she wasn’t exactly the best at consoling. Well, at least Krissy seemed slightly better, even if it was nowhere near the level of happy she should be on her birthday.

“Ah! Speaking of! How did you get Maven to help you pay for today? I mean he’s a great dude and all but doesn’t seem like the kind of guy that would hand out free money. He’s just so straight-laced and hardworking; I really can’t imagine him like that.” Krissy laughed to herself, but there was an avoidant emptiness to it. “Seriously. The guy does way too many things. I don’t know how he does it. Maybe he finally went crazy from overwork! I could totally picture that. How many energy drinks was he on? Do you think he pulled the same RedCow in the coffee machine trick he did last exam season?”

Clara blinked. He hadn’t seemed like he was giving himself a heart attack with caffeine again. From what Clara could tell, he was really just a closet romantic. Well, he had wanted one thing in exchange for paying.

“...He wanted me to write up a story from here.” Clara eventually mumbled out apathetically. That one about the game-booth-man could be a good one if properly dramatized, even if it left a bad taste in her mouth.

“He...wanted a story?” Krissy stiffened. “Why didn’t you tell me! I could’ve done all kinds of research and prepared scripts for interviews! It would’ve been great! Ah! This is going to be so fun! What should we write about? I kinda really wanna do one about some sort of legit crime, like the real journalists! Like uncovering a secret mob operation! Do you think we could do that?”

Clara was frozen, trying to catch up to Krissy’s misunderstanding.

“We totally could. But you’re probably right in that there wouldn’t be anything _that_ shady around here. I mean. Other than that total perv asshole. But _anything_ would be better than going to see him again, ammiright.” Krissy’s voice became more and more carefree as she spoke. “Ah! I got it! Heyheyhey, Clara! Guess my super awesome amazing idea. C’mon, guess. You won’t get it.”

“...Our romance...” Clara tried in vain to clarify.

“What. How could I be so predictable! Well, not really. Kinda different, but in the same vein.” Krissy wriggled out of Clara’s grip and hopped off of her back. “You know how reading week is basically used as a vacation? I bet you there are a TON of couples that would really appreciate a short series on must-see date spots nearby. We can start with here! Maybe we could interview a few couples, right? It couldn’t be too hard to find some around here. Hey, do you think that would be a good idea? Or is it really dumb?”

Krissy bounced around in front of Clara, hope and excitement radiating from her every move. Clara was torn.

But, well, if this is what made Krissy happy, then she would support her through to the end.

“...Yeah.” Clara sighed and gave Krissy an encouraging smile, resigned to the fact that this is what was going to be happening.

“Alright! Let’s go find ourselves a wild couple, then! Ah, we don’t have a script, but that should be fine. Do you think we should get pictures of couples being all lovey dovey? I think two people smooching would be a good accompaniment picture. Yeah! That definitely sounds like a perfect plan! Ah, but, huh, without a script, will you be alright? I mean...you know...it’s easier if I write the interview questions down for you, right? I’m pretty bad at approaching people, too.”

Clara patted Krissy’s head and gave an encouraging smile. This was all she could do for her, really. How bad could it possibly go?

“Perfect! Then, why don’t we start by checking out the food area? We can get ice cream _and_ look for cute couples doing cute couple things to interview for a super cute article!” Krissy grabbed Clara’s hand and began dragging her in that direction.

Clara didn’t resist, and let herself be pulled along through the crowds. She was relieved that Krissy seemed to be back to normal, and it was always a treat seeing Krissy get all passionate like this.

All of a sudden, Krissy stopped in front of her. She turned around with a swirling mess of incomprehensible emotions on her face. She pointed at a couple through the crowd, followed by an attempt at coherent sentences.

“...?” Clara squinted at the couple Krissy was pointing at.

“The people from school!” Krissy eventually got out, and the lightbulb in Clara’s head went on. “Oh god oh god oh god, do you think they remember what happened? I hope they don’t, sweet Jesus we talked about sex toys! Sex toys, Clara! They were such a cute couple, too. But there’s no way I could face them knowing...knowing...knowing they _know_!”

Clara looked between Krissy and the two of you eating crepes. Krissy said she hoped you didn’t remember her, but that was quite obviously a lie. She probably just hoped you forgot about the sex toys thing.

“Should we go say hi? We should, right? Because they’re acquaintances.” Krissy looked over longingly. “Yeah, that would be the socially acceptable thing to do. So, we don’t really have a choice. A-and while we’re at it, maybe possibly do you think they’d let us interview them for our article?”

Clara furrowed her brow. That was a difficult one.

“I really want to include proper representation...but Dr. Alphys broke down into tears during our Valentine’s Day interview. Do you know any other monsters? Dad has a police friend, but it might be better to use someone from around campus, you know?” Krissy thought hard. “I mean, there’s the horse-fish guy, Aaron I think it was, but...for some reason I doubt he has a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Unless someone has a very specific type.”

“...Temmie?”

“She graduated last semester, and it’s not like I know where she lives.” Krissy sighed, but it wasn’t a dejected one. “Well, those two owe us an appropriate article anyways. Last time, we totally would’ve gotten the front page if we had actually written about that whole thing like an assault. Good job on wording that one, by the way. Even papa was persuaded by it.”

Clara blushed and scratched her cheek.

“But still, it’s so hard to approach them...when they’re being all cute like that…” Krissy watched, her cheeks turning pink. “Okay! We’ll rock, paper, scissors for it! The loser will have to go interrupt them!”

Clara nodded.

“Rock!”

Krissy really didn’t seem to want to go over. Well, it was really embarrassing to get in the way of someone’s date, wasn’t it.

“Paper!”

But this whole romantic article thing seemed to be making Krissy really happy. If it was just this much, then someone like you would probably be alright with helping.

“Scissors!”

Clara threw paper. Krissy always went for scissors, after all.

“Ah-ha! I won! Must suck to suck.” Krissy mocked playfully. “Now, if you would. Go show me your mad interviewing skills!”

Krissy sent Clara off with a gentle push. Clara began walking away, but then Krissy hurried over and grabbed the back of her sweater.

“O-okay, maybe I’ll come with you. But you still lost so you’re still actually getting their attention and everything. I-I just might not be able to see from there.”

Clara raised her eyebrows. Was she sure it wasn’t because she was afraid of getting separated?

“Shuttup Clara.” Krissy huffed, seemingly getting the message. “It’s not my fault it’s so hard to meet back up with you. Cell phones don’t exactly help me read your facial expression.”

Clara chuckled to herself, conceding that she wasn’t the best at phones, no.

The two of them walked up to your table together, with Clara leading the charge. Both of you looked up at her.

And said absolutely nothing.

Sweat formed on Clara’s brow. Okay. Start a conversation. Yeah. Just start the words. Krissy did it all the time. How. How does one start a conversation, again? Gah, it had been a few seconds now, hadn’t it?! Just saying ‘hi’ would totally make it awkward, wouldn’t it? Why had she chosen to lose at rock, paper, scissors again? Right, because she assumed one of these two people would say something when they were approached, dammit!

Deep breaths. It was alright. She could do this. Clara thought hard. Okay, all she had to do was state what their article was about. Romance. Yes, just tell them she and Krissy were going to write about cute date spots and wanted their opinions. Perfect. Just say that outloud.

Oh, right, Krissy wanted a kissing couple as a picture, right? Maybe the two of you would be up to it. You were both pretty outgoing, right? Yeah. She could totally ask that.

She got this!

“...Kiss.”

...WHAT THE FUCK MOUTH.

“W-What?!” You sputtered, coughing and choking on your food. “You can’t just walk up to a person you just met and demand that!”

Keep cool, Clara. She could still recover from this. You brought up a good point. Yes. How logical. Not that it was your first time meeting, but Clara appreciated your voice of reason fixing her mess for her.

Time to get the fuck out of dodge.

“Clara!!! We can’t just leave! If we can’t get a scoop of some sort, you know the club won’t be footing the bill for our date!” Krissy nooooooo. Please let the verbally inept girlfriend retreat in shaaaaaaaame. “And how rude can you be! I thought we had a thing going! I mean sure, maaaaybe Clara did end up giving you the, eh, wrong answers to your questions, but how could you just decide that we don’t know each other?!”

“...Sans, do I know her?” You turned away from Krissy, and Clara watched as heartbreak flashed across Krissy’s face for a brief moment. Seemed she really did hope you had remembered her after all.

“Yes! Yes you do! How could you forget me?! Krissy? Kris? Kristina? The newspaper club???” The desperation in Krissy’s voice made Clara’s heart sink

“Wait, the people that made Sans go run and hide ‘cause he couldn’t keep his mind out of the gutter?” You were right on the situation, and Krissy perked up a bit. Clara was relieved.

“did not run and hide.” Sans snipped. He definitely had, though. Clara was still a bit curious about it all, too...

“You totally did and ruined my entire interview!” Krissy was back up and running at full passion. “So you two are going to be the topic of my next article to make it up to me!”

“Sounds like fun!” Your eyes lit up, agreeing perfectly quickly and happily. Clara had known that she could trust you.

“not interested.” Sans couldn’t just let Krissy have her fun, could he? “didn’t you have a different topic you were planning on doing? you couldn’t have come here for nothing.”

“Well, we are going to be writing an article on cute couples of all demographics!” Krissy proclaimed, a slight nervousness to her voice as she tried to hide the date-ness of their day here. “And I refuse to go back empty handed. So...professor, we will be exploiting your love life.”

“...and if i don’t want you to?”

Krissy froze. She hadn’t thought this far ahead, had she? She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it and looked away. Clara’s heart panged in her chest. Krissy had finally been feeling okay again…

Clara shifted nervously. Gah! There was no way anything she said would help the situation. Plus, your skeleton boyfriend seemed so stubbornly against letting Krissy use you guys as a calming distraction from the stupid ass shit from before. What could she possibly do? Think. Think, what was she capable of? How could she possibly convince anyone of anything?

Suddenly, her mother’s teachings echoed in her mind. Clara’s body moved before she had the chance to think, the years of motherly advice ingrained in her muscles.

_When all else fails…_

Clara kicked over the table, channeling her mother’s spirit from her gang boss days.

_...Beat them until they kiss the ground in front of you, begging for mercy._

Clara froze. She looked at what she had done. Thinking it through, this was probably why her parents had almost gotten divorced all those times.

Internally, she was screaming. WHAT THE FUCK BODY. There was no way this would go over well. How the hell was she supposed to explain why she had just done that?! GODDAMMIT, MOM! GIVE GOOD LIFE ADVICE FOR ONCE!

_If you ever make a mistake…_

_...Dig in your heels and pretend it was all according to plan._

Clara snapped a photo. Internally, she sobbed.

“Clara?! What was all that about?!”

“...” Quick, think of something. Just say something, anything. “...Blackmail.”

Clara’s world stopped and her soul must’ve shattered. She could practically hear the Game Over screen announcing her soul’s passing.

...Thanks mom.

*

Alphys had remembered to pack her lover-viewing binoculars, with automatic focussing and zoom. Considering how effective it was at following the two of you even as the rollercoaster shot you around, she now believed it could’ve been her greatest invention. It would’ve definitely been better if she had she added a built in camera, though. As it was, her tiny claws had to frantically scribble down everything she saw, desperately jotting down the canon of her OTP.

She was intensely jealous of the photo Sans bought of you, and immediately began thinking of way to get a copy. 90% were illegal, and she wasn’t sure where to get a Furby for the others.

“Get out of my bush, Rainbow Fish.” Eli hissed, breaking Alphys’ concentration.

“Papyrus is too boney!” Undyne had apparently migrated to Eli’s mobile bush disguise.

“Then go hide with your wife! Just get off of me!”

“Her bush is foghorning TINY!!!”

“Well it’s not _my_ fault you threw your bush off a cliff.”

“I WAS SAVING OUR LIVES!”

“I do believe it was your driving that got us teetering off that cliff edge to begin with.”

“YOU WANNA GO?!”

“What a muscle head, resolving every conflict with violence. But yes. Yes I would.”

Alphys and Papyrus ignored the clashing magic behind them and snuck off after you and Sans. She could deal with her wife’s complaints later, but this was a once in a lifetime opportunity! To see two of her best friends out on their first date?! This was one for the fanfiction archives!!!

And indeed it was. It was freaking adorable. The two of you were just as perfect together as her 99 chapters of fanfiction had predicted! Truly, she was blessed.

Well...until those dumb girls walked up. HOW DARE THEY INTERRUPT YOUR CREPE EATING ADORABLENESS?! She couldn’t hold back a hiss, almost snapping the binoculars in her claws.

“...Alphys...Umm...Would that happen to be a blow dart…?” Papyrus asked quietly. Alphys merely cackled maniacally in response. “I...I do not think that is very nice...Or even legal, really...”

“All unnecessary side characters should back off or be prepared to face my blowdart of OTP protection!” She radiated a possessed murderous aura, not even considering why these two people may have introduced themselves into the situation.

Papyrus grabbed the blowdart-tube moments before Alphys shot, leaving the dart to veer off and hit a swan. The swan jolted, then immediately collapsed.

“...How about...We refrain from murdering people…”

“OTP.” Alphys hissed slowly under her breath.

Then she looked back at her OTP. And saw what position the two of them were laying in. She was immediately thrown back by her sudden nosebleed. P-pictures...she needed pictures...seeing an anime trope reenacted by a real life OTP was a once in a million chance…

Papyrus leaned over the twitching, giggling Alphys with a face filled with concern.

*

You had no problems with this situation.

Of course, you did consider what kinds of reactions would be fun, with everything from an over the top squeal of embarrassment to deadpanning the reaction entirely crossing your mind, but now was not the time for such playfulness.

Sans slumped down onto you, just collapsing with his head tucked into your neck. You rubbed the back of his skull. Your eyes flicked over to Krissy and Clara, the former scolding the later.

“Want me to take care of this?” You whispered softly into the side of Sans’ skull.

“if you don’t mind…” He mumbled. You could barely hear him.

“Silly Sansy, asking if I mind.” You would’ve puffed out your chest if Sans hadn’t been crushing it. “This is something I’m good at. Excellent, even. Have a little faith in me. You let your mind rest a little while I deal with this.”

“can i go home and nap for a bit?” He chuckled, turning to look at you with a small smirk.

“Do you have a cardboard cutout version of yourself?”

“...can’t say...that i do…”

“Then no. I’ll find you somewhere to nap, though, okay?” You sighed. “Besides, you have to admit that they’re super fun. In fact, we should do this again sometime.”

“do i get to vote on this?”

“Absolutely not. Besides, they want to interview the both of us, so it’s common sense that you’d have to be there.” You huffed, grunting with effort as you rolled him off of you. “But don’t you worry. There’s no reason you have to be conscious for it. Lemme just...find someone…”

You sat up and looked around. It took a few moments before you found what you needed.

“i would question your logic on that, but this _nap_ tually works out well for me. i’m great at being unconscious, after all.”

“I am aware. Another thing you’re unfairly talented at.” You snickered a bit at his joke then hopped to your feet and slid into the crowd.

You walked up to a tired looking woman who was dragging her two children around in a wagon. It seemed like it had been a long day for her, especially if the two kids had bickered all day like they were.

“Excuse me.” You stopped her. “Can I buy your wagon?”

“...Uh...What?” She looked from you to her children and back again, eyebrows quirked in confusion. “My wagon?”

“Yeah. Can I buy it please?” You pulled out your wallet and grabbed all the bills you had in it. “I kinda need it right now so...is this enough?”

She took the money and her eyes bulged.

“If you need more, I can always send you some more. Should I give you my information?” You tilted your head.

“...This is $285.” She stated flatly.

“Okay, cool. So, do you want more or not? I know it’s short notice and all and you’re already using it, but-”

“Oh no no no, we’re not using it, are we girls?” She immediately whipped around and began picking her kids up out of the wagon.

“But mooooo-” The one kid began protesting but was immediately cut off by her mom.

“No ‘but’s, missy, you’re walking now. Up up up. Mama needs a new pair of shoes.” She looked at you. “Um, so how much more were you thinking?”

“I don’t know. Whatever’s good for you. Would a few thousand be alright?” You weren’t really good with money. It was just a bunch of dumb numbers, and numbers were always super confusing.

“. . .” She stared at you. “Like...with three zeros?”

“I...think so?” You furrowed your brow and counted in your head. “Yeah, I was thinking of three zeros. Why? Do you want four?”

“I’d honestly feel bad if I took any more than two grand.” She looked a little concerned for you. You couldn’t understand why, though, since you were the one imposing on her.

You managed to get her information and sent Subin a message asking her to send the woman the promised money. Subin pointed out that she wasn’t your secretary, but would do so anyways.

The woman checked her phone, then looked super happy for some reason or another. She skipped off with a child in each hand. Something good must’ve happened to her.

Well, whatever. Good on her.

You dragged your new wagon back to your skeletal boyfriend with a wide, proud grin.

It was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mossy is ma bae. She the editing goddess we do not deserve, but for some reason she sticks around. Everyone, please leave a small donation of cookies for our resident awesome person, Mossy.


	100. 100

[Tumblr.](http://rrga-on-ao3.tumblr.com)


	101. Face Blind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thanks to Agiles/MurukuA who drew the pictures at the bottom. You really helped motivate me to somehow get this down on paper. Thank you.

You stared at Krissy’s back, following her to a quieter place while dragging your brand new wagon along behind you. You squinted, a pout forming on your lips.

“I want one.” You stated. You weren’t really sure if Sans was awake and all, but you definitely needed to say it outloud.

“one what?” So he was awake. Not that that stopped him from lounging in your wagon like it was his own personal hearse.

“Super cute stuffed animal.” You pointed at the octopus Krissy was hugging to her chest. She was turned slightly towards Clara, presumably explaining her plan for the interview. “It would be romantic if you won one for me. Like, _super_ romantic.”

“i thought you said i could nap.” There was a laugh to his voice, and he seemed more amused than anything.

“I did. But that was a horrible mistake.” You sighed, looking longingly at Krissy’s cuddly symbol of romantic affection. “What would Papyrus do...” You mumbled to yourself, deep in thought.

“well, he wouldn’t make the mistake of promising me naps then literally finding me a cart to nap in.”

“Buying. Not finding. I bought it fair and square.” You glanced over your shoulder at him. “And I’ve seen him carry your sleeping ass around with him. He indulges you just as much.”

“...” There was a long pause, then a sigh. “how badly do you want it.”

“So badly!” You spun around to pull the wagon while walking backwards, eyes filled with stars. “Andandand we can win some for the others, too! Souvenirs because they didn’t get to come with us on our awesome date!”

He quirked a browbone and his soul hit you with a wave of sarcastic ‘uh-huh’.

“Please?”

“...i’ll win one for you. that’s it. you can get the other ones yourself.” He sank into the wagon, pulling up his hood. “and i promise you i won’t be legit about it.”

“Never expected you to be. It’s almost more romantic if you cheat for it.” Your cheeks warmed and you laughed at a non-existent joke, and you jumped into the wagon and gave Sans a big hug. “You’re the best, thank you!”

“it’s resource management, not cheating.” He teased lightly, a soft blue accenting his cheeks as he tried to look nonchalant. “and i haven’t even done anything yet.”

“But you will. And nope. Definitely cheating. Romantic cheating, though, so I give it a pass.” You looked up at him from his chest. “Also, I have no cash anymore, so can I borrow some for the plushies i have to win myself?”

“so needy.”

“Says the guy that can’t get off to work on time without his brother’s help. Get it together, professor.”

“you don’t know me, you don’t know my life.” He was trying to pretend to be offended, but burst into laughter part way through. “sure. whatever. knock yourself out.”

“You’re doubly the best!” You squealed. “Thank you! Operation Stuffies is a go!!!”

Krissy and Clara stopped and looked back at the two of you in utter confusion.

*

You dragged everyone through the crowds, one of which in quite the literal sense. Krissy and Clara wanted to get somewhere quieter. Of course, it wasn’t so easy to find a place like that inside a place like this, so you all ended up stopping by an information booth to consult for directions.

As Clara was busy listening to the lady’s instructions, writing the directions down diligently, Krissy gripped Clara’s sweater tightly. You tilted your head, confused. If there hadn’t been so many people around, you would’ve tried to check out what was going on with her soul in that moment. But staying focused on Sans was keeping you sane, so you couldn’t do much of anything about that. His magic bubble had gotten suddenly weak, though. Maybe he had gone to sleep.

You looked over at a the guy who seemed to be putting Krissy on edge. He was standing at a game stall, so he was probably a vendor. He had caught sight of Krissy and gave her a wink. Krissy froze, and Clara gently led Krissy away from his view. You turned to follow them, but gave one last glance back at the weirdo. His eyes were wide and locked on you, all colour draining from his face.

Huh? Was he an acquaintance or something? Damn, it was always such a pain to recognize people by their faces. Souls and magic were way easier.

You pulled out your phone and snapped a picture of him. A few clicks later, you slid your phone back into your pocket and dashed after your friends.

*

“Um...is...is he okay like that?” Krissy sat across from you on a bench, with Clara right beside her. She had pulled a couple sets of notepads and clipboards from her purse, leading you to wonder what kind of invisible dimensional magic she was using on it.

“Perfectly.” You waved away her worries, perched on the edge of your Sans-filled wagon facing them, non-chalantly tossing your coat over him. “Don’t worry. This won’t affect the interview in the least.”

“...” Krissy stared at the sleeping lump behind you dubiously, then her eyes flicked back to you. “Well, I quickly wrote out some forms to fill in with your personal information. First name, middle name, last name, how we can contact you, what kind of information you’re willing to release ecetera ecetera. Would you mind, ah, filling them out?”

“No problemo, mon palio. I got this for the both of us.” You took both of the papers and a pen, filling yours out effortlessly and flipping to Sans’. Did Sans have a middle name? Probably. Maybe. Either way, people always said to never leave a question blank, didn’t they?

“Okay, so I should probably tell you that we’re thinking of doing a short series of articles about good date spots in preparation for the upcoming break week.” She took back your papers and clipped them underneath her note sheets. “Also, is it alright with you if we record this conversation? There should be a written consent bit at the bottom of that page there.”

“Of course!” You nodded enthusiastically and checked the appropriate box.

“Thank you!” She smiled and set up the voice recorder on her phone. “We’re here with ___ and Professor Serif. So, for a baseline, could I ask how long you two have been dating?”

“Starting with a hard one.” You commented to yourself, furrowing your brow.

“Eh?! Hard?!” Krissy jolted and looked over her notes then over at Clara’s, but looked confused for a short moment when she saw hers. “Well, if you can’t remember for how long then an approximation or number of dates is fine. Something to give us an idea.”

“Well, this is our first real date…”

Clara double checked the chapter count, then gave you a shocked expression.

“...But to be fair I did ask him out a bit ago. So does it count as us dating for a couple weeks or just from today?” You tilted your head. “Then there were several not-dates like that time in the Underground…so I’d go with a few weeks or so?”

There was a slight awkward pause as Krissy looked at the wagon. You sent mental waves at her to forget that Sans exists. You totally knew how to answer his questions for him.

“The Underground…?” Krissy suddenly at you when she realized what you had said, apparently forgetting to write your response down. You had no idea the millions of questions that were buzzing around in her head.

“...I see.” Clara took notes diligently, unfazed. See, some people could ignore your blatant disregard for international peace treaties with the Monster Kingdom. “...Krissy...did you want me to ask the questions?...You don’t look...well…”

“I’m fine I’m fine, promise. Just, uh, ah, shocked! Yeah. Shocked.” She was staring intently at you, seemingly holding back questions. “So apparently we’re ignoring that, so let’s please please please go through these questions as quickly as possible so I don’t focus on it. Okay? Alright. Yeah. Let’s do that.”

“That sounds like a great plan!” It seemed she was beginning to forget that Sans was, in fact, fast asleep in your wagon rather than participating in this interview.

Krissy took a deep breath.

“What’s your opinion on the atmosphere of this place?” She was speaking in fast forward. “One to ten, preferably.”

“Seven. Lots of people and excitement, great for building memories but not for intimacy.” You instantly matched her pace.

“The food?”

“Nine. Delicious and easy to share.”

“How are the rides so far?”

“Zero.”

“Elaborate.”

“Zero.”

“Okay, I’ll ask Sans then. How are the rides, Sans?” Her gaze instantly flicked to the wagon.

“...Fine, I’ll give them a six.” You finally conceded with an actual ranking. “Not all that impressive, but talking in line is a great way to bond and if one of you just so happens to maybe find the rides a little scary, they seek the comfort of your arms which are caught on camera and make cute things to remember the date by. Only assholes would buy a picture of their partner’s humiliation as a keepsake, though.”

“Thank you. Memorability?”

“Ten. Roller-coasters are memorable if nothing else.”

“Level of interaction?”

“Eight. Waiting in line makes a nice atmosphere to talk in, but you get relief from having to talk pretty quickly since the lines aren’t too too long and the rides are awful for talking on.”

“Specific to a first date, does it help with breaking the ice? Or would you think it to be better suited to couples that have known each other for longer?”

“Eight. There’s lots to talk about, and they can be personal topics or neutral ones.”

“Can I go more personal?”

“Of course.”

“Astrological signs?”

“Mine is Pisces.”

“Sans’?”

The conversation ground to a halt. Shit. You were on such a roll, too. When the hell was Sans’ birthday? You should’ve asked Papyrus this.

“I actually don’t know…” You admitted after a short pause, your voice soft and sheepish. “Does it really matter that much?”

“Not at all, but it would be super cool to include since he teaches some astronomy courses and all that! It would be fun to look up your compatibility!” Krissy bounced excitedly. “Something like ‘The Stars are Aligning in the Astronomy Faculty’. Yes, yes, that’s an excellent title and I need it in my life now.”

“...His is Pisces, too.” Clara informed gently and out of nowhere.

“Actually if I remember correctly, I named a a constellation after him in the glowy rock ceiling place. We called it the Potato constellation, and that’s the only one I’ll accept as his sign.”

“...Glowy...rocks?” Clara tilted her head.

“Yeah! Apparently a specific kind of rock in the Underground absorbed the ambient magic of monsters over their long stay down there and now glow like stars. They’re very pretty.” You smiled innocently.

“Clara, I’m focussing on it please help.” Krissy begged under her breath, seemingly bothered by your trespassing. “I will totally start questioning this soon. Please save me from starting an international incident.”

“...!!!” Clara froze and looked between you and Krissy rapidly. “Eh, uh, ah, hm.” She began saying things, trying to form a coherent question for you to answer. “Who tops?”

“Tops?” You tilted your head.

There was a long pause, and Clara slowly raised her clipboard until you couldn’t see her face anymore.

“Did...did you just ask who wears the pants in their relationship? I mean, fair question, but...” Krissy’s voice was painted in disbelief, slowly covering her mouth to hold back a laugh and cheeks becoming a dark red. “Don’t you shake your head at me, you totally just did. Oh god, that’s adorable. Dear god, and Maven is going to be able to hear that on the recording!”

Clara squeaked, but you couldn’t really get any meaning from it. Krissy, put on a devious smile and leaned in to whisper something behind Clara’s clipboard. Whatever she said, it caused Clara.exe to crash. Krissy’s cheeks were burning, but she looked way too happy with this outcome.

“Um...if it’s about pants, I’m pretty sure I’m the one that wears them.” You awkwardly tried to answer Clara’s question, racking your brain to think of any time you had seen Sans wear anything but shorts. “Yeah, no. I wear the pants.”

There was a sharp stirring in Sans’ magic, and you briefly wondered what kind of dream he was having. Before you could think about that, though, Krissy’s expression grabbed your attention. Krissy had frozen solid, face pressed into a ‘what the fuck’ smile. Eli made that face a lot, so it wasn’t too hard to recognize. Hey! Maybe you were getting better at this whole face thing!

“Maybe he will in the winter? I wouldn’t hold my breath for that, though.” You tried to fill the silence. “Do skeletons get chilly?”

Almost in time with your word choice, Sans’ soul began screaming to make the most obvious joke of all time. Of course, he was asleep so it was probably just your imagination.

“I’m going to explain what topping means. Or you are. Someone here has to.” Krissy deadpanned, glancing over at her collapsed lover. “Don’t give me that look. She’s, what?” Krissy looked down at the bio sheets you filled out earlier. “...22…Latham? ___ Latham?... _That_ Latham family? From the Heir Crisis?...no...that’s just silly...”

Clara gave her a look of concern as her voice quieted and trailed off.

“Anyways! We have to explain it to her! She’s a fully grown adult. She deserves to know.”

“...It’s adorable, though.” Clara protested gently. “...Almost like you a few years ago…”

“That’s besides the point!”

Clara looked away innocently. You blinked blankly. What were they on about? Were pants a sign of maturity? ‘Cause you super wore pants in that case.

“Actually, we should question Dr. Serif there about whether or not he’s taken advantage of an innocent!” Krissy proclaimed, choosing to divert attention away from her growing blush. Maybe she thought if other people were blushing, hers would blend in.

“...” You looked away, lips pursed.”I have no idea what you’re talking about. What’s a Serif.”

“Your boyfriend. The skeleton. In your wagon. Right behind you.”

“...” You fixed your jacket to cover Sans completely. “No idea what you mean. I have never met a Sans in my life.”

“You just covered him with a jacket! Plus, I never mentioned his first name.”

“...” Shit, she was good. “A witch cursed him. He will slumber for all eternity.”

“Puh-lease. We _all_ know witch curses are classified as Class 1 spells, which are treated similarly to contraband, so even Rank F ones and below aren’t covered under the Public Magic Safeties and Freedoms Act of 19XX.” Krissy raised a brow at you.

“...I didn’t…” Clara mumbled under her breath.

“Um, uh, what about the loophole in the 20XX amendment from that one thing. Traditional Spells Protection Act or something.” You countered as best you could. “You know the one. Since most witch spells would fall under heritage spells and traditions.”

“They repealed that six months ago.”

“What? Seriously? Why didn’t I hear about this?”

“Probably because it was pushed through with a bill that expands the power of military mages while reducing the freedoms of public mages.” Krissy rolled her eyes in apparent irritation. “But ANYWAYS. I’m really trying to ignore your blatant breach of the Sovereign Enclave Treaty between our country and the monster one, so please please please give me a lil somethin’ somethin’ to focus on.”

“I was just following a cat.” You pouted. Really. That treaty wasn’t really to keep humans out, though that was a nice side effect. It seemed Krissy wasn’t fully understanding the shady ass political manipulations happening here.

Then again, you would be super concerned for her life if she did. The military didn’t take too kindly to that sort of thing.

You flopped over backwards with a huff before Krissy could formulate a response. It always soured your mood whenever you thought about these things. Why couldn’t everyone just get along?

Your spiralling thoughts were interrupted when you were lifted up from behind and righted again.

“cut her some slack. your actions can be a bit _star_ tling.” Sans chuckled. He was alive.

It sounded like he had made a pun, but you didn’t really know what he was making the pun out of. Star? But why? Where was the joke in that?

“what, no laugh?” He raised his brows at you. “i leave you alone for not even an hour and you’re already over my horrible jokes. i’m heartbroken.”

“What? No. I’m not over them.” You huffed and flopped back into him, knocking him back over into your wagon with you. “You just need to be more clever.”

“i thought it was pretty clever. but _Pisces_ it isn’t quite up to your standards, though.”

“Ha!” You gauffed ungracefully. “Oooooh, I get it now. Zodiac signs, stars. Ha, that was pretty good...wait, you were awake for that?!”

“who knows?”

“You would.”

“not in the least.”

“ _How_?!”

“amnesia?”

“Did you get hit in the head when I wasn’t looking?! Or was it a magical attack against our date?!”

“how would i know? i’ve got amnesia.”

“We should go to the hospital!” You struggled up, ready to hop out of the cart and drag Sans off to get medical attention. “Sorry you guys, we’ve gotta go and fix his brain. Give me a call if you need anything else, alright?"

Before you could go too far, though, Clara gently put her hand on top of yours. You looked up at her, her eyes shifting around in search for appropriate words. It was a bit awkward staring at her while you waited, but it seemed like she really wanted to say something before you left.

“...Um...I’m sorry…” She made eye contact briefly before her gaze dropped back down to her feet. “...I ruined your crepes…and took you from your date...”

“That’s alright. We needed a break from the crowds, anyways.” You tilted your head to the side. “Though I am kinda curious why you wanted me and Sans to kiss. He doesn’t even have lips.”

“...!!!” She jolted and blushed to her ears. She shuffled a little bit, seemingly not knowing what to say.

“Were you trying to ask them about the photo spread I was wanting?” Krissy offered for her. She quickly nodded. “When we were brainstorming for the article, we were thinking of different layouts and I was pretty excited about there finally being a human x monster relationship on campus and kinda got carried away with my photo ideas. But, well,” She chuckled softly, “there’s no way we could ask you to do that.”

“Kiss for a photo?!” A blush rose to your cheeks. “Like, kissing-kissing? On the mouth?!”

“sounds like fun.” Sans suddenly cut into the conversation in a lazy tone.

“We need to take you to a hospital, mister!”

“the amnesia was a lie, and an obvious one at that.” He raised a brow at you. “it was fun and all, but this whole kiss things seems even more fun.”

“I thought you were against this?!” Your voice raised sharply with your embarrassment. “And don’t trick me about your health. It isn’t nice.”

“it’s fun seeing you worked up.” He shrugged. “besides, i owe you for writing down my age as ‘old’. seriously, that’s just mean.”

“Then fill out your own paperwork!”

“rejected.”

“...Clara. Take out your camera. I’ll show you the cutest kiss you’ll ever see.” Your cheeks were hot, but your eyes determined. Had he forgotten that you could sense the way he truly felt through his magic? “Sans, I’m calling your bluff there buddy.”

“...shit.”

You put a hand under Sans’ jaw and pulled him close. Cocky bastard. Why did you love this guy. Of course, this was exactly why you loved this guy, but still. How could he still look so smug while you were internally dying of embarrassment?!

Whatever! Just go for it.

You squeezed your eyes shut and blindly leaned in for the smooch. Your lips connected. It was weird, though. Was Sans supposed to be this soft? No way. What the hell?!

You jolted back, eyes shooting open only to come face to face with a stuffed animal. A stuffed skeleton, in fact. You blinked, not really understanding what had just happened, while Sans burst into laughter.

“your face!” He choked out.

“I...what…?” You stared at the plushie. It was...pretty cute, but where had it come from? Why would Sans have this?

“you wanted a stuffed animal from the stalls, right?”

“But when?!”

“i got bored while you guys were getting directions.”

You hummed happily. How sweet of him. Then you furrowed your brow...when he proposed the whole kissing thing, his soul was acting up in a way where it was clear he didn't want to. But he also hadn't resisted when you called him on it. It would make more sense if he was winding up for this kiss interception, but then he wouldn't have had any reason so be internally against it in the first place.

And he was so triumphant now...about more than just ruining the kiss photo.

“...You played me!!!” You suddenly realized. “How though?!”

“a little thought and a little practice.” He winked. “but, well, i believe humans have a saying about a magician never revealing their secrets.”

“...You’re an asshole.” You were smiling, though. Really, this guy… “Welp, I guess Skele-chan is my new lover now.”

“what? who?”

“Skele-chan.” You held the stuffed skeleton close. “Now get out of my wagon. Only my new girlfriend gets to be dragged around.”

“how could you leave me for a skeleton you just met?” He gasped. “i even introduced you two!”

“It was love at first kiss.”

“that’s no basis for a relationship.”

“Her name is a pun.”

“mine is, too!”

“Eh, hers is a better one.”

“i got her for you! you said it’d be super romantic!”

“It was. Now I’ve got a new romance.”

The two of you bickered playfully while Krissy and Clara looked at the pictures they had taken. They silently agreed this was the photoset they were going to be using.

 

[Agiles' DA](https://mukurua.deviantart.com/art/RRGA-Kiss-Photoset-724404988)   [Agiles' Tumblr](http://mukurua.tumblr.com/)


	102. Tying Up Loose Ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dog's a tsundere. Or at least she was. Lately, it's been nothing but snuggles and good times.
> 
> I'm scared.

Lillianna’s phone buzzed. Of course, she regularly received correspondences with nearly countless branches of the family and the rest of the military, but she was rather surprised to hear the ring of her personal phone. Despite the unexpectedness of the sound itself, who had actually messaged her was completely unsurprising.

You had sent her a picture. Well, not to her alone, but rather to the colourful assortment of people in that silly group chat you had added her to once upon a time. That was of no consequence, though. Lillianna had always turned a blind eye to your more unscrupulous connections, and she wasn’t inclined to change her attitude any time soon. In fact, a few such contacts had proved useful to her.

These things were of no consequence at the moment, though, as you had a question that needed answering.

_Pet_  
**Do any of you know this guy?**

The image was of a shady vendor. Lillianna had never seen nor met him before, nor did she find any desire within herself to do so in the future. She typed in the answer and sent it, putting away her phone and continuing down the hallway.

She just wanted to return to her room. Perhaps she should freeze the recording sequences today and let herself relax for once in her life; a hot bath or a long nap would certainly do her body some good. But then again, there was much work to be done with several of the council’s hastier plans now postponed. Those who had tentatively supported Lillianna’s proposal for these delays were, perhaps rightfully, expecting too many things in too short a time.

Then again, those promises were necessary to keep several strains of self-destroying idiocy in check.

Perhaps it was these internal musings that distracted her just enough to keep her from avoiding a very familiar face she would have rather avoided. But of course, he had already greeted her by the time she had noticed his presence.

“My, as diligent as ever, I see.” Fairchild’s voice rose and fell in all the appropriate ways, the kindness in it as fake the smile Lillianna knew he was wearing even before she turned to see him. “Have you just now returned from the field assessment? As always, I am in awe of your assiduousness; how admirable it is for you to assess your branches in person. Envoys have become quite the overused short cut in this day and age, but alas, an archmage only has so much time in a day.”

“To what do I owe the pleasure of happening upon you here, Archmage Fairchild?” Lillianna smiled curtly, turning around at the sound of his voice. She mentally cursed her bad luck.

“Oh, no need for such formality, Mr. Ayer. Just Tim will suffice.” He chuckled in mock humbleness, and Lillianna had to keep herself from twitching in irritation. “As for why I have been called here, I myself have only the vaguest of ideas; perhaps it would help to speak with your brother. Though, I have an inkling it may have to do with that pet you keep around. Perhaps it would be for the best if you kept a close eye on it. After all, your brother is quite the stubborn one when he gets an idea in his head.”

“My dearest brother is aware of any consequences that his actions may invoke, so I am confident that he will act appropriately regardless of personal gripes.” A veiled threat for a veiled threat, a fair trade as far as Lillianna was concerned. There was no doubt Fairchild had seen the...conversation she had had with Claude. “Though, I daresay he has fewer personal gripes with her than others, such as yourself, who cling to decade old rumours. Beyond that, my ‘pet’, as you say, is not something I plan to lose easily, Tom.”

“Please, it’s Tim.”

“My apologies, a slip of the tongue. Please refrain from putting too much trust in gossip a decade old, pastor Tomithy.”

“Rumours do not hang around for no reason; there is always a grain of truth somewhere within them. If there were no doubts about that incident there would also be no hesitations around your succession. You are quite the worthy individual, by all measures, but these ‘silly rumours’ have heavy implications, as I am sure you are aware.” He seemed to be warning, but he looked more irritated than anything. He was so easy to crack. “And it’s Tim. Timothy Fairchild.”

“Is that not what I said? Oh dear. It seems I am just as inept as you are at remembering an appropriate title for a person.” Lillianna smiled in false apology, turning back to continue walking. “Now, an archmage only has so much time in the day, so I best get back to my desk. Though, I should mention, if rumours have an underlying truth as you propose, I suggest all your female subordinates apply for reassignment.”

Without waiting for what would certainly be a confused answer, Lillianna resumed her walk back to her office. She left no room for interruption, and her heels clicked down the hallways in an unbroken step.

Her visit to the soldiers wasn’t as shallow a gesture as Fairchild seemed to think. While the recognition of the other council members was certainly a adequate side effect, the trust and respect of the common soldiers was sorely undervalued. For now, though, their gossip will work to her ends.

She would pay him back tenfold with his generous gift. Silently calling her a slut through backhanded gestures was quite a misstep on Fairchild’s part, and she would have him trip over it until she was satisfied.

Back at her desk, she allowed herself to check up on your issue. Of course she knew the few positions and angles she could keep her phone’s screen unseen by all the recording sequences, though overexploitation of blind spots always coaxed a new layout from her observers.

She almost let a sadistic smirk bloom as she scrolled through the now somewhat-long conversation, but remembered herself and instead pressed her lips into a hard line. It seemed you’d be using your friendly neighbourhood mob boss’ connections this time around.

With that, Lillianna  put her phone into the desk’s top drawer and turned to the work laid out before her.

“Miranda, have you had a chance to make a copy of Eleanore’s sequence compilation?” Lillianna asked offhandedly as she sorted through the documents on her desk.

“Yes, my mistress.” She seemed to appear out of nowhere, carrying with her a tray of tea.

“And I presume you brought a copy to my dear brother, as per his request.” Lillianna took the teacup daintily and began flipping through a file folder filled with countless nominations for ‘promotion’.

“Yes, my mistress.”

“Were you able to find the… _organization_ patterns I had predicted to be there?” That was the true question here: were you dumb enough to actually record the monster sequences properly? “It simply would not do if minor errors were left unchecked.”

“Of course, my mistress, it is exactly as predicted.”

“Then that shall be all for now.” Well, that was one thing Lillianna could check off her list. “Please head to the archives and begin the process of adding this compilation to their collections.”

“Yes, my mistress.”

It seemed things would be getting interesting soon, and she had your years of illiteracy to thank for that.

*

“so what exactly are we doing?”

“Figuring out why Krissy was so scared of this dude.” You showed him the picture you had taken of the weird booth operator and shared in your group chat. “I don’t know if she was ‘scared’ for sure, though, but she definitely wasn’t having positive thoughts about him. I think. I’m really not good at this. Anyways, he seemed to recognize me, and it turns out I kinda know him through Ryan.”

“...the motorcycle person? she needs to give you a better motorcycle.”

“Excuse you, my motorcycle is wonderful.”

“your other one was better; not as mean looking.”

“That one’s in the motorcycle hospital. And this one isn’t mean!” You scoffed. “She’s a beautiful machine and you have no taste.”

“no, what i have is a natural aversion to things that will definitely kill me. i consider that pretty good taste, actually. better than yours, at least.”

“Says the guy that wants a frickin’ Vespa. Like, really? What if you get to a big hill?”

“pretty sure lasers can be used like rockets at that point.”

“Can we just stop and think about how impractical a laser-powered Vespa would be?”

“we can and i have. not all that inconvenient to make a laser-powered anything if you can summon an army of Fluffies, actually.”

“The level of confidence you have in that is, frankly, terrifying. I love it. Please tell me you have a prototype or something.”

“i can neither confirm nor deny.”

“Can I drive it?”

“no.”

“Please?”

“absolutely not.”

“C’mon, it’d be fun.”

“do we have to go over the innate desire to NOT become a pile of dust on the side of the road again? ‘cause we can.”

“After we investigate this guy.” You tried and failed to hide your smile, brow furrowing slightly as you looked around for the right booth. “He should be around here...somewhere...probably…”

“nah, other direction.”

“...How. How can you know that.”

“what can i say, somehow literally teleporting from place to place requires an actual sense of direction. fancy that.” Sans took your hand and began leading you in the correct direction. “so who is this?”

“Some dude named Dustin. Dustin Bates, I think she said…” You scrolled through your conversation. “Yeah, Dustin Bates. His main dealio is money laundering, though he’s dabbled in plenty of other petty illegal stuff.”

“money laundering is petty?”

“Comparatively.”

“...i think Krissy was right with the whole ‘don’t ask’ mentality.” Sans guided you through the crowds until Dustin and his shady booth came into view. “so what exactly are we trying to do?”

“Find out what his deal with Krissy and Clara was. They didn’t look all that comfortable near him, and I’m kinda concerned about the fact that Ryan promised to send someone to ‘retrieve’ him.” You brushed over the implications of that, quickly shifting to smiling energetically. “Plus, I’ve always wanted to try out the whole good cop bad cop thing.”

“who will be the other cop, though?”

“You.”

“that’s a _cop_ -out.”

“And that’s a bad joke from an even worse set up.” You rolled your eyes. “C’mon it’ll be super fun!”

“nope. it’s such a tired trope.”

“It’s not _that_ tired.”

“really? have you seen the number of spoofs of this? it’s so unoriginal by this point.”

“With your comedic genius, you could totally breathe new life into it. I believe in you.”

“thank you, but it’s not going to happen.”

“...I’ll give you your wagon rights back.”

“sold. i’ll be the baddest cop you’ve ever met.” He replied instantly, stealing a glance back to look at that smug stuffed skeleton laying in your otherwise empty cart.

“What? No. _I’m_ the bad cop.”

“darling, you’re about as intimidating as a whimsun.”

“I’ll take that as meaning I’m positively terrifying.” You turned to him, glancing this way and that before looking him in the eyes. “Well, actually, earlier with the rides, we were having fun but you were all stoic and badass while I...wasn’t. I want to show you my cool side, too! And bad-copping someone is a surefire way to be badass! I’ll make you swoon with how cool I’ll be!”

“...” Sans blinked, then his eyes half lidded as his smile widened. “i’m sure you will.”

“So I can be bad cop?!”

“sure. why not.”

“Yes!!!”

And thus, operation super badass interrogation was a go.


	103. Good Cop, Bad Cop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure I was supposed to put something here. I forget, though. Too tired for this...
> 
> You know...I honestly...
> 
> ...Just. Thanks you guys. All the comments down there supporting me, telling me what you think...I know it's cheesy but...thank you. You, too, person who does not comment; you're excellent and thanks for getting this far. It's a treat.
> 
> Maybe I am too tired...but the feels are my feels. Feel my sleepy love and affection.

“Do you have the coffee, greenhorn?” You muttered, voice grizzled from years of service. If you could grow facial hair, you would’ve had an unkempt field of stubble prickling up along your jaw. Unfortunately, your imaginary one would have to suffice.

“yup.” Sans, your new partner, replied. He was too young, with such a bright future ahead of him; why couldn’t the brass just let an old fox like you off leash? Your methods didn’t matter, just the results.

“Cookies?”

“yup.”

You hadn’t noticed that Sans had added 29 packets of salt to the coffee, and that the cookies were the friendship kind you and Papyrus had killed Sans’ pet rock with (don’t worry, Alphys had fixed him up).

“Good. Then let’s get this scumbag.” You pulled out your pack of candy cigarettes and slid one into your mouth. You had always tried to keep cases like these unfeeling and by the book, but this time it was personal. You didn’t know for sure what had gone down that day, but whatever this guy had done, he wouldn’t be getting off scot free. If that meant going off the books, so be it.

You were no stranger to the devil’s methods.

Fully in character, you sauntered over to the booth. Dustin wouldn’t have any idea what had hit him. You stopped in front of the booth, hat tilted to cast a shadow over your face.

He was busy, though, so you waited in line.

When he was done, though, it was go time. You slammed your arm down on the table and pulled up a stool, kicking your feet up onto the desk and flicking the sugary butt of your fake cigarette at him. Your slam was actually more of a sharp tap, but not in your mind.

You stared him down with a lion’s gaze. More of a kitten’s, but you didn’t need to know that.

“...Can...I help you…???” Clearly this Dustin Bates guy was overcome by fear. Excellent.

Actually, he was more overcome by lust, much to Sans’ displeasure. It was almost offensive how blatantly he was checking out your thighs.

“I don’t know. Can you?” You said, tongue as sharp as crisp paper edges. And by that, you actually meant unintentionally and unknowingly seductive. Sans was actually surprised you could make a voice like that. “Let’s skip the chit chat and get down to business. You know why I’m here. Tell me what I need to know and you won’t be walking home with a broken leg.”

“pretty sure he couldn’t walk home if he had a broken leg…” Sans pointed out. You almost broke character for a moment as you froze in shock. You absolutely perfectly transitioned into a dark and intimidating chuckle.

“I knew that.” You seamlessly brushed off, not noticing your own voice shake.

Sans was not impressed with Dustin’s clear appreciation of your innocence.

“Um...so, okay, uh, what do you want?” Dustin, as far as you were aware, was quivering in his boots due to your amazing intimidation tactics.

“You know what we want, Bates. Don’t make me beat it out of you.” You smacked your fist into your hand. Unfortunately, you hit your hands together a bit too hard and let out a totally unhearable hiss off pain then, completely unbeknownst to the people around you, shook your hand a little.

They were both painfully aware, though. And Dustin was shot a warning glare when a blush crept onto his cheeks.

“...I have no idea what you want, miss.” He played dumb. They always played dumb. “Do I have to call security…?”

You suddenly kicked over the table your legs were leaned upon and slid to your feet in one smooth motion. Or rather, you attempted to kick over a table. Sans gave a little magical help, but you barely noticed as you were focused on being as scary as possible.

“The girls, Dustin!” You growled loudly, grabbing him by his shirt collar. He was unexpectedly taller than you, so you were more pulling him down than pinning him, but you were sure it was having the same effect.

“...” He stared at you in what you assumed to be paralyzed fear. He looked over your shoulder, then back to you with a renewed fear in his eyes. No doubt he had just realized it was just him against you, now, and knew the odds weren’t in his favour.

It wasn’t the cryptic smile and black eyesockets Sans was staring at him with, not having any of Dustin’s wandering hands. Not at all.

Then you noticed a few of the stuffed animals laying on the dirty ground.

“Oh crap, that was a bit uncalled for, wasn’t it? Stay here a moment.” You hurriedly flipped the table back upright and gathered all the stuffies. After brushing them off, you placed them gently back onto the table. “So...where were we...right!”

You grabbed Dustin by the shirt again.

“The girls, Dustin! I don’t have all day!!!” You looked up at him with the scariest expression you could manage. There was a long pause as he was speechless.

This time you noticed a restrained flare of irritation from Sans and you couldn't understand why. Was your bad cop not good enough?

You weren’t really picking up where Dustin was looking. Sure, he was looking down at you, but also down your shirt as well. And his face made it obvious that he liked what he saw.

“...coffee?” Sans slid in over your shoulder, his voice incredibly laid back but his internal state more...tense. You hoped he was alright.

“I...What???” Dustin was taken aback.

“here, have a coffee. it’s on the house.” At least he was staying in character. You only heard his voice, though, so you didn’t notice the flickering eyelight and the strained smile.

“I, uh, well…” Dustin began backpedalling, realizing how thin the ice was. Indeed! Your intimidation combined with Sans’ seductive charm was more than enough to crack anybody.

“are you feeling alright? you don’t look too well. should we take you somewhere with fewer wit-...people?”

“Nope! No! Here is good! Thank you!” Dustin blurted out in rapid succession, taking the cup of coffee. You eased off a little so you weren’t crowding him while he drank. His face contorted at the first sip, but drank it all in one long gulp. He must’ve been seduced by Sans’ kindness!

Maybe he drank too fast, because he gagged and choked. You patted his back so you could quickly get back to threatening him.

“O-Okay...I’ll tell you whatever you need to know. Please. Just...stop.” He looked at you with watering eyes. Could he have been moved to tears by how thoughtful Sans was to bring coffee? “What girls do you want to know about? And for the record, they’re all over 16.”

“C’mon. The ones from earlier. You know the ones. Don’t make me call the real police on you. I’ll do it.”

“...I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Krissy and Clara, you dumb fuck.” You blinked. “Okay, that was a bit harsh. Let’s go with ‘dumbass’, is that okay?”

Sans let out a silent sigh and covered his face with his hands. This is why you were not bad cop.

“Uh...Sure.” He thought for a moment. “Oh! The tall chick with the cute loli! I didn’t do anything to them, though I would’ve killed for that cute tsundere loli’s phone number.”

Sans did not like the expression that accompanied Dustin’s statement, so he decided to change it as quickly as possible.

“good boy. would you like a cookie?” A skeletal hand resting on your head held a cookie to Dustin’s mouth. You didn’t notice the aura of death around it.

“Not...not re-...” He looked between you and Sans with a terrified expression, realizing he had fucked up. You just thought your plan had succeeded, though. “Yespleasepleasedon’tkillme.”

Before Dustin got a chance to be killed by a cookie, a sultry voice interrupted the scene.

“Am I interrupting something? I can wait. Though, Ryan has called dibs on this man’s life, so keep that in mind.”

“...cool. and you are?” Sans stepped closer to you, eyelight sliding over to look at the woman approaching you, and gently placed a hand on your waist.

“You can call me Sophie.”

You hadn’t expected Ryan to send Eli’s ex.


	104. Role-Reversal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ToumeiKyoudai is most definitely the author. Yes.

Of the humans Sans had encountered on the surface, Lillianna had had the highest LV. She was also a high-ranking military officer, so it made sense for her to have such a high number. Now, Sans wouldn’t have been surprised if someone had had a similar or higher LV, but he also hadn’t expected to run into such a person in the middle of an amusement park.

“Sophie! I didn’t recognize you!” You turned towards her, and Sans wrapped and arm around you to keep you in place. “How’ve you been! It’s been too long. Did you make that scrapbook you were planning on?”

“It was more difficult than I thought it would be, but I did get it done.” Sophie replied in a distanced way. “The photos you chose really went well in it, and the glitter glue was certainly...interesting to use.”

“Mr. Chatters was a good pet. He deserved the glitter.” You nodded solemnly. “You got him from Ryan, right?”

“He was the first gift I ever received from her, yes. Though, I don’t think she ever counted it as an actual gift, considering the kinds she usually gives out.” She seemed to smile, but it didn’t show on her face. “I hear you finally took Ryan’s gift back yourself. Did No-...Eleanore finally cave?”

“Kinda. A friend dropped my other one out of a tree.” You were pretty smug. “So Eli _had_ to let me have it.”

Sans blinked.

“wait.” He finally cut into your unnervingly light-hearted conversation. “your motorcycle was a gift?”

“Yeah. From Ryan. Where else would I get an illegal motorcycle if not from our friendly neighbourhood mob boss?” You looked up at him innocently and leaned into his chest.

“...” Friendly neighbourhood what now. “question. does she happen to take critiques and/or suggestions. i have no complaints if she wanted to have a redo on your present there, and i’d be more than happy to help her out using my refined vehicular taste.”

“For the last time, I’m not trading in my bike for a Vespa, Sans.”

“c’mon, admit it. you’re just jealous that you didn’t find that majestic beast first.”

“No way! And how can you call a goddamn scooter a ‘beast’. That thing would struggle up hills smaller than speed bumps!” You scoffed. “Even my low as shit standards are higher than that three-wheeled scooter!”

“but apparently not higher than a glorified missile on wheels.”

“...” There was a flick of irritation in your eyes, but that was quickly replaced by glittering as your imagination worked through his hyperbole.

“no. i’m not making you an actual missile on wheels. please, display some sort of self-preservation instinct.” Sans’ eyes slid over to the gun pointed at him. He judged he’d be able to dodge the bullet with you from this distance. “what seems to be the problem, officer.”

His voice was flat and mocking.

“An insult to Ryan is unforgivable.” The look in Sophie’s eyes wasn’t something Sans was unfamiliar with, and, because of or despite this, it made his spine prickle. “And a gift from Ryan herself is to be treasured more so than one’s own life. Your personal preference for Vespas means nothing in the face of this. Retract your statement immediately.”

“Sophie!” You lowered your voice. “Can’t you see we’re having a playful lover’s quarrel here? Don’t butt in.”

Sophie blinked and the murderous pressure vanished.

“But he-”

“Put it away. Now.” Your voice was sharp and commanding. “Is this really something you want to do here and now? What are you hoping to accomplish here?”

Sophie flinched, and the gun was quickly holistered. You reached down and rubbed Sans’ hands, which he realized were now digging rather harshly into your hips.

“So, why are you here? Or were you sent to harass _my boyfriend_? Is that Ryan’s latest hobby?” Your arms snaked up over your shoulders and around behind Sans’ neck.

Were you...were you...no...you wouldn’t be getting possessive of him, would you? He forced himself to doubt that thought, but his soul was dancing regardless.

“No! No, of course not. He’s your…?” Sophie was at a loss for words, but apparently your expression demanded an answer. “I wasn’t thinking I just...I didn’t mean-”

“Well? Why are you here, then?”

“...Ryan gave me a pink slip for Dustin Bates.” She glanced at the cowering figure.

“P-pink slip…?” Dustin muttered to himself, more out of disbelief and fear than confusion.

Sans could read between the lines there, and he bristled. You jerked him down a little and kissed his cheek. His mind went blank.

“I refuse.”

“...You can’t refuse a pink slip. He agreed to the rules of our family, and clearly has broken them. Punishment is all that’s left.”

“I can and will refuse your methods.” There was no room for negotiation in your voice.

“Ryan said-”

“Ryan is painfully uncreative, then. We’re doing this my way, understand?”

There was a long pause as Sophie contemplated this. Sans didn’t know exactly what expression you had on your face, but it caused Sophie to shrink into resignation.

“Understood. What do you need me to do?”

Somehow, Sans began wondering how you could be intimidating enough to command a mobster, but also so unintimidating that a regular ole perv could give you the slip.

He supposed you were just that talented.

 

*

 

Alphys was irritated. Not even half an hour ago, those two _newspaper girls_ had finally left you and Sans to continue on your date, and now this tall coffee-coloured model was cutting in again. She just want to stalk your date! Why couldn’t the two of you just have a cute date without interruptions, dammit?!

“Who is that?” Papyrus half mumbled mostly to himself.

“S-sophie? A-another side character, huh.” Alphys pulled out the ‘personal connections almanac’ she had bought off Saffron, certain she had heard that name somewhere before. “Tsk. J-just an ex...a-and here I wanted something s-spicy.”

“Of ___’s?”

“Wh-what? No. E-Eli’s. This would be w-way more exciting if it were ___’s ex.” Alphys sighed and went to bring her binoculars up to her face. But they weren’t in her hands. Confusion apparent on her face, she looked around. She was absolutely certain that she hadn’t dropped them; they had been right there in her claws mere moments ago!

Then she noticed that Papyrus had them. That Papyrus was using them. Using them to stare incredibly intently at Sophie.

“Is she a particularly aesthetically pleasing human?” Papyrus’ voice was odd, odd enough to make Alphys freeze for a moment. It was like he was forcefully trying to keep his tone light, and that kind of struggle was a very not-Papyrus thing.

Alphys’ shipping senses began tingling.

“...I-I would say so, y-yes.” It was a measured response.

“Do you think human Eli fell for her looks?”

“W-well…” Alphys pushed up her glasses, a sly smirk growing on her face. “...Th-those are some nice legs…”

“What makes them so good?” He almost sounded offended.

“...L-l-l-long…” Alphys covered her mouth, trying to hold back a squeal. Now way...she just couldn’t believe this was happening.

“I will have you know that such a length is hardly an accomplishment.” Papyrus huffed, apparently inspecting Sophie’s legs through the binoculars. “Plenty of humans have longer! In fact, none other than myself, the GREAT PAPYRUS, have ones far longer and better toned!”

“N-naturally.” Alphys covered her face, blushing hot as a million fanfiction plots came to mind. She really needed to cut back on the number of ships she had on the go, but she couldn’t _not_ at least make a one-shot about this!

“Is it just her legs, then?”

“Hm? Oh.” Alphys looked back down at the short bio Saffron had given. “L-looking at her...ah… _skills_ , m-maybe Eli liked being protected?”

“Human Eli is perfectly capable of caring for herself. Besides, I doubt she could measure up to a member of the Royal Guard!”

Alphys wasn’t too sure about that, but she didn’t comment on it. No need to ruin the mood.

“Nyeh? What is the riv-...human Sophie doing with that?”

“L-let me see.” It seemed the mood decided to ruin itself. Oh well. That’s what fanfiction was for, anyways.

Alphys took the binoculars just in time to see you possessively holding Sans while clearly intimidating the shit out of the right hand woman of a mob boss. That expression on your face...immediately, Alphys’ mind photoshopped it into E-rated situations.

The nosebleed she got was intense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, beloved audience! ToumeiKyoudai is out of internet range helping to make the world a better place, so beta reader Moss_Flowers will be handling comments. So don't be shy! We can all heap praise on our amazing author together! My goal is to make her face go all red when she gets back from all the love. ;D

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! It means a lot to me!


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